A long silence stretches between us. He averts his gaze to his lap, his hand fidgeting with the burger wrapper. He takes a long breath, shaking his head. "I didn't" he admits. The confession honestly takes me by surprise. I had assumed he had realized how much he meant to me but maybe he didn't.
"How?" I ask softly. "How could you not realize how much you meant to me?"
"I didn't say I didn't know how much I meant to you Maya" he says, lifting his gaze to meet mine. "I'm saying I never thought that it was a good thing."
I'm staring at him wide eyes with my lips parted in shock. "So someday?" I question, anger beginning to seep in. "You made that up for what purpose exactly? To lead me on?"
"No" he shakes his head. "I was selfish when I started that with you."
"Josh" I exclaim in frustration. "I was-." I stop myself, balancing on the edge of that three letter phrase was dangerous. Even if it was how I felt three years ago.
"You were what?"
"Nothing" I shake my head. "The point is" I take a deep breath. "When you broke off our someday thing I felt like my world was crashing in on itself. Every insecurity I've had my entire life suddenly bubbled back up and I just couldn't stop wondering why I wasn't good enough. Why I'm never good enough." I don't realize it until Josh reaches out to catch my tears that I'm crying.
~ 🚔 ~
This is all my fault. The day I broke off someday was the hardest day of my life. I hated hurting her but at the time it made sense. She was still on high school and I was going off to college. Things were only going to get more complicated and I didn't want that. I wanted Maya to enjoy high school and I wanted to see what life had to offer. Of course a life without Maya offers nothing of interest to me, this project had made that abundantly clear. I was falling fast and hard.
"Maya" I say softly, lifting her chin with my hand. "You are enough" I tell her, gazing into her glossed over, frozen blue eyes. "You are more than enough."
"Then why does everyone leave me? Why does Aiden?" she trails off, not wanting to finish her sentence.
"Sweetheart what Aiden is doing to to, he does it because he's an awful person who thought he could get what he wanted from a vulnerable young woman. There's no excuse for his behavior and he will pay for what he's done to you" I add definitively.
"Are you gonna leave me again?" she asks softly, the worry in her voice so apparent that is causes my heart to shatter into a million pieces. I don't know how I ever thought leaving her would be a good thing but I knew I'd never so it again.
"No" I shake my head. "I'm right here Maya" I assure her, wiping the last of her tears. "I'm not going anywhere."
"Good" she smiles softly before wrapping her arms around my neck and nuzzling her head into my chest. I wrap her up in my embrace and hold her. She was safe here, she was in my arms. I could protect her here. "Don't let go yet" she whispers making my heart swell as I squeeze her tighter and kiss the top of her head.
"I won't" I assure her.
~ 🚔 ~
"Come to game night" I beg him as I lean against my car while he leans against his own. We had finished our lunch and headed back out on patrol, busting three speeders and one person with expired plates before calling it quits for the day. Now we were in the parking lot and I was trying to convince him to come to game night at his brother's house.
"I already told you-."
"Jesus you're so stubborn" I tease making a smile pull at his lips even though he tries not to.
"You must be rubbing off on me" he teases making me gape at him.
"I must be rubbing off on you?" I gape. "I am not stubborn" I exclaim causing a loud laugh to fall from his lips.
"You're not stubborn? That's the joke of the day baby" he chuckles. I ignore the way the word baby sends my heart aflutter, chalking it up to a slip of the tongue. A blush rises on my cheeks as a smile pulls at my lips.
"Fine" I give. "I'm stubborn. And now that I've given in, it's your turn."
"Maya-."
"It's game night. We'll eat too much popcorn, have some laughs, and part ways as friends" I say playfully.
"You really aren't going to take no for an answer are you?"
"Nope" I pop the p making him chuckle, shaking his head in amusement.
"Fine" he gives in. "You're lucky I'm incapable of forming the word no with you around."
"That could come in handy" I smirk causing him to raise an eyebrow at me. "You know for casework" I add though that was furthest from where my dirty mind had trailed off to. Thoughts of him letting me trail my hands wherever I wanted, allowing me to have control as we lose ourselves in one another. I try to fight the blush deepening on my cheeks or the way I'm suddenly craving his touch in places I really, really shouldn't.
"Mhm" he replies unconvinced. "Meet you at my brother's" he says before climbing in his car and driving off.
~ 🚔 ~
Her comment caused the most impure thoughts to arise in my head and I knew that's exactly what she was trying to accomplish. I couldn't say no to her. It was true. I would let her do anything she wanted to me. My head forms thoughts of her on top of me, saying my name over and over again as she loses herself. I shake my head and try to stop my racing thoughts but the tightning of my pants isn't helping. I pull up to my brother's loft, beating Maya by mere seconds. I climb out of the car and pull at my jeans a bit while she climbs out of her car. "Long time no see" she teases.
"You're a tease" I reply playfully. I expect her to laugh, to smile mischievously, to do anything except stop in her tracks and stare at me with a look of terror.
"What?" she asks softly.
"Um" I stutter. This had taken a bad turn. "I was just teasing" I assure her as I take a step towards her. She takes one back and I instantly begin to worry. "Sweetheart I was just teasing. I'm not gonna touch you." She lets out a few short breaths as her face relaxes and she leans back against her car.
"I'n sorry" she says softly. "I know you'd never hurt me" she adds.
"Never" I assure her. "I was just teasing you because of your little comment you made." A blush rises on her cheeks as a giggle falls from her lips.
"You liked that?" she asks, all seriousness gone, her playful nature taking over once again. "Would you let me have my way with you Officer Matthews?" she asks. There's something about the way her mouth forms that phrase that's incredibly sexy and a huge turn on.
"You'd like that wouldn't you?" I ask as a smirk pulls at her lips.
"I probably would" she gives. "But this is the type of conduct that is going to get us nowhere good" she smirks, throwing my words back at me. I was glad I had made it clear that we should keep things professional even if every part of my body wanted her, ached for her. It would be so easy to just lean in and kiss her.
I stare into her eyes and sigh, taking a step back. "Exactly" I reply. "We need to keep this professional."
"Okay" she says, pushing off the car and brushing past me, seemingly unaffected by the heavy innuendo we were just exchanging. I take a long, deep breath and lean my head against the cool metal of the car. I was so fucked.
~ 🚔 ~
I was hoping he'd give in. Kiss me senseless but he didn't. Instead he continued on with his insistence of keeping our relationship professional. It was a good thing for my grade, no relationship meant no chance of me automatically failing and not being romantic with Josh could only help me situation with my violent boyfriend who I was scared shitless to end things with but I couldn't help the desire for Josh that kept building every single day. I wanted to know what his lips tasted like, hear him call me sweet pet names, let me have my way with him. Okay that last one probably had more to do with the heavy innuendo we were just throwing back and forth in the parking lot but it was something to think about in the future.
I walk into the loft and Riley's eyes light up in excitement upon seeing me. "Peaches" she exclaims making me chuckle as I move towards her and wrap her in a hug.
"Hi honey" I smile before letting her go. "Matthews" I smile up at my teacher and second father as I grab a handful of popcorn out of the bowl on the table and pop it into my mouth.
"Uncle Josh" Auggie exclaims causing me to turn around and spot the brunette walking into the loft.
"What is my uncle doing here?" Riley asks making a smile pull at my lips as I look over at her with a mischievous smile.
"He can't say no me." She raises an eyebrow at me causing me to burst into laughter as Topanga walks down the steps, into the room.
"Pangers" Josh exclaims when he spots his sister in law.
"Josh?" she questions, obviously in shock of his presence.
"Hey" he smiles, "I hope it's okay that I crashed. Maya was kinda insistent" he chuckles making them all turn to face me with intrigued looks on their faces.
"We're paired up on a project for school" I explain. "I'm his shadow."
"Oh yea" Cory nods, "for social studies" he fills in. "I heard about that one."
"Yea" I smile. "I just mentioned game night to Josh and extended an invitation. That's okay right?"
"Beyond okay" Cory smiles. "Is Lucas on the way yet?" he asks Riley curiously causing Josh to raise a surprised eyebrow at his brother.
"He's invited now?"
"Him and Riley are practically married" Auggie replies making Cory's eyes widen.
"No" he exclaims making all of us burst into laughter. We all pile into the living room and begin setting up the game when the door opens and Lucas walks in.
"Hey guys" he smiles brightly.
"Lucas" Riley exclaims, jumping up from her seat on the floor and wrapping her arms around her boyfriend.
"Hey beautiful" he replies, pulling back to give her a quick kiss. "So are we ready to play?" he asks as he and Riley take their seats.
"No" Auggie replies. "We're still waiting for-."
"I'm here" Ava exclaims as she bursts into the house making us all share a laugh.
"My woman's here" Auggie says playfully.
"Hello Ava" Topanga says with a tight-lipped smile.
"Topanga" she replies politely as she takes a seat beside Auggie.
"Alright" Cory smiles once the game is all set up. "It's the family game. We've all played before. We're all clear on the rules" he says. We all nod in agreement. "Josh, you okay pairing up with Maya?" he asks, obviously remembering how uncomfortable that made Josh a few years ago.
"Of course" Josh smiles. "Game on."