Burning.
Everything was burning.
Her eyes were burning from the sudden light after being in the dark for so long; her lungs were burning with the smell of smoke from someone's cigarette; her wrists were burning from the rope tied tightly around them; her heart was burning from the constant ache she felt.
In fact, it might not even be burning any more. Because she's pretty sure it's all burnt out. She's all burnt out.
She could hear the murmur of voices, though she was too out of it to differentiate between them or make out what they were actually saying.
Not that she cared what they had to say. She just wanted to go home. Go home to Lauren. Lauren was her home. And she needed to go back to her home.
•••
It had been over week since Lauren had seen Camila. Eight days, to be exact.
Eight days since Lauren had hugged or kissed her girlfriend. Eight days of sleeping in an empty bed. Eight days of feeling like her heart had been physically split in two.
It was also on the eight day that a short, frazzled blonde burst into the house and managed to pull Lauren from her depressed state that she'd fell into through no other reason than the fact that Ally crying was on the same level of hurt as kicking a puppy and Lauren tried to stop it as quickly as possible.
Hence why she finally left the room that was still sectioned off for the detectives and led Ally to the living room, pulling her into an embrace.
"It's okay Ally, we're gonna get her back." She murmured into her hair, holding her tightly. The older Latina couldn't talk so she just clung onto Lauren even tighter.
A loud sob left her mouth and she buried her face in Lauren's shoulder, her body trembling as it did so. "Ally, please don't cry. It's gonna be okay."
The blonde only shook her head in response so Lauren cupped her face gently, "we're still looking. Everyone's not stopped working yet, we're gonna find her. We're gonna get her back."
"No but it's Camila. It's always Camila! An-and they've got her and she's gone. What if they hurt her? Oh my god, what if they hurt her?" Ally tangled her fingers in her hair, pulling away from Lauren's hands in her panic.
Lauren caught her wrists gently, effectively stopping her from moving.
"I'm meant to protect her. I'm not meant to let people hurt her," Ally cried and Lauren pulled her into a hug.
"I know. Me too. I've failed her too Ally," She murmured into her hair, rocking her slightly to try and soothe her. She knew arguing Ally on it would be useless right now. "It's all gonna be okay Ally, I promise."
Lauren was shocked at how quickly Ally could turn from an emotional mess to a fussing mother so fast.
After the blonde had stopped crying the two girls simply held each other for a bit, occasionally muttering something. Even after that when Lauren had shown Ally the detectives and chaos of mess to reassure her that no one has given up, the Latina was still quiet and anxious, refusing to let go of Lauren's hand. And that upset Lauren even more because Ally was like sunshine and she didn't like it when she was sad.
But Ally was the type of person that when she was upset, she tried extra hard to cheer everyone up because she didn't want anyone else to feel as shit as herself.
She had currently taken charge over Lauren and had made it her mission to try and help the girl because she looked like she hadn't slept or ate in years. After forcing Lauren to take a shower she took it upon herself to do the laundry and cook them a meal. Nothing to fancy, she said, just carbonara.
When Ally busied herself loading the dishwasher Lauren went upstairs to change into some pajamas. She tied her hair into a ponytail before walking over to the closet. She went to grab some clothes but stopped when she saw one of Camila's t-shirts hanging in her side for some reason. She pulled it off the hanger, crouching on the floor and hugging it close and breathing in the scent of her girlfriend.
If she closed her eyes and imagined hard enough it was sort of like hugging the brunette and fuck, she missed Camila so fucking much.
She didn't realise she was crying until the t-shirt suddenly grew damp. And then she couldn't stop the tears from falling down her cheeks anymore and she couldn't be strong for Camila or Dinah or Ally or anyone else because she couldn't even be strong for herself.
And she was sort of glad Camila wasn't here to see her because she was a fucking mess; crying into a t-shirt she was pretty sure Camila hadn't worn in years but still smelt like her anyway with her damp hair in a ponytail in only a bra and some sleep shorts.
"Lauren?" Ally's concerned voice came from the doorway and the green-eyed girl stood up.
"I'm fine," She lied, still holding onto the t-shirt tightly. She shook her head, tossing the item onto the floor before grabbing a hoodie of hers that Camila had claimed as her own before slipping it on.
Ally walked to her, wrapping her in her arms and running her fingers through her hair.
"I miss her," Lauren's words were muffled and she squeezed her eyes shut to stop any more tears escaping.
"Me too," Ally murmured in agreement.
"Do you think she's okay?" Lauren questioned dumbly. She knew full well the real answer but she knew what answer Ally would give her to make her feel better and she wanted someone to lie to her and tell her it was okay.
"Yeah, she's strong. She's Camila," Ally told her and Lauren nodded, wiping her eyes.
"Yeah, you're right. She's Camila, she's the strongest person we know," Lauren confirmed, blowing to try and rid her eyes of tears.
"Are you gonna try and get some sleep?" Ally asked, reaching out to stroke Lauren's hair.
"I don't think I'll be able to. It's my first night alone," Lauren bit on her lip truthfully. Normani and Dinah had gone because Dinah needed her anxiety medication (the trip to the building really fucked her up) and decided to stay at home for a night to get some more clothes and stuff. And Ally couldn't stay the night because she'd agreed to babysit her cousins so she was alone. Even the detectives had left.
"I'll text you, okay? And when I've put the kids to bed I'll ring you," Ally promised and Lauren nodded. "Okay, now I've really got to go. I love you."
"I love you too," Lauren hugged her one last time before the blonde left. She waited until she heard the car drive away before she sighed.
She was well and truly alone.
It was around nine o'clock when Lauren decided she couldn't sleep. She grabbed her phone and earphones, hoping to drown out the silence. She put her music on at full volume, skipping every song that reminded her of Camila.
She found herself staring at her lock screen of her and Camila at the beach. She frowned, smiling sadly at the photo. She stared at it until she couldn't bare to look at it any more and instead of turning it off, she ripped out her headphone and threw it against the door because she'd always been an angry person and was never good at controlling her emotions.
The sound of it colliding never came.
"Is this why you haven't text me? Too busy throwing it at walls?"
Lauren looked up to see Lucy hovered in the doorway, phone in hand as she lifted it up.
"A punching bag would probably be cheaper," Lucy told her seriously and Lauren opened her mouth in a failed attempt to speak. "Is it because Camila looks prettier than you in this picture?"
"What are you doing here?" Lauren eventually asked cautiously as Lucy walked forward and leapt on the bed, landing on her stomach and crashing down on Lauren's legs.
"I was waiting for my text," Lucy said simply, looking up at her friend, "but you was all dramatic and went MIA for days."
"You were with Vero," Lauren shrugged it off and Lucy rolled her eyes.
"I heard from someone that you were alone tonight and I'm here to cheer you up," She beamed, lifting her arms in the air and letting them drop to the bed.
"Thanks Mani," Lauren muttered under her breath before addressing Lucy, "you smell like weed and sex."
"It gets Vero going," Lucy waggled her eyebrows and then it was Lauren's turn to roll her eyes, "I'm serious. I gave her a hickey bigger than the bruise on the side of her neck."
"How is she?" Lauren asked softly, the playfulness of the conversation flying out of the window.
"Good. Yeah, she's good," Lucy smiled slightly at the thought of the girl.
"How's her neck?" Lauren questioned.
"Better. She's getting better," Lucy nodded affirmatively, readjusting positions so she was laid on Lauren's legs fully, facing her friend. "And how's Lauren?"
"Peachy," Lauren stated simply before adding, "please don't bombard me with questions. I don't want to answer them."
Lucy nodded, tracing patterns with her finger on Lauren's bare leg. "God, when was the last time we hung out? Like, just the two of us."
"Fuck, it must have been six months at least," Lauren laughed slightly.
"We were so fucked up, oh my god," Lucy recalled and Lauren nodded in agreement.
"Weed, sex and vodka," She stuck out her tongue and Lucy chuckled, letting her head fall to rest on Lauren's thighs.
"I asked Vero out," Her words were muffled by Lauren's thighs and her cheeks were pink but Lauren definitely heard them.
"And?" She prompted with a raised eyebrow.
"She said yes," Lucy looked up with a large smile and Lauren couldn't help but give the first genuine one in days back.
"You got the girl Luce," She told her excitedly and Lucy rolled off her legs, lying flat on her back and looking up at the ceiling.
"I got the girl," She repeated quietly before squealing and kicking her legs against the mattress.
"Who would have thought Lucia Vives would have it in her," Lauren said, laying beside her friend.
"You'll have to teach me how to be a good girlfriend." Lucy said, her chest falling and rising evenly.
"You want me to teach you? I'm not a good one, you should know that better than anybody," Lauren chuckled bitterly.
"You broke my heart, Jauregui," Lucy recalled, her voice barely a murmur.
"I know," Lauren sighed, reaching out to rake her fingers through her brunette hair, "I'm sorry."
"It's okay. I'd glad you found happiness, even if it was without me," Lucy smiled up at her, "besides, I've found mine now."
"You deserve to be happy," Lauren said sincerely because she did. Her friend deserved happiness. She was always the broken friend. The friend with the broken childhood; the friend who caused shit at school; the friend who fucked people to try and fix her broken heart.
She was the friend who deserved eternal laughter and happiness; deserved someone who would love her for her soul and her mind; deserved someone like Vero.
"You think too much of me," Lucy told her, her face relaxed.
"I don't think anyone thinks enough of you," Lauren countered softly, trailing her fingers up and down softly.
"I fell into the life everyone though I would have. Parties and violence," Lucy shook her head. "My parents are crack heads Laur, what else was expected?"
"Then you be different Lucy. You be the one who changes the system," Lauren's hands case to a still, rubbing her thumb over the tanned skin. "They don't know you Lucy."
Lauren liked to think she knew Lucy pretty well. She knew that Lucy was secretly ticklish on the sides of her stomach; that she hated carrots; that she studied half of the year for her finals to try and prove everyone wrong.
She also knew that the girl was a hopeless romantic; she knew the girl was a sucker for neck kisses; she knew how she hated how she blushed and how she'd do it every time she got called beautiful.
"I'll try... for Vero," Lucy decided with a nod and Lauren smiled at her.
"You're whipped already," She told her.
"No, she just deserves someone who's good for her. And I want to be," Lucy disagreed. "And you can't say anything about being whipped."
"Hard to be whipped when your girlfriend might not even want you when she comes back. If..." Lauren started but was quickly cut off.
"She is coming back. And of course she'll want you, you're Lauren and she's Camila. It was like, written in the stars," Lucy scoffed.
"Oh yeah, I'm sure she'd love to come back here. We've got a great track list: she got hypothermia, she got molested, she got beaten, she got kidnapped. Sounds like relationship goals if you ask me," Lauren's voice was dripping with sarcasm and Lucy slapped her leg, causing Lauren to cry out.
"Yeah, and you can also be a good girlfriend too. You take good care of her too," She pointed out. "And when we get her back, you'll look after her then too."
"What if she doesn't want me? What if she doesn't want me to touch her again?" Lauren bit on her lip and Lucy looked up at her.
"She's not gonna let you fix her Lauren, you're an idiot if you think that. She's not gonna want you to treat her like she's made out of glass, just to help her," She told her.
"I don't know how though!" Lauren whined frustratedly.
"Yes you do. My point is, you can't fix Camila. She isn't broken. You just have to be there to wipe the wounds," Lucy said seriously before smiling, "Camila's a strong girl, Laur. She'll be okay, just give her time."
"When did you get so smart?" Lauren wondered, going back to playing with the other Latina's hair.
"A high makes me motivational, sue me," Lucy shrugged and Lauren rolled her eyes. "Did you miss the entire conversation about where I've been set up for drugs."
"Don't say that! Fuck, Lucy, you make it sound like you're a crack addict," Lauren kicked her gently. "You don't even know how good you are."
"Not good enough for my parents. Or any decent employers. Or Vero. Or you," Lucy murmured.
"You're such an ass Vives. Did you just ignore my entire speech," Lauren scooted down beside her and wrapped her in her arms. "You don't have to be enough for anyone, as long as you're enough for yourself."
Lucy nodded, surprised when Lauren didn't release her from the embrace. "I'm sorry for being a bitch to you and Vero."
"I'm sorry for snapping at you," Lucy added, curling into the green-eyed girl.
They were silent for a few moments, the only sound made being the blankets rusting from Lucy burying her face in Lauren's neck and her steady breaths as she started to drift to sleep.
"You're a good cuddler," Lauren informed the older Latina who hummed at the news, "are you gonna stay with me?"
"Yeah, I'm staying with you," Lucy confirmed, the feeling of her breaths hitting Lauren's neck causing the younger girl to smile and the silence returned before Lauren spoke up again.
"Luce?"
"Yeah Lauren?"
"I'm sorry for breaking your heart," Lauren whispered but Lucy only smiled, shaking her head.
"If this is how it ends, it was a pleasure to have my heart broken by you."
She fell asleep after that, Lauren doing the same not long after.
It was pitch black when Lauren woke up gasping for breath after a nightmare. She jolted awake, chest rising unevenly as she carefully pulled her arms away from the sleeping Latina in her embrace. When Lucy never stirred she sat upright, pushing back the hair that was stuck to her damp forehead.
She reached for her phone, groaning when she saw that it was just after one and four missed calls from Ally.
She must have fell asleep on her.
She climbed out of bed, pulling her hoodie tight around her before walking downstairs.
She found herself wandering into the investigation room, sitting on one of the chairs and pulling her knees up to her chest.
The room was a mess.
There were abandoned mugs placed on the desk, some still with traces of coffee in them. There were multiple notebooks strewn around along with some laptops. Multiple chairs had been pulled in and had been left in random places and there was a radio placed on the desk that was used if anything was heard.
Not that anything had been heard.
A piece of paper that had been ripped out of a notebook caught Lauren's eye and she leant forward and grabbed it before returning to her original position.
It was a list of all the possible places they'd come up with where Camila could be. Lauren's eyes scanned the paper as she read them, her heart sinking when she realised there were less that half of the places left uncrossed.
They were running out of ideas.
Lauren reread the list, frowning at the bottom one. Why were they doing an entire search of the base? Who there would want to hurt Camila? And why would they make such a scene about it?
There wasn't even anyone there who Lauren didn't trust, meaning that if Camila was there someone had gone behind her back.
All the thoughts were hurting Lauren's brain and it was too early to try and conspire a theory so she poured herself a glass of water before making her way back into the bedroom.
She walked over to the window, sitting on the ledge and pressing her forehead against the cool glass. It felt nice against her warm skin and she closed her eyes for a few seconds, allowing it to cool her down. She sat in the window for a few minutes, looking out across the gardens.
It was dark outside, the only light being from the moon and the distant street lights. It was quiet too, the only sound she could hear was Lucy's soft, steady breathing.
She could make out a bird not too far away and sighed wistfully because it seemed unfair that they got to have the freedom to travel where ever they like whilst humans were trapped in their lives.
If she focused her eyes even more she could make out the many buildings in the city, all lit up in the night sky. She could picture the city noise: the traffic and the music and the sounds of drunken people with their friends. She could picture the sea and it's calming sound as the waves crashed against the shore and she hoped wherever Camila was she could hear the sea too because the sea had good memories attached. It reminded her of the time they went with the girls and the time that it was just the two of them and they got caught in the rain. It reminded her of their happy times.
"Come back to bed."
Lucy's voice was groggy with sleep and she lifted her head off the pillow slightly, looking at Lauren with bleary eyes.
Once she knew the younger girl saw her she let it fall back on the pillow, her eyes closing again. Lauren walked over to her, climbing into bed beside her wordlessly. Lucy curled into her automatically and she wrapped an arm around her waist.
"Go back to sleep," Lauren whispered into her hair.
"You left. Are you okay?" Lucy murmured and Lauren nodded.
"Yeah, I went to get a drink of water," She told her and Lucy hummed in acknowledgement.
"Mhm kay, goodnight," She was already half-asleep, her breathing slowing down and becoming more steady.
And Lauren was suddenly really glad that she was there because nightmares were a lot less scarier when she wasn't alone, even if the other person was sleeping.
So she pulled the Latina closer, breathing in her natural scent of cigarette smoke and leather and allowing it to overwhelm her senses. If she was holding Lucy it was almost the same as holding Camila, or at least that's what she told herself.
•••
It was cold.
God, it was so fucking cold.
She wondered how they even found a place in Miami that was so cold which led her to wonder if they even in Miami anymore and then she stopped thinking after that because she couldn't think like that.
She would lose hope.
She couldn't lose hope.
Lauren was coming, Lauren was gonna help her. Was what she repeated in her head. She couldn't forget it so she had to keep repeating it. Lauren was gonna help her. She was gonna take Camila home. She was gonna make everything okay again.
And Camila had to hang on until then.