Alex looked at me with bright eyes, his mouth turning upwards into a smile as he held the unlit cigarette between his lips.
He didn't make me as uncomfortable as other Readers did. I didn't like the fact that somebody could always tell exactly how I felt as I spoke to them. Or the fact that older, more experienced Readers could actually discern some of your past and your personality.
I especially didn't like that if they were really good, they could even figure out what you felt guilty about or what you regretted. I hated somebody knowing all about me and this kept me far away from any kind of Reader.
Except now I found myself sitting across from one - a particularly gifted one at that - and happily letting him read as much as he liked.
"The school you went to," he began, "was... difficult it seems."
"Worst few years of my life," I nodded, stirring the spoon around idly in the cup. "I wasn't given an ounce of freedom there."
"They locked you guys away from the world?"
"We were an embarrassment to our parents," I replied, "unable to control our powers and it was too risky if we were caught."
"So did you ever go home for holidays?" Alex took the cigarette out of his mouth as he spoke.
"The school was our home," I answered. "None of us ever left the campus grounds."
I reached my hand out as I spoke, a flame popping into existence and curling around my forefinger. I pointed it in Alex's direction and he smiled gratefully, lighting his cigarette with it.
Alex took a deep breath of the cigarette, smoke curling out of his nose and mouth when he breathed out. I played with the smoke lazily, using my forefinger to turn it into shapes and write words with it.
Alex watched with some fascination before he got back to grilling me about how it was to grow up as a wizard back when being accused of performing magic could kill you. It was a different time then, I told him. Mortals were more on edge about 'magic' and the so-called evil witches and wizards that came with it.
"So like they burned you at the stake?" Alex laughed, leaning forward with interest.
"I'm a hundred," I laughed. "Not a thousand."
"Come on," Alex continued to laugh, "you have to admit it sounds exactly like that."
"Okay, let me explain better," I said, trying in vain to stifle a smile.
So I told him the story about how there was a group of mortals who used to hunt down anything that came from the wizarding world. Any magical creature they could track down to actual living people.
And their cause only grew from there - people started to join their cult and the hunters started to expand in numbers. Wizards were being gunned down if they couldn't hide their powers effectively. So in order to protect ourselves, we all went into hiding. Most of the children were shipped off to schools in the middle of nowhere and kept until we had learned to suppress our powers like our parents had been forced to.
"They shot children?" Alex asked.
I nodded. "My mother told me about relatives of ours that were murdered before I was born. Apparently their neighbour caught sight of their nine-month old baby that suddenly started floating. They made some offhand remark about it to somebody, brushing it off as not having their glasses on or something. But somebody from this cult heard them say it, knew what it was and the next day the whole family was... well."
"And nobody did anything about these murders?" Alex asked aghast.
"They cleaned it up," I shrugged. "Made it so nobody even knew they existed."
"And nobody reported it?"
"It was different back then," I sighed. "Easier to hide things like this and cheat the system."
"But surely somebody did something about it?"
"There wasn't anything to do except hide," I said in response. "If you said anything or tried anything, the next second you and everyone you loved just disappeared. These things were happening too frequently and people started to get too scared."
"So the schools started coming about," Alex concluded.
"I didn't see my parents for like nine years," I said. "I moved around to different schools in the country before we found one that would keep me."
Alex was confused for a moment but he continued to stare at me and I knew he was reading me to figure out why I had jumped around from schools.
"Because you couldn't conjure," he said eventually, his face softening with realisation.
"I didn't show any signs of being able to do anything until I was about twelve," I said. "They all thought I was a dud."
"So from birth wizards show signs of magic?" Alex mumbled, trying to wrap his head around everything.
"Floating babies, disappearing babies, babies that spontaneously burst into flames," I answered.
"And you never," he replied.
"Nothing," I shrugged. "I was as normal as they came."
"And your parents still shipped you off?" he muttered.
"They weren't risking anything," I said. "My younger brother, Mike had shown all the right signs and so we got shipped off together."
"And is your brother as good at it as you?" Alex asked and I appreciated he was asking rather than just reading me for the answer. "Did he choose?"
I smiled. "No, Mike chose."
Alex looked a little disappointed. "Ah, so he doesn't harbour the same gifts as you then."
I shook my head, answering Alex's unasked question. "He works with shadows."
Alex's eyes went wide. "Shadows? But isn't that-"
"A rare gift? Yes. You can't choose whether or not you can conjure with shadows. That's just something you can do or you can't."
Alex sat back in his chair, gazing at me with interested eyes. He took another long drag of his cigarette, running his hand through his hair.
"You can do it though," he said, trying not to smile. "Can't you?"
I smiled again. "And much better than he can."
"Modest much?"
I shrugged. "What can I say? I'm good at what I do."
"And you're working together with Hayley now?" Alex laughed, lifting his eyebrows inquisitively.
I scowled. "Yes, unfortunately."
"You guys haven't kept on good terms?" Alex put out his cigarette, making a move to throw it away. Without doing much more than lifting my fingers, the cigarette sailed neatly out of his hand and hovered in the air for a few seconds before bursting into flames and crumbling into nothing.
"I don't really speak to anybody besides from Jaime," I answered. "Occasionally Tony when he comes around."
"And Kellin," Alex piped in, with a cheeky grin.
I rolled my eyes. "That's involuntary."
"Why only Jaime?" Alex asked.
"I never needed much else," I replied. "Can't make friends with wizards because they're so overly complicated. Can't make friends with mortals because... well they die so quickly."
Alex paused, looking at me with a strange expression. "That's not true."
I shifted uncomfortably, unused to being read. Alex picked up on my unease instantly.
"Why are you against friendships?"
"I had friends," I swallowed. "In school. It didn't end well."
"Kellin was still your friend back then, wasn't he?"
I nodded. I never spoke about this stuff. Jaime knew not to bring it up because it just made me distant and sad.
I wasn't sure if I even wanted to talk about this with Alex - it had been decades since I'd ever spoken about those years of my life.
Because really, the only person who'd understand what I felt was the person who'd gone through it all beside me and knew the feelings firsthand. And I refused to ever talk to Kellin so there was nobody to talk to.
Except Alex knew how I was feeling all the time. He'd understand at least halfway.
"What happened to them?" he asked gently.
"Why don't you just read me and find out yourself?" I mumbled, avoiding his gaze.
"Because I'd prefer if you told me," he replied. "I'd be able to understand completely then."
"I don't want to right now." My voice didn't even sound like itself - all small and weak and I hated it.
"Well then what happened with Kellin?" Alex asked instead. "What happened between you two?"
I paused, thinking it over. It felt strange to rack my brain back to so long ago, yet thankfully wizards had the gift of pretty strong memories.
"A number of things came between us," I said eventually. "But they mostly stemmed from what happened to our friends."
I could practically taste the curiosity radiating off of Alex now. I still refused to look him in the eye and was grateful that he was being respectful enough to not wrack through my memories. I wondered if his opinion of me would change if he knew what happened that day in August.
"And you've never spoken about this?" he asked.
"Jaime knows," I answered. "So does Kellin, but then he was there."
"Maybe you should try talking to him again," Alex started, "about all of this."
"He wouldn't want to sit down with me long enough," I scoffed, trying to suppress the overwhelming ache that was swelling up in me.
"Maybe because you've never tried before," Alex suggested.
"No," I said firmly, standing up. "Kellin and I... we're nothing."
"But I'm sure if you two just talked-" Alex said desperately.
"No," I interrupted. "He's nothing to me."
I clicked my fingers and reappeared in my bedroom, feeling as if the walls were going to cave in on me and I'd suffocate between them.
-
"You're on edge," Mike stated, raising a curious eyebrow. "Well, more so than usual."
He was stretched out on Hayley's couch, grinning at me. I hadn't seen him in a decade but he looked exactly the same as I'd left him. There'd been no hugs or exclamations of joy when we saw each other, I'd barely nodded my head at him in acknowledgement.
Hayley was absent from the room, late for our meeting but promising she'd be back home soon.
"Is it from seeing me after all this time?" Mike asked when I failed to respond.
"I'm not as intimidated by you as you hope," I said dismissively. "I'm just thinking."
"About what?" Mike asked with a grin.
"This conversation I had at lunch," I answered. "It's brought back some memories I'd rather forget."
Mike had nothing to say to me at that, knowing instantly what I was referring to and knowing that this was one boundary he could not cross.
"Where've you been?" I asked instead, filling up the silence.
"Oh, here and there," he replied. "Currently Milan."
"And you're liking it?"
Mike nodded, "not bored of it yet."
He looked at me with more interest, sitting up in the couch and leaning on his elbows. Just from the mischievous look on his face I knew what he was going to ask.
"How's Kells?" he grinned.
I rolled my eyes. "Irritating."
"He tells me that you have it out to get him," Mike replied.
"You talk to him?" I said with a little outraged gasp.
Mike shrugged, his smile only growing. "We are friends."
I opened my mouth to let out a string of very upset words when a little pop sounded and Hayley appeared in the room. I composed myself as she shot us a small smile, letting go of the girl she was holding.
"I'll see you later," she said to her, leaning in for a long kiss before the girl smiled and disappeared.
"I'm sorry about how long I was," Hayley said, looking at us. "You know how things can be."
"Well I do," Mike grinned. "Not sure about Vic, here."
"Hilarious," I mumbled sarcastically. "You'll have to excuse my brother. He's a bit of an ass."
Hayley shot me a small smile and laughed.
"You two haven't seen each other for some time," Hayley inquired as she led us to a different room. "Have you?"
"He's such a bore," Mike joked. "Why would I ever want to?"
"I find Vic and his particular gifts fascinating," Hayley countered. "I'm quite jealous that he's got control over everything."
"Ha," I said superiorly to Mike.
Hayley sat down in her chair, regarding us with careful eyes. "Well, let's talk business, shall we?"