Buong gabi akong binagabag ng detalyeng iyon. Nagpaalam lamang ako sandali kay Eonji upang sabihin na may importante akong gaawin. But the truth is, I mentally write down the timeline of everything.
I was so sure that Eonji and I never had a close encounter aside from the time I went to her mother's funeral seven years ago and four years ago, with his brother on the gym?
Alam kong mas mabuting magtanong ako sa kaniya pero I want the thrill of knowing by myself.
Alin sa dalawang the first time I met you ang tinutukoy ni Eonji? Was it seven years ago? Or four years ago?
Or was it before that? After all, lagi akong sumasama noon kay Daddy sa mga charity works na ginagawa nila including the Magandang Buhay Orphanage, which Eonji and Leo were from.
I can't wait to ask him the details tomorrow. I have so many questions to him. Kilala na ba niya ako noon pa? Even before Leo and I met on the Seige Club? Even before Leo became my dad's personal doctor six years ago? SIX YEARS AGO?!
Napahilot ako ng sentido. It's making sense now. Maybe dad knew Leo...
Oh shit!
Wala akong ibang inisip kundi iyon hangganh sa makatulugan ko na. The next morning, I woke feeling giddy. My excitement to know the truth is giving me a good feeling.
Nagimprove na rin ang pakikitingo ni daddy sa akin. He would invite me when he eats. Just like now.
"Kumain ka muna bago umalis." Anyaya niya. He continued eating after that but my happiness was too much.
Sana ay magtuluy tuloy ito. I know my dad is still soft. I wouldn't be baffles by the facáde he's showing me. He's my daddy after all.
"Yes, dad." Ang ngiti ko ay abot na yata hanggang sa langit. Nagsalin din ako ng juice para sa kaniya. I put more bacon on his plate.
Nang tiningnan niya ang ginawa ko ay sinuklian ko iyon ng matamis na ngiti. Hindi na lamang siya kumibo pagkatapos no'n pero kinain niya ang nilagay ko sa plato niya. Lalo akong napangiti.
Nauna siyang natapos kumain kaya kaagad siyang umakyat sa study niya. I can't believe how we stayed aloof with each other for four years. Siguro kasalaan ko rin dahil mula nang nakapasok ako sa The Seige Club ay doon na ako madalas.
I realized that I never really exerted an effort to make amends. We are casual but never really talking. I didn't exactly remember how I apologize to him during those four years.
And maybe Dad thought I was fine alone. I need to face my life alone. It is not always that he'll be here with me. Maybe he only wanted me to learn. Maybe he wanted me to heal for myself.
Nagpasiya akong kausapin si Daddy. I was in front of his study room when fear overpowered my system. Baka naman hindi pa siya talaga handa? But it's been so long. Maybe it's time for me to make amends. Maybe we really need to talk. Maybe it's now or never.
Tumikhim ako at kumatok ng tatlong beses. "Dad, it's me."
Pinihit ko ang seradura at unti unting naglakad papunta sa kaniya. Itinigil niya ang dapat sanang pagbabasa ng kung anong mga documents at tiningala ako.
"Dad," I'm sorry. I miss you so much. Bati na tayo, please? When will we go back to normal? I miss the old us. Don't you miss me? Forgive me for everything, daddy. I am so sorry. But no words came out.
"Yes?"
Napalunok ako sa kaba. "I wanna ask about uhm.." And then I remember Leo? Right! Tatanungin ko siya tungkol doon. What a brilliant idea to escape from apologizing, Bourey!
"I only realize that uhm, the Ablaza brothers were from Magandang Buhay Foundation?" Panimula ko. "I mean, I was preoccupied to do a background check until I remember reading a magazine and... I just remembered going on Sister Nadia's sister, Cecilia, funeral."
Kumunot ang noo ni daddy. "I thought you knew from the beginning. The younger Ablaza was always around you before. Don't you remember?"
It was my time to get confused. "What do you mean always?"
"Siya ang laging kasama mong namimigay ng pagkain sa orphanage tuwing dumadalaw tayo noon. I often see him aroun you. I thought you were close. Until now."
Saglit akong natigilan.
"Pa, I mean... Was that the reason why you made Leo the President of our company? I mean," Bago ko pa maituloy ay tumango na si Daddy. So I was right.
"Why do you trust him so much, Dad?" Tanong ko. Hindi ko na mapigilan pa. This questions has been hunting me since the day Leo assume the position of the President. I need to understand.
I need to know Leo in order to trust him the way my dad trusts him. Hanga ako kay Leo sa pagmamahal niya para sa kapatid niya. The way he begged me to get back with his brother and all. I know he's somehow a good man. Pero naalala kong, not so long ago, he told me he wanted to bed me. Not to mention his membership on the club.
One more thing, he is a doctor. How many times I'll reiterate that? How can he handle our business? As far as I could remember, there were no news of him having a degree in any Business course. So bakit ipagkakatiwala ni Dad ito sa kaniya?
Sa huli, bumuntung hininga si Daddy. Bakit hindi niya ako sinasagot?
"Daddy? I wanna know. Isa pa, he is a doctor, right? I was told that you appointed him as the company's Vice President three years ago. Why? Did he secretly took a Business course? Palihim? Ang layo ng propesyon niya sa negosyo natin, Daddy. Kahit saang anggulo ko tingnan, ang labo. I would understand if you let specialists handle our company if you can't hand it down to me. That is more understandable. Pero bakit si Leo Ablaza, daddy? Please I wanna know."
Huminga ng malalim si daddy at tumango tango. Is he finally telling me?
"I was planning to arrange you into marriage with him."
That was like a bomb. Wala man lang prologue. Straight to the point kaagad. Wait, what? Natulala ako sandali at natatawa sa aking sarili. I don't know why I find this funny. At mas lalong nakakatawa dahil... Bakit nga ba hindi ko naisip ang bagay na iyon? Why didn't I thought about that possibility?
"Does he know about your plan?" Tanong ko matapos makabawi sa gulat.
Tumango siya. "He didn't like the idea at first. Ang sabi niya ay hayaan kitang magdesisyon nang para sa sarili mo. But when I told him I'll eventually find another guy in replace of him, kaagad nagbago ang isip niya."
I nodded. Of course he will.
"I thought he liked you, anak." Anak... "So I was hoping you'll click. Matagal na rin naman kayong magkakilala. He's a good man, Bourey."
Umiling ako. "Do you know why he changed his mind that fast, Dad? Tinanong mo ba ang rason ng pagpayag niya?"
Nakita kong medyo naguluhan si Daddy kaya nagpatuloy ako. I assume he didn't ask.
"It was because of Eonji, his younger brother." I said. This is the time I connect the tiny informations I discovered.
"What do you mean?" Naguguluhang tanong ni Dad.
"His brother likes me. Matagal na. Leo did that to save his broter from a broken heart. And right now, I am in a relationship with the younger Ablaza, Dad." Walang kagatul gatol kong pagamin.
My father was beyond surprise. Pero hindi ko siya nakitaan ng pagtutol. He was only shocked.
"Wala na akong magagawa tungkol sa bagay na iyan. If it's from the Ablaza siblings, I wouldn't object." Normal na sabi ni Dad.
I was actually half expecting him to force me be with Leo instead. I see that he's fond of the two. Whatever happened that made my father trusted the two might be very huge that made this impact on my father. Siguro'y utang na loob? Pero imposible iyon. O baka dahil silang magkapatid ang naging doktor ni Daddy kaya gano'n? Or he saw them grew up.
From that, I was suddenly reminded that my father is hiding his sickness from me.
"I am glad you don't object my relationship with Eonji." Sabi ko kahit wala pa naman talaga kaming pormal na napagusapan ni Eonji.
Nagpatuloy ako. "Pero bago po ako umalis, may isa pa po akong tanong. Sana masagot niyo rin."
"Ano 'yon?" Tanong niya.
"Dad, ano po ba talaga ang sakit ninyo? Ang sabi ng magkapatid ay confidential. Ayaw nilang sabihin sa akin. Eonji told me that it could get worse if not treated properly." I said.
Tumawa ang aking ama na siyang labis kong ipinagtaka. Ano'ng nakakatawa sa itinanong ko?
"They were lying." Sabay tawa niya. "Alta presyon lamang ito. Well yes, it could get worse kung pababayaan ko. Leo became my doctor after I appointed him as Vice President. He insisted on doing my check up every now and then, but nothing to be really worried about. I am starting to get really old. Kaya may mga pagkakataon na nanghihina ako. Nothing serious." Paliwanag niya.
"Then Eonji, why is he..."
"My personal doctor?" Asks Dad. Tumango ako bilang tugon.
"Leo recommended him. It was actually a request. Now that you mention it, I think it's because he wants to be close to you." At muling humalakhak si Daddy.
Laglag ang aking panga sa mga natutuklasan ko mula pa kahapon. Everything was planned. Meaning, Eonji wasn't fast when he said he likes me after meeting me for a few weeks. Ang totoo pala ay ang bagal niyang pumorma. He took him a decade and half, kung bibilangin pati ang pagkacrush niya sa akin noon. Ten years old pa lang ako, gusto na niya ako? Dahil ang sabi ni Daddy ay umaaligid na siya ng palihim sa akin noon. And he was older than me!!
Nakapagpaalam na ako't lahat ngunit patuloy pa rin sa paghalakhak si Daddy kaya nagpasiya na akong lumabas na ng kaniyang study. Galak na galak siyang malaman ang matagal na pagkagusto sa akin ng batang Ablaza. I even heard him said unbelievable habang tumatawa.
Napangiti ako habang iniisip ang mga nalaman ko ngayon. Sa mga susunod pa kayang mga araw, ano pang mga surpresa ang nakahanda?
Eonji will be discharge today. Masaya akong naglalakad sa pasilyo ng ospital. I could imagine him being shy when I tell him I knew his secret crush on me. Hmm..
Nang may mahagip ang mata ko sa may information desk ay nangunot ang noo ko. Parang pamilyar..
Huminto ako sa paglalakad. Unti unting kumakabog ang dibdib ko. Parang may hinala na ako kung sino ito. Gusto ko na yatang tumakbo paalis. Ngunit bakit tila nagugat ako sa aking kinatatayuan? Wala na nga akong nagawa nang naglakad na siya papujta sa direksyon ko.
I'm sure he saw me. I'm sure he's walking towards me. I'm sure he'll talk to me. I'm sure he's coming to me.
Hindi ako nagkamali. When he reached in front of me, he smiled.
"Hello, Bourey. Long time no see." Anito.
I refuse to look flustered. Hindi dapat ako kinakabahan. I should act normal. Past is past. Okay lang yan, Bourey. Hindi habambuhay ay mananatili kang masasaktan nang dahil sa nakaraan.
"Hi, Alvin. It's nice to see you a-again." Sagot ko.
Maybe it's time to face the ghost of the past.