"See you around, Nira." Giano bid me goodbye as I began walking away. For some reason, his words felt deeper in context than the actual meaning of the words.
I didn't turn to look back on possibly the biggest, riskiest decision of my life.
_____
When I reached Kylo and I's cell I stopped outside the doors. For some reason my feet were stuck on the ground right outside the threshold.
My body was aching with exhaustion but it was difficult for me to enter the room for two reasons; the last time I had saw Kylo we had had a small spurt, and I had just finished ultimately betraying him.
That night I had gone against the morals, ideas, and the level of command so highly cherished by the man I loved. I had gone against him.
I took a deep breath and walked through the door.
How was I able to enter that door?
The room was dark and he was asleep on the bed. I walked into the bathroom and turned on the light. I began changing into my night clothes. I could barely stand being in my own skin.
But in a different light, I thought more about the man who I loved, peacefully sleeping out there. He had a better chance of survival because of what I had done. I thought of Kylo prospering further, and then I thought of Kylo dying at the hand of the evil Aero.
I wasn't happy with my decision, but it was the right decision. I was right in betraying the choices of the First Order.
Halfway through pulling my shirt over my head the bathroom door opened. In lumbered a tired, woken Kylo, whose eyes were scrunched shut, hair was ruffled, and body as buff as ever.
Kylo blindly, tiredly took a step forward and reached his arms out. He gripped my hips and pulled my body towards his warm, muscular self. I tensed up with guilt.
Kylo lowered his head down and pressed his lips to my neck. "I'm sorry I got angry earlier." He mumbled exhaustedly and apologetically.
I couldn't help the small smile growing on my face, and the joy his sweet sleepy voice brought me was fought by my horrid, absorbing guilt.
"I just love you so much, Nira. I can't stand feeling separated in any way, even if it's just a small argument." Kylo whispered, wrapping his arms around my bare torso. I placed my hands gently over his.
Kylo released me, grabbed my hand in his large one, and together we went and climbed into bed.
I tried to get into my usual sleeping spot but Kylo put his hand around my waist and pulled me towards him. I reluctantly let him tug me into his warm chest.
"I love you, too." I muttered honestly back through the darkness, my hands pressed on his tough pecs. I could feel his beating heart.
Seconds later Kylo's grip on me slackened and I knew he had fallen back asleep.
Guilt tore through my insides, eating away at my conscience as I lay in Kylo's arms. Shame filled my face with disgusting heat and I wanted nothing more than to be someone else -- no, to be in a different situation.
Making the decision to go against the First Order was one of the toughest in my life.
If I would've gone with the plan to launch an attack, then I might as well kiss Kylo goodbye. We would surely perish. There wasn't a doubt of it. I simply couldn't stand by that idea and I'm not sure how Kylo was okay with the concept.
But, as I lay in bed, my plan also put my relationship with Kylo at risk. What if he has to punish me as a criminal or traitor? I would either be banished from the base or never leave one of the prison cells for the atrocity of my crime.
And Kylo could easily never trust me again, after what I had just done. I went against the decision of the council. I had gone against him.
Screw it, I thought recklessly, although regret still battled inside me, I would rather have to split up with Kylo because I'm being tossed in jail then watch him die.
And when Kylo finds out about what I did . . . Oh god. When Kylo finds out what I did I will be in the worst, absolute worst, trouble in my life.
He's literally going to hate me.
Oh god, why did I do that?! Why did I actually send that transmission to Aero? Oh no, oh no, oh no, I screwed up the plan, oh my gosh! I have to -- to do something, I have to tell someone, oh my gosh.
But I have to stick with my gut. If everything falls through -- if I'm not immediately executed, if the council decides to go along with my plan, if Kylo doesn't implode with anger -- then this could work.
I know this is the best plan for the First Order. If everyone goes with it, this could really work.
I've got to stick with this plan.
The only thing that ended up pulling me out of my sleep was my exhaustion -- in the past few days I had battled, returned from battle, participated in a government debate, endured two council meetings, and had two very late, stressful, emotional nights.
Eventually my eyelids forced shut and the thoughts of my horrendous betrayal were pushed out of my unconscious mind.
*****
My eyes slowly opened and I rolled over in bed. Kylo wasn't there. There was a note left on the desk, which reminded me so much of my first days on this base I couldn't help but smile.
I rolled out of bed and read Kylo's neat scrawl, although upon quick inspection I realized it was a little messier than usual.
'Nira,
To the training arena. As soon as you wake up.
Kylo'
I stared at the note with slight confusion, my brows partly furrowed, thinking, Hm. A bit short of a note too. But oh well.
And I made my way down to the training arena.
I should've seen what was coming.
I entered the threshold confidently, but as soon as I saw what was in the room I stopped and worry dripped over my shoulders and down my back like ice.
The grey walled and floored room now held a more chilled atmosphere than usual. The wall opposing the door that showed the stars was now void of its normal beauty and mystery -- instead it was cold, dark, and unforgiving.
The table in the middle of the room stood tall. Kylo Ren faced away from me, standing against the edge of the table, palms pressed tensely to the metal, arms as straight as rods, and head bent low. His deeply black locks lightly skimmed his face.
I stopped in my tracks and tentatively voiced, "Kylo?"
Moments of silence passed. Fear crept into my mind. I knew what this was.
"What -- have -- you -- done." Kylo growled lowly, slowly, and with aggression. He shoved downwards on the table and rebounded backwards, twirling to face me.
His beautiful face was full of rage -- Kylo's head was angled downwards but he looked up at me with malice in his eyes. His arms were extended and his fists were clenched tightly at his sides. I truly hadn't seen that much anger directed at me in a while.
I was frozen where I stood. My eyes were wide and lips were parted as I stuttered and failed to grasp at words, at any words.
"Kylo, I --"
"Nira, what have you done!" He shouted angrily. Kylo brandished backwards, and from the table popped up a hologram of Aero, the emperor of the Legion of Chrome.
I stared in horrific shock as the hologram played over. Aero's creepy, static drawl crawled through the speakers like venom.
"Nira Leven of the First Order, wife of the supreme leader," Aero started out, his face blank and ugly, "It is an honor to meet you. I assume you know who I am. I accept your submission to the Legion of Chrome. We will officially start the recession soon. Stay in touch, madame."
The blue screen was suctioned back into the table. Kylo turned to face me again, heaving in labored breaths as he glared at me.
"I -- I --" I tried to start.
Kylo interrupted, "Don't even SPEAK right now, Nira!"
He began pacing back and forth in front of me and I still found myself rooted to the spot.
I knew this would come, I knew there would be repercussions to my decision, I thought hastily, And I need to stick by those decisions! Now is not the time to surrender to Kylo's anger.
"I understand you're mad --" I started, but was interrupted again by Kylo abruptly stopping his infuriated tread and laughing loudly.
"Oh, I'm mad?! Mad would not be the first word to describe how I feel right now!" He shouted, looking directly at me. A moment passed, and then he resumed his pacing.
"Nira, how could you be so stupid -- so blatantly idiotic --" Kylo exclaimed, running his hands stressfully through his thick hair.
I then felt a resiliant rise within me. "I'm not an idiot! I am protecting you!"
"How so?!" Kylo turned on me again furiously. The distance between us felt like a gaping trench.
"If we go to fight that organization we will die, Kylo!" I proclaimed defensively, pointing at where the hologram had just been, "And I can't believe you didn't at least consider my plan! I went through with it myself because I can't believe you aren't sensible enough to sense the imminent, lethal threat!"
"Nira, I know what's best for the First Order! I am supreme leader! I have much more experience than you, and I am your superior!" Kylo argued aggressively.
"Don't even try to make that argument right now, Kylo --"
"Nira, you have made an irreversible mistake!" Kylo furiously proclaimed, and then began quickly pacing along the sides of the table. His muscly back heaved upwards with breaths. His fists constantly clenched and unclenched.
I could only imagine how angry he had been at the start of this fight, and I knew the surmounting fury was surely building up as the feud continued.
However, I couldn't give in. Kylo had to see reason. I had already sent the transmission.
"Kylo we need to start action now, I can take up a responsibility or two, I can start organizing the squadrons if --"
He turned on me, as dark as he ever had been. His eyes were a midnight abyss, his hair was a deep onyx, and his aura was void of light.
"You have done enough, Nira!" Kylo flared, raising a hand towards me. I anticipated what was going to happen right before it hit me.
And sure enough, the power of the almighty force coursed around my limbs, trapping my body where I stood. My defensive and argumentative side revved up within me.
No way is he using the force on me right now, I thought furiously, rage kicking up in me like a fiery horse.
Over all the time we had spent together, and after all the love that we had for each other? Kylo had used the force on me in blatant aggression and anger?
I closed my eyes, shutting out the sight of my husband training his power on me from across a room, and focused on my inner energy. I summoned electricity to every cell in my body, and the cells around those that contained the force.
And I erupted with voltage.
Moments of silence ensued and I slowly, fearfully opened my eyes.
The grey floors and walls were now charred black to nearly every inch. The table was burnt severely around the edges, the corners dripping molten steel onto the floor. I felt singed.
And crumpled in a heap twenty feet away from where he had been previously standing lay Kylo.
_____