As I expected, the Manic Episode dissolved, but I didn't feel sad. I just felt... kind of neutral. Some parts of teh day I would feel very happy. Other times I would get angry or sad. But it always returned back to the strange neutrall state by the end of the day.
In this neutral state, I didn't want to do much but just think and sit. In the thinking, I would be thrown back into depression or happiness. IN these cases, I would talk to someone until I felt a little better, or ask to go running until I tired and wanted to go back inside. On this particular day, I wasn't feeling too happy, so I was talking ot Healer Phillips. It was fter my nap, and I had had a nightmare that was raising my anxiety.
"I don't know. I just really miss them today..." I trailed off. We were in his office today, because it was raining outside.
"What did you dream about?" He asked. I shook my head.
"Scabior." I swollowed. "I... I watched him die...Again." I added.
"I'm sorry. But it's the first one you've had in a while. Are you still having night terrors?"
"Draco said I hae every night. And I sleep walked. Just across the room, but... It's scary."
"Oh, my. Has that happened before?"
"No..." I began to tear up. The thought of not only sitting up, but walkling around in my sleep terrified me. I sat a few minutes, trying to hold back my teasr.
"Mrs. Malfoy, have you thought about going home?"
"What?"
"Have you considered going home recently?" He repeated.
"I haven't thought about it..." I looked down and began pulling on my hair. The sudden shift in subject made my anxiety flicker.
I hadn't considered even asking to go home. I had been doing so well here that it hadn't occured to me. I was actually happy her, or as happy as I could be. But Draco would probably be happier, though. And I could see Virgo and Orion regularly. Lucius and Narcissa wouldn't have to take time to come visit me, becaues I would already be home. Draco could go back to work, and I'm sure my nerves could stand staying with NArcissa during the day. IT would really be better for everyone if I went home...
"Would you like to go home?" Healer Phillips asked me. I looked up at him.
"I think I would, but... just not tonight, okay?"
"Of course not tonight. How about tommorrow? In the morning?"
"Yeah..." I smiled a bit. "That sounds okay."
"Great! I'll start the paperwork later today."
"Thank you."
"You have progressed very well. I think you will even more so once back at home."
"But I'm still not better..."
"Compared to when you were first addmitted, you have improved so much."
"But I'm still not better." I repeated.
"Mrs. Malfoy, you have a condition that can not be reversed. You will never get away from it, so instead of running, cope with it. You're learning how to live with it, and that's the best you can do, and that's okay."
I nodded my head, swollowing. I knew that: I knew all of that. I had been told that many times. I just didn't want it to be true; as stupid as it was. I felt heart broken, which I also knew as stupid.
"Okay." was all I offered.
"Well... is there anything you want to ask or talk about? You seem more upset than you first came in today."
I thought for a moment. Was there anything else I needed to talk about?
"I do..." I finally replied. "But I don't know why I'm upset."
"Well? Do you know if anything is bothering you? It doesn't have to be serious. It could be something small, or something you think is silly. Even if a little thing is bothering you, if yoku feel like you need to talk about it, tell me."
"Well... I looked down. "There is one thing.... Draco is still sleeping on the cot."
"Oh? Have you tried sleeping beside him?"
"Yes, but... When I lay beside him it makes me really anxious, and I don't know why."
"I'm sorry to hear that. Do you have any idea why you might be feeling this way?"
"No.But I really feel bad about it. I want to sleep beside him: I love him. He's my husband. I just... don't know how to show it any more. My feelings won't let me..." I pulled harder on my hair. Healer Phillips reached over and removed my hand from my locks before looking at his watch.
"Try not to stress out about it. We will try to get to the bottom of it, but not until tonight, okay? It's almost time for William's Therapy Session. I'm affraid I have to send you off." He stood up. I got up with him, and he lead me to the door.
"Thank you." I said as I exited into the hallway.
"Again, I'm sorry you can't stay longer. Why don't you go back to the room and tell Draco that you're going home tommorrow. I'm sure he will be happy to hear that."
"Yeah, okay." I nodded, then turned on my heels and went to my room.
.............................................
The next day Lucius kept the Apothicary closed so him, Draco, and Narcissa could all be with me my first day back.
It was time for lunch when Draco Apparated us into the Manor. Lucius and Naricssa was waiting for us in the sitting room.
"Goodmorning, Elle." Narcissa smiled and hugged me. I stiffened, trying my best not to pull away from her. Lucius stood up beside her.
"How are you feeling?"
I thought about it.
"Kind of hungry." I finally replied. Narcissa let out a small giggle.
"We have lunch all ready for you in the dinning room. Would you like to eat now?"
"Yeah." I nodded, then took Draco's hand. All four of us went into the dinning room. On the table a big lunch was laid out, except for a plate that was already made up, containing a peanutbutter sandwich, apple slices, and a few small tomatos. There was no doubt that it was mine. I automatically went to it and sat down. Draco sat down beside me, and Lucius and Naricssa sat across from us. We began to eat.
"Would you like to swim later?" Lucius asked me as I crunched on an apple slice. I shrugged: I didn't really cared what I did. Now that I was home I didn't feel like doing much.
"Or how about reading?" Narcissa suggested. This time I shook my head no: Not unless I got some new books. I had already read the ones that interested me.
"You could work on your music?" Draco suggested.
"Or go running." Lucius continued. I swolled the food that was in my mouth.
"No. I'm tired. I think I just want to take a nap." I tariled off. Both of my parents looked down for a split second, before plastering smiles back on their faces.
We were silent the rest of lunch.
........................................................
All I did the rest of the day was lay around. The lack of interest was getting stronger, and the only thing that I wanted to do was sleep. Draco Flooed Healer Phillips about this, who said that I was probably just emotionally tired from the move. Draco agreed, and tokeep me comfortable the rest of the day.
When it was time for bed, Draco gave me my Combination as I was crawling into bed.
"Do you want to try again?" He asked, sitting on the edge of the bed. I shook my head yes, and he threw his legs onto the bed and laid down. I closed my eyes, comfortable, but the longer I laid, the more aware I became of his presence. When it became too much, I opened my eyes and sat up, beginign to cry.
"It's okay, Elle. I'll just get out of bed." He tried to comfort, but I shook my head no before jumping up.
"No!" I turned away from him and went towards the door. This was making me feel so bad. I couldn't even sleep beside him. Why?
"Elle, where are you going?" He ran to the doorway. I turned and pushed Lucius and Narcissa's door open.
"To Mum and Dad's room. I want to sleep with them tonight." I said through my tears, then went into the room. I closed the door behind me.
Inside, Narcissa was reading a book. I could hear the water running in the bathroom, which meant that Lucius was in the shower. Narcissa put her book down and looked up at me as I approached the bed.
"What's wrong, Elle? Did Draco make you upset?" She put her arm around me as I sat on the bed. I shook my head no. "Then what's wrong?"
"Nothing." I shook my head. "I just... I want to sleep with you two tonight..." I sniffed. My tears started to slow.
"Well, okay... But we would really like it if you started to try to sleep in your bed."
"I will try... but please let me sleep in here tonight."
"Okay. You can lay down, but leave room for Lucius when he comes in. Have you already taken your Combination?"
"Uh-huh." I worked my way under the blanket. She picked her book back up.
"Then you're probably gettting very tired. Try to get some rest, love."
"Okay." I yawned and closed my eyes. Before I knew it I was alseep, and I had no problem laying between the two of them.