"I think this is a bad idea, we shouldn't leave my dad alone with them he's an idiot" I say as Harry holds my hand and we begin to walk out of his family home in Cheshire. Harry, my dad, Frankie, and I are sleeping over at their house to spend time with Harry's family. It's rare to have both our families together but I know how important it is. So far my dad has been behaving but I don't know if that'll continue when me and my judgmental stare is out of view.
"I knew you would think that and that's why I told my mum before we left" he says to reassure me.
"You told your mom? What exactly did you say? Hey mom, Ari's father is kinda insane and ready to fight at any moment for no reason" I joke.
"No" he chuckles. "I told them that your dad is a bit angry with me- and he had every right to be- so, he might get upset with them but, it isn't because they did anything, it's just misplaced anger" he says.
"And they're okay with that? They didn't want to kick my dad out for maybe hating you?" I ask and he shakes his head.
"I think they were worried but I told them not to be. They have no right to kick him out, he's entitled to feel angry at me" he shrugs. I can't believe how sweet he is. No one, including myself accept the way my dad is treating Harry except for him. It would be so easy for him to just whine and complain, he has everyone's backing, but he doesn't. He doesn't ask me to fix it, he doesn't fight back, he doesn't fight with me over my dad's behaviour, he just accepts his own faults.
"So why are we going for a walk?" I ask, since I'm curious and don't really have anything else to say about the whole 'Dad vs Harry' topic at the moment.
"I just kinda wanted to clear my head, and I like having you with me" he says. I'm so glad he wants to spend time with me even when he's not feeling that good but I try to not to focus on that. Harry is clearly not in a good mood, I want to be there for him and he clearly needs me right now.
"Is this about my dad?" I ask, it's the only thing that makes sense but, I need him to admit it. I get nothing, he's completely silent. We both know I know the answer, why won't he just say it? I stop walking which pulls Harry back as well as he stops and looks at me. He still doesn't say anything. "Harry? It's not a big deal, I just care that you're being honest." I can tell he stills doesn't want to say anything. I tried dropping the honesty bomb, it works on me, I just think I was way too subtle. "Did he say something to you?" I ask. I know that's why he's feeling uneven, I might as well move on and get actual information before he figures out some dumb lie to tell me.
"Nothing that he hasn't said before, in front of you" he admits. I hate that Harry has to hear that, especially when I'm not there to intervene, he respects my dad and I know if I'm not around he would just let my dad completely walk all over him.
"It's not true, any of it. He's just dramatic and trying to insert himself. Why are you letting him get to you? I told you it doesn't matter" I argue.
"Because it does matter Ari. He's your father, one of the few members of your family that you're close with, one of the few that genuinely knows you. I want to make sure he accepts me, it's important, and you know that. Plus he has the right to be upset with me, he shouldn't be the only one. Frankie, even you, I deserve to be given shit. I'm worried that instead of proving myself to your dad he's gonna prove his point to you" he rebuttals.
"I was mad at you, we don't acknowledge it, I thought it was obvious. I broke up with you, I ignored you, I hated you. But you're not the only one who's in the wrong here. You have the right to hate me too" I admit. I've hurt Harry just like he's hurt me.
"Hate you? Ari I have no reason to hate you! You've never signed a secret contract, you never jetted off on a yacht with your ex while we were broken up!" He yells back. Harry has done some horrible stuff in the past but I've forgiven him, I love him and, I know him and his heart.
"Believe it or not Harry you could've done worse! You could've cheated on me, you could've physically hit me, you could've emotionally and physically abused me and my loved one for years! Those are all things either my ex or my father did to me and my mom! You're not like them, you're worth it!" I yell back. I appreciate Harry and everything he's down for me, he shouldn't be so hard on himself.
"But I still hurt you and it's eating me up inside. I did awful things and lied about them, I hid things from you like what happened on the yacht! I saw how much that hurt you, you can't pretend it didn't! I've spilled you're biggest secrets and- I uh... I just deserve the blame" he stutters. He spilled my biggest secret? What the hell is he talking about? As soon as that came out of his mouth I saw his eyes widen as he tries to quickly backtrack. He clearly didn't mean to tell me that.
"Harry what are you talking about?" I ask. I'm not giving a lot of detail in my questioning since I don't even really know what he meant and can't really think properly. Unsurprisingly, he doesn't say anything. "What secret did you 'spill?'" I press and he shakes his head. "Harry so help me God it you don't-" I start before he finally opens his mouth.
"I-I told my mum about what happened... between you and Ricky" he says and not only does my heart drop, it's feels like my whole body has just shattered in pieces. "Ari I'm so sorry, please believe me! She's the only one I told and I know I shouldn't have. I didn't know what to do, I needed help" he says and I can't help but interrupt.
"You needed help? Harry I needed help! And I had one request! Don't. Tell. Anyone" I plead, my voice cracks and there's water in my eyes, I can't control how betrayed I feel.
"Ari you have to believe me, you're my number one priority, I'll do anything for you, I'll do anything you want. It was a mistake, I would never let something like this happen again" he says. I can't even look at him, I need to get away from him. I guess he can tell as he grabs my hand, I didn't even realize I had pulled away from him. I'm so caught up in my thoughts I haven't even put any thoughts into my movements. "Ari stop, don't try and walk away. I won't let you" he frowns.
"Then take me back" and I can tell he's confused. I want to go back to New York and hide away from him but that's not an option. "Take me back to the house" I add. It's not ideal but at least there's so many people around I can avoid Harry and we won't be able to talk about it, there's no way he can bring it up without telling more people about what happened with Ricky and I hope he has that kind of respect for me.
"Ari can't we please talk about it?" He pleads.
"I don't want to talk about it" I say and I know that's unhealthy. I don't need Harry to tell me that so I have to clarify; "I'm not gonna talk about this in public where anyone can hear us" I say as I turn away and begin to walk back to the house with him in silence.
"I know what I did was such a shitty move Ari. I'm so sorry" he says.
"Were you ever planning on telling me this? I can't look at your mum the same after this, I find it hard to believe that she doesn't feel the same way. Just please don't talk to me, even when we get back just please leave me alone. There's nothing you can say to me right now, and if someone else finds out from overhearing us I won't be able to live with myself" I admit. We didn't make it too far from Harry's house and my long strides back make the walk back much shorter and we're back to his house in no time.
...
"What is that?" I hear Gemma mumble as we both slowly sit up. Harry's family house doesn't have that many rooms, so I'm sharing a bedroom with her, I could've slept with Harry but I don't want to and managed to convince everyone to put us in separate rooms without drawing any suspicion to myself.
"I don't know" I groan as I check the time. 2:30a.m. I was fast asleep and have just been awaken by some loud noises. As I wake up I finally identify the noises to be voices arguing back and forth. Harry and my dad! Fuck! Before I can say anything else I spring out of bed and head towards the yelling as Gemma runs behind me. As I reach the bedroom with the argument I notice the lights on in there and can't even imagine what's going on. When I get in there I see Frankie holding my dad back as he yells obscenities towards Harry and Harry is yelling back as Robin tries to calm him down.
"Finally! Can you try and stop him?" I hear Frankie yell as he looks over at me, but Harry and my dad continue to fight as if they can't hear or see anything else that's going on.
"Dad! Dad stop! What are you doing?" I scream. Everyone's awake, Anne just walked in, there's no reason to try and keep my voice down. This reminds me of the times I'd wake up to my parents fighting, it was stressful and I'm so embarrassed I just want to run away and cry but I can't. I'm the only one who can stop this. "Dad! Shut up! What are you doing?" I repeat
"He's an asshole! He deserves much worse, fucking piece of shit!" My dad spats. What the hell is happening. I try to calm him down but he won't, he just keeps swearing at Harry and so I decide to turn towards him and get what he's doing.
"Harry what happened? Why are you two screaming at each other in the middle of the night?" I frown.
"He woke me up and just started yelling at me. He started harassing me, and just saying all this crap for no reason! He accused me of cheating on you and just a bunch of nasty stuff that's completely not true! Ari it's not true!" He yells.
"Okay then just stop! Just stop talking. I know it's not true, I don't know what he said but I know it's not true!" I say as I try to calm him down, I walk over to him and put my hands on his chest to try and calm him down. My dad is still yelling but I can tell Harry is only focused completely on me. I'm still mad at him, I'm raging with anger but not over this, if I don't stop them no one will. "Please, just stop" I beg.
"Ari he's the one who's saying all these crazy things about me, you, everyone! It's messed up!" He explains.
"I know, trust me I know! Just please stop, nothing's gonna change by this. Nothing you do is gonna make him apologize or change, I've seen him do this for years! Just please, Harry. For me" I plead and I thank God that he does. Now I just need my dad to relax. I want to say thank you to Harry for stopping for me but I'm still upset with him, I'm glad he stopped but it shouldn't have taken this long anyways I guess.
"Are you happy now?" I ask my dad. I see Frankie loosen his grip on him, as if testing to see if he can behave on his own. He fails and Frankie has to quickly wrangle his arms around him again.
"Ari he's a fucking piece of filth" he yells.
"Why? What happened, you were behaving so good" I admit. No one told me about any issues they had with him today, I was assuming everything was fine.
"Ari you were avoiding him all day! you look so upset, he fucking hurt you. He lied to my face, he said he never would! He's a fucking bitch!" He yells and I don't know what to say, he's right in a sense. But, Harry also doesn't deserve this.
"I'm fine" I lie, I need to. This is so humiliating.
"No, no you're not" my dad says as he shakes his head.
"No, you're not" I throw back at him. I may be upset and hurt but if anyone doesn't look okay right now it's him.
"Ariana stop it" he says as he closes his eyes and shakes his head as if there's nothing I can say or do to change his viewpoint.
"Alright fine, I'll stop if you do. Now what do you wanna do? You clearly don't wanna be around Harry and you shouldn't be so let's go" I say sternly. There's no way I'm gonna let my dad stay this close to Harry when he's so pissed
"Where are we going?" He asks and I once again realize I have no place to go, especially not here in England.
"We'll go back to Harry's house" I state. I didn't ask Harry but I assume he has no problem with it. Last I checked he's not mad at me, and he probably realizes that's the only thing I can do.
"Ari no!" My dad yells. Why is he being so stubborn? There is nothing else to possibly do.
"No, we have to! There's nowhere else to go, plus the rest of your luggage is there! Let's go get it and then you can go home" I argue "please for me just go and get your stuff and wait outside, it's done. There's no need to keep yelling can you behave, please" I beg. I watch as Frankie let's go of my Dad and he stands there for a second before scoffing and walking out as Frankie follows him.
"We can go to your house right? That's okay?" I ask as I turn back to face Harry. Even though I'm mad at Harry and don't want to talk to him and feel like I know the answer I still need to ask, I can't imagine not asking, it's so rude.
"Yea Ari of course! I can drive us right now!" He reassures me and I shake my head.
"No you can't come" I shake my head, his family is surrounding us but I know what he's thinking by the look on his face. He's right, I don't want him to come because I don't want to talk to him but of course I can't say that. "Uhm... I can handle it on my own" I explain. "Plus we're leaving because it's clearly a bad idea to have my dad near you, you can't come with us! That completely ignores the whole reason we're leaving" I exclaim. Yes! That's the perfect argument.
"She's got a point" I hear Gemma say. Thank God! I don't want to talk to Harry anymore than I have to
"Do you need one of us to drop you off?" Robin adds and I shake my head.
"No, it's fine really. You guys should get some rest. I'm so, so sorry about all of this" I say as my eyes begin to water. I'm so embarrassed.
"No Ari don't apologize! It's not your fault!" Gemma says as she runs up and gives me a hug.
"Thanks. I should probably go though, before my dad does something else stupid. I'll see you later" I say as I smile faintly and I can't help but tear up even more and I pray to God that I stop before I end up bursting into tears in front of Harry's family.
"Bye honey, we love you. Let us know if there's anything we can do" Robin says as I give him a hug and I thank him as I say goodbye to him before putting my attention on Anne.
"I'm so, so sorry this happened. I don't know why my dad is acting like this. Nothing he said about Harry is true and if he said anything else- y'know about you and your family I'm am so sorry. This is all my fault" I apologize. I do genuinely feel horrible about all of this, and I feel like I'm the only one to blame. If I thought my reputation with Anne was broken because of Harry telling my secret, it is now completely ruined.
"Ari are you kidding me, this isn't your fault dear. I love you, I love you, I love you. I care just as much for you as I do either of my children don't think for a second any of this changes that. This isn't your fault, no one is angry! I'm not even upset with your father, it's okay" she says as she gives my a big hug. Yeah, our whole relationship just feels weird now that I know she knows my secret. "We'll leave you two alone to say goodbye" she says after a moment. There's tears in her eyes but her smile is so illuminating it makes me feel like everything isn't as bad as it is. I give her a faint smile as I watch her, Robin, and Gemma leave the room. I don't want to be alone with Harry but I also can't tell them that. Once they're gone I turn to look at Harry. He looks tired, he looks worried, but most of all he looks extremely upset.
"I-I don't know what to say to you" I admit. I try to chuckle but end up with more tears in my eyes that I have to wipe away.
"Ari you don't have to go" he says softly.
"Yea I do, my dad isn't staying here and he isn't leaving without me. Don't worry I'll make sure he doesn't destroy any of your dishes or paintings" I joke which is strange since I don't feel like laughing at all.
"Are you leaving?" He asks, and I know he doesn't mean this house. He means this country.
"I-I don't know" I admit which makes him frown. "What? At Least I'm being honest" I say. I was just trying to reference what we always say but right after I say it I realized I just subtly made fun of him for not being honest with me earlier.
"Ari stop, you don't have to go there. I'm sorry, there's bigger things to worry about" he argues. And even though I didn't mean to mock him I'm glad I did.
"What my dad? I had nothing to do with that, don't try and act like I did something! He's not a bigger problem, he's my problem, you just got caught in the crossfire. You lying to me is the bigger problem because it was you and only you that caused it" I argue before turning away. "I'm going to go find my dad so please, for everyone, don't follow me" I say as I storm off as fast as I can so he doesn't have time to stop me.
I find Frankie in the hallway saying goodbye to Anne, I'm sure he said goodbye to everyone which is nice. We must look like such a stupid family, I'm glad he's being polite.
"Where's Dad?" I ask as I reach Frankie, Anne had already walked away, thankfully. I can't look at her without feeling completely humiliated.
"He's waiting outside on the doorsteps" he says and I nod my head.
"I just called a cab, it's driving from London just to drive us all the way back since there's no cab companies open right now" I admit and Frankie nods his head.
"I already told Anne we might be waiting awhile" he says. Cheshire doesn't have much of a need to run cabs all through the middle of the night while London has a bunch of them since their night life is much more lively.
"I guess we should go keep an eye on him" I say as I head towards the front door. I don't want to see my dad but the longer he's out of view the more paranoid of his antics I get.
"Are they here yet?" My dad asks once we get outside, clearly referring to the taxi.
"No they won't be here for a while, they're coming from London" I admit as my dad scoffs. "Shut up! I don't wanna hear it. I don't want to talk to you I don't want you to say anything to anyone. When we get to Harry's you can try and get some sleep and I'll get you a flight out in the early morning no matter what strings I have to pull" I explain.
"And you're coming with me right?" He asks.
"Absolutely not! I don't wanna be near you" and now it's my turn scoff.
"Then where are you going? You're going to stay with him?" My dad says as he starts to get visibly angry once again. I don't know what I'm gonna do, maybe I will stay with Harry, either way I can't tell my dad that, not right now.
"I'll go to New York" I say casually.
"You don't even have a place in New York" he argues.
"Well then I guess I'm homeless" I rebuttal. I could care less what I do right now.
"This is what happens when you let someone like him make decisions for you" he says passively.
"No, this is what happens when you try and control my life... again" I say and I see him ready to start arguing again. "Just stop! Please! Before you wake up the whole neighbourhood and embarrass me infront of the whole world" I add and thankfully he does.