CHAPTER TWENTY.
MEET ME INSIDE
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She wasn't sure how it happened. Wasn't even sure how they had gotten so close in the first place. Last year, she swore that the girl hated her and yet now she was inviting her into the Gryffindor common room to work on homework with each other. And now she was sitting beside her, looking at her Herbology homework and trying to focus just on that when her mind was racing.
"Hey, Amandla, what'd you get for question four?" Ron asked her, breaking the girl from her thoughts.
Amandla blinked, looking down at her own notes and seeing the question, "The spell against Devil's Snare?" he nodded, "Bluebell Flames."
"Cheers," he nodded in appreciation, copying down the answers before commenting, "Don't see how you're so good in that class – can't understand a bloody thing she says."
"Well do you actually pay attention in class?" Hermione asked, seeing her friend shake his head, causing her to roll her eyes, "That's why."
Ron rolled his eyes at her, "Whatever – and question five?"
"Are you even trying to answer yourself?" Amandla questioned, he didn't answer. "You're hopeless, and Polyjuice Potion."
"See, Hermione, she's actually helpful when it comes to getting answers," Ron made a snide comment. Amandla felt herself blush at that, wanting to defend the girl but also keeping quiet in fear of seeming too eager.
"Amandla can do whatever she pleases, I just want to help you," Hermione answered, delicately placing her hand over the Fitzgerald's for a second before taking it away again. She could still feel the touch lingering, her eyes trained right on her hand because holy shit, Hermione Granger just touched her!
"You would be helping me if you gave me the answers!" Ron exclaimed.
"For a second, yeah, but not for long-term. What about when you start a career? Are you going to have me to do all your paperwork?" Hermione fired the questions with a glare.
"No, because I would be doing something I liked. More than Herbology, anyways," he rolled his eyes.
"Guys, cut it out, will you?" Harry muttered in annoyance, "I'm trying to read."
"You're stilling analyzing that textbook?" Hermione asked, which caused Harry to nod, "I don't see why – you should just hand it back if you knew what was good for you."
"Hermione, this is the only thing helping me in Potions," Harry deadpanned.
"Wait," Amandla interrupted, eyebrows furrowing in confusion, "What do you mean?"
"Harry found a textbook for Potions that has some helpful tips in the margins," Ron informed her. Even though she was still confused, she nodded, "Property of the Half-Blood Prince, whoever that is."
Amandla frowned, that was a weird name. But she didn't question it, it wasn't her place really, and she didn't tell Harry to give it up like Hermione. First off, she wasn't close to Harry at all, only a few DA meetings together and that time in the hospital wing. Of course, now too. Second, she didn't see the problem with him having a used textbook for Potions. The class, at least the one she took last year, was hard and she would've loved the extra help.
"How is Potions?" she decided on asking, looking up from her homework to see the other Gryffindors. She felt like the odd man out, a Hufflepuff in the midst of Gryffindors in their natural habitats. And she stuck out like a sore thumb as well, not helping her or the rumors.
Even then she could hear, "Can you believe a Hufflepuff in our common room?"
"I'm still not over that she comes from a family of Death Eaters."
"Wait, really? Do you think she'll follow in their footsteps?"
"Well, duh. There'll all the same – I don't see why Harry's talking to her, or anyone for that matter. She should just go back to the Slytherin scum she came from."
Amandla frowned, hating their whispers and their assumptions about her life and her family. Yeah, she did come from a line of Death Eaters. And maybe part of her family still, who were alive, were also like that – but they weren't all the same. Draco was the same. And now she was having chest pains at the thought of him, at the thought of how she hadn't spoken to him in months really and she had abandoned him – breaking her promise. She promised to stay, to be with him and always be there, but she wasn't. She had broken that promise because she was angry about the secrets she was keeping and now she felt terribly alone with her guilt.
"Terrible," Ron commented with a scowl, bringing her back into the original conversation, "Waste of time, if you ask me."
"I think it's fine – well, better than when Professor Snape was teaching it, anyways," Hermione disagreed, "Although, sometimes the instructions in the textbooks are wrong, which is terrible."
"Good thing we have Harry and the mystery man before him to help," Ron said with a quick smile.
Harry gave them an unamused look but didn't say anything, returning to scan the pages in the book he was rereading.
"So, how was it anyways?" Ron asked his friends, not really looking at Amandla when he posed the question.
"How was what?" Hermione asked in confusion, sending a look to Amandla for answers who just shrugged in response.
"Your dinner party," his tone was mocking with a hint of bitterness or resentment, and all Amandla wanted to do in that moment was give the Weasley boy a hug. It seemed like he needed it.
"Dead boring. Though I think Harry enjoyed dessert," Hermione's lips curled upward slightly in a smug smile, an inside joke between those who attended.
"What dinner party?" Amandla inquired, feeling very left out in the moment.
"Slughorn's," Ron answered, "Surprised you didn't know that, seeing Corey was there too."
Amandla felt her heart drop at the mention of that boy, gut wrenching in sadness at the thought of their previous encounter. His harsh tones and the way he couldn't even look her in the eyes. The way he spoke, as if this was all for the greater good...She gulped, eyes pooling with sadness, something that Hermione noticed, and she was quick to change the conversation.
"He's having a Christmas do, you know. And we're meant to bring someone..." Hermione trailed off, looking at Ron hopeful, though he was focusing on the parchment in front of him. Amandla felt heartbroken with every word.
"I expect you'll be going with McLaggen. Isn't he a member of the Slug Club?" Ron asked, tone filled with jealously. It was clear that the two liked each other and Amandla hated that even more – hating knowing that Hermione's crush was returned and that she never stood a chance with the girl.
"Actually, I was going to ask you," Hermione's tone seemed to suggest she was angry at the assumption and poison in his voice, but really it was sadness – sadness at the thought that maybe this was his way of rejecting her.
"Really?" he stared at her with wonder, eyes questioning whether or not it was a joke. As if he couldn't imagine Hermione ever liking him, Amandla shared the feeling. It came as quite a shock to her that the Granger girl would even want to be her friend.
"Really. But seeing as you have such a distaste for the idea, I guess not," she slammed her books closed and stood up, almost to the stairs when she called back, "Amandla, thanks for spending time with me – it was much appreciated."
And she was smiling like a fool again before turning back to the boys, suddenly feeling awkward without Hermione, "Well...I guess I'll just be going now."
It was an odd sight, seeing a Hufflepuff escape from the Gryffindor tower. It wasn't supported for students to enter the common rooms of the other houses. Forbidden, actually. Said that each common room was just for that particular house. Although, that rule was broken many times for Hufflepuffs. There was always a party going, those animals.
The corridors always seemed longer in the dark, she noticed. And the shadows seemed grander, the trees illuminated into the castle by moonlight always scarier when she was alone. There were already chills on her spine. Even after all these years, she was still spooked by Hogwarts in some ways. And she was more aware of her feet hitting the floor with every step, even though her pace was slow and meant to keep quiet. The owl calling outside causing her to jump slightly, and then:
"Amandla, is that you?" she let out a large shriek of surprise as she lifted from the ground, red from embarrassment as she saw Pansy Parkinson with her Slytherin robes on and badge that said 'Prefect'.
"Hey...Pansy," she gave a hesitant smile, not really sure if the girl would be okay with her saying her first name.
"Are you aware of how late it is?" was her only question, smirk on her face from the amusing reaction from had first received from Amandla.
She blinked, not really. "No, sorry," Amandla apologized, "I was, uh, doing some homework...must've forgotten."
Pansy nodded as if she understood, though Amandla doubted that, "Technically, I'm supposed to give you attention," that brought her eyes wide as she was about to begin pleading when the Parkinson girl continued, "but I guess I'll let it slide this time, as long as you tell me how Draco is. Barely speaks to anyone anymore."
Guilt flashed in her eyes, "I'm not really speaking to Draco anymore either..."
"Really? That's a shame, but I'm not surprised," Pansy waved it off as if it were nothing, though they both knew differently, "Feel like I don't even know the boy."
Amandla didn't comment on that, even though she felt the exact same way. Just before, Draco had been telling her about how he wanted to run away and everything then he just goes and tries to curse Dumbledore. She didn't know him anymore, and this divide...this silent treatment between them wasn't helping.
"I mean, at least Theo knows how not to alienate himself," Pansy shook her head, trying to smile even though the tears were swelling in her eyes.
"What do you mean?" Amandla was afraid of the answer.
"I mean, you must know. Basically everyone in Slytherin does and everyone else speculates. They're branded," Pansy said, "Don't even try to lie and say that he doesn't, it's obvious, but I don't know how he's isolating himself. Draco wears long sleeves now, all the time. So does Theo. Found out about Nott first, Blaise thought I'd be funny by waking him up by pulling the sheets off, first night he didn't have sleeves and we all saw. Pieced together the Draco thing later, wasn't hard."
"How can you say all of this so calmly?" Amandla asked once Pansy had paused, never wanted to interrupt anyone.
"Because it's going to happen to all of us, isn't it?" Pansy questioned, "Merlin, I didn't even realize...yeah, I knew my parents held the same values, but I never imagined that they were killers...and then, and then it all just came together. This is just my fate, why fight it?"
And that brought on the second (or third) question: "Why are you telling me this? We're not friends, and it's kinda clear that you don't like me or anything."
"Yeah, that's true, but I need someone to talk to – and who's better than you? This was supposed to be your fate, but now it's not, and I know you won't tell anyone," Pansy blinked away the tears, "And I want someone to understand and not understand at the same time...does that make any sense?"
"Surprisingly, a little," Amandla blinked, still trying to wrap her brain around everything.
"Well, goodnight, Amandla. And I better not see you out past curfew again," Pansy began to walk away, leaving Amandla alone again and feeling even more confused than before.
―
"I don't see the point in Ancient Runes," Cevira complained with a huff, "Wish I never took it in the first place."
"Yes, I know, you only tell me once a day..." Amandla teased with a smile, but Cevira only rolled her eyes.
"Not every day – only days that I have the bloody class or have to do homework," the Asian girl corrected, finger pointing at the girl.
Amandla raised her hands in mock surrender, "Yes, of course, how could I ever get it wrong?"
The two girls sat in the library after classes had finished for the day, going ahead and working on the assignments due tomorrow for their next classes. At that moment, Amandla was working on Divination, which wasn't all too hard. Really, she just had to make up some dreams that seemed happier than the nightmares she actually had most every night.
"Hey, what can you interpret from 'dreamed of eating a sandwich'?" Amandla asked her friend seriously, about to put that in place for the thirteenth.
"Either that you're really bad at coming up with fake dreams or you don't eat enough," Cevira answered as she wrote something down on her parchment.
Amandla rolled her eyes, "Whatever. How's this: dreamed that I woke up in someone else's body?"
"You wish you were someone else...or that you have problems with yourself. Something along those lines."
"Can't have that then, that's too close to the truth," Amandla scrapped that idea, opting just to use the terrible sandwich dream instead.
"You're such a cheery person, really," Cevira sarcastically said as Amandla shot her a smile.
"What's another dream idea? And don't do anything involving food, I already have like three of those," Amandla dipped her quill into the ink.
"Wow, you really do have a problem with food. And shopping. Just say that you dreamed you were shopping for stationary items or socks," Cevira suggested.
"Oh, I like that one," Amandla jotted it down quickly, "That reminds me, next Hogsmeade trip I need to get another pair – the ones I got last time are just so comfy!"
Cevira shook her head but didn't say anything, and the two girls missed the speeding Corey who swept by their table quickly, dropping something onto the table before basically sprinting away. Hearing the item fall onto the table, Amandla's eyebrows furrowed as she picked it up, seeing that it was a nice note in the neat Copernicus Lovegood handwriting.
She unfolded it, opening it to see a small meet me in the back written almost in a rush, though it still looked so neat – neater than her handwriting could ever be. Amandla was quick to crush it up quickly into a ball, raising Cevira's attention as she looked oddly at the girl.
Picking up her stuff, she stammered, "Uh, I, uh, have to go somewhere now...sorry!"
And she was up from the table and walking towards the entrance before sneaking to the back, seeing Corey smoking again. This, of course, filled the girl with sympathy as she saw the state the boy was in. Bags under his eyes, hair disheveled, and tie not properly made. "Oh, Corey..."
He let out a slight chuckle, as if mocking her concern which snapped her out of her trance before stating, "You're smoking again."
"And you're still drinking, we've been over this. It's nothing new," Corey shook his head.
"Yes, it is. Everything is new this year with you and I don't know why," Amandla began to rant, "And then you say this bullshit like you don't want to hurt me or anything but don't tell me why you would hurt me and I'm left here standing like an idiot wondering where everything went wrong."
"You aren't an idiot, Amandla, never think of yourself like that," Corey softly said.
"See! You're so confusing. First you tell me to stay away, then you act like you care and then I realize that you fucking don't! You don't care about me anymore – or maybe you never did at all – and it makes me want to cry and scream at the same time," Amandla huffed.
"I do care about you, and that's why I wanted you to stay away – so I won't hurt you."
"Then why am I here? You're telling me to leave and forget about you, yet you invite me here to what? Remind me? I don't need that," her anger was increasing with every word.
"Didn't you hear? I said wanted, I did. I thought it would be better...but I don't want you to remember me as some douche you stopped being friends with you, I wanted to be remembered as a nice guy who had asshole characteristics every now and again," Corey explained.
"You're still not explaining everything, like why you were sheltering yourself in the first place," Amandla shuffled, feeling something off with his words.
Corey shook his head, "I can't...not yet. I'm sorry, but can you please forgive me?"
Her mind was screaming no, the logical part that wanted to protect her in the future. She knew he could hurt her, could leave her, but her heart said to forgive. This was her friend, or the shell of him at least. And she wanted to forget everything and forgive, something she did too easily, something she was beginning to realize. But how could she cast him out? She couldn't.
Amandla sighed, "I shouldn't. Really, I shouldn't, but I am. Don't make me regret it, alright?"
Corey smiled, an actual and genuine smile of happiness with sparkles in his eyes that seemed greater than other times before because it was the first time he had smiled like that in months – and it showed. That was enough for her to fill with sympathy again. He stood up and wrapped his arms around her, careful for the cigarette not to touch her. And he drew back and took another huff of the smoke, causing her to roll her eyes.
"In public? You could get caught," Amandla scolded him.
"No one comes back here, Amandla. And I mean no one, this is the section with all the encyclopedias – something no one wants to read," Corey shook his head.
"Hermione would, maybe. She'll read anything I think," Amandla thought aloud, smiling fondly at the thought of the girl.
"You're still hung up on her," she nodded, "Merlin, you're helpless?"
"And this is news?" Amandla smiled, thinking for a moment before saying, "I'm glad to have you back, I missed you."
"I missed you too," Corey returned the smile, "It was terribly lonely being alone."
She pushed his chest tightly, "That's to be expected, bozo. Now hand me the cigarette."
"You a smoker now too?" he teased, passing it to her still. She took a swing, coughing slightly at the intrusion of smoke in her lungs. "You'll get used to it."
"No I won't, I don't think I'm ever going to smoke again. I'll stick with alcohol, thank you very much," she grimaced.
Corey just shrugged and took the cigarette back, "Whatever floats your boat, Amandla."
And they both couldn't help but think that maybe there light at the end of the tunnel, Amandla going as far as to think that maybe she wouldn't drown. Maybe no one would drown, maybe she could save everyone.
She couldn't.
finally updated this! thank you for being patient, I just haven't been feeling motivated lately and stuff. also, I know that the conversation with ron, hermione, harry was originally before the quidditch match but I moved it because I felt like it fit in better with the story. so yeah.