Phun's POV
I've been struggling with depression all this time without him. It's been more than six months since he's been taken away from my side, and my loneliness started to take it's toll on me.
How can i not, when all i can hear was his ringing laughter and curse, the memories of his voice when he was singing, and his sweet voice he made when he was writhing underneath me?
How can i not? when all i can see is him? Him and his adorable buzz cut hair in the high school, his longer light brown hair that was blown away by the wind? Him and his cute wide smile showing off his rabbit teeth? Him and the way he sway when he walks, those perfect skin that was so milky white it shines under the sun? His rosy cheek and red plumpy lips that was so inviting i couldn't let go even for just a moment? Even with my eyes open, i can see him and his alluring aura which attract people even unknown to him.
How can i not, when all i can sense is his scent? sweet scent of sandalwood still lingers in his clothes, on our bed, embedded in my memory as the sweetest scent that i know. Every aspect about him keeps my sanity intact, but remembering him drives me crazy to the point of wanting to kill myself. But then i remember them, my two set of twins, the legacy he left me with.
Kyrin and Kiryu, being a genious as they are, understand what happened and made an oath to find their mommy and to take a vengeance to whoever done this to Noh. They even started to learn Muay Thay and other self defence, including how to handle weapon. Really, they are a mini version of me.
Time went so agonizingly slow, my secret meetings with my companions still couldn't locate Noh's trace. And everytime i hear that there were no news, i would drown in a deep misery.
I would open that box containing that bloodied pajama that Noh left me with, the last rememberance of him. Noh, who i should've cared for and guard with all my might, i have failed him. I would sniffed that clothes, trying to remember that fated day, his sweet scent embedded in this shirt after we made love, and my tears would run freely again.
"Daddy's thinking about mommy again?" Kyrin tapped my shoulder and sit beside me. He doesn't sound like a five years old at all. "No brat. I was thinking about my hidden wife." He laughed. We have to maintain our sense of humor if we want to stay sane.
"They haven't found him yet, daddy?"
I shook my head. "They have search everywhere, son." I said weakly.
"Don't give up, dad. I know mommy won't give up on you either."
Yeah, i know he won't. He would stubbornly look for me to the end of the world. But in his condition, would he still be alive? No. He's still alive, i believe he is.
It would make it easier if that son of a bitch Gregory Petrov was located. He vanished just like that, no body knows his whereabouts. Even if i flip Europe upside down, i still couldn't find him.
I wonder what kind of person he is to be able to get away from the world unknown. But one thing i know, i need to get Noh back, no matter what it takes.
Suddenly my phone's ringing. It was Brown. "Phun. Set a meeting today, i have some important news."
My heart skipped a beat. As i said yes, i'm trembling like a leaf blown out by the wind. Will there be light at the end of the tunnel? I clutch my aching heart with my hand. Noh, i hope you'd be willing to come back to me..
.
.
"Thank you all for coming. And Air, i'm glad that you're getting better. Look. I have trace the slightest sign of Gregory Petrov. He was seen in a different places with his companion Calvin Harris, but very fast to dissapear. According to my spies, he's been hiding in this places."
Brown pointed to Siberia, Hungary, and some other places.
"Amongst other places it is most likely that he hides in the remote area in Siberia, unknown to the world. I'll try to squeeze some information regarding this."
Rumor has it that he has a wife. And a very beautiful one. They said that she has a golden blonde hair and a light brown eyes with a tall and slender body. What kind of a woman wanted him to be her husband? I couldn't stop thinking. How can a man like him deserve love? While i was left behind without the love of my life. I will make him pay for what he had done to me. I'll make sure he will.
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Noh's POV
It was a strange dream i dreamt last night. I was standing by the balcony of some resort, and someone was hugging me from behind, so warm. I wish he would never let me go. I had a feeling that after this night things won't be the same for us again. I felt the pang in my heart as i try to hold on to that moment a little longer.
"(...), don't let me go this night, will you?" I said in desperation while trying to hold on to the last thread of my sanity; Him. He hugged me close, we cried and cried that we soaked both of our shirts with tears.
When i woke up, i tried so hard to squeeze up my head to remember who he was. Was it only in my imagination? To soaked my self into that most intense feeling of love, to be loved, and to love someone to the point of letting him be happy with someone else..
Did he love me that much? Because to me, he did. He love me too much to have me. He love me too much to let our love tainted by impure action. So there we are, both of us are exhausted by a sadness that consumed our hearts, and for that last night, we lashed out our feelings free. For tomorrow there'll be no love between us, there'll be no feeling, there'll be no us.
And i'm still crying now even when i already woken up. That dream was so real, that i could almost touch him. And i wish i could. I wish i could tell him that i care less about morality now. That what i have for him is real, and i want him to forget who we are. Just us. Just thinking about us. Because i have only him in my heart and losing him would cause me my everything. Can't i be selfish about him? Khor rong, don't leave..
But here i am, sitting opposite to the man i should call husband but don't have any feelings for. I just felt nothing when i'm with him. I'm afraid that he would make me do what i resented to do, so i stay away as far as i could from him. And when he's here with me, i can't lift my eyes to meet his because i know he would staring at me longingly.
"Noon, it's been so long and i miss you. Can't you look at me just once?" He finally said.
"Why should i?" I asked him while concentrating on the books i read.
He walks to me and sit next to me. Then he took the book from me and lifted my chin. "Because i need to look at my beautiful bride every single second of my life."
He close our distance and kiss me, gently like before. But this time he continues to grab my neck and passionately planted a heated french kiss. We are married after all, i don't have a reason to reject him. I close my eyes, trying to not feel nauseated by his kiss. It wasn't that he is totally a turn off, i was just not in the mood.
Then that flash is coming back to me. "(...), can i ask your hands in marriage?" That boy was kneeling before me and pulled out something from his pocket. It was a ring, one black and one white, shining brightly before my eyes. I hugged him tight, feel his heat that i know would dissapear, and in my heart i know the answer. I do. I always do. Take me with you..
Gregory was still kissing me, his tongue was so dominating inside my mouth, savoring every nook and corner until he can taste all of me. His breathing was shortened and heavier as he reach for my skin underneath my shirt, and i suddenly tremble from fear.
"No. Don't..i'm not ready, i'm sorry.." I tried to shove him away but he was way too strong. He lifted my oversized shirt (he only buy me an oversized shirt and a boxer as my 'in house' clothes, and didn't bother to buy me another kind of clothing) and reach out for my exposed skin.
"Gregory, please..." but he continued to explore me, caressing my skin and massaging me gently while still kissing me here and there. He was in a trance. He traced a deep sucking kisses to my neck, my shoulders, and when he finally take off my shirt, he continued his ministration to my chest.
I never knew a man's chest can be so sensitive. When he started to lick and lightly suck on them i feel like a jolt of electricity shot through my spine up to my ending nerve on my chest. I let out a moan and jerked backward. He keeps on doing that, as if he knew that it was my weak spot.
Somewhere down there i can feel something growing and it wasn't mine. He let it out and i was terrified. What was he going to do?
He was still wearing his suit and only unzip his trouser to let out his member, while i was completely bared. It made me feel so fragile and i lock my self in his embrace.
"Are you ready Noon?" I don't understand, ready for what? I look at him puzzled, then i know what does he meant when a slab of his length entering me mercilessly.
Thick sweat drizzling from all the pores of my body when he can't get it in. Didn't we do it before? Why am i so tight? I scream when he force himself to me. I wasn't prepared yet, he didn't give me a chance to. I was so panicked i tried to get away from him but his death lock makes me unable to move.
It was so painful, i never thought it would be this painful. He forced himself to me and finally made it inside, and started to move violently. "Please...it hurts..let me go.." He didn't care how hurt i was, he kept on moving, in and out with the help of my own blood. That pain was so intense that i broke down to tears and cry uncontrollably.
On that moment, i close my eyes and a flash comes to me. That boy was on top of me, kissing me gently and massaging my entrance to prepare me. And slowly, he would insert his finger one by one until i can accomodates him, before finally replaced them with his manhood. There was nothing unfamiliar about him, he was intoxicating, his scent was of pinewood and a mint leaves, simply irresistible.
"I love you, (...)" Please, please call my name..i know you know my name, please call me..
Desperation comes to me when i realize that Gregory was still enjoying himself. I tried so hard on focusing myself to relax, and remembering those flashes of memories. I love you, boy..please come to me, i know you're somewhere out there..please get me out of this hell..