the truth is
all I'm doing is
to continue
continue breathing
right now
it's november
I feel lonely,
cause all the leaves
already died
and I'm left for falling
I continue
to keep my head up high
I try
to collect the beautiful moments
but the truth is
I'm lying on the couch right now
and it's so hard to breathe
I don't need someone to safe me
rather to hold
what seems to be left at the moment
just a few moments
please,
hold me
and continue
until the rest of me is back again
so to be honest
maybe I don't know what to do
to make me feel okay
or at least to feel
like it's getting better
to be honest
I'm sick of sounding philosophical
or naiv
or too young,
too old, too worthless, too bold,
I'm sick of being
thoughtful,
or sad
or too interested,
like my time goes wasted
I don't want to be sick
I continue to safe myself,
I collect fallen leaves
and nights filled with playing the guitar
I continue to look at what I became
and I'm really trying to
I really try,
you know?
but it's so hard to love yourself
love the ups and downs,
the front and the back,
the edges and the curves
and the scar on my neck
I try to accept
that I never regret
what had gone wrong
even though I'm lying here
me and the couch
all night long
I continue
to go crazy
while thinking too much
I continue to write things down
when I feel too alone
but
the truth is
I already am a master at those things
so don't worry about depressed poems
and quotes from sad songs
don't worry,
cause I won't do it too
I'd rather continue to breathe
and live with what's been given
I'd rather try to fix myself
and rock the life I want to have
I'm not saying
that it's easy
or that I'm not crying right now
all I do is trying
continue
stand up,
get your ass from that couch
believe me,
I promise you
it will get better