alex pov//
i had still been feeling sick the next day. this is no fun being sick and we are supposed to leave tomorrow. i haven't left the house and i'm extremely bored.
i was sitting in my room packing and listening to music. a smile came on my face when like it like it came on. it always put me in a better mood.
i started to sing along while putting clothes in my suitcase. i took out my phone and went on my snapchat and saw martinus snapped me. i opened it and it was a video of me.
it must have been taken literally a few seconds i go. i looked up at the doorway and saw martinus standing there. he smiled at me.
alex-"are you just watching me or something?"
martinus-"not watching, admiring."
i smiled. i resumed to my packing and continued to play the music. martinus came in the room and sat next to me, he was helping me fold the clothes. he is such a cute boy.
i looked at him and leaned on his shoulder. we didn't even have to say anything we were just happy to be around each other.
as i was folding my shirts i saw martinus had something in his hand. he was holding my bra. i snatched from him and my face turned pink.
alex-"not for you gunnarsen."
martinus-"why's that?"
alex-"because we aren't there yet."
martinus-"we could be there."
martinus looked at me and started to kiss me. it was slow at first but then it picked up quickly. it started to get heated and the pace was picking up.
his hand was sliding under my shirt and it felt so good. i took my own hands and made my way up his legs. i ended up touching him and sliding my hand into his pants.
things were getting super hot and heavy when we both heard a crashing sound. we stopped what we were doing immediately and looked to see emma standing in the doorway.
she was looking at us wide eyed. she dropped the glass she was holding and i could tell she was in shock from what she just witnessed.
martinus-"shit."
martinus got up but as soon as he moved emma ran in the other direction. i feel awful. she wasn't supposed to see that and my door should have been closed.
alex-"maybe i should go with you."
martinus-"okay come on."
i got up from the floor and we both went over to emma's room. her door was open and she was sitting on her bed playing a game on her ipad.
martinus and i went around and sat on her bed. she looked up at the two of us and then looked down again.
martinus-"emma are you okay?"
she looked up at martinus and shut off her ipad. she got up from her bed put it on the night table.
emma-"why were you guys kissing and touching each other."
alex-"we are really sorry emma but you weren't supposed to see that."
she came back and sat on the bed in front of us like before.
emma-"are you guys dating?"
she didn't seem upset she just seemed curious i guess. it was okay to be i just didn't want her angry or anything. she is the last person i would want to hurt.
martinus-"yes we are-"
emma-"oh my gosh that's so exciting!"
she got up on her bed and started to jump. she seemed so happy and overjoyed to hear about it. this is going great.
she jumped into my arms and gave me a huge hug. i was really glad to see her so excited about this and not be upset over it.
martinus-"okay emma but you can't tell anyone."
she got out of my lap and looked at me. she was very serious now i could tell.
emma-"why not?"
alex-"not everyone knows."
martinus-"especially mom and dad."
alex-"so promise not to say anything?"
emma-"i pinky promise!"
all three of us linked our fingers and gave each other a hug. i sighed a relief sigh. i wasn't so sure if she could keep a secret but i had faith.
i mean she was nine years old and most nine year olds can't keep a secret. let's just hope this works out okay.
emma-"can we all play a game?"
alex-"of course."
martinus-"why don't you go get marcus."
she nodded her head. she got up and went out of the room.
martinus-"that was close."
alex-"i know. we need to be more careful."
martinus-"i know i know."
he leaned in for a kiss but i curved him. he looked at me and gave me a pouty face.
alex-"she will be back any second and so will marcus. just for a few days we need to keep it on the down low. okay?"
martinus-"fine. this is gonna be so hard."
emma came back in the room and she was holding marcus's hand. aw. that is so sweet. i mean she really cared about her brothers and you could see it.
emma-"let's make musicallys!"
she got out the app and we all danced around with her and had a lot of fun actually. we must have been together for hours because we got called downstairs for dinner.
gerd anne-"everyone excited for our first stop tomorrow?"
kjell erik-"yes denmark and then we go straight to sweden."
marcus-"do we stop home at any point?"
martinus-"after sweden right dad?"
kjell erik-"right boys."
emma-"alex are you excited? first show to see with the boys?"
alex-"yeah i am."
excited was actually an understatement. i was very nervous to travel with the boys. i mean all the fangirls and stuff i know it can get wild.
what if they see me and get insanely mad? i mean i guess i have to just stay positive and trust that things will be okay.
i took a bite of the burger that was on the table and looked up. i thought about that thing again. no alex you can't do that with your food it was a one time thing.
gerd anne-"how are you feeling alex? you look better."
alex-"i am thanks."
i smiled and tried to eat more of the food in front of me. i could feel people's eyes on me and watching me eat. i put it down and i didn't touch it for about five minutes.
i decided i was done and ate enough to what i thought was acceptable. maybe not to the others though. i don't know at this rate.
alex-"is it alright if i go upstairs i still have to finish packing."
kjell erik-"of course. boys we have to discuss some more show tactics anyways."
i smiled and went upstairs. i made sure to shut my door this time so nobody could hear me. i took out my phone and i called maddie.
i needed her help. i put it on speaker while continuing to pack. i actually did need to finish packing.
maddie-"hey!"
alex-"hey mads."
maddie-"i miss you it feels like forever!"
alex-"i know we should all do something when i come back."
maddie-"right you will be on tour!"
alex-"yeah."
maddie-"what's wrong?"
alex-"i did something bad."
maddie-"what with martinus?"
alex-"no with myself."
maddie-"alex. did you, self harm?"
alex-"no."
maddie-"oh thank god."
alex-"well kind of. i mean i made myself throw up so i don't know if that counts."
the door was bursted open and marcus was standing there. he seemed super pissed off. shit. he wasn't supposed to hear any of that.
marcus-"you did what!"
alex-"maddie i need to call you back."
i hung up the call and stood up. i went behind marcus and shut the door so nobody could hear it.
marcus-"alex why did you make yourself throw-"
i put my hand over his mouth so he could shut up. man he is so loud. he licked my hand and i immediately pulled back in disgust.
alex-"ew marcus!"
marcus-"alex this is serious. you can't be joking about this. when did you do this and why."
alex-"it doesn't matter and you weren't supposed to tell that to anyone."
marcus-"if you don't tell me i'm telling my mom."
that made me stop immediately. he can't tell anyone or else it will be so bad.
alex-"marcus please."
marcus-"tell me and i won't tell anyone."
alex-"okay fine. i just ate a lot and felt sick so i just made myself do it okay? there is nothing big about it."
marcus-"it is big alex. very big. was it because of jacob? did martinus say something what is it?"
alex-"it's because i'm ugly marcus!"
i was breathing heavily. he was making me overwhelmed and i felt so upset. what doesn't he get about this.
alex-"i felt bad about myself and i shoved my fingers down my throat and forced myself to throw up. i hated it but it felt good. are you happy?"
marcus-"i'm sorry alex. i am. i won't tell anyone i swear but you have to promise not to do this again. please."
alex-"okay."
i got up and hugged him. he can't tell martinus any of this. i wiped a tear that started to come out of my eye.
alex-"please don't tell martinus."
marcus-"i don't know if i can keep this from him alex."
i stared to shake and get nervous. i paced around the room and tried to think of something to say to him.
alex-"just let me tell him. i'll do it when we get back from the concerts. he doesn't need to be stressed."
marcus-"promise?"
alex-"promise."
he nodded his head. he left the room and i was left alone. man i felt so overwhelmed in the moment. i dont know how long i can keep these secrets and i feel like i'm about to crack from all this pressure.
it won't be long until someone has to be picking up the pieces of me.