The bad girl and the dork

Av alpacapoo

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I'm Jill and these are five random facts about me 1. A day spent with Nutella is a day well spent. 2. My best... Mer

The bad girl and the dork
Is it possible to OD on cookies?
Nutella is the answer to all your food related problems
Always have a secret food stash at various places
I call it hobo chique
I was turning on her inner lesbian
I've heard people taste like chicken
It was as if Barbie had puked in her locker
Brainfarts everywhere
She looked like a My Little Pony
I know you've been having buttproblems
I swear her ovaries just exploded
Emergency, my ass
He was such a pretty mangirl
Only two shots away from pink elephants
I'd rather lick a used tampon
He just went apeshit on me
There's my queen
Really Old Yogurt Grows Bad In Vanilla
Don't flash your underwear on the first date
I didn't know you were gonna lick the guy
Killed us with a spoon
The rest could suck my thumb
A duck sniffing a dog's hiney
We were having a Full House moment
He was writing some kinky fanfic about polar bears
I love you because you say things like fuckbuckets
I can't be in the presence of candy haters
Get your biceps out of my face
Were you guys sniffing glue earlier?
He was talking about toe fungus
Couldn't you have gotten a bloody moose
Epilogue: cover it up with Oprah's face
Bonus: I practically survived on coffee and M&Ms
Bonus: Code's crazy calamities
Bonus: I was Burger King desperate
Jake: The walking cliche
Bonus: this is not a bonus
Xmas bonus: decided to drop the Jill Bomb
Anniversary bonus: Road trip
Bonus: the rock identified as a turtle

I'm the picture of sophistication

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Av alpacapoo

I woke up with a dry throat. I didn't want to open my eyes yet but forced myself anyway. Memories of yesterday started flooding back. I smiled. The party had been a lot of fun.

I rubbed my eyes and looked at the time. It was noon. I was actually proud of myself because I'd thought it was way in the afternoon.

Water. I need water. It felt like I'd been roaming the desert last night. I slowly walked downstairs. "Jill is that you?"

No, it's my twin sister who also happens to live here. Of course it was me. Great question mom. I wanted to say yes but there was no sound coming out of my mouth.

I went to the living room where my mom was sitting so she could see me. I groaned when she didn't look up. It wasn't one of my usual groans. This one sounded like a strangled cat.

My mom looked at me and started laughing.

"I hope you don't feel as bad as you look" She started laughing harder. It's great being someone's source of entertainment.

I went to the kitchen and got a bottle of water. I was drinking as if my life depended on it and then I almost choked on water when I saw my mom appearing in the corner of my eye. People shouldn't make sudden movements when I'm in this state.

When I looked at my mom she had a huge grin on her face.

"Don't say anything" My voice sounded normal again. I touched my hair and shuddered. I definitely needed a shower.

"You smell gross, go shower" I smelled my hair. Oh big mistake. My mom was clearly enjoying this.

"So I take it the party was fun? Or is it all a blur?" She narrowed her eyes.

This was her subtle way of asking how drunk I was. She didn't like it when I'd drink but she said that since I'm a teenager it's normal to experiment. We'd had a talk about it a few years back. I'd promised I wouldn't go too far and she said she would trust me.

If I broke that trust I had to live like a nun the rest of my underaged years.

I hadn't broken her trust. I mean, I had been drunk a few times but nothing too dramatic.

"It was a lot of fun. Snake loved his present and no mom I wasn't drunk" She looked satisfied with my answer.

"Good! So I was thinking you and I could spend the day together?" I didn't really feel like doing anything else but breathing today but she'd been so busy lately that these kind of days seemed rare. I couldn't pass it up.

"Sure. I'm gonna head to Code's first to give him his keys back but I won't stay since he's probably gonna sleep the entire day"  I yawned.

My mom raised an eyebrow "So he had a great night then?" I chuckled.

"He was really drunk. He fell asleep on the way back, I had to open the door so Snake could throw him on his couch. Snake had to carry him bridal style on the way back it was so funny! I'll show you the picture" I started laughing, thinking about it. I still needed to send that picture to everyone.

Mom was smiling too, shaking her head "You can show me later, first go to Code so I can claim you for the rest of the day. No wait. Take a shower first"

I was glad I hadn't looked in the mirror yet. "Fine I get it. Shower, Code, picture, mom day" I stretched and headed upstairs.

Oh I see now. I'd forgotten to wash my face last night. Even a panda would be proud of me right now, I looked gross. My hair was in knots and I looked a little pale.

Such a contrast with yesterday.

I took a long, hot shower. Taking my time to wash my hair and scrub my face and body. I ended my shower when I felt a bit more awake and I smelled like peaches. By that time the warm water was running out. Needless to say it took me a while to look decent again.

I quickly grabbed a random pair of skinny jeans and tshirt. Not bothering looking at the clothes I'd picked out. My flats were still lying on my floor so I just decided to wear them again. I towel dried my hair, I figured by the time I was at Code's house it would be dry.

Grabbing my phone, keys and Code's keys I headed downstairs again.

"You should've done that when you woke up, it would've saved me the scare" Ha ha. Funny. My mom certainly seemed to be in a great mood. Maybe it's because she didn't have to work at all today.

I went over to her and grabbed my phone. She looked at me curiously while I looked for the picture. I smiled when I came across the beautiful dramatically illuminated Snake with a sleeping Code in his arms.

Mom looked at the picture and started laughing. "Great picture Jill" I felt proud. It really was a great picture and it was perfect blackmail material. Not that I'd use it against them but at least I could tease them about it.

I quickly went to my car and headed towards Code's place. When I got there I didn't see their parents' car in the driveway so I figured they'd already left for work. The weekends are always busy in their restaurant.

Quietly I opened the door. I decided to just put the keys on the kitchen counter because I figured Code needed his sleep. He'd had a rough night.

Bus ran up to me. He was coming from the living room and when I listened closely I heard the TV was on. It was probably Chase, there was just no way Code was already awake.

I changed my plans and decided to give the keys to Chase.

Bus was already pushing me towards the living room. "Good boy" I looked up at Chase, raising an eyebrow.

"Did you ask Bus to come fetch me?" If he did, that would've been pretty impressive.

Bus jumped on the couch next to Chase, who was grinning at me. "Yes, I did and apparently it worked" I rolled my eyes. Guys are such kids.

"I'm just here to return Code's keys, he couldn't lock the door himself yesterday" I snorted at the memory. He'd been out of it.

"Yeah, I know. I was the one to find him on the couch this morning" So Code had just slept the entire night without waking up and going to his room.

I should show Chase the picture, he'd appreciate it. I grabbed my phone and smiled mischieviously at him.

Dropping myself next to him and Bus on the couch I showed him the picture. I was probably a little too proud. He laughed.

"Very artistic. I can top that one though" He had a better picture? No way! I had to see this. I didn't have to ask since he was already grabbing his phone from his pocket.

"So I told you I found him on the couch this morning right?" He was wearing a big smile on his face now. Needless to say I was getting very curiously.

"Yes you did... continue" I narrowed my eyes at him suspiciously.

"The state I found him in was pretty interesting. I decided to film it. Look" I looked at him and he handed me his phone.

I pressed play and then lost it completely. I had to watch the clip twice because I couldn't get through it the first time because of the tears in my eyes.

It showed Code sleeping peacefully on the couch. It was probably the same position we'd left him in that night. His right hand and leg were sticking out, because he was lying flat on his back. Bus was there too. He went to Code's leg and started humping it.

Code didn't wake up or anything, he just endured it. Bus seemed to be having the time of his life.

This is the best thing ever. Seriously, this might be my new favorite thing.

"Oh my god Bus was driving him" I choked out. Chase and I were watching it for the fifth time now, both of us cracking up.

We decided not to watch it again. My breathing started to get normal again.

"This deserves an Oscar. Please send it to me!" This was something you watch when you're sad or something. Instant happiness.

"Sure!" He scrolled a bit on his phone and then frowned.

"Eh... I don't have your number" Right. How stupid, I hadn't thought of that. I gave him my number and a few seconds later my phone was buzzing.

For second I was wondering who had texted me. I know. It's bad. Obviously it was Chase.

"Thanks" I smiled.

Chase smiled back and then his expression changed. It seemed as if he was thinking about something. He looked at me. It seemed as if he wanted to ask me something but he wasn't sure about it.

"So, I know it's probably not my place to ask but... Is there a reason why he was so drunk?" He looked at me with a serious expression.

The question caught me off guard.

"Was there supposed to be a reason?" I had no clue what he was expecting me to answer. Where did that question even come from? Chase still looked worried.

"You know, it's hard sometimes. Mom and dad have been extra busy lately since they're opening a second restaurant" He said hesitantly.

Code had mentioned a while ago that his parents were opening a second restaurant but that's all. We hadn't talked about it ever since. I'd never asked him how he felt about it. We didn't really have that kind of friendship. Should I have asked him? No. If he had wanted to talk about it he would've, right?

"We don't really talk about that kind of stuff" Why did that leave such a bad taste in my mouth?

"Oh. I mean I just assumed since you're his best friend" We were friends, but I didn't know we were best friends. We just liked hanging out together.

Chase was just being a worry wart. I hadn't noticed anything different, Code was being his normal self, like always.

He had been hanging out with Jacob more though. Did that mean he had been smoking pot more often too? Nah, he probably just likes hanging out with Jacob.

Now we're probably just looking for problems that aren't there.

"I wouldn't worry about it, to me he's just acting like he always does. If you want I can talk to him?" I suggested.

Chase looked startled. "No, no, you're right. I shouldn't worry. Don't tell him I mentioned it." He replied a little too fast. It's nice that he's worried about his brother but it would probably help if he would just ask Code.

Shortly after I headed home, I had stayed longer than I'd thought.

Mom had planned a spa day for us. She really needed one to be honest.

We were lying on the massage tables next to each other. Life was good.

"So Jill, when are you getting a new boyfriend?" Urgh. Obligatory mom question. I sighed. I hadn't met anyone interesting lately.

"I decided to become a catlady" Cats weren't that bad. I could live with that.

"I like that Jake guy. He's cute" I really didn't like where this conversation was going. A lot of people don't believe that a boy and a girl can be nothing more than friends. I was living proof that it was possible since I had more guy friends than girl friends. And no, there was no way in hell they all thought of me as more than a friend.

"Gross, he's the biggest player in school. I do love his motorcycle though" I heard my mom sigh. We had had the conversation about motorcycles many times before.

"Damn why are the goodlooking ones always players. Or gay." We laughed. She was probably talking about her life as well.

Since the divorce she'd had a few boyfriends but nothing really serious. She deserved a good guy though. Her work didn't make meeting someone any easier, she was always busy.

"Tell me about it" This is why I like my relationship with my mom. She's definitely a parent but I can talk to her like she's a friend.

Although I wanted to tell her she needed to get laid so she wouldn't bake so much but I figured that would be crossing the line.

-

Yesterday had been a fun relaxing day with my mom. Today she was locked in her office. Paperwork.

My accomplishments today? I had sent the picture to the guys and Gwen. I'd also sent it to Chase, I figured he'd appreciate it.

And that's about it.

I was preparing lunch when my phone buzzed. I was surprised to see it was Kate.

Girltime? x

Translation: I want you to come over so you can paint my nails and we can gossip and make fun of our parents.

That sounded like a perfect way to spend my Sunday. I smiled and texted her back immediately.

Did Matt ditch you for the day? x

I took a big bite out of my Nutella covered sandwich. My phone buzzed twice.

No! Can't I spend time with my sister? x

Ok fine, he had a thing with his parents.

Ha! I knew it! We'd being calling each other sister ever since our parents' relationship got serious. She started saying it and it felt like a weird concept to me. Now, I had no problem calling her my sister, although it didn't really feel like she was a sister.

Actually, I wouldn't know. Never had one.

I texted her back.

I'll be there soon!

And by soon I really meant soon. I finished my food and told mom where I was heading and thirty minutes later I was knocking on my dad's door.

Kate opened the door and we hurried to her room and stayed there the entire afternoon/evening.

"So you haven't met Matt's parents then?" I was curious why she couldn't come with him today.

"Oh I have, nice people. Although his mom sometimes looks at me in a creepy way. Like she wants me to crack and run away or something. I am, after all, dating her precious boy" She snorted.

"Well he is a precious little boy isn't he." I teased "So, how serious is it?" I know they'd been dating for a while but usually Kate's very open about her relationships. This time she didn't talk about it too much.

She blushed. "Very, I really like him" I pinched her cheek. My little girl is growing up. Technically she's two months older than me.

"Aren't you cute." I cooed.

She rolled her eyes but her blush was still present. Yeah, she wasn't fooling anyone. "Whatever, so what about you?" She asked carefully.

She knew about how my last relationship ended.

"I'm gonna tell you what I'd told my mom yesterday. I'm becoming a catlady" I said proudly. We laughed and talked about cats for a while.

And then we watched some clips about cats. I'd also shown her the Code clip. It still cracked me up.

My phone buzzed and I wondered who would need me on a Sunday.

Chase had sent me a picture. It showed some books and M&Ms and a thumbs up in front of it. I smiled. I know my study technique is awesome and he'd just confirmed that.

I sent him a quick text.

Try not to drool on your books ;)

"You liar! Look at you, smiling at your phone!" I'd forgotten that Kate was in the same room as me. Maybe multitasking isn't my strong suit. I laughed at what she was implying.

"Oh please no. It's just Code's dorky brother. I gave him a bag of M&Ms because he was binge eating and I told him about my study technique so he just sent me a picture of books and M&Ms scattered around them"

Kate looked a bit disappointed. Good to know she's so invested in my nonexistent love life. "You know when I first got to know you I thought you were dating Code"

I choked on my own saliva. I know, I'm the picture of sophistication.

"God no, he's like a brother to me" I shook my head.

"Well, I know that now" She rolled her eyes.

"Ooh! You know who's hot? Greg!" Kate was wriggling her eyebrows and I burst out laughing.

"Who the hell is Greg?" Never heard of him before. He was probably a senior at our school or something.

"He's Matt's friend and he's single, he's like rea-" I covered her mouth with my hand.

"No way are you setting me up with one of Matt's buddies. Or anyone for that matter. It's not like I'm desperate okay?" I smiled when she nodded yes. She couldn't say anything because I was still covering her mouth with my hand.

She licked it, thinking it would scare me off but it didn't. I just moved my hand a little so it would feel gross for her. She scrunched her nose.

I let go of her mouth because I was laughing too hard.

"See this is why you're so different from my friends." She laughed, shaking her head.

"What? The licking? Yeah it takes more to scare me off" I shrugged. I wasn't offended or anything.

She started laughing "No! Well that too... I mean you asking me not to set you up. My other friends would probably beg me to set them up."

That's weird. Don't they want to find their own boyfriend? I think it's weird going on blind dates or if someone wants to set you up. Well, the idea is weird. I'd never experienced it before.

I hadn't realised I hadn't replied yet.

"Oh sorry! I definitely didn't mean it in a bad way. You know I love you" She looked concerned. She must've been thinking I was offended because she said I was different from her other friends or something.

To be honest, I was glad. I didn't know the populars that well, but from what I've heard I didn't want to be like them.

"Then you should've known I wasn't offended, you boob" I rolled my eyes and she responded by throwing a pillow at my face.

Oh it was on.

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