Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Monday... It all went by in a blur. I wasn't ok, far from it, but I wasn't too down either. My little interactions with Dean were what got me through the day. Seeing him in class, going to his house after support group, bunking bad lessons together and texting, or sharing music.
Our conversations were more or less the same but Dean did ask me how I was doing more often. Constantly checking in. Occasionally when I was at my lowest he'd ask to check my arms. And surprisingly I'd let him. And even more surprisingly than that, there were significantly less scars on my arms than before he found out. Maybe Dean really was helping to fix me.
I went over to his house whenever I could without my parents getting too suspicious. It was one of those late Thursday afternoons after support group that I was laying on Deans couch listening to him chat about school and life. I told my parents I was with Hannah, they still didn't know we weren't friends anymore. And thankfully Hannah hadn't seemed to tell her parents I was gay yet.
I was laying on the couch and Dean was sat on the floor leaning against the bottom of the couch in front of me. He was facing the TV as some generic music channel played overplayed pop songs, but he wasn't really watching. I could tell because he kept looking down at his hands or around the room absentmindedly.
"So, I broke up with Lisa." He said eventually.
I didn't even try and act upset, he knew I didn't like her anyway. "Why?" I asked simply out of curiosity.
"Because you were right, she isn't really a nice person, and also I couldn't deal with all her drama. She'd constantly try and start drama just for the attention. I have more important things to worry about than Lisa Braeden."
This last phrase bothered me a little. "What are you worrying about?" I said staring at the back of his head. I noticed he had a little bit of product in his sandy brown hair.
"Well I don't really know what I'm going to do after school. I'm not clever like you, and you're going to be a famous author anyway," I was thankful he was facing the other way so he couldn't see me blush. I'd told Dean about wanting to be an author once before and he hasn't let it go ever since, even though he's never actually read anything I've written.
"I'll probably just end up working in my dad's friend Bobby's garage." he continued, "Which is fine, Bobby is great. But I can't help thinking I want something more out of life. I want to get out of this town, move to some big city, be someone."
I nodded even though I knew he couldn't see me. I didn't say anything, I'd learnt from experience that sometimes you just want someone to listen. This was another reason why I liked Dean so much, at school he was just some generic, attractive jock. But then when you actually talk to him he's suddenly really intelligent and sometimes even profound.
"Also I have other things to worry about. Sammy, my dad, finals, you."
He hesitated before he said the last word and everything felt weird. "I don't want you to worry about me." I whispered, not because I wanted to, but because my voice couldn't seem to make any other sound.
"Well who else is going to do it." He turned at this point to face me and his voice was suddenly much more serious.
"I don't need people to worry about me, I'll be fine."
Dean raised an eyebrow and we both knew that what I'd said was a lie.
"Cas it's fine, I want to look out for you because your one of my best friends and I wouldn't want anything to happen to you."
"We're best friends?" I mumbled smiling suddenly.
"Well we have know each other for quite a while now, and I trust you much more than other people in school, and I like spending time with you, so yeah we're best friends."
I grinned widely but the tiny voice in my head couldn't help thinking, 'friend zoned'. I quickly tried to stop the thought, of course we'd only ever be friends, Dean was straight, he'd never like me like that.
"How are you doing by the way?" Dean asked, I knew what this meant, it was Dean speak for 'have you harmed yourself recently?'
"I'm alright." I wasn't kidding when I said I'd been doing better, I hadn't cut for over a week now.
"Can I check?" He spoke gently and calmly and I nodded and held out my left arm. Dean lifted up my jumper sleeve. He inspected for a few seconds then pulled my sleeve down. I knew it was probably the wrong time but I couldn't help thinking about the fact my hand was rested in his as he did all this.
He grinned at me, "It's a lot better!" He spoke like an excited toddler and it made me smile. He squeezed my hand tightly and turned back to the TV.
I looked down then up then down again, he was still holding my hand. I closed my eyes, one thing that hadn't changed was my lack of sleep at night. It wasn't long before I drifted off, upbeat pop music playing around me and Dean's thumb tracing circles into the palm of my hand.
When I woke up the atmosphere was different. My hand was hanging cold, and Dean was no longer sat on the floor. In fact he wasn't even in the room anymore. I sat up, my head still foggy from sleep. That's when I heard voices coming from the kitchen. Dean's that was for sure, he sounded upset. There was another voice too, a man's. He was almost shouting, but not quite.
I got up and walked over to the kitchen, the door was slightly ajar.
"You can't do this!" I heard Dean call.
I decided it was wrong to eavesdrop so I knocked on the door politely then peered inside. Dean was leaning against a table, his cheeks were red and he was clearly very distressed. Opposite him was an older man probably mid forties. He had dark hair and stubble and a tall build. I guessed who it was before I was properly introduced.
"Oh Cas, hi." Dean looked at me nervously, "This is my Dad, John Winchester, Dad this is Castiel Novak."
"Hello, nice to meet you," I extended my hand the same way Dean had done to my parents weeks before. "I can't believe I fell asleep, I'm so sorry." I added.
John shook my hand firmly and I felt his eyes examining me thoroughly. "Nice to meet you too," He said after a while but he didn't really sound like he meant it.
"I just came to say, I'm probably going to head home now." I said this to Dean and he nodded, "Thanks for hanging out today," I turned to John "Sorry for such the short meeting sir." I almost saw a smile emerge on his face as I said it but it was only an almost. He gave me a quick curt nod.
Dean followed me to the door. "Was everything ok in there?" I asked once we were out of earshot.
"Yeah, yeah don't worry about it, I'll see you tomorrow Cas." He gave my shoulder a quick squeeze before returning inside. I know he said not to worry, but he admitted he was worried about me so why couldn't it go both ways.
Dean's Pov
Cas had fallen asleep whilst I was still holding his hand. He looked adorable, I didn't want to move my hand encase I woke him. I didn't even move to change the channel. After a few moments I just resorted to watching Castiel sleep. I know that sounds creepy, I guess in a way it was. But he looked so happy and relaxed and that made me happy.
I was in the middle of thinking about how fluffy his hair looked when I heard a key turn in the door. I froze, I don't know why I didn't do anything. In that moment my brain just went blank. And it only got worse when I saw my dad appear in the doorway. He looked at me immediately And then down to Castiel. And finally to our interconnected hands. I dropped Cas' hand instantly no longer worried if he woke up, thankfully he didn't. My dad shook his head and rolled his eyes the strolled straight into the kitchen without a word leaving me frozen on the floor.
I sat for a minute before getting up and following my father. "I didn't know you were coming back so soon." I mumbled.
"Clearly," He said nodding towards the open door into the living room. He already had a beer in his hand and I bit my lip hard. "Who's he?"
I shut the door, I didn't want Cas to wake up and hear me talking about him. "Um my friend from school, Castiel Novak."
My father frowned, "Novak? Where do I know that name? Is he the pastor's son!"
I didn't want to respond. I nodded. My father's frown increased. "Dean, you know I don't like that family!" He hissed.
"No, I didn't know that!" I replied, unlike Cas I wasn't very good at keeping my mouth shut.
"Well you did know that I don't like visitors here without me knowing." I was silent this time, my father had made it very clear to me on multiple occasions that he didn't like people he hadn't met in his house. Honestly, I think it was because after my mum died he became wary of everyone. He became a lot of other things too, a drunk was one of them.
"So what, does this mean you're into guys? Are you gay now?" He smirked harshly.
"What! No it's not like that we're just friends." I replied a little taken aback by his forwardness.
"Right, well don't get to friendly, we might not be staying here much longer."
"What!" My heart fell to my feet.
"My work means we might have to move again."
My whole body went numb. We moved every few years or so because of my dad's business, but I'd expected to at least stay in this town until I'd done finals. "But we've only been here a few months." I whimpered. I know I sounded pathetic, and I knew my dad would hate it, but I was desperate, I couldn't control it.
"Yeah and I'm saying we might have to move!" He was almost yelling now, almost. And he slammed his beer on the counter behind him.
"What about Sammy, he's just started to make good friends." I cried.
"Sam will be fine!" He continued but even he knew that wasn't entirely true. Sam always found moving hardest, he always seemed to get attached to each place we stayed, and every time we left it was like he left a little piece of himself behind.
"You can't do this!" I called. My father opened his mouth to retort but was cut off by a light knock at the door. Cas peered his head round the door, his hair was still fluffy from sleep and he was squinting slightly.
"Oh Cas hi." I introduced him to my father. He was extremely polite, just as I'd expected, they spoke for a few seconds but I wasn't really listening, I was too distracted by the idea of moving, just after I'd found someone I really liked. I think Cas called my father sir at some point, if I wasn't so upset I would've found this amusing. Then Cas was leaving so I went with him.
Once he was gone I returned to the kitchen. "Dean." My father said as I grabbed a glass of water, "Nothing's certain yet, but my advice is don't get too attached." What did he know, it wasn't like he had any friends.
I went up to my room and curled up onto my bed. I turned on my phone and was greeted by a text from Cas.
Castiel Novak: Hope you're ok, see u tomorrow :/
It was only then that I started to cry. I pressed my face into the pillow and started to sob.
Moment's later there was a knock on my bedroom door and Sam came in. In all the drama I'd practically forgotten he was home, he'd come back with Cas and me.
"Dean, you ok?"
I nodded quickly wiping away the tears. I didn't need Sam thinking I was weak.
"I heard what happened downstairs, we might have to move again." He said sadly sitting on the end of my bed.
"Don't you worry about it Sammy, it's not certain, I promise it'll be ok." I squeezed his hand comfortingly and he hummed in response but I don't think he was convinced.
"Well I'll leave you to it, I just waned to make sure you were ok." He smiled getting up again.
"Oh and Dean." He stopped by the door. I nodded.
"If you really do like Castiel, I want you to know I'm ok with that. And I don't think you should care if anyone else isn't."
I blushed and wanted to retort but in the end all I did was smile and whisper, "thanks," I don't really know why, it just felt right. At least I was lucky enough to have a such great little brother like Sam.
A/N: Omc Dean had a pov! I'll probably do a few more changes in pov in the future. Anyway as always, thank you so much for reading. Chapter will be 12 coming soon :)