Connor
It's funny how fast one moment can lead to the next. One minute, you get back from a really fun night, and then a concert of door slamming is your lullaby. It's not like I was going to go to bed peacefully anyway.
Mom and Dad's yelling seemed to rumble the house. For once, I would actually consider listening to Zoe's guitar playing.
I inserted my headphones into my phone and played whatever music was on my playlist. The yelling died down a little. Quickly, I got up and made my way downstairs and into the kitchen. Through the music, I could hear my mom yell as she pointed her hand at me.
"Ask Connor! Ask Connor, Larry!"
"Since when did I become part of this conversation?" I turned down my music and looked at Mom.
My dad got up from his chair, "He doesn't wanna speak, Thia. He's probably high."
"Don't 'Thia' me!"
Glaring at my Dad, I yelled "IM NOT FUCKING HIGH!"
I wanted to get away from there as soon as possible, so I grabbed a soda can from the fridge and ran out the door.
"Where do you think you're going?!" My dad called out before I slammed the front door. I turned up my music and just sat on the edge of the driveway. I reached for a joint in my pocket but my fingers wrapped around a note. "Shit.." I muttered, just remembering I owe something to someone.
A car stopped in front of me and Zoe hopped out. "Bye!" she waved to her friends as the car drove off. She looked back at me.
"What are you doing out here?"
I shoved the note back in my pocket and looked up. "Mom and Dad are fighting. I honestly prefer your annoying ass guitar."
Zoe had a worried expression, "What are they fighting about?"
"Stupid shit." I looked down at the time on my phone, 10:23. "Enter at your own risk."
I heard her enter the house, which still echoed with arguing voices. As I took another chug of whatever was in the can, I turned up the volume once again.
•••
The next few weeks weren't the best. I was already failing two classes, I couldn't stay in the house because of the arguing, and I still owe my dealer.
I couldn't talk to Y/N either. For some reason, I just couldn't. I couldn't face her or anything. She'll go looking for the person I was talking about. Does she even know it's me? What if she does know and doesn't even wanna talk about it? What if Y/N humiliates herself because of me?
3 missed calls
Y/N- YO MURPH
Y/N- okay, you alright?
Y/N- this probably sounds extremely clingy or whatever but why don't you talk to me..?
Y/N- if i did something, i'm sorry. you can tell me
Y/N- sorry you're probably busy with life and other stuff and i should stop being annoying lol
You never did anything. It was me.
Y/N walked across the school courtyard and stood in front of me. I kept my head down.
"Connor..?"
Sighing, I replied, "What?" She tapped on my head, ordering for me to look up. From her expression, I could tell she was actually worried.
"You're probably high right now, but will you let me talk to you?"
I just nodded. Despite wanting to scream and yell Y/N everything, I kept my composure.
"Look if I did anything-"
Lost composure.
I stopped her before she said anything else. "It wasn't you, okay? It was me! It's just stupid me. I couldn't say anything to you! I couldn't talk to you for some reason." I held my head again. My breathing suddenly became heavy.
"Connor."
I let Y/N sit next to me. Looking up, I croaked, "I'm sorry."
She sighed, "I could be completely wrong about this. You're the only guy who sits near or next to me in most of my classes. In Mr. Kane's class, I show you whatever the fuck my doodles are."
I held my head again and just listened.
Y/N bent over and tried to meet my eyes. She explained everything that I said the night at Á La Mode. After that, we just sat there quietly as people passed us.
The courtyard became empty and Y/N stood up again to face me. I lifted my head and looked at her.
"It's you, isn't it?" She paused and corrected herself. "No, I know it's you. I'm pretty fucking positive, actually."
I had to laugh. "I knew you were smart and would figure it out quick." Her face read a mix of emotions. I finally stood up and looked to meet her eyes. "I'm sorry, I really should've said something. Maybe I avoided you because I was..uh.."
"Was what?" Y/N asked, clearly demanding an answer.
"I was scared." I blurted out. Her jaw hung open a little. Her expression read are you actually fucking joking.
"Scared?" She scoffed, "Of me?"
My voice rose but I didn't care. "Because people like you don't hang out with guys like me! You don't see a perfect girl dating a stupid crackpot like me nowadays!"
She tried to speak, "Connor I- Perfect? What do you-"
I kept trying to get my point through. "But here you are, making me feel normal and wanted and you.." I sighed and rubbed my head. "I can't even stand myself sometimes. I was also scared because I thought you would think differently of me!"
Y/N stuttered and scratched the back of her neck nervously, "I- I don't understand, why would I change the way I think of you?" She paused, "I mean, yea, when I think of Connor Murphy, I think of the introverted kid who smokes pot in the boys bathroom."
As Y/N kept talking, she stepped closer.
"But when I think of Connor Murphy, I also think of the guy who sneaks into classrooms and taught me how to unlock with a bobby pin. I think of the guy who is willing to eat a whole tub of ice cream with me. Fuck, I think of the guy who understands me and knows how shitty life can be." She paused, "I think of my best friend."
I can tell Y/N was determined to let me know everything. "Wow, I don't know what to say." Was all I could reply with.
We both wondered the same question, how is this gonna work?
The wind began to howl as I grabbed my bag. "I have to go actually." I explained, "It's about to rain."
"Oh, right." Y/N replied as she shoved her hands in her pockets. "Where's your sweater? You weren't wearing it at all this week." I could tell she no longer wanted to talk about our situation.
I turned back before I left, "Oh yea, I left it at the spot and now I don't know where it is." Y/N let out a small chuckle, but I have a feeling it was forced.
"Okay. I have to go too, there's a new student and I promised I'd show them around the school." She turned to the building. "I'll um, see you tomorrow."
"Bye Y/N."
Moments later, I felt awkward after all that, and maybe she felt the same. Scratch that, she definitely felt the same. Just imagine, Connor Murphy with Y/N. The thought of it probably makes her cringe. I cursed myself before I remembered everything Y/N said.
She really thinks of me like that?