Harry
"Now?" Louis asks. His voice is different. Is this him excited? Nervous? Uninterested?
"I mean... if you wanna." I shrug, the alcohol beginning to fade as soon as I blurted the words earlier.
"Hell yeah!" He shouts but it seems only I can hear within the crowded club.
I chuckle and shake my head, only my Louis.
He grabs ahold of my hand and begins dragging me away from the dance floor, towards the exit.
"What about the guys?" I shout from behind him.
He stops abruptly, turning to face me, "Oh yeah."
I turn to start scanning the crowd for any one of the guys.
"There's Zayn." I hear from beside me.
I look down to Louis to follow where he's pointing and lone behold there's Zayn... laughing at the bar with another man.
I look to Louis and he just shrugs, "Well." Is all he says before I follow him towards Zayn.
"Hey!" Zayn cheers when he sees Louis and I.
His arms are up to signal a hug.
Louis was the only one to embrace it but no one seemed to comment.
"This is Jesse. He goes to Divisional too."
Can't escape it anywhere.
"Jesse was one of Justin's friends apparently. Pretty cool, eh?" Zayn laughs at the foreign word crossing his lips.
"Really?" Louis asks, "I've never seen you before."
"Paths never crossed I guess." Jesse smiles.
At Louis' apprehensiveness, I notice the smugness to Jesse that I'm not fond of.
"Well, funny how that happens. Zayn we actually just needed to talk to you. Didn't realize you'd have company though. So, sorry Jesse, but if you'll excuse us."
Louis takes ahold of Zayn's hand and drags us both away without saying another word.
"But what about Jesse?" Zayn whines.
"Yeah," Louis scoffs, "What about Jesse?"
Once Louis has us in the quieter corner of the club, he turns to Zayn, "Call Justin."
"Justin? Why?" Zayn asks, slurring a little.
That Jesse guy bought him one too many for sure.
As we wait for Zayn to get his phone out and call Justin, I lean into Louis' side and wrap my arm around his waist. My hand roams Louis' side and back, making sure to give a squeeze or two to his wonderful ass.
Zayn giggles softly at Justin's greeting, so I can only imagine what was said.
"Here. Louis wants to talk to you." Zayn says before handing the phone to Louis. I stop my actions of feeling Louis up. Sadly.
"Hi Justin." Louis says, "Quick question, do know a guy named Jesse? Apparently your friend from Divisional?"
The instant look on Louis face was one that tells me Louis' instincts were right.
Instincts kick in for me as I had a feeling what Louis was on about and I notice Jesse is no longer at the bar where we found them.
"Okay," Louis says, "I didn't think so. I didn't recognize him at all."
Zayn catches on quickly and soon enough we have Zayn between Louis and I, and I'm scanning the crowd for Liam and Niall.
"I don't know what to think. But someone wanted Zayn to trust them."
I spot Liam and Niall just getting to the bar. I point them out and Louis nods his head for me to go to them.
I look back and make sure Louis and Zayn are okay, and I keep my eyes open for "Jesse". By the time I get to the bar, the guys are just ordering their drinks.
"Harry!" Niall notices me first and wraps his arms around me before I get a chance to say anything.
"Hey." I say, "Um, we think Zayn is in trouble."
Liam immediately snaps into his dominant mode, "Where is he?" He asks and I turn around to point Louis and Zayn out and by the time I turn back around, Liam is already headed in that direction, Niall in tow.
When all five of us are together I notice the fear in Zayn's eyes as he's tucked into Liam's side.
"This guy approached Zayn, saying he was friends with Justin. But when we called Justin he said he didn't know a Jesse." Louis explains shortly.
"Where the hell is he?" Liam growls.
"I couldn't see him."
"Bastard knew what was good for him and probably left." Louis scoffs.
"I think it's best we go then, mates." I say because I feel like I may just have the clearest mind of everyone for once.
We head outside and hail a cab and once we get one that fits all of us Louis offers for me and him to go to the back. Which I don't argue.
"Sorry this kind of put a damper on things." Louis whispers to me as he leans closer, "Are you still up to show me what you got?" He smirks.
I don't say anything but rather take ahold of the side of face and kiss him, earning a few 'ouu's from the front row.
***
Hand in hand we make our way up the grand staircase. Every step seeming to fall in line with a heartbeat. His hand, albeit small, is a sign of comfort. He holds me so surely and gently at the same time.
Louis turns his head back briefly as I guess I've let my steps become slower.
A reassuring smile crosses his lips; with kind blue eyes, how am I meant to turn such a beauty away?
We come to a halt right outside his door.
"Harry." His voice sounding strange after the quiet beforehand.
"Yeah?" I mutter, keeping the hushed tone of things.
He keeps his hand in mine and uses the other to cup my face. Looking down to the light in his eyes I'm positive there's no alcohol left that I can blame on my decision. This is it.
"I've been thinking for a while; I just haven't found a good time to say it." He begins carefully, his eyes never breaking from mine. "But before we go further, you should know that I... I love you."
Silence. That's all I can hear. Not the words that are no doubt coming from Louis' lips, not my heartbeat. Silence.
"Louis." Is all I can think right now. Did I just hear him correctly?
He shouldn't.
He can't.
He continues speaking but I can't hear any of his words. My hands have gone cold and I wonder if he can feel it or if it's just me.
Judging by the way his grip tightens on my hand in a soothing way I know he must feel it.
"Harry." I think I hear him say.
"Harry." His voice comes again.
I focus myself and try to regain thought.
"You can't." I tell him quietly.
"Harry, I do. I love you." He stresses the last three words as if that would make me feel better.
I look down to our joined hands and slowly retract mine.
"You can't."
"Harry." He silently begs. His voice quivering.
Looking up to his face only confirms my suspicions. Silent tears roll down his face.
"I'm sorry." I tell him in earnest.
His hand falls from my face and as I turn to walk down the hall I force myself to believe that wasn't a sob I heard coming from Louis.
When I get to the dark guest room that belongs to me, I stand there for a moment.
This room holds nothing but strange memories for me. None very fond. And once again I find myself getting under the covers of the blanket on this oversized bed. Thoughts to myself.
Thoughts about what was going to happen. Thoughts about Louis.
Louis.
He loves me.
Love.
The crazy part is, I know he's not lying.
That's unfair to him. He deserves so much more than I can give.
I was destined for the no strings attached life.
I'm not capable of love.
Love? I've never felt it. Neither giving nor receiving.
***
Waking up the next morning was strange. No Louis to wake up beside. No smell of coffee. No nagging alarm clock.
No nagging alarm clock?
Oh shit.
I fish out my phone from my jeans laying on the floor to check the time.
Noon?
I slept in. We slept in!
I jump out of bed and rush down the hall.
His door is closed and standing here I'm suddenly hit with the remembrance of last night.
We were going to fuck.
He said he loves me.
Before I get too overwhelmed, I force myself to breathe.
Maybe Louis already left. Yeah, maybe he did.
I turn around and head down the stairs to check for his jeep.
I can see the Jeep is gone from where I'm standing in the main hall.
Okay so Louis is at school. Maybe he just didn't want to see me for today. Maybe he had something to do. That's fine. It's my fault we're in this mess anyways.
Feeling a little defeated, I turn to start making my way back up stairs. But something catches my eye.
Louis' awful shoes. There's no way he went to school without those God awful smelling shoes.
Louis.
I head up the stairs, my stomach churning at the memories of the last time I was walking up these stairs.
God damn Louis.
His door is closed and to me that's a sign of don't fucking come in.
I know he said the door is always open for me, but somehow I'm not sure if that applies in this instance.
I press my ear up to the door, nothing.
He must still be sleeping.
I knock on the door quietly, pressing my ear to it after I call his name.
No answer.
"Louis." I call again, this time a little more loudly.
Still, no answer.
Do I go in? I should, shouldn't I.
Closing my eyes and preparing myself for what might come, I take a deep breath.
I creak open the door, saying his name again, but no answer.
As the door opens further I can see him laying on his stomach on the bed.
He looks to be sleeping but there's a god awful smell that comes as I open the door.
I wish I had a shirt on to cover my nose. Even in just my boxers though, I'm wearing more than Louis is.
The room is still dark and I opt not to turn on the light to wake Louis as I go across the room to open the window.
The crisp air shocks me a little; but I'd rather be cold than throw up.
Now to find the source of the smell.
I turn back towards Louis and I see an almost empty bottle of whiskey sitting on the night stand. Oh lord Louis.
I pray to god it didn't start off as full. I've been down that road once or twice and the outcome is not pretty.
It's still a little dim, the only light coming from Louis' lamp on his bedside table.
I squint my eyes to try and make out what's on the bed.
Paper?
As I reach for one realization settles in my mind. It's not just paper, they're all pages. With markings and highlights from some Shakespeare play.
"That I neither feel how she should be loved nor know how she should be worthy is the opinion that fire cannot melt out of me. I will die in it at the stake."
Are the words I find highlighted on the page. What does that mean? Who's Benedick?
Underneath, a few lines down, are the highlighted words that seem to be a lot older than the first one. These are even crossed through with a pencil.
"I will do myself the right to trust none; and the fine is (for which I may go the finer), I will live a bachelor."
What?
I pick up another from the bed.
"Therefore all hearts in love use their own tongue."
Are these... are these about me? About us?
"I do much wonder that one man, seeing how much another man is a fool when he dedicates his behaviors to love, will, after he hath laughed at such shallow follies in others, become the argument of his own scorn by falling in love."
I can barely grasp the concept of these words, but I understand enough to know these are about love.
"I do love nothing in the world so well as you. Is not that strange?"
This. This one gets my heart to stop pumping, and me breathing to stop.
This is Louis. This is Louis' way of formulating his love for me. He ripped the pages out? Does he no longer want me?
Louis stirs from below and he turns his head to face the other way, his right arm reaching across the bed to feel for something.
My heart lurches as I know that's where I normally sleep.
I quickly collect all the ripped papers and I decide to read the rest later because I don't want Louis to catch me reading them. I take them back to my room and put them in my duffle bag.
I need to clean up Louis' room. He's not going to be feeling well at all when he wakes up.
Heading back into the danger zone I begin to look for the source of the smell, praying it's not Louis. But after reading the few of those pages I don't think I'll find it in myself to be mad if it is.
The room is already a lot colder I notice as I walk in, and I grab ahold of the blankets and try to cover Louis' naked self as best I can.
Walking around to Louis' side my stomach churns at the site.
Puke in a bowl.
"Oh god Louis." I whisper.
I close my eyes and turn away, debating on what I have to do.
Well, it has to go. I have to be the one to take it. I hold my breath as best I can as I reach forward to grab the bowl by the rim.
I'm thankful it's not full of puke, it looks like he only threw up a little.
As I take it down the stairs to the kitchen I avoid looking at it or smelling it too strongly at all costs.
I've cleaned up puke, but never stale puke like this. I open up the garbage bin and place the bowl down carefully inside.
Fuck the bowl. It'a not like he would've used it for throw up if he actually cared about it anyways.
This garbage needs to go out ASAP. I tie up the black bag and lift it out of the can, taking it to the garage.
Now that that's taken care of.
I search around under the kitchen sink for air freshener I can use in the room.
Finding a bottle a ferbreeze I thank my lucky stars.
I take a moment in the kitchen to think about the words I just read. Sure they're not Louis' words, but somehow I feel that it's him. I guess it's his way of communicating his thoughts to paper.
Fucking Shakespeare. Could it have been someone any more confusing?
Why did I never think it was possible. We're at a school that basically places people together to be a couple. Why did I think Louis was the same in thinking the couple thing was bullshit. Of course Louis wanted to find someone. Unfortunately he was paired with me.
I head back up the stairs with the goal of freshening things up for Louis by the time he wakes up, but I find him already tossing and turning.
"Harry?" He asks groggily as I enter the room.
"Erm," I stutter quietly, still wondering if he's even awake, "Hi."
"Hi." He says back and let's his head fall back and settle into the pillow.
"We missed school." I tell him carefully.
"Don't care." He mumbles.
Louis would never say something like that. Is he still drunk?
I take a seat on my end of the bed.
Louis only shuffles further away from me, "What are you doing?"
"Making sure you're okay." I tell him truthfully, "You and your friend Jack had a good time last night I see."
Louis' lips crack briefly to a smile. "May look it, but it was furthest thing from."
My heart aches at the sign of him hurting.
I allow the fact he keeps his eyes closed to comfort me in knowing he's not analyzing me. But I feel so shitty right now.
"I'm sorry." I admit.
"Sorry?" He asks, "For what?"
"For uh, for last night." I tell him.
He rolls over onto his back and stretches his arms and legs, letting his right hand fall to the top of his head as he takes a deep breath.
"You have nothing to be sorry about, Harry." His eyes still not opening.
I don't know what to say to that. I don't know what he wants me to say.
As if remembering something he looks down on his side of the bed.
"Was there puke in a bowl?"
I chuckle, "What? Did the smell give it away?" I try and joke with him. I was lucky enough to gain a small smile from him.
"You didn't have to clean up after me. But thank you." He says.
"You would've done the same for me." I say because I know it's true.
He lays back in bed and uses his arm to shield his eyes.
"I'd be surprised if you weren't hungover." I laugh a little. "Can I get you anything?"
He shakes his head, "I'm fine, Harry, thank you."
His tone of voice is a little stand offish.
"Look," I begin cautiously, "About last night. What you said just threw me off. I wasn't expecting to ever hear those words come from you. It's been a while since anyone has said those words to me. Except my sister. I've never... I've never been in love alright? I forget what love even feels like. I was a kid the last time I said the words to someone and meant them. Or... thought I meant them at least." I confess to him. His eyes stay closed and somehow that's a good sign for me.
"Harry, it's fine. I said the words because I didn't want to have sex with you unless you knew. You don't have to worry, I won't say it again."
I think back to the highlighted words, nothing in the world as well as you.
"What if I want you to?" This causes him to open his eyes curiously. "What if... What if I want you to say it?" I repeat myself.
Louis smiles. One of his infamous soft smiles. The one with eyes that almost scream caring and kindness. "Then I'll say it however many times you need to hear it."
oOoOo
Waddup y'all????? Guess who's back back back back again!!!!! idk I wanna say don't get used to it but I'm really feelin harry in this story recently
SOOOOOOOO I just posted a one shot/mini series book and posted a bunch of plots of fics I already have a few chapters written!!! Comment which one you want first!