People!
How are we all?
Thank you so very much for your kind and patient support. I know, I am a very highly irregular writer and it must be a pain keeping up with the pace, or lack thereof, so thank you very much for hanging around and loving my works.
Right, so coming to this one. Ijaazat, which literally means permission. Oh the irony of the timing of this piece, more on what's ironic later. What do you guys think this one is about? I have been dropping subtle hints and some not so subtle. Some of you have managed to figure out the future, keen eye you guys! Well, those that have yet to understand which way this is headed, please read on to find out.
Oh I nearly forgot, this one is dedicated to all of you! All of you that have ever read my works, all of you that stuck by, all of you that put me where I am today. Thank you for all of your support. This one is for you!
Also, if you guys can, please give "In my veins" by Andrew Belle a hear, the song is sheer beauty! I've used it in this update. I hope you guys find it as soulful as I do! The song you can find as an external link in this part. This piece has been written 5-7 lines at a time and I have not proofread it either, so ignore mistakes if any and apologies if this part is not as good as you may have expected.
Here's presenting, Ijaazat!
IJAAZAT
The house was eerily silent. Her family was on their yearly visit to their village. Generally, she would accompany too but she had excused herself this time stating she had to find an investor for her business and she had licences to take care of too. Truth being told, the more important reason for her refusal was Shravan.
She wanted to spend time with him, unhindered. His family was no issue at all, they were really open minded people. She thought the same of her family until one evening Mamiji, over a cup of tea, pointed out that she had a young college going daughter in the house and she didn't like Shravan roaming around like he owned the place. Nanaji had given her a earful and stated that Shravan did own the place, it was his grand-father's home and he could do as he pleased. He didn't miss the opportunity to point out the fact that he thought Shravan needed saving from Manju's daughter, since she would pull off her mother's antics some day or another.
Suman was thankful that Shravan wasn't around to hear all of that, it would have been mortifying. A smile crept up her face which grew into full blown laughter as she remembered the story, strike that love story, of Mamaji and Mamiji that Nanu had once told her. A young, fresh graduate Mamaji had been enchanted by the vivacious yet uneducated Manju. She had assumed that the great Raghuvansh Tiwari's son would be equally great if not more. It was much later that she realised he was a government worker, unlike his lawyer father but his honesty remained inherited. Which spelled doom to her, for he wasn't as rich as she thought he would be. A week into the marriage and she regretted falling in love with the simple bloke.
The buzzing of her phone brought her out of her thoughts. Smiling she answered, "What?!"
"What what?" Was mouthed from the other end of the phone. "A million times I've told you, talk like a lady. A person can say hello at least Sumo!" He fretted.
"Chup kar Push-kar!" She rhymed it, "This is how I am. What is it?" She shrugged, holding the phone between her ear and shoulder as she held the pan with one hand and shook the ladle with the other.
Pushkar sighed and asked, "What's wrong with Bhaiya?"
Suman let go of the ladle and held the phone in her hand, "What happened to Shravan?" She asked, loudly. Her eyes getting wider, "Tell me! What happened to him? You threw something on his head didn't you?" She face-palmed so hard he could hear it through the phone. "Arey! Why are you so silent now? Cat caught your tongue?" She spoke exasperated.
"I will speak if you allow me you psycho!" He exclaimed.
A monosyllabic oh was heard and Pushkar took that as his cue to speak, "Something is wrong with him. I'm not sure what. He's a bit restrained. In London too, he never was like this. And then today, we are all here for a movie, will follow that up with lunch and then chilling, he blankly refused stating he was tired an wanted to sleep. See he never does this." saying he turned to nudge Varun to head to the theatre, "You're free?" He asked.
Suman didn't respond. She felt something was wrong too, and she had a brief idea as to what, but she had to be sure. The sudden constriction of her heart told her it was something to be bothered about.
"Oh! Hello??" Pushkar called out, "Fell asleep or what?"
"No, I am.." She replied.
"No, I am as in you're asleep or No as I you're not free?" Pushkar worded not understanding what was up with both his friend and his brother.
"No, I am as in awake as well as free.. You need me to go home?" She asked.
He nodded, "Haan, go see what's wrong with him and keep me posted." He said heading towards the theatre. "Everyone is waiting for me, leave me a message and I will call back." Saying he disconnected the call.
Suman decided to quickly wrap up the cooking and head to Malhotra Mansion to solve the question that was begging an answer since the day Shravan had returned.
~~ ~~ ~~ ~~
Walking down the garden with a hamper of goodies in her hand she heard a faint strumming. Guitar? Thought she. She knew Shravan could play a few instruments, guitar being one of them but she had only ever heard him play on live video or a recorded performance, never in person. Excitement bubbled in her as she made her way up the stairs in the direction of the music. Wait. What? She heard words, he is singing too! She paced towards the terrace where Shravan seemed to be.
The sight before her stole her breath away. She stood dumbfounded at the door of the terrace. Shravan sat on the low wall, each leg hanging on either side. Hair ruffled, a few strands romancing with his face. The sun against him, casting a wonderful colour on his bronzed skin. Skin, she whispered. It was then that she realised that his torso was naked. A pair of jeans hung low on his waist, his feet bare. As he strummed the guitar, the muscles of his back moved gloriously.
She blinked a few times to gain semblance. She saw the prominent vein of his neck stand out as he sang. He's singing. Once that registered she concentrated all her energy to hearing what it was instead of simply ogling at him. Her heart hammered in her chest. His voice was downright enchanting. Beautiful, just like you, whispered she. Oblivious, he kept playing.
Nothing goes as planned.
Everything will break.
People say goodbye.
In their own special way.
Suman gently placed the hamper on one side and leaned on the door frame. His eyes were shut and creases evident on his forehead. She would have passed it off as concentration but she knew him and something most definitely bothered him. Why is he singing about good byes?
All that you rely on
And all that you can fake
Will leave you in the morning
But find you in the day.
What is he faking? Who is leaving whom? Questions kept popping in her mind and answers she found none. Her heart told her to leap and not restrain. She wanted to rush right into his arms and tell him it would be okay, wipe those creases off his forehead and make him believe whatever bothered him would sort itself out.
Oh you're in my veins
And I cannot get you out
Oh you're all I taste
At night inside of my mouth
Oh you run away
Cause I am not what you found
Oh you're in my veins
And I cannot get you out.
His lashes seemed to dampen as his nose scrunched slightly. What bothers you so Shravan? Suman hushed. Who is in your veins? Who are you awaiting? Deep down, she knew who he referred to, but then why didn't he just tell her?
No I cannot get you out.
No I cannot get you.
Does he want me out? Of his veins? Of his soul? Of himself? Suman's eyes tore as she heard those words. She padded towards him with silent feet. She stopped mid-way when she heard him sing further.
Everything is dark.
It's more than you can take.
But you catch a glimpse of sun light.
Shining, down on your face.
He angled his face slightly and let the sun light shine down his face. Suman could see his striking features even more clearly, his jaw slightly clenched and his eyes lighter hues of brown as they shone in the rays. He blinked a few times and continued his melancholy melody.
Oh you're in my veins
And I cannot get you out
Oh you're all I taste
At night inside of my mouth
Oh you run away
Cause I am not what you found
Oh you're in my veins
And I cannot get you out.
Suman waited no more, she couldn't. She quickly reduced the distance between them and stood in front of him. His fingers came to a sudden stop and rested on the strings of the guitar. He looked up slowly and for the first time since he returned, she saw vulnerability in his eyes, like he would break with a mere push. He sniffled lightly and placed his instrument on the low wall. Getting up, towering above her, he straightened himself and without another lateral thought pulled her into himself.
She didn't know what happened at first. She was looking into his eyes one moment and the next she was enveloped in his warmth. She felt intoxicated with the sudden feelings that seemed to have made their home in her. His woody shower gel did nothing but ameliorate the riot that was waging in her. Off their own accord her hands went around him. Now that her palms rested on his back she felt skin scorch her.
Her face stayed plastered to his chest which was mildly peppered with hair, the hair pricked her initially but left a tingling sensation in her, that of desire. She shook her head mildly to throw out the scandalous images that had made their way to her mind. That only served one purpose, that of Shravan pulling her in closer. He bent further and nuzzled his face in the nook of her neck. A muffled gasp left her lips as she felt threatened that her body would emit a moan soon.
"Shr..." Her voice a mere whisper to herself as well. She cleared her throat and tried again, "Shra.. van..?"
He remained rooted. Not even a syllable out of his mouth, instead he tightened his hold around her. Suman felt she could die of the emotions that coursed through her veins. She felt like she was in a cocoon one that warmed the cold and dark places of her soul, she wanted to bask in the strength and love that came through him forever more. If only.
His predicament was no different. She was not only his solace, his sukoon but she was also his sanctuary. One he knew would protect his feeble self but one he also feared for crushing his soul. He couldn't help himself. The place he stood in now, where he found himself, she was the only person that could give him the strength he needed. She was the only soul that could make his agitated one a little less so. He knew in his mind what he did was not in best interest, his brain tried to warn him against it but he refused to pay heed. Now as her soft form was pressed against him, all he wanted to do way stay this way, with her so close to him.
He felt something he had never felt before. Complete. Even if it was wrong to forcefully hold her against his semi-naked form, it felt anything but that. He felt her gasp against his torso, the movement of her supple lips against his firm collar bone caused a jolt to run through him. You're in my veins and I cannot get you out. He didn't know what to do anymore, his heart and mind tore him to an extent of disarray.
Suman sighed. As much as she wanted to stay this way for the rest of her life, his heart, unevenly beating under her cheek and gasps that left him made her want to ease away all his pain. She loosened her grip around him and slightly pulled her head back. He took his cue and slowly pulled away not letting go. He placed both his hands on her waist as hers rested one on his torso and another on his arm. They silently stood that way until Shravan made an upset pout and and shrugged letting his shoulders droop slack.
"Shravan.." She mouthed, "What's troubling you?"
He let out a breath and shook his head in the negative. "Sumo.. You would get angry too..." He worded cautiously.
"Shravan.." She patted her palm on his arm, "Tell me, let me help you.. Let someone at least help you." Taking in a soft breath she continued, "How long do you intend to keep fighting all your demons by yourself?"
An alien emotion zapped in his eyes. She couldn't quite decipher. Was it surprise that I care? Or was it a sense of calm that overwhelmed him? She knew not, she only hoped he would consider her worthy of sharing his deep rooted pains, torments, questions, he never voiced before. They never spoke of his parent's issues nor ever of days he was sad. He would share his life with her but almost never his sorrows.
Why do you care so much Sumo? Was the only question that reverberated in his being. He wanted to share with her, his turmoil, his thoughts, but his apprehensions always had the better of him. Not today..
"Sumo, tum.." He grabbed her hand and sat her down on the swing, getting seated next to her. Holding her palms in his, he cleared his throat, looking away and then looking back at her, he tried to form the best possible sentence to let her know his intentions. Suman observed his hesitation but allowed him to take his time.
"Sumo, you know about my dreams, my expectations with life, I need to be somebody.." He said, taking pauses. Suman nodded her head in agreement, she had a feeling about where all of this was headed but she didn't want to interrupt.
He continued sighing, "Papa, I told him, last night and he's upset. He..." Shravan saw Suman's eyebrows furrow in confusion. Realising he didn't mention what he spoke of, he made amends, "I told him about my plans. Sumo, I..." He went silent. He flicked his tongue across his lips and began again, "I'm returning to London." He let out the breath he was holding. Its out in the open now.
Suman allowed the words to settled. Her eyes became wider and her mouth parted slightly. She started fidgeting her fingers with her thumb. Shravan felt the shift in her stance and also her nervous finger movements but he let her take her time with processing the information. He gazed at her face which seemed to have lost the stress it showed earlier and now held hurt.
"I knew this was coming, you know?" She spoke, her voice so calm it shook something in him. "That night, at the party, when uncle announced that Pushkar and you would be the heirs of his company, your face fell. I knew right then, that is not what you wanted." She finished, questions swimming in her eyes.
Shravan tilted his neck in astonishment, he couldn't fathom how such a momentary lapse of mask could have told her so much. Eyes downcast he let himself slip at her feet as if offering a silent apology for having hurt her. "Its .." he worded, "Its not that I didn't want it. I would love to run Papa's firm with Pushkar, but I'm torn Sumo. I have plans, dreams I've already started working on. Back in London, Eric and I, we already have licences to open our own firm. I came home because I wanted to meet everyone before I got busy with the firm." He stopped, looked up at her and confessed, "I only returned cause I wanted to see you, to meet you, to be with you. I have missed you so much. I .. I needed you Sumo."
To say Suman's heart leaped would be an understatement. He needed me. Me. He came back for me. A hint of a smile made its way to her lips but faltered soon enough. He's going back. It hurt her and unwanted tears pricked her eyes. She blinked a few times to hide them but he felt her weep anyway.
Kneeling he pulled her into him again. The dampness making him aware that he was still missing a shirt. Mentally slapping himself for not having put one on yet he tried to back off but Suman pulled him in closer knocking the air out of his lungs completely. He was left with no choice but to stay put. He cradled her head and whispered sweet nothings. It worked, she had calmed down.
Letting go of him she wiped her nose as he used the pad of his thumb to gently wipe away her tears. "Shravan?" She called out. He hummed in response concentrating on wiping any remnants of sorrow off her face. "When do you leave?" She asked.
He shot a glance of bewilderment at her. That's it? She accepted that so easily? Does it make no difference that I will leave? He felt crushed. But one look at her doe eyes and he knew it wasn't that it didn't matter. She cares too much to show her pain and dampen my resolve, she wants me to be happy.
"Shravan?" She called out to break his chain of thoughts.
"Chala jaaon? Ijaazat hai?" He asked, voice full of emotions seeking her permission apprehensively.
She smiled wryly, "Jaane ki ijaazat nahi hai tumko." She refused him to leave and never returned.
He looked on confused. She flashed her toothy grin and said, "Jaa kar wapas aane ki ijaazat zaroor hai tumko!" Allowing him to leave only with a promise of return.
He smiled relieved. She believed in him and she trusted him to return to her. His heart was so full of love, the one emotion he was dying to show her but vehemently refused to. "Sumo.. I.." His throat clogged.
She ruffled his hair, "Chup! It will be okay. We will make uncle see why this is important for you, you need to find your voice. You want to be your own person, not just his son, I get it and so will he."
He nodded his head and gently placed it on her lap. Taking her cue she ran her fingers through his gorgeous locks. He had his permission to come back to her and she had his promise of return. All that mattered was that they would see through this together. Shravan was so at peace he drifted to slumber and Suman let him. He needed his calm and rest before he could take on the world.
She would be lying if she said she didn't enjoy this. He felt like home. Is this love? She asked herself. She knew the answer but dreaded to acknowledge, for if she did and he left, she wouldn't be able to bear the pain. She had to let him go, for now. She knew he needed to be someone more than simply Ramnath Malhotra's son. She was so proud of who he had become. His achievements preceded his reputation and yet he was so grounded.
Suman craned her neck to see his face which was now buried in her lap. She followed his arms around her petite frame. She blushed at how they were in this moment. If Mamiji sees this she will probably die, thought she. The warmth of intimacy spread in her. She raised one hand and placed it on his shoulder. She allowed her hand to roam freely on his back. So broad, such hard muscles, so warm, she shook her head to remove the unchaste thoughts from her mind. Its the hormones!
Shravan stirred a bit in his sleep. Suman smiled at how cute he looked right then. She took a few strands of her hair and lazily tickled his ear. He raised a hand to itch. She repeated and received the same response from him. The third time he buried his face further into her stomach causing her breath to hitch in her throat. Seeing red she decided he had had enough rest.
Shaking him slightly she tried to awaken him. He didn't budge and she tried again a little more strongly this time. He only wrapped his arms tighter around her. She let out a groan. Kumbhkaran!
Unbeknownst to them a pair of eyes watched them with a sly grin. The person knew exactly how this scene would help him later, he smiled for he knew this was waiting to happen. His brother and his best friend surely had something brewing for else what would explain what he saw.
Suman shook him harder and he snapped out. "Kya? Let me sleep Sumo!" He said irritated.
"Uff! Utho! Nange!" She exclaimed at his nakedness. "At least put a shirt on, What would someone think if they saw us like this?" She reasoned.
"What will someone think!!" Yelled Pushkar causing the pair to jump. "What remains to be thought? Its a thing for understanding!" He winked walking towards them.
Shravan immediately jolted and grabbed his vest from the side table. Quickly putting it on he whacked Pushkar's head. "Shut up! Its not what it looks like!"
"Yeah! Of course! What did it look like though?" Pushkar probed causing the blush on Suman's face to deepen. "Oho! Blushing!"
He earned a whack on his arm this time, "Chup!" Said Shravan authoritatively.
"Accha?" Defied Pushkar. "I'll call Mom, wait. Her doubts about your sexuality will fly out the window.. Ehem Ehem.." He laughed.
Suman asked Pushkar to shut it and told Shravan that they would handle this problem, to which Pushkar's inquisitiveness grew. "Arey! I can bet no one will have any issues!" Said Pushkar shrugging assuming the problem was to do with Suman and Shravan's relationship.
Suman told him what the issue was and Pushkar's face fell. "You can't just leave!" He reasoned.
It took about 20 minutes to convince the upset brother but he saw reason in what his beloved Bhaiyya was saying. "So now?" He asked.
Shravan shoved his hands in the pockets of his jeans, shrugged and said, "We have to convince Papa!"
The three of them sat on the swing, elbows on their thighs and face in their respective palms brainstorming as to how they would best this beast of a problem. Hearts may be heavy, but this was what Shravan wanted and Suman and Pushkar would stop at nothing when it came to him. The lawyer had to be convinced into letting his beloved son rule the world. It was good Suman brought soul food, their brains would need a lot of energy to wriggle out of this one.
~~ ~~ ~~ ~~
So!
That's it for this one!
Shravan wants to return! Shocked?
How did you find it? Random? Not so random?
What do you think of a shirtless Shravan, for nearly the whole update ;)
What do you think about ShraMan's growing closeness?
How will the trio convince Ramnath? Would they even be able to?
Do let me know what you think in your comments below, I love hearing from you guys!
Cheers!
Zoya!