Benjamin was dead.
Benjamin was dead and Vince killed him.
Benjamin was dead and Vince killed him and it's all my fault.
I should've jumped to his defence the second that Vince attacked after I told them what he did the first day I was brought here, but I didn't. It was like my feet had been stuck firmly to the ground beneath me and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't move an inch. I screamed at Vince to stop but he didn't listen ─ nobody did. In their eyes, Benjamin was just as guilty. I had been rooted to the spot, screaming and shouting but it was useless. Benjamin was now lying on the ground with a silver stake through his heart and his head completely separated from his body. That was going to haunt me enough for all eternity but the fact he looked at me, a smile on his face that told me he was okay with this, he was okay with death, only made it worse. He had accepted he wasn't going to get out of this alive and that only hurt more. I should have done something.
I stared down at his body in horror. "No. No, no... god no. Please..."
Ric smiled sadly. "It was better this way. He was going to get worse, Vi. There was nothing you could have done to prevent that."
I wasn't convinced of that so I kept quiet.
"What the fuck?!" Alec burst out in incredulity. "How can you actually have wanted him alive? That's fucked up! Guilty or not, he still fucking brought you here and put you in danger! He deserved to die!"
"No he didn't!" I glared at him. "He had no control over his actions, I've told you that already!"
"Seems like sharing his bed at night changed a lot of things, huh?" Leah laughed darkly. It was the first time she'd said anything to me since she'd attacked me. "How could you feel sorry for him? I spent more time around him than you did but I'm glad he's dead."
"You don't know the things I do." I responded, glancing back at Benjamin. I could have fallen to my knees with the amount of sorrow I was feeling, like I could barely stand straight because all I could think about was how another person was dead because of me. I may not have ended his life myself but it all linked back to me. Being a vampire was hard at the best of times but this, this was more than I could handle. If only my every emotion wasn't heightened, this would have been easier to cope with. Trying to compose myself before I really did lose it, I said, "Benjamin was struggling, sure, but he never wanted this. He never wanted any of this to happen..."
I felt a hand on my shoulder then. It was only there a second, squeezing encouragingly before letting go but I knew who it was immediately. Shadow's piercing glare only confirmed my suspicions.
"It's okay, Violet. It's better this way, I promise. He tried so hard but he wouldn't have been able to stop it. He'd have snapped eventually." Lukas spoke soothingly but his words didn't do much in the way of comfort.
"I could have helped him." I muttered helplessly.
"You did all you could. He was protective over you in the end, remember? He even tried to keep me away."
Shadow's glare intensified, as though he couldn't even stand the fact Lukas was trying to help me. I understood, I really did, though it didn't make it any easier. I hated the fact he could barely look me in the eye and the only time he seemed to look in my direction was when he was glaring. It made my heart ache even more than it already was because it was just another thing that I was to blame for. I was the reason he was hurting.
Either way, Lukas' words only had the opposite effect. Knowing that Benjamin hadn't died an enemy, someone to get away from only made the pain worse. He had been a friend, or as close as two people could be under such circumstances.
"I think we need to be filled in on what happened here." Vince then said, speaking in behalf of everybody but Lukas and myself. Leah may have been living in the mansion along with the two of us but she hadn't been around to know what had happened lately. She was as much in the dark as the ones that hadn't been around at all.
Explaining everything that had occurred was awkward to say the least. It wasn't like I was going to keep certain things to myself but when I started speaking, it all came spilling out. It was probably better in the long run that I tell them everything now. It was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders when I got to explaining how Benjamin had been on my side in the end, protecting me from Lukas.
As expected, their anger was soon directed at Lukas but he took it in stride. In fact, he didn't seem bothered at all, like he was expecting it. Maybe it was all part of his plan because he could manipulate everybody in this room and nobody would know until much later. I was still wary of him, unsure on what to make of him. It was obvious I wasn't the only one.
"So it was all you?" Ric gaped. "People are dead all because you wanted Violet's help with something you already knew was a bad idea?"
"I didn't know everything," Lukas was quick to defend himself. "I mean... I knew he wasn't a good person but I didn't know the extent until Violet talked to me. I just... I needed to know."
"And go to all this trouble?" Leah asked sceptically. "I'm not buying this. You seriously expect us to believe you went to all this trouble just because you wanted to talk to Violet?"
Lukas shrugged. "You don't have to believe me."
"Look," I sighed, looking at each person in the room. "I've told you everything that happened here. Benjamin may have been slowly losing his sanity but Lukas heavily manipulated his every action and he couldn't fight it. It wasn't until Benjamin agreed to let me help him that I saw he didn't want this, and that was only proved when he told me to run after we'd been hunting."
"That was the day you kissed Lukas." Leah pointed out. She seemed to enjoy reminding everyone why Shadow and I weren't on the best of terms.
I nodded mutely. The last thing I wanted to do was talk about that again. I'd skirted around those details on account of not wanting to make things worse but Leah was clearly all for making me feel worse about it.
"That was my fault," Lukas told her, stepping forward, expression hardening. "She had no choice. When I use my power, nobody can fight against it, even if they are aware of what I'm doing."
"Is anyone else totally weirded out that the spawn of Satan has an obvious crush on Shadow's girl?" Alec asked curiously, though his lips curled into a grin that told us all he was highly amused.
Shadow's girl... can I still call myself that? Will he ever forgive me, even though he knows the truth? I hoped so because I truly couldn't imagine a life without him.
Leah snorted at Alec's question and I noticed her watching him adoringly. I wondered whether she felt guilty for her actions, if only for the reason that it had caused her to drift from Alec. Vampires may not have a mate in the same sense as a werewolf but we do still have them and it's clear Alec is hers.
"Violet is Shadow's mate," Lukas said, seeming to voice my thoughts. "I always knew that, but I... I couldn't help it. I'm sorry..."
Shadow glowered. "You're lucky you're still alive."
Lukas looked ashamed. "I know."
Shadow didn't know how to react to that, to seeing Lukas so helpless and ashamed of himself. Honestly, it was a little surprising to see myself because he had already shown he had no issue in controlling people if it meant he got his own way, yet he seemed genuinely upset for kissing me. Whether that was because I was with Shadow or not, I had no idea but it did make me feel sympathetic towards him. He reminded me so much of Vince at times and then others, he resembled a scared and wounded child. It was disconcerting.
"Lukas." I called his named gently, as though I truly was speaking to a child. He raised his head, unshed tears shining in his eyes so I hurried on. "Whether you used your power on me on purpose I don't know, but it doesn't matter. There are more important things to be talking about now, okay? Starting with Viktor─" I paused, glancing over at Shadow and Vince who both tensed upon hearing the name. I hurried on. "What do you plan to do?"
"I'm not going to bring him back," He shook his head. "But I do want to know what he was like, for my own peace of mind. I want to know why he did the things he did because─"
"Are you sure you want to know?" Vince asked before I could, the question on the tip of my own tongue. Opening that can of worms couldn't end well. It was probably better that Lukas never find out what his father was like. "It is not something Shadow and I wish to discuss but if you want to know, perhaps we could think of something."
An idea suddenly came to mind.
"You should read Viktor's journal." I told him, ignoring the looks I got from that. "Benjamin gave it to me but I really think it could do you some good. The things I read... it will help you understand what he was like and why bringing him back is a really bad idea."
He looked hurt at that. "You kept it from me?"
I stared in disbelief. "I'm only here because you manipulated Benjamin and hid behind him. I'm still not sure I can trust you but since you can never have the real grimoire, reading the journal wouldn't matter anymore. You want to know what Viktor was like, so what better way to understand? Reading his own words, thoughts and feelings... it's the best way."
"Have you read it?"
I nodded.
"Okay."
"So... what now?" Alec looked at each of us. "Are we keeping him alive or not? By the sounds of it, he deserves to die too."
Lukas was suddenly on the defensive. He stood tall and ready to pounce at a moments notice, fangs bared and fists clenched.
I quickly spoke before we ended up in another fight. "Nobody is going to kill him, okay? I sorta─"
"Yeah, sure," Shadow interrupted, rolling his eyes at me. His jaw clenched and he spoke through gritted teeth. "Defend the prick who almost got you mated to a wolf. Protect the prick that almost got you killed today. Why not?"
"I saved her today," Lukas spat, clearly getting tired of the attitude, even though he couldn't blame him. "I saved her so you could have her back."
"How thoughtful of you. Do you expect me to believe you're nothing like Viktor? That you didn't just save her for your own selfish reasons? Let's not forget you pushed her and Benjamin into fighting each other. That could have gotten her killed!"
Shadow had a valid point there and I was struck by the realisation that maybe Lukas wasn't that different from Viktor at all. Maybe he was just an incredibly good actor.
"Just stop arguing!" I shouted, overwhelmed with emotion. I was tired, I was scared, I was confused. Everyone stared at me and I saw the amused look Vince shot at me, making me smile slightly. Forcing myself to look at Shadow, afraid of the emotions I'd see, I spoke quickly. "I know you're hurt and I get that but arguing isn't going to change anything. We need to figure out what the hell we are going to do now."
"I know what I'm going to do," Shadow said. "I'm going home and I don't want Viktor's son anywhere near me. If you want him alive that much, Violet, then you can fucking stay with him and look after him."
"W-what?" I stuttered, chest feeling tight. "You-"
"You can either come home with us or you go with him." Nothing in his tone gave me any indication about what would happen when we got home, nor did it tell me anything about whether we were still together, but I did know one thing.
There was no way in hell I would ever choose anyone over Shadow.
"I'm coming home."
***
I'd seen enough of the most terrible things to last a lifetime. I've gone through pain that no one should endure at the hands of their father, I've had vampire and hybrids after me and I have witnessed more death and destruction than I will ever be okay with.
It all played on my mind like a home movie as Shadow and I headed home, a heaviness that had me breathing heavily as I struggled to contain my emotions. Breathing was a habit I couldn't shake and it allowed me a sense of normalcy I craved. In that moment, I actually wished I could stop because with each inhale, it was like a knife straight to the chest. Benjamin's death was just another memory that would forever haunt me.
Maybe Lukas had been right though. He was at peace now, I knew that. Wherever people went after they died ─ if there really was such a thing as a heaven of hell ─ I was certain he was at peace. It didn't stop the pain from losing someone who only wanted to do what was right but at least he was at peace now. He was free from all the hurt he endured in his life and who knows, maybe he found Georgia and was with her now, somewhere.
"He should never have─" I broke off, sobbing. Ducking my head, I covered my face with my hands. Everything was becoming far too much for me.
"Vi..." Shadow mumbled my name and a second later I felt his hand on my knee. "It'll be okay. I promise."
I sobbed some more. "How is any of this okay?! You hate me, Benjamin is dead, Lukas is a manipulative bastard and who knows what the fuck is going on with Leah!"
"I don't hate you. I don't have it in me to hate you."
"I didn't have a choice," I reiterated earlier words. "I didn't. He made me."
"I know."
"And as soon as Benjamin pulled him away and took me out of the room, I felt awful. I felt like I was drowning because I'm not a cheat but that's exactly what he made me do and how could I ever expect you to forgive me when I can't even forgive myself?"
It was like I was slowly losing it, losing all grip on my sanity. Everything holding me together seemed to disappear; I wasn't even sure what had been holding me together all this time. Maybe this was how Benjamin felt, only worse. If it was, I could understood the look he gave me right before he died.
"It'll be okay." He repeated. This time, I wasn't sure who he was trying to convince more. There was an underlying tension between us, settling thick in the air.
All I wanted was to have his arms around me reassuring me, helping me and comforting me but it was like he was fighting himself. In a war between his heart and mind, I had no idea what he would decide. His heart told him to comfort me in any way he could but his mind was fixating on a kiss that meant nothing.
We were so close and yet the distance between us was growing, and I hated that.
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AN: Finally an early update! Hope you liked it! :D Reborn is nearly over though, there is a couple chapters left but I've already decided there will be a few bonus chapters for you to enjoy too and one of those will be in Vince's POV!