Chapter 50
“When we first met, I never felt something so strong
You were like my lover and my best friend all wrapped
Into one with a ribbon on it and all of a sudden you went
And left I didn’t know how to follow it’s like a shock that
Spun me around and now my heart’s dead I feel so empty
And hollow. I’ll never give myself to another the way I gave
It to you, you don’t even recognize the ways you hurt me do you?
Its gonna take a miracle to bring me back and you’re the one to blame
I gotta check into rehab…”
-Rihanna
Daria
I probably shouldn’t have done what I did but I did. I miss Peyton so much, he won’t return my calls or texts.
I lied and told him I was pregnant with his kid…it’s not his, it’s Caleb’s and he already told me, he didn’t want to have the kid but I was not gonna just kill my baby.
I dialed his number and he answered.
“Why the fuck you still calling my damn phone?”
“What do you mean?! Caleb I’m freaking pregnant and it’s your baby. I am not gonna kill our baby.” I yelled.
“I don’t give a damn what the fuck you do with it, I’m not taking care of no kid because I don’t have time for that shit.”
I started crying. “You said you would take care of it if I happened to get pregnant and now I am Caleb.”
“I said that just so I could fuck you. Did you really think I would take care of a kid, I don’t need that shit in my life and I don’t love you or none of that shit. You was just a hoe that I fucked and sadly on your terms you got pregnant so good luck with that.” He said hanging up.
I tried to call Peyton but I couldn’t get in touch with him and it was driving me crazy. If I had to hurt somebody close to him to get his attention then I will do it….
Jayda
“I want to get help…I can’t deal right now so I’m gonna do it…” I said talking to Peyton.
“What you talking about Jay? You fine like you are.” Peyton said to me.
“…No…no..Peyton…I haven’t been in my right mind in a long time and I’m going crazy…I have to get help…” I said crying.
“You don’t want to go with me to go get Gabrielle? Just to see her?”
“No, I can’t do it.” I cried.
I’m just not in my right mind and I haven’t been for a while, I dream about killing myself all the time. I’m so depressed. I’m pregnant and I just can’t deal with the world right now. I don’t want to see my daughter like this.
“Jay, it’s nothing wrong with you.” Peyton kept saying trying to convince me that I’m not crazy.
“Yes it is…I need to go…Peyton I’ll be fine in there…” I cried.
He just stared at me.
“Jayda I’m not letting you go babe.”
“Please just let me do this for me…I want to get better.”
He pulled me into a hug and held me tight and I just cried into his chest. I wanted all this pain I was feeling to go away. I wanted my life to be normal like everyone else but it wasn’t.
“How long are you trying to stay?” Peyton finally spoke up and said.
“…until I get better...six months to a year…”
“Jay hell no, you can’t be gone that long. Jay you got a baby on the way and one right now. They are gonna need their mom.”
He don’t understand at all.
“Please Peyton…just let me do this to get better, I need all the time I can get because I want to be okay when I finally done…I don’t want you to come visit me while I’m in there at all…I don’t want anyone to come…I need space.”
“Jayda a whole six months to a year? What you gonna do about this baby that haven’t came yet?”
“I’ll send him or her with Jaeson…please I’m begging you to just give me time to heal.”
He looked at me like he was thinking.
“…Alright Jay, but I gotta come visit you.”
“No, I don’t want any visitors please Peyton…”
“Okay.” He said.
“Thanks.” I said pulling away from him so I can get gone.
“Jay…” Peyton said pulling me back.
I stared at him waiting on him to say something. He didn’t, he just kissed me on the lips for a long moment and I hugged him really tight.
“I love you.” He said kissing my forehead.
“I love you too…take care of Gabrielle while I’m gone.”
“I will.” He said.
I let go out of his embrace and walked into the building, they had been expecting me for some time now and I just decided that today was the day. I couldn’t just sit around anymore and act like nothing was wrong with me because everything was wrong with me.
“Are you ready to be treated?” My own personal nurse, Janet, said.
“…Yes ma’am.” I said wiping my eyes and taking a deep breath….
This was gonna be a long journey for me.
Peyton
I walked in to pick Gabrielle up and they had her ready to go. I was excited about getting my daughter back but the fact that her mom wasn’t here was making this hard. I don’t know what she was gonna do about school because it starts soon. I just hope she doing what’s right for her because I wasn’t so sure about it.
A whole damn year without seeing or hearing from her at all, that’s crazy to me.
“Here’s your daughter.” Some lady said walking over to me with Gabrielle in her arms and I was just so damn happy to see her again.
“Thank you.” I said.
“You just make sure you take care of this precious little girl.” She said smiling.
I smiled at her then looked down at Gabrielle and she was sleep.
I walked out with her things and put her in the car seat that was in my car and strapped her up. This was gonna be hard on not only me but Gabrielle too. We was gonna make it though.
Daria had been blowing my phone up and I didn’t have shit to say to her. I mean the way I see it is fuck her and I hope she have a nice life. I’m threw with putting up with people and they shit like don’t fuck me over like that. It’s all good though, she’ll get what she deserve cause Caleb ain’t like me that nigga not gonna want to take care of any kids and we already talked about that so good luck to her.
It’s a lot of shit going on now but right now my main focus is on my little girl and getting ready to go to school. I’m not letting anyone else bring me down.