As I'm walking up the steps to campus, a white flake of snow falls on the tip of my nose. I pause, and Zayn stares up but is clearly so done with the snow or constant rain.
"Snow, in London, who knew?" He rolls his eyes, continuing up the steps.
He's been distant and quiet the entire way here, only giving me short cold responses. I convince myself it's not my fault, and that maybe something James said pissed him off. I stuff my hands in the deep pockets of my coat, and step back to watch the white flakes pile on top of the brown slush. People pass me by, staring at me as if I'm new or weird for staring at something as plain, and rather annoying, as snow.
"Ella, can we go?" He whines, holding the glass door open for me.
"Hold on," I call back, purposely using a kind voice in hopes of receiving the same.
"It's fucking snow. Nothing new." He's being so rude, it's random and uncalled for.
I whip around, and glare at him. "Then leave Zayn. Leave." I spit, and he watches me in silence, biting the ring around his lip.
I've gotten used to it, but it still affects me in the most terrifying way.
He nods his head, and walks up to me. He pulls my beanie off his head, and tucks it in my bag. I'm left alone, as he walks inside without another word to me. But his features are soft, and apologetic almost. I sigh in exhaustion, tired of having such memorable times with him only to be given moments like this that I'd kill to forget.
"Hey, where have you been? I haven't seen you since yesterday!" Ashley walks up to me, her blonde curly hair tied up in a high ponytail. She's bouncing on her feet, trying to keep warm.
"I was with Zayn. We went on a date and-" her eyes go wide but I stop her before she can speak. "AND we went back to his place. No we didn't have sex." I'm speaking so fast, I'm almost out of breath.
Her face falls in disappointment, but is quickly picked up with a devious smile. "How do I know you're not lying?"
"I could be." I say, smirking at her.
"You're dirty deep down, I know it." She laughs.
I recall last night, and realize how little she really does know.
"Why are you out here anyway? Where's Zayn?" She asks, glancing around searching for him.
"I'm admiring the snow, Zayn wasn't really interested so I told him to leave." I sigh, shrugging my shoulders.
"Well come on inside with me, it's freezing!" She grabs my hand, and drags me through the glass doors.
She goes on to talk about a party she went to last night, but my mind is preoccupied and she drifts away from me. I search the room, dozing off but my eyes land on Harry leaning against the wall talking to a girl. I don't recognize her, which tells me she may be new or a freshman. Her brunette pixie cut hair works beautifully with her facial structure, something every girl wishes they had. He's too busy smiling flirtatiously at her as she speaks to notice me looking, but soon he glances up to see me and waves. He turns to the girl, and kisses her on the cheek before walking up to me.
"Hey, where've you been? I was looking for you yesterday." He asks, running a hand through his curls. Well, maybe not so much curls anymore.
"I saw you yesterday though." I chuckle.
"Yeah but I wanted to hang out and take you to a party."
"Without Zayn?" I raise an eyebrow up at him.
"I mean, are you his pet or something? Of course without Zayn." He laughs, but pauses to look behind me. "Speaking of him." He points behind me, and I turn to see Zayn glaring at the both of us. He's propped up against the wall by the doors, his phone in his hand as usual.
"Fine, you're right, I'm not his pet." I huff, "I'll go to a party without him."
He smiles wide, I would say flirtatiously but decide to act like I didn't notice.
"Alright cool, I'll stop by your room later and give you more details." He nods, and quickly walks away toward a group that's ironically, friends with Zayn. The same boys who were at the party we went to, and Zayn left me for.
I turn to walk away, and groan in annoyance when I see I have to pass by Zayn in order to get to the elevators and staircase. He did it on purpose, knowing I would have to do this. As I get closer, he looks up from his phone and puts it in his pocket. I glare at him, and continue walking and feel his eyes staring at the back of my head.
"You can't ignore me." He calls, his voice gradually getting closer.
"I can when you're in a bitchy mood." I'm focusing extremely hard on the hallway ahead, in order to not turn around and let my heart melt at the sight of him.
He wraps his hand around my wrist, pulling me to a stop. "Look, I'm sorry. I'm stressed the fuck out okay?" The rims around his eyes are dark, almost black, and I'm wondering why I never noticed that before.
"You're stressed, so you take it out on me and ruin my mood?" He needs to get the point. Although, the longer I stare at him the quicker I forget what the point is. He purses his lips into a firm line, his eyes scanning our environment.
"No, I didn't mean to. I'm sorry." He laces his fingers with mine and pulls me close into a hug.
"It's okay." My voice is muffled by his shirt, and I listen to his heartbeat pick up.
"Good, because I didn't know how much more I could say that."
"You don't apologize?"
"Absolutely not." He shakes his head in disgust. "I have too much fucking pride babe." He puffs his chest out, and I swat it with my hand.
I continue my walk, with his hand linked in mine. He looks back at Harry, and I feel his grip around my hand tighten.
"Hey what did Harry want?" He asks, curiously.
"He invited me to a party." I decide it's best not to lie to him, since it seems to be a small world around here.
"Without me?" He sounds surprised, which is weird considering him and Harry don't appear to be close friends.
"Yeah, why?"
"No."
"Again, why?"
"Because Harry hangs out with the type of people I can't let you be around." His stance is awkward, and uncomfortable.
"Are you the boss of me?" I step back, and pull us off to the side against the wall.
"Fuck El, can't you just listen to me?!" He slams his palm flat against the wall, creating a loud slap. I flinch at the sound, bowing my head to the floor. "I'm not the fucking boss of you, but I do know them." He points at the group of tattooed, smoker, college boys.
"If you go, I can't save you." He lowers his voice, and stares at the tiles below us.
What the hell does that even mean?
"How do you know I would need saving? And even then, why couldn't you save me?"
As I stare at a man I've happily come to know, silence welcomes me with open arms.
Silence.
"Fine, you won't have to save me because," tears well up in my eyes. "We're done."
Fuck, tears sting like a bitch.
He stares at me in shock, but recollects himself and shoots me a glare. His strong jawline, is tight with frustration and anger, as his eyes show feelings completely different.
Pain.
"We're done." He mumbles, and walks away with his hands stuffed in his jacket. I watch him as he walks up to the group with Harry and others, never giving me a second glance. They all turn to me, and stare as I decide to walk away.
Was it truly worth it? Running away from an argument, and battle, giving up a source of happiness I truly enjoyed because I wasn't ready to face any of it? Zayn is my polar opposite, testing me and forcing me to face everything I've been running from. Whether it's a night we stay in my dorm, where I study because he's over my shoulder forcing me to focus. Or eating seafood which I absolutely hate, only because he enjoys it and I love to see him smile.
He's my polar opposite, my darkest demon, but my brightest source of light.
I open the door to my dorm, and slam it closed as I throw myself onto my bed and just cry. Cry out of frustration and anger, at him and myself for being so damn difficult. It's been three months, yet the pain still hurts like hell. Three months spent with the biggest pain in my ass, but the only person I'd rather spend all my time with.
It wasn't worth it.
Ahhhh, I had to do it! :( lol is Zella a thing? ;) or was, technically. I find it catchy lol oh and just in case anyone is confused.. She began her life at college in SEPTEMBER. So it's about to be January, meaniiiiiing Christmas is around the corner! Lol are we picking up what I'm putting down? ;D the Christmas lights on trees and stuff is just something I like to put since I enjoy them lol -Natalie