A.N. HIIII THIS CHAPTER IS SHORT AND BLEH AND I KNOW THAT AND I APOLOGIZE. IM OFFICIALLY ON SPRING BREAK RIGHT NOW AND I COMPLETELY CHECKED OUT FOR THE WHOLE WEEKEND AND DIDNT WRITE AT ALL BC I JUST NEEDED A BREAK FROM EVERYTHING, SO I HAD TO WRITE THIS ALL TONIGHT. BUT ANYWAY, HOPEFULLY SINCE I HAVE NO SCHOOL OR SPORTS I CAN EITHER DO A LONGER UPDATE OR A DOUBLE UPDATE NEXT WEEK :DD I LOVE U ALL SO MUCH AND PLEASEEEEEEEE VOTE/COMMENT/SHARE THE STORY THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING I LOVE YOUUU
CHAPTER 40
Snow halted in its downpour as it rested on the window outside. It blanketed the cool London streets and whirled through the air with a monstrous howl. A blizzard was being conjured up outside the walls, keeping kids from building snowmen and having fights; it was not that kind of snow.
I had long since forgotten the months as they dragged by outside that window in Kelsey's office. Was it November? December? I didn't know and it didn't matter, really. It was just cold.
Wickendale had only maintained its heat so that it was barely adequate to keep the patients warm. And even that sometimes left the walls and the air inside them cold because of the world's harsh winter. Complaints were made to turn the heat up rather than down.
But right now, in this very second, my body started to sweat. I felt hot whips coil throughout my entirety like the smoke of a cigarette. It started at my heart and with each pump it curled all the way toward my fingers and my legs. A fire roared in my chest and a burning hot like that of the devil's pitchfork twisted in my lungs, stealing their breath. My back felt as if it were in flames, the smoldering heat pulling the muscles until they were so tense it caused pain. I couldn't talk. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think.
And I knew the feeling. It was rare and unfamiliar, but I knew it. It was the same feeling I had when I heard the news about Emily's death. Panic. Well, panic and anger.
I was not a man of kindness and I had done things I'm not proud of. But if there was one good thing I did in this world, it was loving Rose with everything I had. Hell, she was all that I had. No family, no possessions, no money. Just her. And now Wickendale was taking even that away from me along with my last bit of sanity. So I panicked.
Suddenly I was standing. I hadn't remembered getting up. My eyes scanned the room in search of clues for what had happened in those last few seconds. Psychology books were scattered wide open along the ground. Pens and pencils littered the floor and papers laid in a mess all around me. My throat was soar and I was breathing heavy. I didn't have much recollection of the previous few seconds, but slowly I could remember flashes and glimpses of my hands, although restrained, knocking things violently off the wooden desk and shouts coming from my mouth in a scream. I don't remember what I said exactly, but it probably included the work "fuck" and many other vulgarities.
The door was suddenly swung open and Brian stepped inside. "Are you okay?"
He hadn't been talking to me but that's where his eyes were directed. He reached for my arm, about to pull me from the room without an answer.
"No!" Kelsey said before we got very far. "It's okay, it was my fault. He's fine. I'm fine. I'll bring him out when our session's over."
"You sure?" Brian asked.
"Yeah," Kelsey sighed, forcing a smile.
He didn't seem all that convinced. But after giving me one more skeptical look and scanning the room, he finally closed the door.
I looked down at Kelsey who was scrambling to pick up her things and I felt a pang of guilt. I may not have liked her but that wasn't her fault. At least she was helping us escape.
"I - I'm sorry," I muttered. And I was. I was just so angry at Ms. Hellman and James and Wickendale and myself, but that wasn't really Kelsey's fault, either.
"It's okay," she said in a quiet, sympathetic voice that I had never heard her use before.
"No, it's not," I argued, and then bent down to pick one of the books up off the floor.
Rose.
"Harry, your hands are shaking," Kelsey pointed out. And they were. I was shaking and holding back tears and trying not to throw up and I was scared. But I ignored it, ignored her, and continued to help clean up the mess I had made.
I didn't want to give her an answer and I didn't have one. I didn't feel fit for conversation. Because each intake of breath was an image of Rose on that surgery table, each was a part of me deteriorating as my mind replayed dreadful memories and each person I loved was ripped away from me, and each was a possibility of losing my slowly shredding sanity.
"Harry," Kelsey repeated after several of my attempts to take back my previous actions and put the items in their right place. "It's really okay." She looked at me seriously and I sighed, sitting down on the floor, leaning back on the wall behind me. "Lori and I are going to get you out. You and Rose both."
"Are you sure?" I asked, because I was in need of some reassurance at the moment.
"Yes," Kelsey answered. And maybe it was some psychology trick, but she had me believing her words whole-heartedly. "Rose is my best friend. I care about her too, Harry, and I'll make sure she gets out of here before any of that happens."
I titled my head back and pulled a cigarette from the pack in my front pocket. Fuck this, was the thought that rang through my head as I stuck it between my teeth and lit it. Kelsey had told me once that there was no smoking in her office, but it seemed as if this was an exception.
Apart from the sounds of the exhaling from my blackening lungs, the room was quiet. I wanted to put this session to some good use and tell Kelsey that I couldn't lose Rose. Sure I had survived without her before all of this, and sure I would eventually be able to survive that way after. But I didn't want to. It would be pointless. I wanted to tell Kelsey that I knew maybe I was overreacting. I wanted to say that I knew we would be able to get her out of here, and that there was no way in hell I was letting them touch her, and that I didn't need to worry. I wanted to ask why the thought of Rose dying make me feel like this. But the only words that passed my lips came out in a hopeless, pathetic whisper. "She's all I have."
If Kelsey heard me, she didn't answer. Instead she spoke about escaping, which steadied my thoughts slightly. "Well, I've got the map. Lori can give you supplies. There's the tunnel in Ward C. We have a way, all we need to figure out is how we're going to pull it off. But Rose will be fine."
I nodded, starting to believe it as the panic faded. "Thanks," I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "Can you just - just tell me if you find out anything? And please don't tell Rose. I don't want her worried about it when she doesn't need to be."
"Okay," Kelsey said and forced a smile. I took the map from her hands and got up, beginning to walk towards the door. "Harry," she called. I whirled around to find her still seated on the rough carpet. Her eyes looked toward the paper clutched in my left hand. "Make sure you keep that hidden."
My heart stopped for the second time that day when I saw her. She saw sitting at the usual table in the cafeteria. Her arm was angled so that she could rest her head on her hand while she devoured the book in front of her. Her dark hair fell over one shoulder in soft waves and her red lips looked beautiful against her pale skin. Her eyes seemed to shine with an innocent curiosity as they swept along the pages.
And I decided right then and there how she would die, and it wasn't on some surgery table in this shitty institution, but it would be when she was old and wrinkly with dozens of giggling grandchildren. She'll tell them stories about her life and it won't be stories about this place but good, happy stories. She'll do great and amazing things that she'll be able to share with them and then she'll go to bed and die in her sleep, peaceful and content. And maybe, just maybe, I'll be laying there beside her.
But she would not die here at twenty years old. There was no way in hell. I had confidence in that, and this new confidence eased some of the tension that had come along with Kelsey's news. But even so I still thought her to be fragile. So when I sat beside her and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, I did it gently not to scare her.
Her eyes moved from the book to my face and she smiled. "Hi," she said. Instead of replying I pressed my lips to hers. Her lips were so fucking soft, and I touched them to mine for as long as I could without drawing attention. When I pulled away her eyes fluttered open and a grin spread across her face.
"Guess what I've got," I said.
"What?"
I couldn't help but feel giddy as I reached into my pocket. I pulled out the item only a little, just enough for Rose to see the corner of the paper.
"What is it?" she asked.
I drew closer so that my lips reached her ear. "A map," I whispered.
"Really?" she asked and I nodded.
"We're so fucking close Rose. I know of a way out. We just have to get past all of the security somehow."
Although Rose and I were very close and our words came out in whispers, apparently the conversation seemed welcoming. Because Mikayla, who was starting to piss me off, took a seat at the edge of the table. "Hey," she said.
"Hi," Rose replied. I said nothing.
"So, um . . . do you guys know that patient Norman?"
"What about him?" Rose wondered.
"He's fucking creepy," Mikayla said. "He just came right up and talked to me in therapy a while ago."
"What'd he say?" Rose asked.
"He was just trying to, like, come on to me I guess. Kept calling me pretty and touching me."
"Yeah, he's fucking disgusting. Stay away from him," I warned.
"Don't worry, I will," she said, shaking her head probably at the awful memory of him. "But, uh - he said something about you."
My eyes snapped up to Mikayla's face. But considering where she was looking, it was obvious she had not been talking about me.
"Me?" Rose asked at the same time I said, "What the fuck did he say?"
"Well unless there's another Rose in this place, it was definitely you. All he said was 'tell Rosie that I haven't forgotten about finishing what we started,' whatever the hell that means."
What the hell?
"I thought Norman hasn't talked to you since before his coma," I said. I swear if he spoke to her, approached her, or even looked at her, I would kill him. I was not in the mood for this kind of shit and if he were here right now, I would fucking kill him.
Rose's eyes didn't meet mine right away. They wavered slightly and they held a little guilt. So Norman did talk to her.
I guess I wasn't the only one who had been hiding a secret.
ANONYMOUS POV
Rose did not know what Harry has done. Ms. Hellman didn't know, although she came very close to finding out. Not even Kelsey knew. The only people that did were me, Alice, and Harry himself. Nobody had believed Alice, Harry didn't want anyone to know, and I had managed to keep my mouth shut. But now I stood with my morals and my promises at battle.
It wasn't just about what he did or didn't do, but it was about who he is. He is the boy that executed that perfect plan so many years ago, the boy with the brilliant, brilliant mind. And now he was in love. And Rose loved him back. It was a beautiful thing, and it would blossom and become something of even more beauty if they managed to escape. I did not want to stand in the way of their chances and possibilities.
Telling Rose might stand in the way of that. It might tear away some of her undeniable affection. So the easy thing to do would be to continue to burry the thought and let them be.
But if I kept my promise and took the easy way, I would be doing wrong. I would be letting her escape with him when she didn't fully understand who he was. I would let it pass by and maybe at first he would be fine, but eventually he would return to the way he has always been. He wouldn't be the Harry of romantic kisses and playful banter and optomistic remarks. He would turn into a very different version of himself. And I needed to warn Rose of who exactly that could be.
A.N. SORRY ONE LAST THING I JUST WANTED YOU GUYS TO CHECK OUT THIS A M A Z I N G PSYCHOTIC TRAILER THAT I LOVE OMG ITS GREAT http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DPn1jdZQUtE&feature=youtu.be