When Healer Phillips and I got to his office, I laid down on his black leather sofa. I closed my eyes, and listened to the questions he asked me. He started with questions about how I felt today, and over the last few days. I told him I had been feeling anxiety, as well as some strong depression. He said hek new I was upset, but he didn't know I was that upset.
The second thing he asked was how I felt right before I had attempted suicide. I told him about the dream I had had, and how happy I had been when I saw all of my family.
"I couldn't be with them." I cried. "And...and they all left me. Vincent told me I knew how to be with them...I...I just...." I covered my face.
"Had you been having any thoughts about it before the dream?" He calmly asked. I didn't answer. "Mrs. Malfoy?"
"...Yes...." I reluctantly said. Once I had said it out loud, I felt even more ashamed than I had before. I shouldn't be feeling this way. I shouldn't be wanting to leave Lucius and Narcisa and Draco. I pressed my face into Melvin.
"You should have told us you were having Suicidal Thoughts, Mrs. Malfoy." Although he didn't mean to, it sounded like he was scolding me, and that's what it felt like. I let out another sob.
"I just... I didn't know... I didn't think that...I didn't..."
"You didn't think you were going to act on it?" He questioned. I shook my head yes. "And then you had the dream?"
"I had the dream, and it all made sense... All of it made so much sense...."
"Will you tell me about how you felt? You don't have to if you do't want to, but I believe that it will help you if you tell me."
"I..." I took a deep breath, trying to get ahold of myself. I really didn't want to tell him, but if he thought it would help me, than I should listen to him. "I just... I wante too. And I ran into... I ran into the bathroom and I couldn't find anything.... So I... I just... I broke the mirror..."
"You seemed to hesitate."
"I.. I did... I started to do it, but... I couldn't. I had to push myself to."
"So when you started to do it, you began to change your mind?"
"I... I guess so..." I sniffed, looking up from Melvin.
"That's good, but you need to tell us things. If you feel anxious, don't have it off. Same for if you feel depressed. If you're upset about anything, tell me,, or Healer Fuchs, or Lucius, or Narcissa, or even Draco. We'll try to fix it. You can even talk to someone in your Group if you want to. You can't keep things like this to yourself."
"I just... why do they all die? My Uncle died, and Scabior and Vincent, and my Snatchers and now my baby! IT's like I can't love anyone without them leaving me! "
"Lucius and Narcissa haven't."
"I...I know but..." I began to break down again. "I don't want to talk about this any more."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes..."
"Okay, I am not going to make you talk about it if you don't want to. We can talk a little bit at a time. Just ell me when you're ready. As long as we can talk about it some time."
"Okay, thank you..." I sniffed. My tears wer begining to dry.
""Is there anything else you would like to talk about?"
..........................................................................
Healer Phillips and I talked for two hours until I finally told him that I wanted to go to bed. He told me it was okay, and walked me back down to the Suicide Ward. I would have to stay there overnight, but could move back into my own room at noon the next day, if everything went smoothly.
When we got to the door, he opened it without hesitation. I looked in and jumped insurprise.
"I'm sorry, Elle. Did I scare you?" Draco was setting on the bed, already in a pair of pajamas. I hadn't seen him in about a day, so I hadn't been expecting him. I looked back at Healer Phillips, unsure of what to do. Healer Phillips motioned me to go forward. I hesitated and walked towards the bed, sitting down beside my husband.
"I-Yes, but... It's okay." I looked down, making a curtain of hair between him and I. Although we were married, it felt really awkward. Another powerful burst of anxiety hit me as I realised a few hours ago I was trying to leave him for good. I was suppose to love him, as he was suppose to love me.
He reached over and put his arm around me.
"I'm sorry, Elle." He used his other hand to push my hair behind my shoulder. Across the room, Healer Phillips cleared his throat.
"I am going to let the two of you be, but first I need to inform you that you will take your old Combination tonight, and I will be back to give you your new one in the morning. If you need anything at all, Healer Fuchs will be right through that door." He pointed to a door on the other side of the room. "And I regret to inform you that you have to wear protection tonight, since you wet earlier. Hospital policy."
"Night pants?" A quietly asked, a blush creeping up my neck. He nodded.
"Yes. There should be a few pair under the sink in the bathroom if you would like to put them on now. I am sure you are very tired and would like to go to bed for the night."
"Y-yeah.." I sighed and got back up.
"Can you go by your self?"
"I think so..." I looked down at the ground and made my way to the bathroom. As he had said, there were some night pants under the sink. I put them on, and came back out to find that Healer Phillips was gone. Draco was laying on top of the blankets, holding my Combination.
"Hey," He cooly said as I approached him. "I have your potion."
"Yeah...." I laid down besdie him and took it. I took the stopper out and slowly sipped it. When I finished, I handed it back to him and slid down into a laying position. He did the same.
"So, you're tired?"
"Yeah..." I trailed off. We went into a silence.
"Elle, I... " He hesitated, searching for the right thing to say. "I'm sorry for not being here. I'm your husband, but I must be a terrible one not to be here with you. I've just needed time to think for myself, is all."
"It's okay..." I hugged Melvin and closed my eyes, attempting to go to sleep.
"No, It's not okay. I am going to be here for now on." He put a hand on me and I stiffened. His body beside me was making me uncomfortable. I wasan't sure if I could handle him beside me all night.
"Draco?" I questioned, opening my eyes back up. "Can you... not lay with me? I mean, will you sit beside me?"
"Oh" He seemed very surprised. "I guess. If that's what you want..." He got out of the bed and used his wand to make a chair slide over to beside the bed. He sat in it, and I took his hand with mine. I reclosed my eyes, and instantly began to relax. I felt less threatened this way, although I wasn't sure why I felt threatened in the first place. I should have felt safe with him laying beside me, not upset.
This made me want to cry, but I was too tired to do so. So, instead, I just laid there, drifting into sleep.
Hopefully the new Combination would fix it. I just had to wait until tomorrow, then I could comfortably sleep with my husband again.