Cathleens pov
*4 weeks after the wedding*
Me and Christopher were home sitting by the fire when I heard a knock and coughing at the door. I opened it to see my mother, Charlie, and Jesse.
"Mother. This is a pleasant surprise", I greeted her, "I didn't know you were..-", she then violently coughed again.
"I'm sorry", she said in a husky tone before coughing more, "I'm sorry", she cleared her lungs. She then took a deep clean breath of air, "I'm dying Catherine. I have cancer", she told me before she coughed even more, "I didn't..-", she continued to cough again, "I didn't come here to ask you for anything. Other than take care of Jesse and Charlie for me", she then pushed them towards me.
"Mother I..-"
"No. Don't say another word Catherine. I trust you with them. You're the only family they have now. They love you Catherine. I..I love you", tears then started to well in my eyes. I then ran up to her and cuddled her. Charlie and Jesse then slipped inside. My mother then pulled away and started to cough again.
"Mother you can stay..-", she continued to cough,
"No. No. I can't stay here", she started to retreat back, "I deserve to die on the streets. And that's how it'll be Cath. Just make sure..-", she then took a pause and coughed more and more, "just make sure that Charlie and Jesse are brought up well. Clean, washed, good school, good friends. I know you will do that for me. Better.. Better then I ever can or could", she gave me a sad look. Knowing that she couldn't give me everything. Knowing that I had none of that. Knowing that I worked my way up and earned it. Knowing that I left her, Charlie and Jesse behind in the gutters.
She coughed a bit more before she disappeared off into the night. Leaving me still standing and thinking.
Michelle Hawkins Pov (Cathleen's mother)
I walked about on the cold dirty streets on New York. My lungs burned. Every time I breathed it felt like I was breathing out fire. Every breath. Every step. Every move. I was coming closer to my death.
I grabbed on the edge of a garbage bin in an alley. And slowly pulled myself down to the ground hugging my knees wanting the never ending pain to pass. I then felt a dark cold shadow hover over me. Ready to take me to my doom of what I had done to all my children. I continued to whimper knowing that my time has come. Then it threw a blanket over me.
"I'm not leaving you mother", the voice spoke.
"Catherine", my voice broke saying her name. She then sat down beside me.
"I'm not leaving you mother. Not by yourself" awwwww. I just smiled at her before my lungs got relit and I had to cough out the carbon. "Here", she said giving me her thermos to drink.
"Ahhhh", the sweet lemon smoothed my throat.
"Come on mother", Catherine got up.
"Urgh. I'm not getting up and going anywhere. My destiny is to die here and that is where I shall stay", I stood up to her. She just folded her arms.
"Mother. It is no ones destiny to die on the sidewalk. Wouldn't you hate after you die people look at you? As well as creating a stench that no one would want to move you?"
"Well if that's the price they have to pay then so be it"
"But no one likes that mother. Come on I want to show you something", she gave me her hand, "please. Just before you die", I then thought about it and I accepted her offer. I then leaned on her for support.
"No no NO! You're not taking me to your house!", I yelled at her wanting to run back down the street.
"No no NO! Just listen to me mum. Just listen. I'm just going in and grabbing a few things for you. I'll be quickly back I promise", she kissed me on my head and ducked in there. I stood there paralysed. She kissed me. She had never done that ever since she was a little girl. She still loves me. After all I've done to her. She loves and forgives me. She didn't leave me to die in the streets. She came to to me. To make sure I would see everything I wanted to see before I die. But I have already. Haven't I?
I sat there plundering on the wall to what she will show me. But I've seen everything. The good and the bad. Mostly the bad. But I've seen so many things in my life time. What is so different or special about this one?
"You ready?", she came out with a picnic basket. I then nodded and we walked around the city. She then led me to familiar streets that I'm so used to. To see the lamps poles and street children dancing in them at night. To see gentlemen with top coats and hats. It's where I had lived before I was evicted put onto the streets. Then I came face to face with my living dream/nightmare. My old house.
It stood the exact same like no time has gone past. And that only me and Cathy had gotten older. It's white paint hadn't faulted. The windows were nice and clean. The hedges had been trimmed back and were done very cleanly.
Cathleens pov
"Shall we go in mother?", she then looked at me shocked like she had seen a ghost. She went so pale and stuttered on her words.
"I.. I.. I.. I we can't. It's sold. We can't walk into someone else's house!", I then took a step forward to her trying not to reveal my secret.
"Mum", I tried to not scare her, "come on", I then took her by the arm and walked her slowly up to our old house. She touched the bushes and the flowers her eyes just oozed out with love. I then proceeded to open the door. None of it had changed.
The original staircase was still there. With the open door to the living room as well as one down the door to the kitchen. No time had past. My mothers hands trailed upon the wall till she saw the photo wall.
"Oh Catherine", her hands traced over them while she tried to stand in awe and wonder, "wait why is there a gap? I don't recalling it being there before", her dying brain tried to process it.
"Because mother. It's for the next entire generation. Right next to our family photo", I smiled at her. While her head tried to work things out.
"You mean you..-"
"Yes mother. We bought the house", I stepped into her so she wouldn't fall forwards, "I've always had happy memories here. It's easy to afford, and it's a great place to bring children up in",
"You don't mean you are?-", she placed her hands upon my stomach.
"Well not at this moment. But we are trying now. We both want a large family. And Jesse and Charlie both contribute to that now so" , she then looked away with tears breaking from her eyes, "oh mother", I hugged and kissed her, "I promise you'll have lots of grandchildren. There's no doubt in that. Come on. I suppose you want to see the whole house and what we plan to do to the place", I took her to the kitchen, dinning room, all the bathrooms and spare bedrooms. We spent a few minutes in each. But the cancer was getting to her. She was getting slower and slower and she could hardly breathe or talk. She kept coughing and coughing and their is nothing I can do to prevent that.
"Well here is our last stop mother", I stopped outside the door and slowly opened it.
"Oh.. Oh wow", she looked around the room like a star gazer, "oh Catherine", she began to cry.
"It's ok. It's alright mother", I held her in my arms. She then lunged and gripped onto the end of the bed. And cried into the sheets, "here. Here", I got her up and moved her round to the side. I then made her sit on the bed before she laid down.
"Oh Catherine", she said while I laid next to her, "this is the single best gift anyone has ever given me", she played with my fingers, "besides from you. And Jesse and Charlie. I never thought I would make it back here again. Yet alone, my possible grandchildren and children in it. I'm..", she started to cough, "very..-", she got cut off again,"proud of you. I really am. You made a life for yourself more then I could", she started up again.
"Oh here mum", I passed her a tissue. She then coughed into it. Blood. She quickly scrunched it up so I wouldn't see it. She completely disregard it. And so did I.
I continued to talk to her so I could get her mind off things as well as her coughing but minute by minute I was loosing her.
"I'm very proud of you Cathleen"
"Cath.. Cathleen? Did you just call me by my first name?", I asked surprisingly shocked. She then nodded and pulled a smile before she went into a fit of coughs.
"Yes", she said relieved, "when I pass there will be no more Catherine Hawkins. It will be Cathleen. Plus I know it's Cathleen with me now. Not Catherine who would run off and leave me behind", I started to cry. I then hugged and kissed her, "I prefer this you. Cathleen to be precise. But I know Catherine helped her get here. And she'll always be around for a fight", her cough then came back and she coughed up more blood. More than last time. Her body was frail,cold and utterly exhausted. She's in her climax.
"Mother I suggest you get some sleep", I told her as she began to close her eyes.
"My last dying wish Cathleen is", she inhaled deeply, "to have my first grandchild named after me. If it is a girl!", she pin pointed at me.
"I wouldn't have it any other way. Mummy", I hovered above her fave before I kissed her. I then snuggled into her. Listening to her breaths that were counting down to zero, one by one. I then fell asleep.
**
I awoke at the stroke of midnight thanks to the old clock down stairs. I was laying next to, and cuddling my mother. But she was no more.
Her long deep breaths were no more. No chest rising up and down like it usually should. Or her body moving or flinching as it should. She was dead. On the bed were my father passed as well. Where we both mourned him together at night. Where we stayed when people came and cleaned out our whole entire house. It was a safe place. A place where I can connect with the living and dead. I then slowly got up and went round to her side. I then got her in the 'dead' position.
"Goodnight mother", I kissed her forehead before I walked out of the room holding my tears back. I then shut the door and broke down to the floor.
I walked through the house like I am ghost. I walked through each room seeing my past. Seeing my parents be happy and playing with me. Throwing me up in the air, watching me draw, and learning to read. But all I feel is nothing.
I then jumped to every person taking stuff out of the house to sell at auction. They took the paintings, statutes, tables, chairs, flowers, all my toys but the doll I was carrying. (My mother stood up to the guy who tried to take it from me)
It feels like a dream. It feels like it hasn't been lived. It's the past. The past that can haunt or bring new life to me. But it's my decision on what I choose and if I let go.
I then shut the door and walked around NYC trying to clear me head. Then somehow I landed back at Christopher's bar. I took a step off the sidewalk before the door flew open and he rushed over to me.
I cried and cried, "hey. Shhhhhh", he stroked me hair gently, "it's ok"
"She's dead. She's dead she's dead SHE'S DEAD!", I got all built up energy out, "why did she have to die?", my head spun in pain.
"It's a natural part of life. It just comes quick to some people. But it'll all happen to us someday. The hardest part is accepting that and, accepting what you have done to change this world. Cause the world would be hell different if it didn't have you in it. This wouldn't be earth. And the gutter would be completely different. I just hope that you know, that you know that." He looked deeply into my blue eyes, "come on. You're in need of a dire rest", he then put his arm over me and walked upstairs, "Jesse and Charlie are already asleep", he tried to clean the table, "good morning", he kissed me knowing that it was 2am. He then went back to his room to bed.
I then plunked myself on the couch and curled up and tried to fall asleep. Before I knew it the sun began to rise. And I knew that today would be different. It already was.