This is Yoon. I know I haven't actually posted any story in here that I wrote myself and wasn't posted anywhere from my other stories.
But I was trying to delete a few bars in my notebook and saw this.
I was never really able to post this because I changed my mind to using her name.
When I first thought of the storyline for My Last Hope(Hoseok's story) I originally had Momo in mind as his muse.
But then I realized that I might not be able to do it anytime soon. And then Hobi's birthday came along.
So I decided to write a story with short chapters instead, the storyline still based on the original plot. The difference is that I did not reveal the name of the girl which ended up me using "her" as a reference. Plus, it's a gift for Hoseok so I thought it's fine.
Now, I wanted to share the original draft I had for it. You can check the story afterward if you like :)
This time, I'm going to use the original POV :)
A back story I wasn't able to fully share.
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Momo's POV
My eyes landed on the stage, the loud cheering, the Army bombs, him.
Jung Hoseok...
He'd fulfilled his dreams. I knew he'll become one of the biggest kpop idol of our generation, bagged it since trainee days, back when we were so in love.
Twice just had a performance and we were seated on along the other fellow idols who attended the show. It's Bangtan who's now performing.
My eyes started to moist at the sound of his voice, and if it wasn't because of Nayeon, I wouldn't know that my face had been focused on the big screen where everyone can see.
I turned my face away immediately, afraid that the fans would see how affected I am becoming right now.
My glance fell down on the floor, my ears hurting not because of the loud music but the blaring of my own heartbeat.
"I'm sorry but I don't think this is working out..."I whispered, before turning my back and walk away, away to the very same person I walked away from a few years ago.
A long sigh escaped my lips.
The gap, it has widened.
I thought finally debuting will get me closer than I originally had been with him, but I guess I was wrong.
I should have known.
Or deep inside, I was probably aware.
I am not the one for him.
He's up there, and I'm just...
I'm just he---
"Momo?" I was startled when I heard someone calling my name.
I turned around and realized that I already walked past our dressing room. Nayeon was looking at me worriedly.
"Are you okay?" she asked as she walked closer to where I was standing. I didn't realize that she followed me when I walked away.
My eyes locked into hers.
Yes, I'm not okay. I wanted to say but the words seemed to stick on my throat.
Even after all those years, it's still so fucking painful. The scars, they don't heal. They remain fresh as if it's being curved back with a sharp knife the moment I try to move on.
Will it make a difference if I said no? if I did not agree when he said he wanted to break up?
If I didn't walk away and accepted his decision, would we still have those sweet Tuesday movie marathons?
If I stay, will he still leave?
There are so many thoughts that are clouding on my mind.
Sadly, I will never find the answer.
I can't get him the answer. Because everything is over, we're over.
He seemed happy.
Those smile, it melts me on the outside but his smile tears me on the inside. Every time I see how much of a ball of sunshine he is, the more I realize that he's totally fine without me on his life.
Just when I thought I had already moved on, why do I have to sneak on his performance when I know I'll end up breaking myself even more?
My body started shaking a little, my hands balling into a fist. My breathing started to get shaky.
Nayeon must have noticed because she pulled me closer to hug and engulfed me with a warm hug while her left hand brushes my back in attempts to calm me down.
"It was because of him, right? That man from years ago. The reason why you don't want to watch movies on Tuesdays," she added and my heart clenched even more.
I never told my members about him. Well, except Nayeon who knew a just a little all because I ended up having a breakdown before her.
But I never told her his name. I can't.
Just uttering his name makes my heart beat so fast, it's actually ironic.
How can someone who causes me so much pain be the same person that causes my heart feels like it's on cloud nine at the same time?
His lyrics earlier, am I being delusional to think that those words were actually directed for me?
Where did our promises made to each other go?
Did they disappear along with our time spent together?
The dominoes that fell because of our breakup
Like Juliet, and Romeo
Did I like you too much?
The heat between us won't cool down
I look back at a video of us, just needing a memory of you,
You took away the stars of my night and the sun of my day
The only thing left,
Being a single cold cloud
If there's hellos then there's bound to be goodbyes, right?
Never ever
Whatever that rule is, I want to break it
I'll turn away, hypnotizing myself
A tear fell down my cheek, and I remained motionless.
I refuse to cry out loud.
I need to get better.
Wait for me Jung Hoseok...
"I'll go get him back..." I whispered and Nayeon didn't utter a word.
Jung Hoseok, I will have you back.