***************************************
I will always remember you, and from here on, even if I really want to, I won't cry for you anymore because it would only make you sad. I'll love you since you couldn't seem to find a way to love yourself, I know its too late now to make a difference, but I know that so long as I remember your existence, and not just the person you pretended to be for us, you won't ever die, you are not dead, you're now among nature and in a better place, in a world without pain. You are the rain and the sun and the moon and all of those shiny stars, and that soft caressing breeze that holds all of us so carefully. You are everything. I love you. In our next life let's meet again, okay? I'll be there to make sure you can love yourself next time and the time after that, me and many others. You won't be alone, you were never alone.
I'm sorry I didn't see it before, I hope you'll forgive me.
I don't like goodbyes, so let's not say it okay? Instead... let us say Goodnight. That way I know we'll meet again.
Goodnight!
(1990-2017)
Thank you for being born. You really did a good job.
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The hot sun that beat down on the sandy realm of Crex seemed like home to Jacquelyn after all these years. She knew the smell within the air, the feeling of the hot sand beneath her feet; the muggy air wrapped around her in a warm hug. All as if the planet itself was telling her, 'welcome back'.
"Jesus it's hot out here..." Neo complained, fanning himself with an Earthen Chinese styled fan.
"Another Earth meme?" Jacquelyn teased.
"No. I just... Ah shut up," Neo whined some more while he pressed his water canteen to his forehead.
Jacquelyn snickered and continued to walk down the streets of Crex, greeting familiar Physoldi warriors who were patrolling the streets. She couldn't help but feel an overwhelming amount of joy bubbling from inside her. She didn't understand why, but a part of her didn't want her to. It had been a long time since she felt anything like this, maybe she just missed this place. Maybe it had finally become a home to her. Or maybe it was something else entirely. Whatever the case, she was happy to be back.
They could have landed at the airport within the palace grounds, but Neo didn't want to risk them trying to steal his new ship. He had said he had become attached to her and had even given her a name: Morrigan. And he blatantly refused the very idea of returning her. It was all the thief talking however. Well, inside Jacquelyn's mind it was anyway.
"Welcome home!" E'ga said happily once they entered the royal chambers. It was around noon, the Queen liked to enjoy tea in silence around this time.
"Thank you my lady," Jacquelyn bowed slightly, even though she knew she would be scolded. Secretly she appreciated it whenever the Queen got after her. In her mind, she pretended it was E'ga punishing her for her husband's death, though she wished for a larger punishment.
"Oh, you," E'ga huffed and did not waste any time correcting Jacquelyn. "Come now child stand tall and proud! You don't bow to me or anyone!"
"Yes Milady," Jacquelyn hid her smile and stepped to the side, revealing Tamara who had been standing behind her. "This is the woman we were successful in saving. The fake codes were also delivered."
"Ah, I see. You are Neo's friend then? I am pleased you are now safe." E'ga smiled her toothy grin, taking a moment longer to stare at Tamara who was currently blushing at the sudden gentleness which was found in the Queen's voice. She turned to stare at Neo who huddled against the wall closest to the AC. "You brought not only your friend to safety Neo, but my daughter was brought back safely as well. You have my sincere gratitude."
Neo faltered in his response, which would have been his snarky sarcastic self no doubt, but he stopped himself when his eyes landed on Jacquelyn.
She was smiling at him. The way her eyes bore into him felt like she could see his soul, he felt vulnerable, as always in her presence he felt like a fool. As if there was nothing he could hide even if he desired to, she would see it all. He couldn't think of a proper response, it was all he could do to remember what the hell they were even talking about.
Let her go...
Neo shook his head, clearing his throat uncomfortably he said, "it was no trouble." He sounded much more strained than he had wished for and he hoped the others didn't notice the same. He dared a peek back up towards Jacquelyn and by the look on her face he knew that she did.
"I am sure, seeing how you lead such an exciting life," the Queen paused obviously hinting at Neo's life of crime before continuing. "That I daresay it takes you about everywhere. I would like to mention that so long as you do not steal from our poor, or from me," again she paused to narrow her eyes at him, much like a mother secretly scolding her child, "you will always have a place here for what you have done for us. You can keep that ship too seeing how you decided to park it so far away... even though your previous one is now fully repaired."
"Linda is repaired?!" Neo jumped up excitedly and looked ready to bolt out the door any second.
"Linda?" Jacquelyn snorted. "You named your ship Linda? What is it with you and half-ass human names?"
"Hey. I'll have you know a woman named Linda was a baby sitter for me when I was a boy," Neo said as a matter of fact-ly.
"Oh really?" Jacquelyn looked over at Tamara who only shrugged.
"Yes. Really. What? You don't believe me?" Neo challenged.
"I never said that."
"You were thinking it..."
"Possibly," Jacquelyn narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. Linda in her mind was just another woman he slept with.
He could have had a babysitter though...
Yeah right! A guy like him? Please.
You don't know him...
And he doesn't know you.
Jacquelyn's self conscious won her mental debate, stabbing her chest with a pang of guilt. She didn't know him, yet she still made such unfair assumptions on him. It was no secret he was a womanizer, he was too smooth, too collected, but there was much more to him, an entirely different person was there. She had seen glimpses of this man, little cracks in his bold exterior, she wanted to see more of that Neo.. and now she was beginning to resent the idea that she may never get to.
"Just goes to show how you are," Neo obviously had meant his words to be playful, his tone implied as much, as did his body language. But just hearing the words brought the opposite effect in Jacquelyn. E'ga was not blind to this.
"Dear Tamara, if you would please," E'ga pointed towards an empty basket that sat upon a table at the foot of her bed. "My flowers are beginning to wilt, if you could be so kind and go down to the gardens and gather me some more I would be most thankful."
Tamara looked as if she was about to object but the Queen stopped her before she could.
"Neo was very worried about you before he left, and I imagine worried still on the way to your rescue. Perhaps you can take this as an opportunity to take in the beauty of our gardens here at the palace and relax." E'ga glanced over at Neo who had seemed to be spacing out while staring at Jacquelyn, the pair had grown disturbingly silent and Tamara didn't take long to pick up onto what the Queen was implying.
"Of course your Majesty. I think that would be great. C'mon Neo, I need a man to walk me around while I go pick me some flowers," Tamara said in an uppity voice that snapped Neo out of his sudden trance.
"What? Walk yourself, you green amphibian dwarf!" Neo tried to pull away from Tamara's grasp, nearly succeeding before she reached out and grabbed him by the ear.
"For your sake pretty boy, I'll pretend I didn't just hear that... Now let's go," she hissed, dragging a cursing Neo behind her and swiftly exiting the room.
E'ga remained quiet a moment longer as the two left. Long after the doors to her chambers had shut did she finally offer her hand out towards her adopted child and beckoned her closer.
Jacquelyn silently moved forward, still disturbed by her thoughts while taking a seat beside her Queen.
"What troubles you child? I've never seen you so down before."
Jacquelyn remained silent, the Queen was about to push further when a soft whisper passed through Jacquelyn's lips.
"Why didn't you kill me?"
E'ga recoiled her hand away, removing it from Jacquelyn's shoulder as if she had been burned.
"What in the God's name are you talking about?"
"You had a chance... that night you had the chance to let me die. You didn't." Jacquelyn's eyes seemed to fade to a darker color, a color of remembrance that showed the days of her past.
"Because..." E'ga seemed taken back, for she too remembered that night, and the many long nights after.
Jacquelyn turned to the Queen, her eyes hard and demanding. "Why?"
It had been raining that night, the season of rain had finally come to bless Crex with bountiful water. Crex was a desert island by nature, but once every ten years for three long months, endless amounts of rain washed the sands away. It was a hard time for many creatures on the planet, some were meant only for land therefore they drowned and their bodies were scavenged by the hunters of Physoldi city's for food since hunting became scarce in those times. Other forms of life would make nests within the trees, like parasites, and often killed their hosts when the rain past.
Before her arrival, before the King's assassination, before everything... There had been one girl before her, her name had been Jasmine. The Queen had looked to her for advice, she was her friend, her consoler, her pride and joy, she was her daughter.
Jacquelyn stood above the woman's body, her face twisted into a mask of hatred as she stared at the dead woman's face. This was the woman Jacquelyn hated. This was the woman who would now walk within the depths of Hell blind, deaf, and dumb and all who dwelt there within the flames would know: that this was Jasmine. A girl whom Jacquelyn deemed unworthy of being called daughter...
A slow sadistic smile crept upon Jacquelyn's face. Lightning filled the room for a brief moment, filling the room with its bright neon light, making Jacquelyn appear a dark and brooding silhouette against the shadows, and then everything vanished as soon as it had came. Jacquelyn's body was covered with mud and blood, sweat and grime. She had to scale the walls of the palace to reach this room in time. Her sudden rage and hatred came forth like a tsunami once again at the idea of her coming too late.
How could she? Jacquelyn's mind hissed while she glared at the corpse. This Physoldi woman was supposed to be a friend, to be kind and genuine. And in the end it had come to this.
I'll protect her.. was Jacquelyn's thoughts as she gripped the blade within her right hand a little tighter. Her black tank top stuck to her skin, her hair clumped in strands from the rain as it stuck to her face. Her jeans had cuts in them and she was covered in blood, most of it not of her own.
A part of her mind was racing around itself, thinking of all sorts of scenarios she could tell to make her look like a defender, as if she had been in danger and fought to protect her self. There were no witnesses, her own body was bruised well enough to make the story convincing. She could open the glass doors that led to the balcony and let the rains soak the room, making it seem the fighting somehow made it's way out there, she would have to soak the corpse as well to make the story fit... but the other part of her, the part that she was going to listen to said otherwise. The truth was the only way it should go, and the truth was that Jasmine was a traitor. There was no evidence written out, no video, no audio, no physical evidence to prove that she was right, but Jacquelyn was smart. She had watched for many days now how this cunning cat slipped through the shadows, sending messages into the crowds to be delivered Goddess knows where. She had tried to follow, but the message was too well hidden and she had lost it quickly among the crowds. But she knew the sender.
And now she was dead.
At first this hadn't been much to go on, at first Jacquelyn had sincerely hoped that perhaps the daughter of the Queen had a secret lover or something else that could have been scandalous. That would help explain the secrecy. What could not be explained however was how many people the message was passed onto before it reached its destination. Jacquelyn could follow up to ten different cats before it turned into a cold trail. And each cat? A hired mercenary and or willing thief or cutthroat. They weren't too difficult to take out, but whenever she cut the head off of one, two more appeared. It became apparent very quickly that a cartel of sorts had settled within the Royal City. A cartel that specialized in poison.
Once Jacquelyn connected the lines, what had to happen next became clear to her.
And now here she was.
Thunder finally sounded from outside, it's loud and pounding voice shook the room.
She wasn't afraid of dying, she decided, she wasn't afraid of anything. But if she had to die for what she did, she would rather not be seen as a killer, although that was to every letter of the word, what she was. She so desperately wanted to be done with this life. This senseless killing, senseless secrecy. She was in her twenties now, many other woman of her kind were now starting their own families. But she was here, covered in another's blood and satisfied.
Jacquelyn was unaware how long she stood there, or even unaware of the light the slowly creeped into the room. When she did notice it however, she saw the face of the very last person she wanted to see.
E'ga.
E'ga stood there, lantern slightly shaking within her hand as she evaluate the scene before her in a sort of frozen shock. She saw the blood, even with the poor lighting. She saw the dagger within Jacquelyn's hand, saw the glare that was once upon her face turn into a look of horror and maybe even that of regret. Then she saw the body.
And then she began to slowly see red.
In her mind; the mind that still thought of her deceased husband, that still mourned his death and often thought of her own; the last living thing of her true mate was now dead as well, and now the culprit must pay.
"You..." E'ga couldn't even recognize the voice that spoke, if it was hers or the killer in front of her, she would never know. All she was aware was that it was an embodiment of rage.
"E'ga," Jacquelyn took a step forward, E'ga half expected her to attack her as well, instead Jacquelyn kneeled before her, offering her dagger towards the queen. The dagger that was covered in her child's blood.
E'ga had then at that moment, wished for nothing more than to take the dagger and kill the Vaulkarian traitor in front of her. Something had stopped her, maybe a more sadistic side of her, maybe it was a more civil side of her, either one perhaps; she refused the dagger and instead called for the guards for there was only one man she knew on Crex that would help her satisfy her anger. And that was Ero.
She watched in a silent rage as the guards came and dragged Jacquelyn away. She watched as the girl said nothing and submitted to a power she could have greatly overcome. Part of this only angered her more, she wanted the guards to struggle simply so she could watch them force her into submission, but revenge would have to come at a later time... now was the time to mourn.
E'ga couldn't remember clearly how she managed to drag herself to her daughter's corpse, she only knew that she was suddenly there, holding her child gently within her arms and rocking her slowly.
Jacquelyn had been tortured. For three days, and four nights, ongoing torture was her punishment. Ero wasn't the one to do it himself, but often he supervised to make sure her torturer didn't go overboard and 'accidentally' kill her.
"Why did you do it?" He would asked.
"..." Jacquelyn remained silent, not from being weak, but for simply hoping they would end her life if she did not comply. It did not work the way she had planned.
Sometimes, whenever the whip was cracked against her skin, or when the nails were hammered under her fingernails, when a bone was broken and then snapped back into place, or when the stretching burned her so much she thought she might be torn apart, she thought surely, I will die today. But she never did. Ero would let her rest, he would help feed her and change her bandages, always with a slight shake to his head and a frown upon his face.
"Why did you do it?" He would ask again much more solemnly.
"If I tell you... will you let me die?" Was her broken response.
One day however, he finally nodded but said nothing more.
"She was a traitor. She was the one who poisoned the king, the one responsible for all the raids upon the villages outside the Royal City..." Jacquelyn's voice cracked and croaked due to the screaming and lack of water.
"Do you have proof of this?" Ero had then asked.
Jacquelyn could only hang her head and whisper with sudden dread, "no."
Jacquelyn had then been left to hang in the chains that made her shoulders ache, that made her feel like a butchered animal ready to be cooked then served. She wondered if Ero would free her, after all she did tell him why; but he never came back and she had been too tired to call out to him.
What she had said however did not fall upon deaf ears.
She had never known it, until much later that is, that E'ga would go with Ero every day just to hear why this murderer, this assassin whom she felt she had foolishly allowed freedom within her own home, had killed her daughter.
E'ga had fled the room once she heard the confession, her heart pounding, her mind racing, and her stomach reeling. She so desperately wanted to believe her, but she couldn't find a way to do it. She wondered the halls of her ever growing silent palace, until she stopped at an all too familiar door that currently had been taped off. She hesitated. She remembered all the pain that lied behind that door, but then she remembered all the pain she felt still as she heard the screams of Jacquelyn as she had her tortured. What if Jacquelyn was telling the truth? She would have had her tortured for days for no reason. If she spoke true then she would have been responsible for torturing an innocent! But what if she wasn't innocent... that would have made it all justified. There had to be something else... Something she was missing...
She reached for the door.
The door handle was unnaturally cold to the touch when she turned it, even the room beyond gave off a cold breath of wind, like a ghostly sigh. A window had been left open, the window Jacquelyn had climbed into.
E'ga was careful of the broken mirror that lay on the floor, of the cracked furniture and blood stain that marked the final resting place of her deceased child. She remained still for a moment, millions of scenarios of how it all happened flashing through her mind; but there was always one where instead of Jasmine who died, Jacquelyn took her place, and instead of the pain she felt now... a far greater one bubbled in her chest.
E'ga walked towards the bed that rested against the wall and turned on the bedside lamp, its warm yellow light quickly spread throughout the room. She sat down on the blue comforter and listened to the rain outside.
If what Jacquelyn said was true, then by all means, she should not bare love for Jasmine. But Jasmine was the last blood of Xeon, her mate. In truth Xeon had a wife before and Jasmine was the result and end of that wife who had died while giving birth. Jasmine had been but 12 when she entered Xeon's life, but she had loved her like her own. And this made her mourn, for now nothing but the memory remained of her husband, and this made her feel that much lonelier. But if Jacquelyn was lying then all the more a fool was she for ever trusting the word of an Assassin. There was no proof to her story, no evidence, no nothing, all that was to be made judgement on was faith and faith alone. But what if she was still wrong? There were so many ifs and so many chances either choice could be true or false. All she needed was proof. Proof that either spared Jacquelyn's life, or ended it.
Another cold wind blew through the room, shaking the curtains and forcing them to dance. Out of the corner of her eye and brown leather bound journal caught her attention.
It laid within the shadows of the bedside table, its cover flapping in the wind, peeking out from under the table, winking as if it was to speak and say 'notice me.'
E'ga reached down and carefully picked it up. It became obvious to her that this was a journal, there was no doubt in her mind that this belonged to Jasmine. Within it could hold the answer she so desperately desired, or perhaps feared.
She held the book within her hands a moment longer, debating if she should be the one to read its contents. After all, its owner now lay as ash across the sands of Crex, the embers from the pyre all cold and turned into mud from the endless rain. Finally, with a leap of faith she peeled open the book and read the first page she landed on.
Day 347; Summer high - Xeon
Father was almost killed today, I saw the assassin with my very eyes as she walked through the crowd. It was as if no one had seen her! As if she was a shadow herself! But I saw her. I watched her. Her eyes were locked onto father like a snake watches its prey. She was beautiful.
I wanted to watch longer, to see her get closer. I had always heard rumors of the famous Ancord but to actually see one? Live? And to not be the target so I might live to tell the tale... Ah... but some idiot woman decided to stand in my way. I pushed her and she screamed, first out of shock, then out of rage as she landed into the fountain. The crowd had began to buzz and the woman assassin began to move faster. It was hard to keep my eyes on her. I watched her quickly kill the guard, and stood in awe as no one seemed to notice until it was too late and the doors were shut.
I hear Queen E'ga saved father, that her bravery scared the assassin away.
Maybe she wanted to kill father a different way.
She'll be back.
Day 134, Fall Rise, Xeon
The palace seems so strange nowadays, I feel as if I am being watched every second it seems. After the attempted assassination on my Father, I was used to the guards swarming, but they seem so relaxed. Shouldn't they be fearing the Ancords return? The Ancord never give up on a contract! Never!
I fear that they are not what I had always believed.
Day 211 Fall Rise, Xeon
I've done it! I've gotten through to the famous Ancord! They've actually sent for me! I was just delivered the message today, I was so excited! I will have a lot of work to do now, much planning is to be made if this is going to work.
I am too young to join them and too old to train this will be the only time I will get to live my dream. I have to do this right.
I will need a group, something to hide behind. I have no doubt that whatever is watching me is that rogue assassin I've been warned about. I will have to be careful. If she finds me she will surely kill me like she killed all of her brothers and sisters... I knew they never gave up!
Day 284, Fall High, Xeon... End!
There are no words in any tongue that I have been taught to describe the exhilarating day I have had.
My favorite part I think was watching him gasp for breath like a fish. Heh. A cat who appeared to be like a fish... it was a sight to see. The servant who delivered the food and the cooks have all been taken in, most likely tortured for information or killed just to be safe. After all the death of a king is no trivial thing. No one suspects a thing, after all I think my acting was spot on. I don't think I've ever cried as hard as I did then, but it was perfect. It was believable.
I found who the rogue assassin was and had her set up, she should already be on her way to be killed properly, and far away from here. Once she was gone it was much easier to rub the poison on my Father's chalice. And they thought it was the food! No, the poison had taken its time to settle way before the food arrived. Someone has to take the fall though. I think that servant was the same woman I pushed into the fountain that one day.
It feels so nice to walk the halls of my home again without those blasted eyes burning into my back. I'm going to leave soon, I have a date tonight. He is a gentleman by all means, I'm excited. If he is of good quality, I could get betrothed, and that means the throne. E'ga would have no power and would be a distant memory. A dirty one, but a memory. Everyone has their mistakes... She was Father's.
E'ga fought the urge to scream, to throw the book across the room, she had to keep going, there was still one more entry, the last one remained unfinished...
Day 111, Heavy Rain, Fall of Xeon.
Those eyes are back! I noticed them some time ago, and now they seem hotter than ever. Its getting harder to sleep, harder to keep my calm while walking in these halls when I feel like running. My men are being slaughtered and my shipments disrupted and stolen. I think the Ancord are getting upset with me. This is all wrong! This isn't how this was suppose to happen. That bitch was suppose to be dead!
I saw her you know, I saw her in the gardens with E'ga. They were talking, laughing even! It's disgusting. Revolting! I guess however, their kind must stay together, stay close. A survival tactic. The weak must gather for comfort or they die. That's all...
But what if they know, what if they are planning something. They can't suspect me can they? E'ga treats me like a daughter, and that bitch has never dared to approach me. Maybe she does know... Maybe she is waiting for her moment to strike...
I'll have to kill her. It's the only way. After that I can proceed with my plan to end E'ga as well. I'll kill them the same way I killed father. It will be easy, the servants can be replaced well enough...
E'ga gently rubbed the page with her fingers, almost as if she could physically feel the hate that was written on them. She felt nauseated, the room around her was spinning and all she could think were the words she just read.
Jasmine had killed Xeon.
Jasmine had killed her own father all because she had a childish fixation with an assassin's guild that held nothing but serial killers.
She felt betrayed. This child, whom she had grown to care for had been nothing but ungrateful. Nothing but a facade. The real child was here, within this journal. She had held her, cried for her, and for what? To find that this was not only her true mate's murderer but could have also been her own future killer, and Jacquelyn's?
Jacquelyn...
Jacquelyn had been right, E'ga realized. She had been doing nothing but protecting her all this time. E'ga was aware of Jacquelyn's secret killings of other assassins, of other possible threats. Jacquelyn herself, told her as much.
But she had said nothing of this.
Why hadn't she said anything about this? From the writings in the journal, Jacquelyn had been watching her the entire time, but then perhaps Jacquelyn was watching everything. She had become something of a silent protecter, and she had been doing her job well.
No...
She did her job well.
E'ga shut the book and stormed out of the room, not caring a bit when she cut her foot on the broken glass, she knew where she was going and nothing was going to stop her.
When she reached the torture chambers, she was greeted with only empty cells.
"May I help you, your highness?" the Torturer came forward, wiping his hands clean from substances she wished not to imagine.
"Where is..." E'ga paused, Jacquelyn was no murderer. "Jacquelyn?"
"Lord Ero took her out, he promised her death if she confessed. I reckon the deed is done by now, that was a good 30 minutes ago."
"Where?!" E'ga nearly screeched, her body trembling.
"Out that way!"
E'ga ran, she ran as fast as her old bones could go. Each step that slammed into the hard rock beneath her feet was a jolt of pain into some old joint of hers. She gritted her teeth and pushed forward, book still in hand. She came to the balcony that over looked the cliff edge of the palace and she saw them.
Jacquelyn was standing on the rail, Ero beside her, his arms looking either ready to catch her or to push her.
"Wait!" E'ga cried out as she ran forward, she threw the book aside and tore free of her royal robe that slowed her down, leaving her in nothing but the traditional shirt and pants that were only ever used of undergarments. She cared not for the cold rain that landed onto her skin or rolled into the patches of her fur, she cared not for the shocking jolt the wet stone sent up into her legs.
She cared only for Jacquelyn and making sure that she did not jump.
"My Queen please go back, you will catch a cold!" Ero called out, already rushing to her to try and usher her back inside.
Jacquelyn remained still on her rail, she let the rain wash her of the dirt and layers of blood that could never been cleaned, of the sweat and heat that built with her time spent in the dark and muggy dungeons of the palace. The rain was cold. The rain was peaceful. Jacquelyn knew the Queen was behind her, she knew she was calling for her. But she didn't care then. At that very moment she felt the harsh wind push her, hold her, the rain came from everywhere and she thought it would devour her. She felt the railing under her feet disappear and she closed her eyes. She couldn't feel anything but the wind whipping around angrily, she couldn't hear anything other than the loud thunderous boom that suddenly filled the sky. She was flying. Then as suddenly as the wind, another thing wrapped around her, held her, embraced her. It was warm, it was just as soaked as she, and it was crying.
Jacquelyn looked up to see E'ga sobbing violently towards the sky. Jacquelyn wanted to move, wanted to push herself away. Not out of hatred, but from shame. She killed this woman's daughter and had said nothing. She murdered many of her people and had played it off lightly. This was who she was, this was her way and there wasn't anything she could do. She tried to sit up, to talk but E'ga hugged her tighter.
"I'm sorry," she cried, "you were right, you were right," she chanted over and over repeatedly.
Of course I was right... Jacquelyn wanted to say, she wanted to laugh it off but what the queen had said next made all want disappear with the wind.
"You are my daughter, Jacquelyn, you will be my daughter, I know this now. You may never forgive me, but I pray to the Gods that one day you will. Stay Jacquelyn. Stay."
Jacquelyn could only stare up into the Queen's sharp green eyes and slowly she began to cry with her, she nodded and returned the queen's embrace as strong as she could. She wouldn't dare let her feel any worse than she did now. She would stay, she will stay.
And now... here she was wondering if she might leave.
Jacquelyn stared into the same green eyes in front of her, waiting for a response. She wanted to know why the Queen had saved her. She knew for a fact that she would have died otherwise, so why?
"I could not let you die, because you are my daughter," E'ga said stiffly.
"No, you deemed me your child only after. I want the truth," Jacquelyn demanded.
"Why is it you wish to know so badly?" E'ga suddenly hissed. Jacquelyn was slightly appalled but she pushed forward.
"I have a decision before me..." Jacquelyn admitted. The truth would keep things clear. "A decision that would require me to stay... or to leave."
"Do you wish to leave?" E'ga's voice quieted and became to her more gentle tone. When Jacquelyn looked at her again she saw only kindness.
"I don't know..."
"Is it because if that man?"
Jacquelyn's heart fluttered for only a second, but it was enough to give E'ga the answer she desired.
"You like him."
"He's different," Jacquelyn defended. She wouldn't go as far to say she liked him yet... or did she?
"You can go with him if you wish, I am not stopping you from anything."
Jacquelyn looked down at her lap and twiddled her thumbs together. "You are... kinda keeping me."
"What do you mean?" E'ga asked.
"This is why I need to know why you saved me," Jacquelyn looked back to the very green eyes she saw in the rain. They were older now, the wrinkles that gathered around them said as much.
E'ga took a deep breath, her ears subconsciously pressing down onto her skull while she shut her eyes. When she turned to face Jacquelyn again, they were glazed over that only seemed to make her older.
"If I had let you die... If I had not been able to find you when I did... I would not have been able to live with myself. The truth is that simple, I saved you for me." E'ga reached out and held onto Jacquelyn's hands, "when I found the journal that belonged to Jasmine, at the time I thought nothing of it, but something had made me see it. Maybe it was Xeon, for the wind was warm, maybe it was Jasmine asking for forgiveness. Maybe it was the hand of the Gods themselves. Something wanted me to find it for I was the only thing that could save you, and you were the only thing that could save me."
I am dying Jacquelyn. I appear healthy. I appear to be recovering. There are even rumors in the palace now that perhaps Xeon and I were not true mates, but I know we were, I know we are. Every day is that much harder to wake up. When I lay in bed I can feel my own heart questioning if itself, deciding if it should keep going. In these moments I fear that its the end, that it will all be over... but then I think of you, and I think of all the things I have yet to apologize for, and then I keep going."
You keep me alive Mir Hera. You are my true daughter. Just as Xeon was my true mate."
Jacquelyn was crying now, quietly as the Queen spoke, as her mother spoke. E'ga pulled her into a warm embrace and held her gently.
"If I were to wish for one thing only in this universe, I would wish for your happiness, and that you find your true mate in it."