The wind whipped through his hair and stung his eyes, erasing any feelings of his fright when Sehun let his hands go. The scared feeling that nobody would be able to save him. But he luckily held onto Sehun who purposely or not purposely pulled him back. It was clear that Sehun didn't plan on helping Lu Han up, but he didn't care.
He didn't blame Sehun for almost killing him.
He didn't blame Sehun.
With resting his head against Sehun's back, riding on the bike through the cold weather. He was happy again, even if only for a few minutes. Even in just ten minutes Lu Han could feel the difference. The tensed muscles in his back and shoulders were beginning to loosen up and for the first time in weeks he let a smile spread across his face.
He was alive again.
With Sehun by his side. Hell, Sehun made him feel alive. He made Lu Han feel esteemed even if he pushed him of a rooftop but Lu Han still didn't blame him. Sehun wasn't to blame. Maybe his hand slipped or it wasn't his actual intention. There was only one thing that Lu Han didn't understand.
If it all was an accident, what Lu Han strongly believed, then why didn't he help Lu Han up?
Was Sehun himself scared? It had to be that. Sehun was scared. He didn't help Lu Han because he didn't know what to do. He was too frightened to help Lu Han up. Yes it was that. Sehun would never want to murder Lu Han.
Sehun pushed harder on his bike, going faster than he’d ever gone before. He hadn’t put his gloves back on and his hands were numb, nearly frozen to the handlebars. The cold wind turned Lu Han's nose red and chapped his face. His eyes were full of tears from the cutting air.
He was crying because of the chilly air and not that Sehun didn't respond to his confession.
It was a confession without big words. There were truthfully no words used. After Lu Han forcefully kissed him and gradually stepped to one side to give Sehun space, he waited. For an answer. He obviously hoped for the best but seeing Sehun's blank face twisted his stomach.
He didn't reject Lu Han.
He didn't accept Lu Han either.
He just drew the shorter into a smothering hug, telling him gently that it wasn't time for confessions. That finding his stalker was the main concern. That Lu Han had to wait for a while because Sehun was in no position to answer. He had other problems to deal with it.
Lu Han was pinching his eyes shut. Before he knew it, the engine stopped and Sehun sat up straight. Lu Han's were eyes still squeezed shut, his arms tightly gripping him and the gigantic helmet was sliding further down Lu Han's face.
They arrived at Sehun's apartment complex. Lu Han wouldn't go home for the night. He didn't know why but he favored it to stay with Sehun together over night. It felt better to know that Sehun would be in the same building as him. So if something would happen, he would be within Lu Han's reach.
Lu Han wasn't that sad. He guessed that confessing to Sehun would be too early. They anyway only knew each other for two to three weeks. He still wanted to get it off his chest though. The feeling of his quick heartbeat or sweaty palms wasn't very comfortable. He wanted to get it all out of the way so Lu Han could concentrate on the stalker.
With Sehun as his boyfriend.
It didn't happen. Despite of Sehun not turning the confession down, Lu Han felt rejected. The moment he saw Sehun's apologizing expression, he felt his stomach drop and the blood drain from his face. The world stopped, the only sound was his breathing and the hammering of his heart in his chest.
His broken heart was still and for a moment, he only felt deadliness. And then an irritation and sadness rushed through him with so much power, he knew not what to do. His heart stopped beating, for it had only beaten for Sehun. His mind and broken heart went blank.
His hands turned to fists, and his fingers dug into his palms until he felt them bleed. But this pain was nothing compared to how he felt.
But it was okay.
Sehun asked for more time so it was okay.
He held the glass door open for Lu Han after he parked his bike. Lu Han eyes lit up as the corners of his mouth tuned and his whole face showed the thankfulness. "Thanks..." He firstly entered, turning around and saw how Sehun came after him.
His fingers were wrapped around the small paper thin stick, lighted it up, drew the smoke in and blew it out in shapeless smoke that just blended together. He closed his eyes, sighing as the deep cloudy taste fluttered over his tongue, deep into his lungs, trailed by a little pant of fresh air to hold it inside.
Lu Han let a suppressed sigh out. "You shouldn't smoke so much." Sehun blinked at him for a second, hearing how the entrance door smashed on its own shut. The cold air attacked both boys, causing Lu Han to narrow his eyes. He thought that Sehun wouldn't listen to him anyways so that he aimed towards the stairs.
He unexpectedly was tugged back as Sehun hugged him warmly from behind. He was sniffing Lu Han's neck making the hair on his neck stand up from the unusual close contact. His hands sneaked their way around Lu Han's slim waist. "I'll find the stalker for you." He reminded Lu Han again of his old but valid promise.
The corner of Lu Han’s lips was twitching, not knowing if he should smile or not. He obviously felt like smiling as his crush or love interest was showing so much skinship. But on the other hand he did that for a reason. He didn't want to talk to Lu Han about his smoking and drinking habits. He dodged the responsibility of answering by hugging Lu Han to change the subject.
And make Lu Han drown in all the butterflies he was feeling, inside his frail body.
He looked away nervously, but he couldn't hide the blush that came over his face. His elbows were also blocking his face not letting anyone see how of much of an embarrassed mess he was. Sehun thought differently, pulling Lu Han's arm away from his red face and pushed it rather onto his chest.
It caused the opposite to happen, Lu Han blushed more as his face was shoved against Sehun and felt how Sehun laid his arm over Lu Han's shoulder.
"Let's go." He uncaringly spat the cigarette out despite the fact that he had just began to smoke it. He carelessly stepped on it before walking the stairs together with Lu Han up who held himself uptight, even as Sehun wrapped his arms around him and kissed him on the crown of his head.
Sehun's arms were strong and safe.
Luhan felt himself softening into Sehun’s chest a little, relaxing.
The stairs creaked as both marched up each board lifting their feet slowly.
One foot slowly followed the other.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sehun released Lu Han much to the latter's consternation to unlock the door. He could just hope that Hyuna and Lay managed it to invite two other guests. They were very important and needed for Sehun for several of things. He felt how Lu Han was a bit nervous as his eyes couldn't fix on a point for more than a second.
As they entered the dark living room, the combined smells of smoke and alcohol instantly assaulted their noses. Sehun gladly inhaled deeply the scent compared to the other who blocked the smell from entering his nose. He did that by pressing it with his thumb and index finger together on his nose. How could someone like that smell?
The curtains were drawn shut like the last time, it didn't surprise Lu Han. A little opening though let some moonlight invade and shone over the several alcohol bottles on the table. Everything was dark and difficult to recognize. There were also people on the couch if Lu Han's eyes weren't tricking him. One, two three?
Sehun turned the lights on, which earned displeased groans from some of the boys. Lu Han observed silently the three boys. One of them was the known Lay but there was no Hyuna. Should he be happy or ask where she was? Sehun luckily did that for him and demanded to know where his roommate was.
The seemingly tallest guy was making it for himself too comfortable. His legs were resting on the table, which was between both couches and his feet were next to the drinks. His slightly pale skin blended with his sandy blond hair. Loose strands of hair perfectly framed his oval shaped head. Wide brown eyes brought out his attractiveness as Lu Han wondered from what country he was.
He definitely wasn't Korean. His blonde hair made him look more like a foreigner? His light eyebrows showed content and friendliness at the same time. He scrunched them together, seeing Lu Han terrified. It was his first time meeting Lu Han so that he pulled the cigarette out of his mouth.
"Hyuna is out. Probably in some random club. Getting drunk and fucked and shit. You know what I mean." He waved Sehun's serious question away while blowing smoke past his lips. He leaned back and lazily closed his eyes. Smoking and sitting around seemed to be very tiring for him.
"That idiot. She never listens." Sehun ran his hand through his hair, pushing it back to keep it in place. He was annoyed with her random night outs. She rarely told Sehun where she was going or when she would come back. When she did, Hyuna always insisted of staying sober and acted like Sehun accused her of getting drunk.
"Don't worry. She said that she will not drink and is just out with friends." Lay jumped in, at once defending the absent Hyuna. He felt for her responsible if someone talked bad about her. Sehun processed that for a minute but then nodded and let himself down next to Lay. He saw how Lu Han was confused, thinking of sitting down as well or not.
"Sit next to me." The boy smiled who had dark hair falling across his somewhat tanned skinned face, and pale, curious eyes flashed through the messy strands. His jaw was firm and strong and he had very calm features. Lu Han did sit next to him, fidgeting a bit but controlled his breathing to be steady.
Who were those people?
"I'm Kris and that's Tao. We were forced to find out who you secret admirer is. Thanks Sehun." The blonde rolled his eyes with the smoking cigarette between his fingers. The other boy called Tao just nodded, agreeing with his friend and opened a beer bottle. Was he even old enough for that? He looked quite young.
"Stop drinking Tao." Lay sighed with worried expression that the boy in front of him was messing his organs up. Tao didn't seem to care much and just stuck lightheartedly his tongue out. Lu Han now understood why Sehun was so addicted to drinking and smoking. His friends did it so Sehun would have felt left behind if he didn't follow them.
It made sense but why would Sehun stay with them, knowing that they aren't the most ideal boys to hang around with. They probably had a long history together and made it together through lots of obstacles. Lu Han then felt bad for judging them like that. But it was one of the most obvious things to notice.
The smell, the smoke, the bottles, the whole atmosphere.
One the first glance, they really didn't seem to be the perfect bunch of friends. But if Sehun was happy with them then Lu Han had to understand. He, himself couldn't talk much. Without Baekhyun he really didn't have friends. He saw Lay as a friend though. Maybe he could be friends with Kris and Tao too.
This made him all realize that Sehun didn't only help him with finding out who the stalker is. He also kept introducing Lu Han to new people. Did he actually do that on purpose? So Lu Han wouldn't be alone? If this was his intention then Sehun accomplished it again to swell Lu Han's heart.
Sehun could see how Lu Han was staring at him. It wasn't usual staring. Lu Han had those eyes, signifying that he blanked everything out but Sehun.
"Okay let's start." Kris announced, pulling with that Lu Han back to reality. He saw how he was giving Sehun that look. And he didn't have time for Lu Han and Sehun love affairs or whatever was going on. Before he could ask Lu Han any questions, Sehun got himself a bottle and surprisingly glared at Lu Han.
"Do you think that I'm your stalker?"
Lu Han widened his eyes, the air inside his chest was getting squashed together not letting him properly breathe. His hands right away were covered in sweat as well as his neck. Since he got his first letter, he sweated very easily from fear and anxiety. The question and Sehun's glaring made him feel uncomfortable.
He didn't want Sehun to glare at him.
He shouldn't have glared at Lu Han.
People in love didn't glare at each other right?
He couldn't talk for Sehun but Lu Han was in love. He was sure, nobody in the entire would be able to make Lu Han feel those overwhelming emotions like Sehun did. It wasn't a little crush. It was love. Innocent and tender love from Lu Han's side. He didn't know how Sehun felt about him.
He had never talked about his feelings so Lu Han couldn't know. The only thing he could be sure of was that Sehun didn't despise him. Baekhyun said that he was bad. Menacing, untrustworthy and dangerous. But to Lu Han he was different. He did have his strange moments but Lu Han overlooked them.
He didn't want to understand. He didn't want to see Sehun's true self. He was simply satisfied to say that Sehun helped him unlike other people. Therefore he was special. He never looked much into it. Why Sehun was helping him. Why he didn't help others. Why he was so suspicious. Why he never came to lessons.
Why why why.
Lu Han was honestly curious about all those things. He was confused and wanted answers to his questions. But now everything was different. He couldn't care less. He just wanted Sehun to be by his side. Dead or alive, it didn't matter. Lu Han would feel safe. Even with just Sehun's jacket in his hands he would feel protected.
With Sehun's strand of hair he would feel protected.
He didn't know why.
It was just like that.
"I-I honestly thought that you were my stalker. But now....it's different. I trust you. You are not my stalker. Sehun wouldn't do that to me." Lu Han heavily breathed out, he was shivering with his whole body. He wouldn't think of Sehun as a crazy stalker. Sehun was strange and disappeared from lessons but he wasn't a stalker. Why would he help Lu Han to catch himself? To stay close to Lu Han?
Sehun was quite straightforward. He didn't need to scare Lu Han so he would run into his arms. If he liked Lu Han he would have said it. Shortly and directly into his face.
Lu Han glanced up to Sehun as he was looking at his feet while talking. He could honestly say that this was the first time to see Sehun genuinely smiling like that. He smiled sometimes but not beautifully like that. Even Kris and Tao let out a chuckle and a little almost not visible grin. Lay was always smiling so Lu Han didn't see a difference.
"That's right baby I would never do that to you." Sehun closed the beer bottle and softened his features. He placed the bottle back onto the table to start the actual discussion. He had to tell Lu Han about their plan. They couldn't just sit around anymore and wait for the letters. Kris finished the stick and pressed the end bit against the table.
Tao nudged him a bit, whispering that he should have better manners. It wasn't their house. The taller responded by rolling his eyes and leaning back against the couch.
"You aren't the only one." Kris suddenly said. He didn't say a name but it was pretty obvious that he meant Lu Han.
"There is someone who was in the exact same position like you." Tao nodded and had eye contact with Lu Han who looked beyond perplexed. There was someone went through the same thing as Lu Han? Really? Who could it be?
"Come on Sehun. Tell him about your experience." Lay laughed which broke the tense mood down. It wasn't something to laugh over. Lay knew that but he didn't make fun of Sehun, he was simply trying to not make Lu Han feel intimidated and awkward.
Lu Han was speechless. Sehun obtained also letters from an insane stalker? There was someone so obsessed and crazy over Sehun? It must have been a girl. It had to be a girl. Although Lu Han had the urge to find that girl and rip her limbs out, he couldn't. It wasn't the time to be jealous.
He was too stunned. It still didn't get into his brain that Sehun was in the same position as Lu Han. So many questions were in his mind. Was he very scared? Did he cry himself to sleep like Lu Han? Did he find someone to help him and fell in love with that person? Well that happened to Lu Han.
Sehun sighed loudly, his chest rose and fell again as he narrowed his eyes and then closed them. He had to think backwards in time.
Four years.
"I just got into high school. I and my best friend were inseparable. We did everything together. Hyuna was with us up until the last year of middle school. She moved to a girls high school. Well twenty years ago, this trend was going on in Japan. It started just as a prank between friends but ended up with deaths and stays in mental hospitals."
Sehun explained, refreshing his memory as good as he could. It wasn't an easy thing to do. He never wanted to remember those horrible memories. He could feel with closed eyes that Lu Han was excitedly listening to him. He could feel how Lu Han's eyes were practically pleading to continue.
Lay, Kris and Tao were already familiar with that story. They didn't seem as eager as Lu Han but were still again and again astonished from that experience. Something like that wouldn't happen every day.
"They were called Reply Letters. It had only one rule which you had to follow. Some people followed it without thinking and some didn't know about that rule. Never, never reply to the letter. It will always have at the bottom of the letter the two words."
Sehun held his left hand up, showing his index and middle finger.
"Answer me. No matter the circumstances you do not answer the letter. You will otherwise end up dead on the next day. Murder, accident or illness. It will not be your choice. You will die if you reply."
Sehun coldly said his eyes were fixed on Lu Han who looked like he would burst into tears. He hated to say that to Lu Han but he had to comprehend. In order for Lu Han to take the situation seriously Sehun had to tell him everything. He wouldn't stop anytime soon.
"A girl twenty of age replied with 'who are you' and got hit by a truck the next morning."
"Sto...p.." Lu Han held his ears shut.
"A boy fifteen replied with 'leave me alone' and got hit by the lighting. In summer."
"Sehun...don't..." Lu Han's tears streamed down on his face.
"A pregnant woman replied with 'stop this' and got involve in a robbery. She was obviously the first one to die. The bullet was aimed at her stoma-"
"I DON'T WANT TO DIE!"
Lu Han screamed out. He couldn't take it anymore. It was too much for him. He got off his seat before Tao could calm him down and rushed to Sehun. His heart was pumping nonstop, loud and cruelly. The hot, salty tears were flooding Lu Han's cheeks and dripped off his chin. He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but all that came out were deep, gut-wrenching sobs that tore through his chest and shook his small body.
He buried his face into Sehun's lap, quivering and gasping. "P-Please...help me.." He choked hysterically. He was so young. He couldn't die yet. He didn't accomplish anything. "Make it all...stop Sehun... I don't dese-"
"It's okay Lu Han." Sehun caressed with composure his head. Lu Han was soaking Sehun's thighs wet despite him trying to dab his face, moans escaped his lips through the suppressed sound of hiccups.
"I know. I know it all. My baby doesn't deserve this. But you have to listen to me." Sehun had to make him understand reality. It wouldn't do Lu Han any good to just panic and go crazy. Sehun's experience would be used as an advantage.
"Sehun go on." Kris tightened his jaw; they didn't have the time to console Lu Han. They didn't even have the time to explain Lu Han everything. It all happened too dragged and slow for Kris. He was more of a person to finish it all quickly.
"Okay. Lu Han, listen well. I said that this happened twenty years ago in Japan and not Korea. I can't tell you the detail but something horrible happened in our high school. We were both shocked. I stayed in the summer holidays at home not like him who said that that he would be visiting his grandparents’ home."
Sehun needed to smoke. Most of the people wouldn't understand him. He needed to smoke, it would calm him down. Help him to wind back those memories quicker. Making it easier for him to talk about it. But seeing Lu Han's sobbing quietly on his lap, wiped away all those thoughts of smoking.
"He was lying; he never went to his grandparents. He flew over to Japan. I don't know what he did there. Strangely enough, as he came back I started to get those letters. From 'stay pure for me' to 'I can't wait until you are mine'. Dead animals were piling themselves up in my locker. Rats, insects just everything. As long it was dead and reeked as fuck. All the letters told me to answer."
The deep pain in Sehun's heart was so bad, he felt like everything had come crashing down on him. He couldn't be angry at his best friend though. He couldn't hold a grudge against someone he spent his life with. Sehun was fourteen when it all happened, barely a teenager.
"So we will use the same technique with what we identified Sehun's stalker who turned out to be his best friend. Don't worry Lu Han it's safe. If you listen to us and do as we say then I will promise you that this will stop." Lay's dimples started to form, showing the uplifting feeling of his charm.
"O-Okay....I ..." Lu Han's eyes were no longer reddened with tears, but still slightly swollen. He paused, tears again welling in his eyes. He moved his face away from Sehun's lap and tried to make eye contact with the others, but had to lower his head and try to regain control of his emotions.
Again he raised head, cleared his throat and continued. "..p-please take care of me..." He whimpered with shaking shoulders and sharp intakes of air.
"Of course. We will help you." Tao simply replied. He didn't mind to help him out. It made him feel cheerless as well to see Lu Han so broken. He brought a pleated piece of paper from his pocket and unfolded it carefully.
Doing the same method as four years ago.
This made them all fourteen and fifteen again.
Lay had a pen in his right hand and held it out for Lu Han to take. He to began to falter but after Sehun nodded, telling him with this that it was okay, Lu Han accepted the pen. He was told from Kris and Sehun that he should write down all the names of people he ever associated with.
Starting from his first college year.
Tao provided him the paper and placed it onto the table.
"I don't know many people..." Lu Han bit his lips wavering to continue. He didn't really know who to write. There was basically Baekhyun and Chanyeol. That was it. The paper seemed very empty with only two names written on it. But Lu Han didn't really know.
Sehun frowned. He had the exact same reaction. Biting his lips and hesitantly writing only a few names. Lu Han was exactly the same as him. He could see himself as the little fourteen years old boy, nervously choosing names when he glanced at Lu Han.
He saw his old self in Lu Han.
"Write more! You can't have just met two boys in four years!" Kris groaned, slapping his forehead in frustration. It was like a déjà vu as a comparable situation happened.
Sehun! You can't have just met three students! What's wrong with you?! If you want us to help you then write more!
I-I'm sorry Kris but I-I don't have many friends
"Take our names as well, if it makes you feel better." Lay told him kindly as the others all came closer to the table. Lu Han felt under pressure. They were all watching him, waiting for more names to follow. He didn't want to write Lay or Tao or anyone who was involved with Sehun. They were there to help him.
"Kim Jongdae and Kim Minseok." Sehun spoke under his breath, still digesting that Lu Han's behaviour was familiar to his own. Both boys were never seen again at the music room. Well only Jongdae as he was the one to ask for a request. But Minseok had never actually met Lu Han in person.
Jongdae disappeared after thanking Sehun.
All five boys gazed at the paper.
Byun Baekhyun
Park Chanyeol
Kim Jongdae
Kim Minseok
Sehun grasped the pen from Lu Han's hand and did that what Kris four years ago also did.
Stalker
He added the unknown person as plainly "Stalker".
Kris smirked.
"Now we have to see if any of those boys matches with our Stalker."