this is yet another song stolen from dear evan hansen, someone help me
"Why should I play this game of pretend Remembering through a secondhand sorrow?" Dan Howell began, his voice shaky as he looked down at the blue rose covered coffin in front of him.
"Phil was such a great son and wonderful friend. The best. Everyday i got to spend with him was the best day of my life." He whispered, meeting Phil's mothers eyes before leaving the podium and going to his seat. Tears pricked his eyes as people began to go up and share stories about Phil. When it was over, Dan walked to the front and placed a single black rose on top of all the blue ones, signifying his place in Phil's life.
Oh, don't the tears just pour
"I could curl up and hide in my room, there in my bed, still sobbing tomorrow." He whispered to his friend Cole, who sighed before sitting down next to him and brushing tears from her eyes.
"Dan, he wouldn't want you to give in to all of the gloom." she whispered, and then shook her head.
"But tell me, what for?" he sighed, and then laid back next to him, a tear leaking from her grey eyes to fall down her cheek.
"Why should I have a heavy heart, why should I start to break in pieces?" Dan asked into the silence, and she broke it by rolling to face him.
"Why should I go and fall apart for you, why should I play the grieving girl and lie saying that I miss you?" she asked, scoffing slightly.
"I will sing no requiem tonight." Dan said softly, and she gave his hand a squeeze before rolling the opposite way and closing her eyes.
"Cole?" Dan asked the next morning, and she turned to him slowly, blinking out sleep.
"Huh?"
"Phil wasn't perfect. Not like everyone thinks. He drank, and was belligerent and it. He would scream so much, how he hated me and you and everyone. He was in a bad place, and he took it on whoever was around. And I still loved him."
"I know Bear. I know." she whispered, and pulled him into a hug. When she touched his face and wiped his tears, he felt a shock of surprise rock him to the core.
He didn't even know he was crying.
"I gave you the world, you threw it away, leaving these broken pieces behind you." Dan said drunkenly at Phil's grave a few hours later, stumbling until he found the ground.
"I feel like everything was wasted, nothing to say. So even if I wanted to, I can sing no requiem." he said slowly, taking a swig from the bottle of vodka clenched between his thighs.
"I can hear your voice, and I feel you near. But I could never find you. I know that you are still here, and I can sing no requeim tonight." he sighed, and pulled his phone out to call Cole.
"Cole? Is it bad that I don't feel as sad?"
"What do you mean?" she asked, and in the background he could hear her husband Matt fighting their one year old Salem to eat, and he almost smiled.
"I don't know why I should have a heavy heart. Why should I say I'll keep him with me?" he slurred, and a door closed on her end before she released a deep breath.
"Because he was yours, and you were his." she said simply, and he shook his head.
"That's not enough."
Saying that I miss you
And that my world has gone dark
Without your light?
"'Cause when the villains fall, the kingdoms never weep, no one lights a candle to remember." he continued at her silence, tears falling freely down his face.
"So don't tell me that I didn't have it right. Dont you dare tell me that it wasn't black and white." he snapped, and she finally spoke.
"Dan, Phil wasnt perfect, but your acting like a child. Do you think he'd want you stumbling around drunk and rambling?" she snapped back, and he laughed once.
"I can't believe you Cole. After all he put me through, don't say it wasn't true, that he is not the monster that I knew." he sobbed, and she hung up before driving to the graveyard to pick him up. When she arrived, her heart plunged into her throat at the sight of Dan, dead on Phil's grave with a gun in one hand and a note in the other. Shakily, she called the police and the opened it, tears falling and blurring the words that lay there.
My world has gone dark,
I will sing no requiem tonight.