Here's the part 2 :)
---------------------
I was cleaning up my room, throwing out papers and things I didn't need.
"Honey?"
I snapped my head up from what I was doing to see my mom peeping through the door.
"Hm?"
"I just wanted to check on you." She said with a soft smile. She sat besides me on my bed and I continued to rummage through old papers. "How are you feeling?"
"What do you mean?" I asked not looking at her.
"Well, Hoseok's mother called me the other day saying you went over."
I stopped what I was doing, the sudden thought of Hoseok making my heart beat twice as fast. My lip twitched and I went back to looking through my papers.
"Yeah. I did."
She sighed beside me and wrapped her arms around my shoulders lovingly. "You know I'm always here for you. You can talk to me."
I bit down on my lip halting my rummaging again. I blinked and my jaw clenched not knowing what to say.
"I went over, they invited me for dinner but I didn't stay." I told her sternly. "I'll be okay mom."
"Are you sure, I can always—"
"Mom." I stopped her abruptly. "Can I please finish sorting through my things?"
I know she meant well. And I felt a little bad pushing her away like that but I wanted some space. Especially since those past feelings were lingering again.
She nodded and left the room without a word. I now sat there frozen thinking about what Hoseok told me. I loved him at the time but I was hurt. I didn't want to forgive him but a part of me wanted to run back in his arms. I was stuck with conflicting feelings and now I didn't know what to do.
I stood up and approached my closet reaching for a small box hidden in the corner under a shelf. I sat down on the floor and started to go through it. It was all memories I had with Hoseok that I had been too stubborn to throw away. I stared at the pictures with him and I remembered again how in love we both were. We used to be inseparable. Now it was as if we never knew each other. Past all the pictures and letters we wrote to each other, I found a tangled up silver necklace. A sudden involuntary tear fell from my eye as I ran my thumb against the charm. It was the first genuine gift he gave me. Even if he gave me bears and won prizes at carnivals, this was the only thing I needed to keep. I wanted to keep. He showed his love to me through this necklace. I remembered that I never wanted to take it off. When the whole break up thing set, him coming back and acting as if he had never knew me, I had to. I sniffled at the memory and put it back in the box for safe keeping.
I was older now but I still didn't have the guts to throw any of it away. He was my first love. Nothing can change that. Even if I didn't want to think about him.
Actually, he was the only thing I thought about these past few days. I didn't cry, I wasn't angry. I felt conflicted. I wanted him so bad but there was just something there that told me no.
But honestly, I was afraid.
What if he made me want him so bad that I forgive him for everything?
I would never be able to forget, but there was something in my heart that wanted to forgive him. I just loved him unconditionally. Effects of having him as my first love.
I decided to get changed, wanting to go out shopping for some new clothes. A couple minutes passed of me getting ready and I finally finished. I sported a jean jacket and a knee length black dress. Nothing too special. I walked down to the living room to tell my mom I was leaving. I saw her sitting on the couch talking on the phone.
"Mom, I'm heading out." I bothered her anyway.
She palmed on the mic and pulled the phone away from her ear. "Where are you going?"
"The mall. I need to buy some clothes."
"Alone?" She asked suddenly. "It's almost closing time."
"I won't be long." I replied to her. "I'll be back before midnight."
"How about you go with someone? I don't want you going alone." She said standing up. I raised an eyebrow at her.
"Who did you have in mind?"
"Hoseok?"
My heart stopped and I froze in my place. I blinked rapidly at her expressionless.
"Huh?"
She sighed. "I'm talking to his mother right now and she says he's not doing anything."
"Mom, I'm not going—"
"I'm not giving you a choice." She answered sternly. "It's either you pick up Hoseok or you're not going at all."
I really wanted to go to the mall. All I thought about this week was going shopping. I saved up for months just to do this. I wasn't gonna let Hoseok stop me from doing what I want. And I sure as hell am not gonna let myself feel bad just because I don't want to go with Hoseok.
We can be civil. Right? Technically, I don't even have to talk to him.
"Fine." I said defeatedly. She looked shock.
"Really?"
I inhaled sharply. "I really need to go shopping mom."
I waved her goodbye and went to my car. Once I got in, I sat there surprised at myself. It was not even an hour that I was pondering over my lingering feelings for Hoseok. Now I was expected to be civil around him while I shopped. Memories of going out with him flooded my head again. He would take me out, buy me things, even if I told him not to. Now the only reason he was tagging along was because of my mother.
I shook my head at myself starting my car and going towards Hoseok's house. When I arrived, I approached the door and knocked gently. His mother appeared and smiled brightly at the sight of me. I took her hand and bowed in a 90 degree angle.
"Chaeyoung, honey, you look beautiful as always." She beamed at me. "Come in."
I entered the house and followed her into the large living room.
"Hoseok's getting ready. You know him. It takes hours for him to spruce up."
I chuckled awkwardly. "The mall's closing soon."
"Why don't you go up and see what he's up to." She offered with a broad smile. "Go ahead."
She gently pushed me to the stairs and I trudged my feet up carefully. His mom was now nowhere to be seen and I sighed. I couldn't even remember that last time I went to his room. I didn't even want to think about it. I ended up knocking on his door shyly.
"What do you want mom, I'm getting ready." He called out frustratedly.
I cleared my throat nervously. "It's Chaeyoung."
The door suddenly swung open. I tore my eyes away quickly when I saw him in just jeans, shirtless with a towel thrown over his wet hair.
I almost forgot how attractive this guy was.
"Your mom wanted me to check up on you." I mumbled with wide eyes still looking away. "Sorry if I bothered you."
"I'm almost done. I just need to put a shirt on." He told me softly. "Come in."
When I heard him walk away, I turned to look into his room. It still looked the same. Dark colors, cute plushies near his bed. It's like it never changed.
I slowly took steps into his room and I awkwardly stood there not knowing what to do. I probably look like an idiot just playing with my fingers.
Hoseok came back in from his bathroom, with a shirt on now. He was tousling his wet hair with a towel and watched me as I stood there. He raised an eyebrow.
"You don't have to be awkward around me." He said breaking the silence. "I really don't want you to be unconfortable."
"I can't help it." I answered quietly. "We're not friends, Hoseok."
"Right." He was surprisingly subtle.
He looked at ease, not bothered at all by what I just said. He grabbed his keys and placed a ball cap on his head not looking at me. It kind of hurt feeling like he was giving me the cold shoulder. Then again, I was kind of asking for it.
"We're taking my car. Come on."
I followed him quickly. We said goodbye to his mother and left the house. I insisted that we take my car but he didn't even respond. He just got in his car without saying a word. I sighed getting in the passenger seat obediently. We didn't say anything as he pulled out of his driveway and drove towards the mall. When we got there, I immediately wanted to go to the store I've been dying to go to. However, since I was with Hoseok, I decided to ask where he wanted to go.
"Is there anywhere you want to go?" I asked fixing my bag over my shoulder.
"I'll only follow you."
I nodded and made my way to the store. He stayed a close distance behind me not wanting to be right by my side. It was weird going somewhere with Hoseok. We weren't even acquaintances and here he was following me. It just didn't feel right. He sat down somewhere as I looked through the clothes racks. Once I had gotten a good amount of clothes, I decided to try some on. Hoseok followed me the entire time.
I tried on a tight dress pulling at the ends trying to see if it fit right but the mirror in the stall wasn't doing me justice. I knew going out would include Hoseok seeing me but I didn't want to end up buying something that doesn't look good. I sighed carefully exiting the stall. Hoseok looked up to look at me and his eyes just narrowed. I wasn't sure if it was a bad or good thing. I looked at myself in the mirror and wasn't exactly convinced that it was the best looking on me.
"You look gorgeous, Chae."
I turned around to look at Hoseok and he just stared dreamily at me. Even though his eyes were on my dress, mine were on his. The look of lust and love made my spine tingle and my heart speed. I blinked the thoughts away and smiled at him. I didn't know how but I just smiled. I missed this. Hearing sweet words directed at me and only me. Especially if it was coming out of Hoseok's mouth.
"Should I get it?" I looked to my reflection again.
"I think it's perfect on you." He said leaning back. "It's up to you."
I looked at him through the reflection in the mirror and shyly smiled. I nodded before going back in the stall. I held onto my flushed face, slapping it from being so red. I continued to try on the other things not going out to show Hoseok because I was scared I would end up crying. I finished and he followed me to the cashier. Once I was about to give the cashier my card, Hoseok's card in hand came into view.
"I'll pay."
"Hoseok," I pushed his hand away. "I can pay."
"I'm not giving you a choice."
He was stern. The cashier, more scared of Hoseok, took his card and charged it. I sighed taking the bag following Hoseok out of the store. When we got to the empty parking lot, I pulled him back to face me.
"Why did you do that?" I asked in frustration.
He acted clueless. "Do what?"
"Why did you pay, Hoseok? I have a job. I can pay for my own things."
He shrugged. "Instinct."
"What kind of instinct is that?" I shook my head angrily. "Hoseok, we're exes. You can't seriously think it's okay to pay for my things."
"When has being exes ever stopped me?"
"Since you came back."
I was shocked by my answer too. He looked genuinely surprised. His glare softened on me and mine was still going strong. I released my hold from his wrist and just sighed.
"Hoseok, this isn't right."
"I love you."
"I know you do." I answered helplessly. Tears threatened at my eyes remembering my thoughts from earlier. I bit back at my trembling lip and took a deep breath. "I know you love me, Hoseok."
"Then why can't we just talk about this?" He suddenly took my hands in his. "Please."
A tear dropped from my eye. "I'm scared."
I hiccuped blinking rapidly.
"You're scared of me?"
"No you idiot." I nearly slapped him. "I'm scared of you leaving me again. I'm scared of going through hurt all over for you because I'm still hurting. I'm fucking scared of loving you."
"Do you love me?"
I looked at him through glossy eyes, my eyebrows tying together. The question was so sudden, it was like I didn't even hear him.
"What?"
"Do you love me?"
"But there's so many other things you could have asked me. Like why am I scared? Or why are you scared of loving me? Or—"
"Park. Chae. Young." He grabbed onto my shoulders. My eyes widened but my lips stayed pouted. He looked at me sternly, his eyes not leaving mine. "Do you love me?"
"Obviously I love you but—"
His lips suddenly collided with mine and it was like the world stopped around me. The only thing I could think of was his lips against mine. The feeling was unfamiliar since it's been years since I've kissed anyone but maybe more-so that it was him who hadn't kissed me in years. I wanted to push away but by the way he made my insides churn and my heart beat against my chest made me feel perfect in his hold. His arms weaved their way around my waist and my own limp hands at my side went to his hips. My eyes shut and he deepened the kiss. This was how it felt. To be with Hoseok. It was so odd but so fucking familiar. I wanted it more than anything. I didn't want to lose him again.
He pulled away but leant his forehead against mine.
"I was going to come back." He whispered brushing his lips against my swollen one's. "Visiting my sister had consequences and she needed me to stay a little longer. I was going to come back. I promise."
"Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you call?"
"I didn't want you to wait for me. And when I came back, you grew up. I thought you didn't need me anymore. I know it took me a long time to come back to you, baby girl. I'm so sorry."
"You moved with your sister?"
He pulled back and nodded with a sigh. "You remember how I told you she wasn't doing well in the big city? I worked my ass off over there and got her back on her feet. I was going to come back. But life changed here. You changed."
"Hoseok." I sniffled raising my hands to cup his cheeks. I caressed them lightly blinking up at him sweetly. "I didn't change. I might've changed up how I look, but nothing changed about me. Nothing. Not even my love for you."
"I'd give up anything just to be with you again. Anything."
"I think being with you right now, for the next years to come, whether anything is to happen to us. I'll love you. As long as you'll love me."
"I'll love you. And I won't lose you again. Not like I did."
I smiled at him and wrapped my arms around his waist pulling him into a hug. The warmness of his body pressed against mine eased me and I've never felt more happier than now. Being with him again. Knowing that he didn't leave me because he got tired of me. It was all perfect. Just being with him was perfect. And I didn't care if something were to happen in the future. I just cared about right now. And right now is just fine.
"You think your mom will let me sleep over?" I asked leaning my chin on his chest as he ran his hands through my hair. "We can sleep in the living room and watch movies all night."
"You said you didn't change?"
"What do you mean?"
"Since when are you so initiative?"
I rolled my eyes at him. "I can always sleep at home."
"Kidding!" He eagerly tugged at my hand going towards his car. When we got in, he kissed my hand lovingly not wanting to let go. "I can't wait to have you all to myself."
"Just drive lover boy."