Kabanata 26
"Congratulations! Best wishes!"
It is my cousin and Cael's cousin's wedding day. Nakita ko si Alex kanina, napaisip din ako kung paano kami nakasurvived nang hindi pinaguusapan 'yung nangyari.
"Honeymoon beybeeeeeh!" Sigaw ng pinsan ni Cael na kinatawa namin lahat.
I laughed. I'm kinda hyper because after this I'll have a free time for myself na, I filed a two months leave. Surprisingly, Alex approved it without questioning me.
I looked around I saw my friends. I saw him laughing with Axe. Napangiti nalang ako, ang aliwalas na ng mukha niya. He looks okay na.
"Baka matunaw.." Cael teases me.
I chuckled. "Nah."
"Have you ever talked?"
I shook my head.
"Ano ka? Patapos na ang kasal. Aalis na siya niyan pati ikaw aalis na din."
Ngumiti ako, "If we talked then it's okay. But if not, then fate has decided."
Cael shrugged. "But if you really want it, go and get it."
"Hoy! Maya na kayo magheart to heart talk!" Bulyaw samin ni Ellie. "Ipapaalala ko lang, hindi kayo ang ikakasal!"
Cael and I just laughed. Sumunod naman kami sa kaniya papuntang reception. Nasa may garden kasi kami ngayon, papabalik palang kami sa pavilion ay rinig na namin yung tilian ng mga guests. Siguro ay dahil sa kilig?
"Feels." Kyline said.
I smiled at her. "Kailan ka ba ikakasal? Ng ma-feels mo talaga."
She frowned. "Ang bagal ng pinsan mo eh. Kainis."
Natawa naman si Cael, "Gagu. Baka type ka ni Gav?"
"Ilayo mo nga sakin 'yang kaibigan mo, Camila!" Naiinis na sabi ni Kyline. "Sasapukin ko 'yan, promise!"
Natawa naman ako. "Baka nga kayo pa magkatuluyan diyan."
Nakatanggap naman ako ng dalawang batok mula sa kanila. Habang hinahawakan ko ulo ko ay hinanap ng mata ko si Alex, his face was lit. Alam mong masaya na siya.
Pumunta na kami sa assigned seats namin per table, kasama ko si Kyline at Stella. Pero alam kong sinadya ni Cael ang lahat dahil magkatabi kami ni Alex. Sobrang dikit pa.
Noong nagsabi ulit ng vows ang pinsan ko ay napaiyak ako. Sabi nga ni Kyline, feels. Because after all the hardships they've been through, nandito sila ngayon sa harap namin para patunayan na may forever.
"Why are you crying?" Tanong ni Alex.
"Feels." I said.
She caressed my back. "Mararanasan mo rin 'yan."
After the lovey dovey concept of reception ay nagka-after party na. Magkakasama kami nila Kyline ngayon, wala si Kayla dahil nasa jowa daw niya ngayon.
"Talk to him na, before he leaves." Kyline told me while we're looking at Alex na nakikipagtawanan sa mga kasama niya.
"But.."
"Duh, ang dami mong arte sa buhay. Kaya madaming nasasayang na pagkakataon eh." Ani Kyline.
Napakunot noo naman ako, "Bakit ka galit?"
"Hindi ako galit, okay?"
Cael laughs. "Hindi kasi siya pinapansin ni Gavin!"
"Pakyu ka ha!" Inis na sabi ni Kyline.
"Oyy! Wholesome tayo dito! Nandito si Camila!" Pang-aasar pa ni Cael. "Tsaka mamaya na beh. Maraming tao."
Dahil pikon si Kyline, ayun nagwalk-out pero sinundan din naman kaagad ni Cael. Pambihira 'no?
Tunayo naman si Alex at umalis na. Tinulak naman ako ni Stella and said go. Sinunandan ko naman si Alex, nasa labas siya at nakatingin lang sa langit habang nakapikit.
"Hey." I called.
"Hey there, beautiful." He said and laughs while looking at me.
I laughed. "Got the title, hm?"
"I know. And I'm so proud of you." Aniya. "Sobrang galing niyo ni Cael to pulled something like this."
"This was all Cael's idea." Wika ko. "Tumulong lahat ako sa maliliit na details."
"Big or small, counted pa rin 'yun." Aniya nang nakangiti.
"Thank you, Alex." Sincere kong wika.
"For what?" Taka niyang tanong.
"For pushing me to do better. Hindi man tayo magkasama, pero kahit ni minsan hindi ko naramdaman na nagiisa ako." Wika ko at tumingala. "I have been the best version of me."
"Don't thank me, Camila." He said atsaka siya umiling. "Thank the person who was with you even when you're down."
I remember Cael. He kept with me kahit na ang sama sama ng ugali ko sa kanya. Kahit na sobrang pinapakita ko sa kanya na mahal na mahal ko si Alex ay hindi niya pa rin ako iniwanan.
"Yeah." I agreed. "Kailan pala alis mo?"
"Bukas na." Aniya.
"What? Agad?"
He nodded. "Kailangan ko rin namang magpahinga. Sobra sobrang information ang natanggap ko. Pati, I need to take a break for being with Lia. Alam mo yun?"
I looked at him, he was smiling like I never hurt him before. Sobrang bait na tao.
"I don't regret the time we spent together, Alex." I honestly told him. "Kahit nung panahon na nagpapanggap palang tayo."
Ngumiti si Alex, "Hindi rin ako nagsisisi na ikaw ang minahal ko, Camila. I know you did your best to save me from falling apart, iyon nga lang mas masakit pala 'yung ginawa mo."
"Because you deserve it, Alex. I mean, you always try to save me, maybe it's time na ako naman? You gave me everything you had without thinking twice, you gave me the most memorable lessons in life," Wika ko. "... and sacrifing myself for you? Alam kong worth it, look at where you are now. Sobrang professional mo na."
"Solana's been asking why weren't you visiting us." Ani Alex. "Walang may lakas ng loob sabihin na nagkahiwalay tayo, because Solana loves you too much."
I smiled, "Tell her one of these days, I'll visit her. Namimiss ko na makipaglaro sa kanya."
Tumango naman siya. "But, you did not pursue your dreams, Camila."
"Hindi kasi kaya ng oras ko, Alex."
He looked above. "We talked about your own dreams, you being a registered doctor; doing medical missions, your future, how successful you'd wanted to be. Gusto kong makita iyon, you have sacrificed enough."
Ngumiti ako. "But you know what? I just realize na every success of mine is invalid without you."
"Alam ko, kasi ganoon din ako eh." Aniya. "But, being with me now isn't a good idea."
Napanganga ako sa sinabi niya. "That's not true, Alex. Because being with you gives me strength to face the future."
"I've been too selfish, Camila. Masyado ko nang nilalayo ka sa taong karapat-dapat sayo." Aniya. "But someone has taught you to get back up and be stronger than before, diba?"
I shook my head. "Bakit ganun? Bakit ikaw naman ngayon ang may ayaw?"
Umiling din siya, "I never wanted to stop trying, Camila. I.. uh, I know where were you."
I held his hand. "I know, Alex. I know."
"What, you knew?"
I nodded. "And I'm glad that you never beg for me again that time."
"I almost did." I said. "I just couldn't find a way to say goodbye — kahit na ang dali para sa'yong iwanan ako. Ilang beses ko din natanong sa sarili ko na kung makakapag-move on pa ba ako o hindi na, o paano kung hindi kita hinayaang makipaghiwalay sa akin?"
"If I stayed, we won't work Alex. Alam ko kung gaano kasakit ang maipaparanas ko sa'yo." Wika ko at tumingala ulit. "Hindi ko kakayanin kung ikaw ang masasaktan, lalo na si Solana. And, there... I chose to let go."
"Mas masakit yung napili mo eh." Aniya sabay tawa ng marahan. "Hannah always told me na I'm always blaming myself, kahit na wala akong kasalanan. Minsan, naniwala ako sa kanya. Kaya nga galit na galit ako sayo." Bigla siyang huminto. "Pinaniwala ko kasi 'yung sarili ko na, ikaw 'yung may kasalanan, na ginusto mo lang na iwan ako. Pero hindi pala. Mali pala ako, kasi ako pala talaga 'yung ang problema. Pero hindi mo naman ako masisisi diba? You left me eh. I wanted to get mad at you." He looked at me, kaya naman napatingin din ako sa kanya. "But it turns out na what you did was not to hurt me intentionally, it was for us, for me, to save me."
He was looking at me, at alam kong nahihirapan na siya. "When I was about to open my heart for Lia, akala ko okay na ako, akala ko moved on na ako, na finally I'm done with the self-blaming stage. Na natanggap ko na, wala ng tayo, at hindi na tayo magkikita pa. Pero si tadhana, naglaro ulit eh.."
Alam kong ito 'yung una't huling beses namin pag-uusapan ito. Gusto ko ng mawala sa dibdib niya yung sakit. Kung pwede nga lang na kunin nalang lahat ng sama ng loob na meron siya ay ginawa ko na.
"Then ate Angeline came home, with a big smile. Nagtaka kami kung bakit, she said na you applied sa company namin. Sobrang inis na inis ako that time, how can she smile like that? Alam naman niyang galit ako sa'yo at alam din niyang in one year ako na ang maghahandle ng company pero tinanggap ka pa din niya. Pero naisip ko din na, why won't use the chance? Para makaganti man lang ako.."
"Pero as soon as I saw you sitting at the conference room, I can't believe that it's still you who my heart beats for. It was like a punch on my face na 'See her, Alex? She's happy and you're not. Simply because you're not over her. Stop pretending, because you knew one look, one smile and bam, it's still her.'"
"But lately, napapaisip ako kung bakit ayaw mong sabihin sa akin lahat. I got drunk and all pero walang epekto sayo. So, nagpakabait ako tapos 'yung sa team building. Actually, I was the one behind those games. Binibigyan kita ng hint na sabihin na sa akin ang lahat pero wala pa din. I woke up the next day na wala ka. Ang sabi umalis ka, I wasn't thinking straight that time, kasi iniwanan ko si Lia at ang mga empleyado ko. I can't find you, the last time you did that was when we're still together. At mas lalo akong natakot kasi kilala kita eh. Alam ko kaya mong gawin." Aniya habang nakatingin sa mata ko. "Ang ginawa ko, pumunta ako sa inyo. Sabi nung kasambahay niyo, wala ka. Pero nandoon ang Mama mo. Nag-usap kami, at doon ko nalaman na wala na ang Daddy mo. Tapos naisip ko nala v na you sacrificed a lot for me and you were always there for me." Unti unting namumuo 'yung luha ko. "Akala ko you were ruining me.. but the truth is, I was the one who ruined you. Ang hirap. Sobrang hirap."
"I did that because mahal kita." I blurted out.
Ngumiti siya sa akin. "Iyon lang talaga ang gusto ko marinig lagi sayo."
"But I never told you right?" Tanong ko.
Tumango siya, "But I felt it. I always did."
I smiled. "And that's what's more important diba?"
Tumango siya. "Why didn't you told me nalang? We can fight it together."
"I wasn't ready for that, Alex." I said. "It wasn't my priority. Besides, graduating ka din noon."
"How 'bout now? Are you ready?" Tanong niya.
"Yes.." She said. "But still not my priority. I'm sorry. But, hey, Lia loves you and I know you love her."
"Bakit kahit ganun nagawa ng pamilya ni Lia sayo ay naiisip mo pa rin siya?" Tanong niya. "Bakit hindi mo magawang magalit sa kanya?
"Kasalanan ng ama pero hindi kasalanan ng anak, Alex." Wika ko. "Lia loves you too much, Kaya sana ingatan mo."
He smiled at me again. "We'll be fine naman, diba?"
I nodded. "We will."
"I should be happy with Lia diba?"
I nodded. "I'm sure that you'll be happy with her — in fact, I know she loves you so much."
"Thank you for everything, Aria Camila. Hoping for the best."
He smiled at me and I know in that moment I felt peace in my heart.