He swept me off my feet for many years and finally I have just graduated from UCLA with my masters degree.
But that's not what I want to be. I want to get my PhD. I want to be a doctor and I'm still determined to go to school to become one.
So that leads to me having to leave UCLA.
I'm attending Yale University once summer ends.
I'm leaving again.
Leaving my friends,
Leaving my YouTube career,
Leaving him.
And this time I don't want to leave him...
He and Sam stopped doing YouTube, but now have really made a living and a brand together off The Life Project, and on the side, Colby's an actor while Sam's a director now.
Ellie just graduated the same as I and I'm not sure what she's going to do yet. She graduated with a degree in journalism, so I wonder what she'll be up to soon. Of course I kept in touch with her, she came every summer after the first one! She even got together with Mr. Jake Webber one summer....shhh...
But Colby... everything has been amazing and I am always falling more in love with him everyday I get back to our apartment. He moved in with me and well, Sam found himself a girlfriend. So of course I'm not the only girl with the two fools thankfully. Katrina saved me.
Today however has been so gloomy.
I graduated yesterday and I still haven't told Colby that I was accepted to Yale yet. I've known this for a few months and I just haven't had the heart to tell him that I'll be moving out.
My fear is that we'll break up.
Long distance doesn't usually work, so how could we make it? We're two such busy people.
I've been pondering this fact on my bed all day while Colby's at work.
Since it's the first day of summer, I have had no plans yet.
Just dreading the end of summer but I know, I have to tell him soon, I mean I'm pretty obligated to anyways. I just can't pick up my stuff and leave to my new apartment in Connecticut at the end of summer and say bye, love you but I'll be gone for like eight years!
I need to tell him soon.
"BABYGIRL I AM HOOOOME," Colby screams his arrival as I now hear the door close.
I roll my eyes and close my laptop. Quietly, I hop out of bed and creep up to the crack of our bedroom door.
I smile, looking at him already stripping off to more comfortable attire for himself.
The boy always is more comfortable walking around without a shirt, which I have no problem with.
I pop my head into the room he's in and throw myself into his arms.
He embraces my presence back and pecks my lips.
"How's my girl doing?" He chuckles.
I sigh, "Bored."
"Bored?" He questions, "But it's the first day of summer for you, how can you be bored?"
I look up into his ocean blue eyes and frown, "I have nothing to doooo. I stopped doing YouTube awhile ago and I really don't want to just come back because it's summer. It's only three months, and Ellie said she'll be looking for a job this summer but will visit in like a month and a half so I've got nothing to do and no where to be!"
He nonchalantly says, "Okay Neil, well it's your lucky week because we are going on a vacation."
"Mhm," Then the realization hit me, "WAIT WHAT?"
/////
"ASH, COME OUTSIDE ON THE DECK," Colby yells.
We were in Maldives for the last day of the two days we would stay here. Tomorrow is Japan for three days. The last place is somewhere he won't tell me, which scares me and excites me at the same time.
I rolled out of bed and walked over to slide the screen door open to where Colby was standing. He stood at the edge of the railing with his arms spread wide. He wanted to fucking recreate the scene from Titanic.
"You're so weird, Brock," I laughed, hugging his waist, "Is this what you wanted?"
"Hehe, yeah," He giggles.
After a few seconds he comes and puts his arms around my shoulders and holds me tight as we watch the sun fall beneath the horizon across the water.
We were staying in a beautiful cabin on the ocean that connected with other cabins, I don't know if you've seen them but they're amazing and I've never had such a cooler experience.
This is probably the millionth sunset we have watched together, and it's always more incredible when we're gazing them together.
I pray for more sunsets with him.
/////
We arrived in Japan the next day, and it was a huge change to the Maldives.
The Maldives was a tropical island and now, standing in the middle of the sidewalk in Tokyo, has got my head spinning.
Being the Tourists we are, we went and saw Mt. Fuji later on and came back to Tokyo to walk in the bright lights and bustling streets.
The LED signs lit the path and it was a magical night as we were able to just be free and happy. It was a spontaneous trip Colby and I had. He held my hand everywhere we went and i couldn't- wouldn't ever let go.
Ugh, telling him that I'll be going to Yale next fall is going to be my torture.
/////
When he told me that the last place would be a surprise that I'd love, I was terrified because I like to know where I'm going and all that. I need to be prepared always.
So when he sat me down in the taxi for the airport to the next country, I was feeling anxious already.
He then later nonchalantly handed me tickets.
I assumed plane tickets because we were going to literally catch a flight in like five minutes but when I saw that there was seat numbers and a tour name,
I screamed.
We landed in South Korea mid day.
Ya know how excited I am right now? I love kpop, if you didn't know.
I kinda pester Sir Cole often about BTS, Seventeen, Day6, ya name it.
(BTS is my ultimate bias group though!)
So when Colby presented me with tickets for a BTS concert, I shit my pants in excitement.
These tickets made up for the Dylan O'Brien movie we missed four years ago!
Time flies, I remember losing those tickets but going to the mountain instead. That was a night, I remember realizing I was in love with him then, too.
So here I am now, dancing and singing to korean music I don't really understand with the love of my life beside me.
Colby grabs my waist and jumps to the beat with me, rapping all the lines to one of the rap line's songs.
The lights on the stage radiate across the enormous audience, cascading the sea of people into tints of purples and blues and greens. The amount of energy everyone had was incredible by the band and the other people next to Colby and I.
I could definitely say that it was the best time of my life.
The best vacation ever.
When we got back to the hotel, Colby asked me "Did you enjoy the concert?"
I replied with a huge smile on my face, feeling giddy from the singing and dancing onstage, "Of course I did!" I exclaimed, wrapping my arms tightly around his waist and pushing him onto our bed.
Things got heated after he gave me the best experience in my life.
/////
He woke me up by planting light kisses to my temple and I felt my heart flutter again for the billionth time.
"Baby it's time to wake up, we arrived back in LA," He said, shaking me awake from the seat on the plane.
I groaned, "Home already?"
Colby kissed my cheek, "Sadly, now come on, let's get home."
"Sam picking us up?" I wondered out loud, lifting myself up and grabbing my carry on bags.
Colby shaked his head no, "Nah, wouldn't want him to take us home. I already called an uber." I nod.
I hurried to him who was already by the exit, waiting for me. Once we left, that was the end of our vacation.
The uber ride back was bittersweet. I was having post concert depression, post vacation depression, and just overall sadness. But don't get me wrong I was ecstatic to go on that trip and have one of the best vacations of my life with the love of my life.
Colby scrolled through pictures in his camera roll of us on the beach, in the hotel rooms, on the city, out at dinner, and the concert.
I felt a piece of me clench inside at how much I already missed those times but also because how cute we were. I could travel with him for forever.
I didn't even get to tell him I'll be moving to Connecticut though...
I didn't tell him I'll be leaving him...
Am I monster?
Uh, yeah I think so too. I am.
How could I do this to him! What am I suppose to say to him now?
Break up with him? Is that the only thing to do? If I can't be here for him, I should just let him go.
I rather hurt without him, and let him move on from me and be happy in LA.
But... I love him too much to just move on by myself, I just got him four years ago after making up for loss time in high school.
Would long distance really work?
Does that just put a risk of breaking up?
As I scroll the memories we captured on tape, I find myself getting more emotional than I really should be.
I wipe the tears through my laughs.
"Ash, are you okay?" Colby asks, clutching onto me.
I nod, sniffling, "I'm fine, I just- let's talk about it when we get home."
He smiles lightly, "Okay, love."
The rest of the taxi ride was me leaning on his shoulder, stifling tears from falling as we both looked at the many more photos taken.
When we got to the apartment, he opened the car door for me and carried almost all the luggages as I had my backpack and duffel bag in grasp.
Then, we entered the elevator to our shared apartment.
I felt my heart beat fast in my chest and I honestly have never been so anxious in my life.
When I get some feeling of anxiety, my emotions overwhelm me and I guess that this was one of those times.
Colby peered at me, knowingly, his gaze shiftinf when I didn't meet his because of how occupied I already was with myself.
My lips quivered, and I tried to still myself the best I could because I knew if I were to start pouring waterfalls from my eyes, I probably wouldn't be able to stop.
"Neil, are you seriously okay? Are you just really sad that our vacation ended? If that's the case I can always plan another one for us, it's no big deal, really! I can take more days off farther into the summer and maybe by the end-"
Then the fucking dam broke.
I shut my eyes and cried so uglily that I blocked my face from Colby's.
He drops the luggages and quickly scurries over to hug me tightly.
"Shhh... was it something I said? Do you not want more vacations together?"
I grumbled a loud "No! I want to go on more vacations with you."
He sighed, "Do you think it's too expensive? Ashlyn, don't worry about it, we'll be having two stable jobs besides just mine and your YouTube money. Once you become a doctor, we'll have even more money for vacations! Plus, you and I already make a lot of money altogether even though you're not a doctor yet, so no need to cry."
I let out a choked sob, "N-no, that's not it."
"Then what is it, baby?" Colby asked with his soothing and calm voice.
I pulled away from the hug but didn't dare to look into his ocean blue eyes; because I knew if I were to, I wouldn't be able to say what I was about to say.
"I-I have to leave."
He looked at me questioningly, "What?"
I bit my lip, squeezing his hands that were in mine but lowered my head with agony, "I said, I h-have to l-leave. But move. To C-Connecticut."
Colby's eyes and mouth widened.
"Y-you have to move to C-Connecticut?" He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion when realization hit him. "Oh my god. You got into Yale, didn't you."
I noded, crying now.
He pulled me back into his arms, embracing me tightly to his body. Colby kissed the top of my head to comfort me.
The elevator then opens, and we break away to gather our things and get into the apartment.
When I saw our hallway, I dropped to my knees.
It just reminded me of the day he moved in with his best friend down the hall from my apartment.
And from there, my life took a different turn.
Colby, who was once my rival stepped back into my life and since then, has always been apart of it.
I guess the memory just sent another huge overwhelming wave of emotion.
Colby helped me up and cradled me into his chest as if I were a baby.
"Ash, we'll figure this out," He states, shushing me affectionately.
I sob, "Will we really? Couples who do long distance are destined to break up."
"We won't. We would never. We aren't like those other couples."
"How can you be so sure?" I whispered into his tear stained clothes.
"B-because I love you too much to lose you," He says, taking me by my shoulders and staring deep into my eyes.
I stare back into those ocean blue eyes and feel myself become shy.
He grips me tightly, "Ashlyn, look at me. I love you, we will make this work."
I shake my head, "It won't Colby... All couples are like us, it just ends in disaster in the end and I love you too much to lose you but not just as my lover, but as my friend. You're my best friend, you know me better than anyone! I can't afford that!"
He frowns, "Ash, I wouldn't be able to live without you if you were to leave me. I-I... I'm not ready to give up the girl I've been crushing on since freshman year. Having to see you with other guys during those years, and now finally making up for time that was lost... I can't lose you again. You were the rival I fell in love with, and you're the one person I'd want to spend my life with for forever."
I wail in sadness, "Don't- don't say those things, it'll hurt even more when I leave."
He shakes his head no, "You're not leaving. You're not leaving... without me."
"What do you mean?"
He lets go of my hands and drops to one knee.
Colby opens a velvety black box from his back pocket and opens it to reveal a diamond ring with so many gorgeous encrusted designs.
I gasped, covering my mouth with shock.
"Wh-what are you doing Brock?"
His eyes streamed with tears, a faint gentle smile appears on his face.
"I've been in love with you for eight years of my life. I've dreamt of making you mine forever but I didn't expect myself to propose at this circumstance. However, I knew it'd be today that I'd propose to you, because today was the day I saw you for the first time when I moved to the apartment down the hall to yours. That same elevator four years ago today opened up to reveal you, staring at me and somehow I just knew, that, I don't know, maybe fate just wanted us to meet again. Fate wanted us to stop being rivals. Like, it gave us the chance to be together. And we succeeded, Neil.
So, no matter what, I am going to promise to be by your side despite all the difficult obstacles that are thrown at us. We're in this relationship together.
So what? You're moving, that means, we're moving.
I'll follow you to the end of the world.
It's been your dream to become a doctor, and get your PhD at Yale. I've always known that this day would come; this is the next big step into achieving your dreams.
And I'm so proud you got in and I'm here witnessing you, the love of my life, accomplishing everything you want. I want to be with you every step of the way. I'll quit my job, I'll go back to making vlogs on YouTube, I'll find something to do in Connecticut! I just want you to be by my side, because as long as we're together, I'm happy. There's nothing else in the world that would make me happy besides you being mine forever.
My wife.
So Ashlyn Mackenzie Neil, will you marry me?"
I hugged him so tightly, and kissed him with all my passion and strength that I could muster. I whispered "I love you, I love you, I love you" on repeat into his soft lips and his smooth skin.
Later, mumbling into his neck as best as I could, I answered, "Yes."
/////
A week before the big move, we got married.
The wedding was beautiful, I never cried so much out of joy that day.
It's been eight years since that day we got married.
I graduated from medical school and received my PhD. Guess who's a Pediatrician?
Never have I ever felt so accomplished in my life.
A little hand pulls on the edge of my skirt and whispers,"Psst Mommy, what you writing?"
I look down at my four year old daughter, who stares back at me with her cute wide blue ocean eyes that take after her father.
"I'm just writing about the experiences I've had from back when I was a teenager, Lilah."
Lilah tilts her head to the side, "Wh-what's an e-expert ice ness?"
I laugh, picking her up and setting her on my lap, repeating the word slowly, "Experience dear."
She copies me quickly, "Experience."
I smile, kissing her cheek, "That's right! And you know what it means? It's a noun which means a time when you saw or did something new."
She nods her head, "Learning this word was an experience."
I chuckle, "Ah yep, you're so my kid."
Ya see, I have this goal to make Lilah smart as fuck or at least have a greater vocabulary because at least she'd sound smart.
She is, really though. She takes after her two intelligent parents, cough cough.
"Ma, I miss Daddy," Lilah suddenly says, frowning.
She gets emotional when she thinks of sad things, and I guess I do too because she probably takes that after me.
But I have to be strong for her.
I sigh, "Me too, Li."
"Do you think he's watching us from above?" She asks, pointing upwards.
I put her down and kneel to see her at eye level, "I'm sure he is-"
Suddenly she starts to cry softly, tears sweeping down her pink chubby cheeks.
She looks up and waves sadly upwards, "Daddy, why can't you come home again?"
I pull Lilah into my chest and hug her as she sobs some more for her missing father.
"Shhh, baby it's okay, he's listening I bet," I say, feeling myself get heartbroken.
Suddenly, there's a knock on the office's door.
There stood my lovely husband, you all know who.
"Daddy!" Lilah screams, running over to Colby with open arms.
Colby laughs, picking her up and tossing her into the air as she giggles with glee.
"How's my baby girl doing? You been good for Mommy while I was away?" He chuckles, kissing her swollen eyes from the crying. "You cried for me, baby? I told you it would be awhile before I come back."
I walk over and wrap my arms around my husband's waist and peck his lips.
"Eww. Maybe you should go back to work so I don't have to see that," Lilah shivers, lightly smacking our faces.
"Lilah... you know that's... real savage of you. Good one, okay I'll give that to you," Colby smirks, high-fiving her.
I playfully punch Colby's arm, he wants Lilah to just be a boss ass bitch.
"Colby! You don't come back and teach our daughter bad sh-"
Lilah covers my mouth before I could say shit.
"Mama, it's please stop teaching our daughter naughty language," She corrects me.
I laugh at her cuteness, "Oh that's our girl."
Colby sets her down, and Lilah asks, "Dadda did you see and hear me from there?"
Lilah points to the surveillance camera attached to the ceiling above my office.
We have cameras all over the house we can use to monitor the house from our phones, maybe I should have explained that so it didn't sound like Colby died or something before.
Colby chuckles, "Of course, I was watching you and Mommy before I came home and surprised you both a day early."
"Babe you're so cheesy. Was filming with Sam fun though? How was it?" I ask him, grabbing his hand to hold.
He nods, "Oh yeah, of course. It was good to see Sam directing his new movie and actually starring in it by my side! Did two months feel too long for you girls though? I was afraid I was away for too long, being without my family..."
I shake my head no, "Course not, we're lucky to have Ellie babysit while I'm at work. Isn't that right love?"
Lilah nods, hopping up and down, "Am I going to see Auntie Ellie and Uncle Jake again?"
Colby nods, "Sure you will dear! Because Uncle Jake owes your Daddy twenty bucks."
I laugh, "Alright darling, go play and let Daddy rest from his flight."
Lilah nods, "Can I go see Julia next door? I saw her outside on her lawn playing with barbies."
I whip out my phone and text Julia's mom if that was okay. I tell Lilah one sec until the mother replies that it was okay.
"Okay, sure, her Mom said that it's fine."
Lilah smiles widely, her pigtails bouncing along with her excitement, "Thanks Mommy! Bye Daddy, love you guys!"
"Bye love you too!" We yell back as she leaves the house. I watch outside the window to make sure she made it safely to Julia's house.
Once the coast was clear, I turn around and wipe my brow, "Phew, she's fine, WOAH-"
Colby unexpectedly pulls me into his strong arms and kisses me deeply.
"Ah, I've missed Mommy and her kisses," He coos, leading me into our bedroom.
I wrap my arms around Colby's neck and sigh in content. "Two months was way too long, Daddy."
"Shit, we've become so kinky since having a kid," Colby chuckles into my hair.
I giggle, "You right."
"But Mommy, since we have a daughter. Why don't we try for a son?" He questions, wiggling his eyebrows.
I grin, "Alright Daddy, only because I want a son too."
Colby pumps his fist into the air with victory, "Fuck yeah, Mommy. Look where we are, funny how you first were my rival and now we're making babies."
I wince, "Ah, I wish we were still rivals then."
"You love your rival," Colby cheekily says.
"I hate liking my rival!" I scoff.
"No you don't."
"No I don't."