"What are you thinking?" I asked Ryan.
"Ummm.. nothing..." he replied shaking his head.
"M sorry... i messed up all your surprise... Actually i wanted you to see the sunset but then i dragged my past ..... i dint wanted to spoil your surprise but i did..." he said in an apologetic tone.
"Heyyyy.. its ok.. you dint spoiled anything.. infact i had a very good time with you.. Thank you so much" i replied comforting him.
"Really?" He replied surprised by my words.
"Yeah... and you know. you can share anything with.. m really sorry for your past"i said while holding his hands.
He removed his hands from my grip startling me and said "i dont want you to pity me .. whatever happened in my past.. its gone now .. m happy now... so you dont have to do this." he replied in anger.
Whooo.. i was shocked by his change of mood. He himself told me everything i dint asked him and now he is doing like it was all my fault. His mood swings .... ughh... i cant deal with this.'inner thoughts'
"But..you just told me everything..i dint asked you.. i just wanted to say that you dont have to feel alone anymore." I replied
"Thanks. N M sorry!" he said looking at me.
"Its ok" i replied with a small grin.
Rest of the journey spent in silence. He was busy in his thoughts and i was thinking about what i did today. I came here to tell him that we cant meet anymore. M not comfortable with your job but after what he said i dont think m ever going to say that to him. His parents did the same thing with him. They left him because of thier own problems. They left him because of thier own selfishness. Now if i will do the same with him then he will never be able to trust anyone from now. And i dint wanted to do this to him. I will tell him my problem but today is not the right time for this or i will try to get rid of my fear which sounds impossible but i will try for him.
I looked at him and let out a sign.
He grabbed my hands after few minutes surprising me. And looked at our hands and said "m sorry .. i know m complicated and it can be very tough to be with me but plz i want you to try" .
"I will." i replied giving his hands a gentle squeeze.
We dint said 'I love you ' we dint said each other that we are in a relationship but still what we had today made it clear that we are more than that now. The way we looked at each other, the way he was holding my hands. We had made so much promises to each other that we are going to be each with eachother in our good and worse times.
He left me home amd bid me goodnight. I thanked him for today but he was still confused and unconfortable about something. It was visible on his face. May be bacause of what he reveled me today.
Mom asked Ryan to come and have dinner with us but he said he have to go back to Mumbai. He cant miss his flight. So mom dint forced him in furthur.