i have dropped numerous hints to my friends that i might have a depression and a really bad one and that i need someone to talk to
no one noticed, are these people even my friends?
do they even give a shit about me? i don't know
i am so tired, guys. not physically, i am drained mentally
it seems like every bit of affection i show towards my so called friends is used as an opportunity to step all over me
i always look for them and care for them. if one of them is missing i go viral and try to find them and make sure everything is okay
whenever i am absent it's like no one even notices. honestly, how much kindness can i show them for them to return it back?
my heart beats faster when any of them calls my name because it makes me feel like they need me and they need my help
and i hate this pathetic, disgusting side of me that won't understand that despite my kindness these people are just using it and throwing it away
i am always the one who hugs them and is there for them all the damn time. but no one is there for me
no one hugs me first, tells me that i look pretty today and gives up their lunch for me, like i do
what do i do?
i am such a fool, guys, maybe i don't deserve their attention. am i really that bad of a friend?
maybe i am being a bitch and asking for too much but for fucking once can i be the one people run up to to hug and say hello and not the other way around?
i am too kind and considerate and that's the fucking problem, and the thing is i can't leave these so called friends because i care and worry about them
see? i never learn my fucking lesson. maybe that's why they're using me for granted. what do i do?
what can i possibly do for them to show some interest in being my friend?
am i really that crap of a person?
i am sorry, i just had to say this and get it off my chest, i can't take this anymore