"How many more days do I have to stay up all nights until I can see you again?"
-
"Can't you like, I don't know, be quiet for five goddamn minutes? How does that sound?" She snapped, eyes narrowed into a glare.
Instead of getting offended, the pair in front of her merely shrugged, trying (and failing) to keep up with their act of nonchalance, Dongsoo picking on her nails and Jeongguk finding interest in the wall, until the silence stretched out to minutes with Sana glaring at them unceasingly, and both smiled sheepishly.
"We're just trying to keep you a loud, happy company, sweetie. That's what best friends are for. Besides, I don't think silence and solitude would be the best for you," Dongsoo said as Jeongguk nodded in agreement.
Sana, inundated with guilt and sorrow, rested her forehead on the cold surface, sighing for the umpteenth side. She winced, closing her eyes shut before sitting straight.
"M'sorry. Shouldn't have taken it out on you. It's just that– I'm– yeah. I'm a mess, a real big one right now," she said, sadness seeping into her voice at the thought of the events of the past two days.
Dongsoo pursed her lips, shifting closer to sit beside her, on the chair with the kitchen worktop. "Hey, it's fine. We understand, completely do. But the thing is, did you get to know anything further? Any contact with him or his PA? What about his phone number?"
"His number is switched off, and Hyebin tried talking to the PA, but he's not allowed to give out information, y'know. It's all messed up, all my fault. I made everything like this when I could've done better. It's–"
"Hey, stop blaming yourself, will you?" Jeongguk's voice cut her off, and before she could protest any further, he held up a finger, silencing her before he spoke up again. "As far as I know, Hyung's not that kind of a person to hold grudges, or to get upset over you just asking for some time. Of course he'd understand. I think it must've been something really important for him to leave the country in such an urgency, otherwise he wouldn't ever shut you down. Plus, stop blaming yourself, it won't do you anything good. It's not your fault, okay? He'll come around, stop stressing."
"How do I not stress when he left completely without even telling anyone. How is–"
"You did tell him to give you some space, though," Jeongguk interjected.
"Right, I did. And it was completely stupid of me to do so–"
"Asking someone for space after you've had such a bad turn of events is not stupid, Sana. Blaming yourself for it, is. Consider yourself in his place. Let's suppose Hyung asked you for some time, and the next day, you had to go somewhere, I don't know, really important. Would you go around telling him that you're leaving the country, or would wait till you come back, and settle everything then?"
"It's not like I know he's coming back!" She spoke a bit too loud, eyes a bit too wide. "I don't know if he wants to settle everything still, I don't know if he still wants to continue this, and I don't know if he's even going to come back to me. If he wasn't that upset, of course he would've let his PA tell me at least about his whereabouts. I'm confused, okay? I'm lost, and I don't know where to find him. I– I want to find him," she spoke, breathing heavily, blinking away the stinging tears in her eyes.
"I want h-him," Sana whispered, hiccuped, voice going meek in the end, hands limp by her sides.
Jeongguk and Dongsoo kept silent, and when it all was too much, she exhaled shakily, sitting back down, letting her head fall on the worktop.
Slowly, Dongsoo and Jeongguk came around her, wrapping her in a group hug as she sobbed quietly, shushing her and giving her the comfort she needed.
"Don't worry," Jeongguk whispered eventually, her head resting on his chest, eyelids heavy with fatigue, sleep almost taking over. "He'll be here, just don't worry."
Those were the last words she managed to hear before she fell into a deep, much needed slumber, not having slept for two nights consecutively, and she dreamed about a warm embrace that night. An embrace like home, a vibrant smile, and a soft, soothing voice telling her it'd be fine.
-
"We're closed now. Please–" Sana looked up from the mess of pages in her hands to the light jingle of the bells, eyes going wide, breath hitching in her throat when she saw the man standing rather awkwardly by the front door, gnawing on his bottom lip in nervousness.
'Of course. Of course I had to remember that. Of course he'd come again,' she thought begrudgingly.
"I– uh, I came here to–"
"Really?" Sana cut him off, a different kind of unsettlement growing inside here. "After all that happened, you still had the guts to come here, out of all places?"
He looked baffled for a moment, opening his mouth, and then closing it eventually at the loss of words. "Look, can't we just talk normally for five minutes? I–"
"Funny how you think we can actually talk normally after everything you did," said Sana, crossing her arms.
Taehyung sighed audibly in distress, pursing his lips in a thin line before nodding curtly. "Just five minutes, okay? I promise I'll go away after that, just– five minutes?"
Sana kept silent, watching him, trying to think of all the ways she could actually reject him and go on and forget about it.
But that, she couldn't.
Glaring, she sighed indignantly and nodded, vaguely making gestures with her hands. "Go on, five minutes," she said.
Taehyung nodded again, mostly to himself, and looked up to meet her eyes again. "Look, I know what I did was wrong, in every way. Not just what happened that day, but years ago too. I'm sorry–"
"You're sorry?" Sana mumbled in exaggerated surprise, brows raised.
He frowned. "Just let me speak. You can say whatever you want to say after I'm done, okay?" He spoke, and nodded when she shrugged, a signal for him to go on.
No, she couldn't bring it in herself to feel bad about being rude even in the slightest. Not after all that happened.
"I'm sorry, for what I did. I know it is futile, and that you won't accept my apology, which is completely understandable too. But I just– what I did years ago, that was a mistake, a big one at that. What I did two days ago, that was a sin. I was driven by jealousy and rage so much after seeing you happy with..with him. And it drove me crazy, how happy you were, while I was just someone who was regretting over his past. I know, it's unfair of me to say this, because you've been hurting all this while and I was– well, I was what I was. I tried to act nonchalant. But seeing you like that, I didn't know what to do, and what I did was not a justifiable action. I'm so, so sorry," he finished, swallowing hard in the end.
"Do you know the damage you've managed to make?" She asked, voice quiet and low, much meeker than she'd like before she cleared her throat, standing straighter. "It was only me then, Taehyung. But now, someone else's happiness was tied to me, and we were happy. We were happy until you snatched that away. Do you know you're actually good at that? Snatching away others' happiness? He never deserved all that pain and sadness, and you've been the cause of all of that.
As for your apology, I'm not certain if you're even sincere, and I'm not in the phase to accept your apology, because no matter what, I'll still blame you for this. It does feel good to blame someone for your pain, doesn't it? Let me do that for a while. I hope you learn from what you did, hope you realize your sins and mistakes, and never, ever hurt anyone like this again. Because if you do, please don't consider yourself a human anymore," she spoke louder than before, voice much firm and resolute, each word confident than the last one.
Taehyung nodded, licking his lips, bringing up a hand to rub his face. Sighing, he lowered his hand, looking up at her. "I.. I'm sorry, again. I'll make sure you don't see too much of me in the future, and I'm glad you found your destination. I hope I find mine, too," he said almost inaudibly, but she heard him all clear.
"Goodbye, Sana," he went as far as bowing, tipping his head in apology as he lowered himself before her, staying like that for a couple of seconds before blinking hard, smiling in a certain, sad way, and then left.
He came and went like air, and Sana could do as much as stare at the door in mild shock and cursing at the heaviness in her chest before the headache came pounding in, causing her to hiss uncomfortably, sitting on the chair.
'Headaches, of course.'
She sighed, pinching her nose bridge before looking out of the large glass windows, seeing the crowd come and pass, busy in their own jumbles of messes called lives, and she slumped in her seat, sorrow and melancholy hanging heavy in the suffocating air.
'How much more do I have to wait until I can meet you again?'
-
Unedited, and idk what this is lmao I had NO idea what to do with this smh. Anyway, have a great day/night, drink lots of water and stay warm and eat healthy!!! 💗