Camila made it to day four without having to talk to Lauren about what happened.
The pair hadn't had any physical contact since Camila fell asleep in Lauren's arms the night she returned. Hell, she barely spoke to her unless it was unavoidable, afraid that if they'd had a conversation that it would lead to them having to talk about what happened.
Camila mainly just spent her time hidden in the bedroom on the phone that Lauren had apparently collected for her whilst she was away.
That made her feel even guiltier for avoiding the girl.
She knew it was cowardly but she couldn't help it.
But Lauren couldn't find herself to be annoyed at the younger girl for putting off talking because one, it was her fault they had to have this talk in the first place, and two, she also could see how much it was affecting the brunette.
And although Camila managed to not cry in front of Lauren, the girl read like a book and Lauren could tell that she was struggling. The fact that Lauren often woke up in the night to hear the shower running and small sniffles coming from the bathroom also added to her conclusion.
Camila never mentioned her crying to Lauren and Lauren never mentioned when Camila would come out of the bathroom with swollen eyes.
They just ignored it.
But when Lauren was walking back from the bathroom and heard muffled sobs coming from her bedroom, she decided she couldn't ignore it anymore.
She knocked on the door, hearing the sound of shuffling coming from the other side before Camila spoke up, "I've got to go now Ally. Bye."
There was a short protest from the girl on the phone but it was cut short because Camila hung up. "Yes?" Her voice wavered, giving away the brave front she'd put on.
Lauren pushed the door open, taking in the sight in front of her.
Camila was sat on the foot of the bed, her knees curled up against her chest, hugging them loosely. Her wrists had been scratched until they had bled, the skin torn and irritated.
And Lauren rushed forward to stop her from doing any more damage to herself, crouching in front of her with a concerned look plastered on her features.
"Talk to me," She whispered but Camila shook her head.
"I ca-an't," She choked out.
"No, don't talk with me. Talk to me. Talk to me about you," Lauren elaborated and Camila paused, her chest rising unevenly.
"My hands. They won't stop shaking and I-I can't fix it," Camila lifted her hands, holding them out for Lauren to see. They were balled into fists, her nails digging tightly into her palms.
"Okay, we can fix that together though. We can fix that," Lauren said softly, taking one of Camila's hands in both of hers. She massaged it, gently prying away each finger until she could link their hands, bringing it up to her lips and resting them their for a moment.
"And my other?" Camila sniffled and Lauren nodded, doing the same to her other one. Her hands stayed linked in Lauren's and she moved to sit on the floor, opposite the older girl.
"Now will you tell me what's really bothering you?" Lauren raised an eyebrow, rubbing her thumbs over the soft skin of Camila's hands.
"Everything's just going wrong! There's too many problems to fix and I don't know where to start so nothing's getting better. I can't fix it," Camila tried to bury her face in her knees but Lauren stopped her.
"You don't need to be upset about that. Things are going to get better, I promise. Don't let it upset you," She said softly before standing up, tugging on Camila's hands. "Let's go clean up your wrists," She said when she saw her confused expression.
Camila nodded, allowing Lauren to pull her onto her feet and guide her to the ensuite. She was lifted onto the counter and Lauren pulled a first aid kit out of the cabinet.
"You can't fix everything Camila. Some things are beyond your control and they just have to fix themselves. Or you have to have help fixing them. You can't put it all on you," Lauren told her as she used a cotton pad to clean the blood.
"I need help. I need help to fix things. Will you help me?" Camila looked up through long, damp eyelashes and Lauren nodded, smiling at her.
"I'll always help you. No matter what," She dabbed some rubbing alcohol on the scratches and Camila flinched slightly.
"No matter what," She repeated quietly. "I need you. I need you to make me feel okay."
"You don't need me as much as you think Camila. Look at you, you've gone nearly four days without me," Lauren pointed out.
"I can live with out you Lauren, I just don't want to. It sucks when you're not with me," Camila said simply and Lauren met her eyes, moving her hand to squeeze her knee.
"Well, you don't have to. I'm not leaving you again," She assured her.
"You've said that before," Camila reminded her.
"I know. But I mean it, I'm not leaving you," Lauren repeated and Camila found herself believing her. "When I left you, I didn't do it to hurt you. I'd never do anything to intentionally hurt you. But you had said that you wanted to leave and I know you didn't mean it because you keep telling me. But I never at the time and I thought if we had a few days apart, you'd see what it was like if you went home and I wanted you to figure out if that's what you wanted."
Camila furrowed her eyebrows as she absorbed all the information, feeling Lauren's eyes trained on her as she continued to clean her wrists.
"I'm so sorry for hurting you. I never wanted that, I never want you to hurt because of me. And you do because I always fuck up but I'm going to change and be a better girlfriend. I know you have feelings and I do care about them and I... just, yeah. I'm going to be a better girlfriend," Lauren trailed off shyly.
"Okay," Camila nodded once and Lauren tilted her head. She didn't know what reaction to expect but 'okay' definitely wasn't it.
"Okay?" Lauren questioned, tilting her head.
"Okay," Camila repeated. "Like, we're okay. And you're okay and I'm okay."
"Okay," Lauren laughed slightly, copying Camila's words. Well, word. "Do you want me to bandage your wrists up?"
When Camila didn't respond, she looked up at her, only for Camila to lurch forward and join their lips.
Lauren immediately placed her hands on her petite waist, pulling her closer, whilst Camila hands looped her arms around Lauren's neck. And despite not kissing in days, neither of them forgot the feel of each others lips. Camila remembered how Lauren's lips were chapped but felt so good against hers and Lauren remembered every dip and curve of Camila's mouth.
"Bandages really get you going," Lauren joked breathlessly when they were forced to pull apart for air and Camila laughed for the first time in days before she resumed their original position.
"I love you," Camila whispered against Lauren's lips.
"I love you more," Lauren returned, her grip on Camila's waist tighter.
Murmured I love yous and soft kisses turned into hungry lips battling for dominance and desperate clutches on each other; Camila's legs wrapped tightly around Lauren's waist and her hands in her raven hair.
"I want you," Camila breathed out, her breaths uneven and ragged.
"You've got me," Lauren replied instantly.
"I want all of you," Camila elaborated and Lauren immediately caught on.
"Are you sure?" She questioned and Camila nodded quickly. "Say it."
"I'm sure, I want you. Make love to me," Camila whispered, reconnecting their lips. Lauren looped her arms under Camila's thighs, lifting her up and carrying her through to the bedroom.
"You have to tell me. Tell me if you change your mind," Lauren told her and Camila nodded, shuffling back on the bed and pulling Lauren with her.
Lauren's hands fiddled with the hem of Camila's t-shirt and the brunette lifted her arms, signalling for Lauren to pull it off. And Lauren did just that, pulling it over her head and leaving Camila in just her lacy bra and jeans.
Lauren's lips moved down Camila's neck, sucking on the tanned skin. A soft moan left Camila's lips and she tilted her head back so Lauren could get better access. Her fingers entangled in Lauren's hair, pulling her closer. Lauren moved to her pulse spot and Camila let out a loader moan.
"You need to get out of these jeans," Lauren momentarily detached her lips to murmur in Camila's ear. Camila nodded quickly, wriggling out of them and throwing them carelessly on the floor. Lauren planted a kiss on her earlobe, nibbling on the skin and Camila inhaled sharply. "Can I?" She questioned, hooking her finger under the back of Camila's bra. Camila barely nodded and Lauren undid the clasp, throwing it somewhere beside the jeans.
Lauren gently pushed Camila back so she was laid on the bed, completely naked besides her lace panties. She already looked fucked out, her hair messy and lips swollen. Lauren sat on her hips, tracing her finger up and down her stomach.
"You're fucking beautiful," She muttered, shaking her head softly and Camila blushed. "You're perfect. I love you."
"I love you too," Camila whispered and Lauren smiled, kissing her lips lightly. And then she kissed her again, hard. Camila sat herself up, her hands placed on the back of Lauren's neck as she pulled herself closer, forcing Lauren to kiss her harder. She pulled on the raven curls as Lauren bit, tugged and licked her bottom lip, her tongue exploring every crevice of Camila's mouth which caused both girls to moan into the heated kiss.
Somewhere in their makeout session Lauren's t-shirt also joined the growing pile of clothes on the floor, allowing Camila to dig her nails into Lauren's back when the older girl began to nip at her prominent collar bones.
She'd laid back down again now, her hands tangled in Lauren's hair, guiding her lips to her chest. Camila just about lost it when Lauren brushed her finger over her nipple. She didn't have time to recover though, because Lauren grazed her teeth along the sensitive skin, her other hand hard at work as she rolled her other nipple in her slim fingers.
"Fuck, Lauren," Camila moaned, her hips bucking into Lauren's which caused the other girl to moan in return. Lauren's leg slipped between Camila's, pressing hard, and Camila moaned. Loud. "Stop teasing," Camila panted and Lauren complied, kissing down to where her panties started.
She hooked her finger around the flimsy material and Camila lifted her legs, allowing Lauren to pull them down and discard of them on the floor. She kissed down her stomach, her fingers pinching the tan skin of Camila's thigh without the bandage before rubbing out the sting.
"Just fingers. Please. I need to see you," Camila spoke up softly and Lauren met her eyes. For a moment she'd forgot that it was the first time since him and she nodded quickly to reassure her.
The second she ran her fingers through Camila's folds, the brunette moaned loudly, her nails sliding down Lauren's back. Lauren slid a finger into her and Camila squeezed her eyes shut, her nails sinking into the soft flesh of Lauren's back.
"We can stop whenever you want," Lauren reminded her and Camila nodded because she knew that. She could feel Lauren everywhere around her, filling every sense and consuming Camila's thoughts.
Lauren added another finger, swallowing Camila's cries in a kiss. Camila could feel herself shaking and she gripped onto Lauren's shoulders because she needed to hold onto something.
"Lauren," She gasped when the older girl added a third finger, pumping the digits in and out quickly. Her head was spinning and her thighs were trembling and both girls could tell she was close.
So when Lauren's thumb pressed against her clit and her free hand moved to gently twist her nipple, it wasn't a surprise when Camila's backs arched off the bed and she clamped down around Lauren's fingers.
Lauren placed a hot kiss on her shoulder as she helped Camila ride out of orgasm, a mixture or moans and the sound of Lauren's name leaving the younger girl's mouth.
"You're so fucking beautiful," Lauren shook her head slightly, her hands placed on either side of Camila's taut stomach. Camila could only muster enough energy to give a small smile. With kiss-bruised, swollen lips and wild hair, a thin layer of sweat covering her body, Lauren thought she was the most beautiful girl in the world.
Lauren moved to lay beside her, wrapping her arms around Camila's trembling form and pulling her close.
"Are you okay?" Lauren questioned and Camila knew she meant mentally as well as physically.
"I'm perfect," Camila reassured her in a whisper and Lauren smiled, brushing her hair away from her face and kissing her forehead.
They stayed wrapped in each other's arms for about half an hour, Camila's unsteady chest pressed against Lauren's as she tried to get back into a normal breathing rhythm.
"I'm need to get a bath," Lauren announced softly, continuing to push pieces of hair behind Camila's ear. Camila shook her head, burying her face into Lauren's neck.
"Stay with me," Camila's voice cracked with tiredness and Lauren smiled.
"Come with me," She suggested and Camila nodded. Lauren stayed for a few more minutes before she kissed the top of Camila's head and left to run a bath.
Camila laid on her own for a few moments before following Lauren into the bathroom.
"Hey beautiful," Lauren greeted and Camila smiled bashfully, walking over and wrapping her arms and Lauren's neck. "I love you."
"I know," Camila hummed in response.
"I forgot that you'd cut your leg," Lauren ran her hand over the bandage tied around her thigh, "have you been taking your medicine?"
She felt Camila nod against her shoulder.
"It seems like ages since you got sick," Lauren recalled. When Camila didn't respond she pulled her head back to look at her. "You have been feeling okay, right?"
"Yeah, I'm fine," Camila shrugged it off, leaning on her tiptoes to press a kiss to Lauren's cheek. "Now get undressed so we can get in the bath."
"You're the cutest," Lauren commented.
Camila was leant against one end of the tub, her eyes drooping slightly. Lauren knew she was exhausted from getting minimal sleep for the past week, the fact that she'd not been eating much also contributing.
She also knew she was the cause of her not sleeping and bit her lip, waves of guilt washing over her.
The bags under Camila's eyes weren't the only thing Lauren could see that she'd caused either. Her bones were more prominent, that was obvious. But then there were the subtler details, the things you could only see if you really paid attention. Like how her fingernails had been bitten down to practically nothing; how her lips were chapped from being constantly bitten; how even know her hands were still slightly trembling.
"You're staring," Camila announced softly and Lauren met her eyes.
"You've lost weight," She stated and Camila's face softened.
"Lo," She sighed but Lauren shook her head.
"I'm sorry," She frowned and Camila scooted herself forward, cupping Lauren's face in her hands and kissing her softly.
"I know you are," She murmured against her lips, "I know. I forgive you."
Lauren didn't respond but pulled her closer, wrapping her arms around Camila's petite form. Camila moved her legs to straddle her, resting her head on her shoulder and her hands on Lauren's hips.
"Did Normani say anything about me whilst you were gone?" Camila muttered, her eyes fluttering closed.
"She feels really bad. She speaks before she thinks, she always has. And when she saw I was crying..." Lauren started but was quickly cut off.
"I made you cry?" Camila's eyes snapped open and she pulled her head back to meet Lauren's eyes.
"That doesn't matter Camz," Lauren told her softly, combing her fingers through the brunette locks, "all that shit she said, it isn't true."
"She doesn't like me. She never has, not even from the start. She just puts up with me because I'm always there," Camila mumbled dejectedly.
"Don't say that," Lauren pleaded desperately, " she didn't mean it. No one thinks any of that about you."
"You don't have to lie to me Lauren. It's okay, I'm working to be better. I'm going to be less dramatic and sort problems out on my own. I'm a big girl," Camila smiled positively and Lauren grabbed her face in her hands frantically.
"No! Don't change, you're perfect just the way you are! Please don't change yourself for anyone Camila," Lauren all but begged desperately.
"I'm doing it for me, I want to. I need to be less dependant on you," Camila said.
"You don't need to be anything. I love you Camila, all of you. If I wanted someone who was independent I'd hit up Normani. I want Camila. Sweet, cuddly, affectionate Camila," Lauren told her seriously before leaning closer; nuzzling her nose against Camila's cheek. "My Camila."
Camila's breath hitched slightly and she buried her face in Lauren's neck, pressing three quick kisses to Lauren's shoulder.
"I love you," Lauren whispered into her hair and Camila huddled closer.
"I love you too," She breathed out, feeling Lauren wrap her arms around her tightly.
It wasn't long before Lauren started to feel Camila become more and more limp against her until she was supporting most of her body weight.
"Do you wanna get out?" Lauren questioned quietly. Camila hummed in answer and Lauren nodded, carefully moving out from under her and climbing out the bath.
"Lauren?" Camila's voice rung through the room as Lauren was about to walk out.
"Yeah?" She looked over her shoulder.
"Do you promise you're never going to leave me again?" She bit on her lip and Lauren turned around, walking back towards her.
"I promise. Never again," She grabbed ahold of Camila's hands, pulling her onto her feet and wrapping a towel around her.
"But that's an awful long time to stay inside this house," Camila said doubtfully, stepping onto the tiled floor.
"I'm not going to leave you again," Lauren said seriously, punctuation her sentence with a kiss on Camila's forehead.
"Okay," Camila whispered with a smile, looping her arms around Lauren's neck loosely so they were still facing each other.
"I wanted to come back, I really did. Once I was there my dad kept wanting me though. I missed you so much," Lauren told her and Camila leant up and kissed her lightly.
"We're together now," She breathed out, resting their foreheads together.
"We're together now," Lauren confirmed in a hushed tone, "forever."
"Forever."
Lauren sighed as she hung up the phone after ordering some food. She knew Camila hadn't been eating and was hoping to bribe her with pizza.
The younger girl had fell asleep about an hour ago after making Lauren promise multiple times that she'd still be there when she woke up.
Lauren had washed the bed sheets and already ordered food to pass the time but she'd finished everything and Camila was still asleep.
She walked back to the living room where Camila was laid on the couch, her arms up by her head. There was a small frown on her face as she slept and the way she was tossing and turning, Lauren could tell she was having a nightmare. A distressed whine left her lips, her frown deepening.
Lauren crouched in front of her, placing a hand on her shoulder tentatively, smiling when Camila let out a small sigh and pressed further into the touch. She moved her hand to cup Camila's cheek, stroking her thumb over the smooth skin.
"You're okay," She hushed quietly. Camila shuffled closer to her, curling into her body. Lauren bit back a laugh at the girl's subconscious action, placing a kiss on her forehead before pulling away.
The action caused Camila to stir.
"Hey," Lauren whispered, combing back the brunette curls from her face. Camila inhaled through her nose softly, screwing her face up. "You were dreaming. You're okay, you can get some more sleep."
"You stayed," Camila's voice was groggy from sleep.
"I stayed. I'm not leaving you," Lauren hushed.
"You did in my dream," Camila murmured sleepily and Lauren frowned at her being the cause of Camila's nightmare.
"It wasn't real. I'm right here," She reassured her but the younger girl didn't look convinced, nor did she open her eyes. "Hey, Camz. I'm not going anywhere," She slipped an arm under Camila's, using her other one to hook around her waist and pull her into a sitting position.
The younger girl didn't even bother keeping herself upright, instead just allowing herself to fall forward into Lauren's arms.
Lauren caught her in an embrace, pulling her onto her lap.
"I've got you," She told her softly, rocking her slightly. She felt Camila pick up a piece of her hair in her fingers, letting it fall through before repeating the cycle "I've ordered a pizza but it's gonna take a while to come so you can sleep a bit more if you like."
"M'kay," Camila hummed quietly in response.
The conversation died after that, the only noise being the faint sound of the washing machine and Camila's steady breathing.
"What are you thinking about?" Lauren broke the silence after a while, tucking a piece of hair behind Camila's ear.
"What pizza did you order?" The younger girl asked and Lauren shook her head in amusement.
"Hawaiian," She answered with a smile.
"But you don't like pineapple," Camila recalled.
"But I like you," Lauren countered and Camila bit back a smile, cupping Lauren's face in her hands.
"You're something else," Camila said softly, resting their foreheads together. Lauren nuzzled them against each other before planting a kiss on Camila's temple.
"Will you eat something? Please? You've lost weight, too much," Lauren's voice was quiet but serious and Camila nodded, mostly just because of the tone. "Thank you."
The room was filled with silence once again, both girl's just content with holding each other. Lauren missed the feeling of Camila's weight in her lap and Camila had missed the feeling of Lauren's warm body pressed against hers.
It was ruined by the sound of the doorbell.
"Pizza," Lauren announced, patting Camila's thighs and signalling for her to climb off. The younger girl did, reluctantly, sitting on the floor of the living room.
Lauren joined her minutes later, balancing pizza boxes and a bottle of Coke. She settled herself opposite of her girlfriend, opening the food and pouring them both a drink.
Camila frowned at the loss of contact but was too scared to speak up, instead just sending wistful glances at Lauren. The older girl soon caught on to what she was doing and reached for her hand, linking them and pulling her close so she was leant against her side.
Camila opened her mouth to question how she knew but Lauren beat her to it.
"You read like a book," Lauren looked down at her with a smile and Camila's cheeks flushed pink and she took a bite of pizza instead of answering. "Here," Lauren picked off a piece of pineapple and dropped it in Camila's mouth.
"You don't like pineapple, do you?" Camila asked once she'd swallowed the piece of fruit and Lauren shook her head. "You aren't hard to read either sweetheart."
"Oh shut up," Lauren scoffed playfully, digging her elbow into Camila's side and causing the younger Latina to squirm.
They fell into a routine after that, Lauren picking off the pineapple from her pizza and dropping it in Camila's mouth; Camila grinning in response.
"I haven't been very fair to you."
They were both sat on the floor, leaning against the couch, when Camila broke the silence.
"How so?" Lauren questioned, turning to her girlfriend.
"I've been ignoring you for the past few days. I didn't given you a chance to explain," Camila was playing with Lauren's fingers, looking at the ground.
"You didn't have to give me anything. I was the one who fucked up, remember?" Lauren reminded her. "And anyway, I explained earlier."
"I said some mean things the night you came back," Camila sighed dejectedly.
"You were mad Camila. And you had every right to be," Lauren told her.
"You have reasons to be mad too. Dinah slapped you," Camila pointed out, stopping playing with Lauren's fingers.
"I'm not mad at Dinah," Lauren said softly, "she was just trying to defend you. In her defence, if you saw how you looked through her eyes you'd be worried too. I think she's more mad at me that I am at her."
"She's not mad at you," Camila argued quickly, "she was texting me. She feels guilty."
"She doesn't need to feel guilty," Lauren told her.
"So are you going to talk to her? So you can sort it out?" Camila bit on her lip anxiously.
"Camz. Hey, look at me," Lauren coaxed softly, lifting her head up so she was forced to meet her eyes, "don't stress over other people's problems. It's not your job to fix everything, no one expects you to."
"I don't like when things go wrong," Camila murmured and Lauren squeezed her hand.
"I know you don't. But some things are out of your control. And that's okay. But you can't stress over it," Lauren said softly and Camila nodded reluctantly, looking away and instead focusing on the wall straight ahead of her.
"But there's so much that's gone wrong," She whispered, closing her eyes.
"Camila, it's not permanent. Everything's going to get better," Lauren hushed and Camila opened her eyes, sighing because that's all anyone ever said to her.
"Yeah, you're right. It's gonna be fine," She faked a smile that didn't convince Lauren.
The older girl brushed back some her hair, placing a lingering kiss to her temple before murmuring, "I love you."
This time, Camila's smile was real as she curled further into her girlfriend, muttering an I love you too and allowing the older girl to wrap an arm around her, keeping her close just in case she needed reminding that she wasn't going anywhere.