Ride Along ✅

12. Conversations and Innuendo

A long silence stretches between us. He averts his gaze to his lap, his hand fidgeting with the burger wrapper. He takes a long breath, shaking his head. "I didn't" he admits. The confession honestly takes me by surprise. I had assumed he had realized how much he meant to me but maybe he didn't.

"How?" I ask softly. "How could you not realize how much you meant to me?"

"I didn't say I didn't know how much I meant to you Maya" he says, lifting his gaze to meet mine. "I'm saying I never thought that it was a good thing."

I'm staring at him wide eyes with my lips parted in shock. "So someday?" I question, anger beginning to seep in. "You made that up for what purpose exactly? To lead me on?"

"No" he shakes his head. "I was selfish when I started that with you."

"Josh" I exclaim in frustration. "I was-." I stop myself, balancing on the edge of that three letter phrase was dangerous. Even if it was how I felt three years ago.

"You were what?"

"Nothing" I shake my head. "The point is" I take a deep breath. "When you broke off our someday thing I felt like my world was crashing in on itself. Every insecurity I've had my entire life suddenly bubbled back up and I just couldn't stop wondering why I wasn't good enough. Why I'm never good enough." I don't realize it until Josh reaches out to catch my tears that I'm crying.

~ 🚔 ~

This is all my fault. The day I broke off someday was the hardest day of my life. I hated hurting her but at the time it made sense. She was still on high school and I was going off to college. Things were only going to get more complicated and I didn't want that. I wanted Maya to enjoy high school and I wanted to see what life had to offer. Of course a life without Maya offers nothing of interest to me, this project had made that abundantly clear. I was falling fast and hard.

"Maya" I say softly, lifting her chin with my hand. "You are enough" I tell her, gazing into her glossed over, frozen blue eyes. "You are more than enough."

"Then why does everyone leave me? Why does Aiden?" she trails off, not wanting to finish her sentence.

"Sweetheart what Aiden is doing to to, he does it because he's an awful person who thought he could get what he wanted from a vulnerable young woman. There's no excuse for his behavior and he will pay for what he's done to you" I add definitively.

"Are you gonna leave me again?" she asks softly, the worry in her voice so apparent that is causes my heart to shatter into a million pieces. I don't know how I ever thought leaving her would be a good thing but I knew I'd never so it again.

"No" I shake my head. "I'm right here Maya" I assure her, wiping the last of her tears. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Good" she smiles softly before wrapping her arms around my neck and nuzzling her head into my chest. I wrap her up in my embrace and hold her. She was safe here, she was in my arms. I could protect her here. "Don't let go yet" she whispers making my heart swell as I squeeze her tighter and kiss the top of her head.

"I won't" I assure her.

~ 🚔 ~

"Come to game night" I beg him as I lean against my car while he leans against his own. We had finished our lunch and headed back out on patrol, busting three speeders and one person with expired plates before calling it quits for the day. Now we were in the parking lot and I was trying to convince him to come to game night at his brother's house.

"I already told you-."

"Jesus you're so stubborn" I tease making a smile pull at his lips even though he tries not to.