My palms are sweating as I click the search button. I'm not sure what's driving me to do this if I know I'm probably going to be deeply hurt.
Maybe because I need to feel something.
Anything.
I slowly start typing Dean's name on the search box. Nothing pops up. I backspace to only search my friends name that start with a D.
Deanna.
Diana.
Dana.
No Dean.
Did he really delete me?
I try to look for the old messages we sent each other and nothing shows up. Why aren't they showing up?
Deep inside I know I should let it go, but I can't. I try to search for him and a lot of Dean's pop up. A few with the last name Ambrose yet none of them are him.
He blocked me.
Then it clicks. I search for Layla. It takes me a while to find her until I finally do. She posts a lot on her page.
Every time I look at her pictures I can't help to compare her to me. She's obviously better, way, way, better.
When I come across a picture of Dean and her my heart sinks. It's enough to make me quit creeping on her page.
I log out of Facebook and lay back down on my bed. It's been a week and his words are still replying in my head.
It's like a broken disc that won't stop. All I hear is his words and every time it only gets worse. He left me wondering what I did wrong.
What did I do wrong?
Everything was fine. We were friends. We were fine. Then all of the sudden he stopped talking to me. He left my life like I meant nothing.
Maybe I did meant nothing to him, but to me he was everything.
I stare at the bracelet around my wrist. I haven't dared to take it off, it's the only thing reminding me he once cared.
>>>
"Large Strawberry in a cone?"
I get up from the table to get my cone then paying the lady. After doing so I sit back down and start eating the ice cream.
I stare at the empty seat in front of me remembering Dean. We were here once. Eating ice cream together.
I'm in the same seat eating the same exact thing except this time he isn't with me. The bell rings signaling someone has walked in the place.
That's when I finally snap out of it and realize my ice cream is already melting in my hands.
Why do I always hold on for too long?
"I'd like a large chocolate in a cup to go and a medium cookies n' cream to go also."
When I hear that voice I immediately look up. Layla is here. I get up from my seat and put the cone down on a napkin not caring for the mess.
A part of me tells me I shouldn't talk to her, but I approach her either way. "Layla?"
She turns around and lands eyes on me. "Oh. Hey." There's something different about her tone. It's not the way she spoke to me a few weeks ago at the movies.
"How are you?"
"I'm good and you?" She asks turning back around and getting the two cups of ice cream. She pulls out her credit card and hands it to the lady.
I notice she has chocolate ice cream. It's definitely Dean's. Immediately, I look outside hoping to her a glance of him, but I get nothing.
The lady returns her credit card and she sticks it back in her purse. "How's - how's Dean?" I ask quietly.
Layla looks at me with no expression on her eyes. She's staring at me blankly making me uncomfortable.
"He's good." She finally replies. "Oh. Okay. That's - that's great."
"Why don't we go ahead and stop the act?" She says as she starts walking outside. "What act?" I ask confused as I follow her outside.
She turns around to face me again. "Dean confessed that he kissed you. I know everything."
"What?" I ask almost breathless.
"You heard me. A couple weeks ago he confessed to be that he kissed you."
"But ..."
"I'm not mad at him. At first I was, but then I realized he kissed you because that was your wish. You were about to go into surgery, wouldn't you have done the same if you were in his spot? He confessed he kissed you because he felt guilty. We've been together for a long time and we're going to continue to be together. Listen, I don't have a problem with you, but you have to stay away from, Dean. He doesn't want you to be depending on him anymore. We're happy together and we don't need you in our love life. I'm his happiness so if you care about him please leave him alone. Do you understand that you need to let him go so he can be happy? You only stress him out and worry him. Just leave him alone so he can be happy."
She walks away to her car and I stand there speechless.
"Do you ever feel like someone's happiness depends on you?"
He was talking about me. Of course he was talking about me. How was I so stupid to it realize?
Did he really feel the need to talk to me because I was in a wheelchair? So was all of it fake? Everything?
LMa'am?" A girl calls. I turn around and she motions me to go back inside.
She points the the ice cream that's now melted all over the table, a big puddle underneath.
"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." I apologize grabbing napkins and cleaning the mess. "I'm so sorry, I do everything wrong. I'm sorry."
"It's - it's okay." The girl says helping me clean. She looks at me sadly and I feel warmness on my cheeks.
I touch my face and realize I'm crying. "I'm sorry." I apologize again embarrassed. "I'm really sorry."