If I told you what I was,
Would you turn your back on me?And if I seem dangerous,Would you be scared?
-Monster by Imagine Dragons
*****
DELILAH
He was unreadable. Liam stood there just... staring. As if he'd seen a ghost. I was staring for complete different reasons. He was always handsome but now handsome just wouldn't cut it. He was a man. A grown ass man and yes, I had a boyfriend but I wasn't blind. He wore a plain white t-shirt and faded jeans and just with that, I was speechless.
His face had hardened but I could still see the hint of the perfect dimples that I loved to tease on his cheeks. He was muscular... way muscular than he was before. The boyish face was gone, now replaced by a chiseled jaw with just the right amount of stubble.
How much time passed with us speechless?
I wouldn't be able to say.
I just knew that neither of us were prepared for this encounter, not even me.
Liam cleared his throat after a few minutes and closed the door behind him, stepping out to the porch. "I asked you a question, Delilah. What the fuck are you doing here?"
God, his voice was so deep and masculine and –
"If you're not going to answer then-"
I shook my head, trying not to get distracted anymore. "I told you already. I'm back."
"Back as in you're traveling through town on a vacation and will be leaving soon or..."
"No. Back as in I'm looking for an apartment or a house to live in. I'm staying."
Liam shook his handsome head in clear frustration at my words. He gave a harsh glare before beginning to pace on the porch until he asked a single question. "Why?"
Why.
Why was I back?
My answer wouldn't matter, not to Liam. Not after I left him. So what was the point of even answering it? Although, at this point, I had to answer all questions he had in order for him to let me see Adrian.
"I want to know him."
Liam narrowed his eyes at me, fury boiling behind them. He looked like he was just barely holding it together and while I knew that the younger version of him knew how to control his anger, the man before me didn't look like he did. Trying to calm him down, I continued speaking.
"I know it's been a long time, Liam but I think it's time that I meet him and I get to know him. You can't take that right away from me."
Liam let out a humorless laugh. "Take that right from you? Are you fucking kidding me? You gave up that right the minute you walked out. And now, years later you decide that because you want to come back I have to let you see the son that once again, you gave up. The son that I've raised on my own. Are you even thinking about how this will affect him? Or are you still the same selfish bitch that left?"
Yeah.
Definitely not the same man I left behind. I was too shocked at his language and the bombarding of questions and statements to even say anything. His words stung, probably because no one had ever been so blunt with me about my past. Probably because the words came from him and there was no denying the truth behind them.
"I'm not a bad person," I defended myself.
"You're not good either," he countered without hesitation. "What type of mother leaves their child without any remorse? For years, Delilah. You were gone for years. And I promise you, that right now that you came back for your own reasons, not because you were thinking about Adrian."
I found myself unable to contradict anything that he was saying. I came back because I wanted to know Adrian and not once considered how my abrupt appearance may affect him.
This was exactly why I wasn't fit to be a mother.
"Can I... Can we just sit down and talk?" I asked Liam, now feeling surprisingly sad. He was angry at me, at what I had done to him, to us. There was no one else to blame but me, and now that I was confronting it, it was overwhelming.
"No, you can't come in. I have shit to do and people to see."
"Is Adrian not home?" I asked him and he gave me an incredulous look.
"No, Delilah, Adrian isn't home. I don't expect you to know this because you haven't raised him, but seven year olds have school during the weekdays."
"Right," I mumbled.
"I just... I don't fucking get it. Why are you here? What do you expect?" Liam asked once again. "You didn't want to be a mom, you got your out and we've been just fucking fine without you. Why the fuck did you come back?"
"Do you have a girlfriend?" I asked him out of nowhere.
"What?" Liam asked me in an irritated voice.
"Do you have a girlfriend?" I repeated.
"That's none of your business," he sneered.
"What I mean is, has he had a mother figure?"
I had no clue where that question came from. Even I was surprised that such a thing had spilled out of my mouth, but I felt the sudden need to know that Adrian had a mother to hold him when he scraped his knee or a woman to look up to on Mother's Day. I pushed the uncomfortable feeling away and shifted on my feet when the answer didn't come.
"I do have a girlfriend," he finally replied. "A year now but she's been around for long before. She's been here for him."
I nodded, feeling relieved but in so many way pained that I wasn't the one that had been there for him.
"Does... does Adrian know about me?"
"You mean does he know that you abandoned him?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Yeah."
Liam seemed to give his answer a careful thought before he shook his head. "He thinks you're away for school. Your parents, they've also told him that you're away from school and now working. I'm not a dick. You've caused enough pain by walking away, I'm not going to hurt him by telling him that you left because he was a burden to you."
Ouch.
More stinging.
"Will you stop me from seeing him?"
Cars traveled down the street, that being the only sound that surrounded us for a while. Liam surely didn't want me to be around Adrian, and I couldn't blame him. I deserved it. The thought of not being able to see Adrian again though, it scared me more than I could have ever imagined.
"It's not my place to do that," he replied with a solemn expression. "But you have to be honest, are you leaving again? I can't afford to have him suffer your loss twice, Delilah. I will not put him through that shit."
I shook my head almost immediately, hoping that he could see that I was here to stay. I wanted to get to know Adrian.
"I'm staying. I'm looking for a job and everything."
Liam nodded. "I need to talk to him first. Leave me your phone number and I'll figure something out."
"Talk to him about what?" I asked him.
He looked at me like I was stupid.
"I can't just spring on him that his mother is back, Delilah. Especially when you've never written a single letter for him or given him a single call. Hell, your parents probably don't even know you're back, do they?"
My silence was his answer.
"Exactly. I'll let you know by Friday if and when you can see him."
I gave him a small smile. "You look good, by the way."
There was no reply to my comment and I didn't expect one. He took out his phone handing it over to me. I stared at the picture of the pretty woman as his cell phone wall paper. Light hair, light eyes... everything about her screamed just that, light. My complete opposite.
"She's pretty," I stated, giving him a smile.
"Just put your phone number in," he mumbled.
I typed in my phone number as fast as I could and pressed dial. He didn't want to give me his phone number, which I knew, and this way I would have it anyways. He pressed his lips in a firm line removing the phone from my hands.
I opened my mouth to ask something but he raised his hand, stopping me.
"Don't you think you've said enough today?"
"Just one more thing," I said.
"What do you want?"
"A picture. Can I see a picture of him?"
He shook his head. "You don't deserve that quite yet. You don't even deserve to know him."
Feeling the need to apologize, I opened my mouth only to be shut down by him again.
"Let's get one thing straight, Delilah," he said, taking a step forward. He stood so close to me now that we were mere inches apart. "If I allow you to see him it's because it's his right. In no way is this for you or because I pity you or because I think that you so much as deserve to breathe the same air he breathes."
It was a warning. I knew that. I turned around, walking away and hoping that by some chance he'd call me back to show me at least one photo.
For the first time in years, regret began creeping up on me and it wasn't a good feeling.
"Delilah!"
I stopped, but didn't dare turn around.
"I hope that whatever the fuck you did all this time was worth it. If not, there's no excuse for you abandoning your son. You better have that very clear. With that said, do not fuck this up."
If there was one thing that hadn't changed was that Liam Anderson never warned anyone in vain.
*****
Later that night, I tossed and turned without being able to find sleep despite the quiet of the hotel. Caleb, of course, slept soundly. He never noticed when something was bothering me.
I stood up, pulling a robe over my near naked body and went to the restroom for no reason other than to sit on the floor. I felt overwhelmed. The past catches up to you in the least expected moments, right when you think you have it together.
Turns out I didn't.
I picked up my phone that rested by the sink, surprised to see a message. The number wasn't saved, but I knew who it was.
I gasped as soon as I opened the message.
A beautiful seven year old boy with a wide smile and the brightest blue eyes looked back at me. Even through my blurry eyes I could still see him clearly. His brown hair was short, and he was missing a single tooth. A dimple adorned each cheek. I touched the photo on my phone wishing that it could be his face.
Maybe I wasn't as heartless as I thought.
Perhaps I did have some redeeming qualities.
Here he is.
He's got your father's eyes. I told him the photo was for his mama.
Meet us on Saturday at the small restaurant by the pier at noon.
Don't cancel. It's your only chance.
-Liam
The pier.
I smiled.
Sleep evaded me the rest of the night, and week for that matter. When Saturday came around though, I was wide awake.
I used to be fearless, but as I arrived at the pier and saw the man and child waiting for me from far away I realized that I did fear one thing:
Rejection.
*****
A/N: So, Delilah will be meeting her son.
What are your thoughts so far?
What do you think of Liam?
What do you think little Adrian's reaction will be?
Thanks for reading!!
-Luz