The next day I finally met Baba. I made sure I slept early yesterday night so as to wake up and see him before he goes off to work.
I miss my old man. He wasn't always like this. Mama's death took a great toll on him. But that doesn't mean he should neglect us as his kids.
It was 7:00am when I got out of bed and rushed down the stairs. I was still in my pyjamas and my hair was a total mess. I didn't care. I just wanted to see him.
I was out of breath as I reached the door as he was about to go out.
"Baba!" I called.
He turned. His face was blank. The mask he perfected since mama left us. His beard had grown more bushy and the streaks of white hair were undoubtedly noticeable. He pulled down his glasses a bit maybe trying to figure out if I was really the one.
I was cautious around him. It took all my willpower not to run over and give him a hug. I missed my carefree Baba. This one was looking at me like stranger. He hadn't seen his daughter for five good years and he was acting indifferent.
"Yasmeen. You're back. I see you're already done with school." He said it as if I just came back from a boarding school for three months.
"Yes Baba. I'm done." I said not knowing what else to say. I never knew there'd come a day when conversations with my dad would be awkward. That talking to my dad would be like talking to a stranger.
He nodded. "That's good. Congratulations. I'll see you when I get back from work." He said and turned to leave when I stopped him.
"Ehrm..Baba..about the fashion house I want to open. I need some capital to start my business."
"Talk to my secretary later. Amir has his number."
He left without another word.
I went to the nearest sofa and sat down. My thoughts drifted to yazeed once again. Last night was the same. I didn't know why he had that strong effect on me. I needed to get him out of my system. I know I'd never see him again. That's if he doesn't call me but the chances were low.
I stood up and went to my room. My room was something you'd call multi colour. The colours ranged from pastel to beige to violet to pink. I get my inspirations sometimes through colours. My room back at Paris was almost the same.
I wouldn't call myself girlish. Colours reflect and relate to my life in ways other people and things around me didn't.
Usually, when I'm upset or bothered about something, I sketch or write poetry. They were an escape for me. I'd either get lost in designs or in words.
I grabbed my hand luggage and brought out a purple notebook. And no it's not a diary. I didn't do diaries. I had a book of poetry.
Y.A.G was scribbled with gold on the cover of the book. I had it custom made in Paris.
I opened the first page and words I had written a long time ago was there. It was a reminder on why I loved to write.
I write because it makes me feel safe,
An escape from the world
A safe haven
I get lost in my words
Closing my eyes as I admire how all the letters form words
And words form sentences
I like the feeling of satisfaction when I drop the pen and scan what I write
Then a sigh of relief escapes me.
-Y.A.G (23/09/2012)
I flipped through the pages and my eyes fell on a particular one.
The place that feels like hell
I feel myself suffocating
I feel like I'm drowning
Clawing my way in the waters
Trying to get a breath
Just one breath
I feel like a quick sand is sinking with me
I shout and scream for help
But there's no one that listens
I struggle looking for something to hold on to
And as I gave up
Allowing the water to drown me and the quicksand to sink me
I realized I was truly alone
Then I let the darkness take me.
-Y.A.G(15/10/2012)
This one was when I was going through a rough phase. When I had no one. A month after I arrived in Paris. The pain of losing mama was still fresh and having no one to cry to had a great effect on me.
But I was slowly starting to heal. I hoped that being back at home was the only way to completely heal, but I guess I was wrong about that.
Being back home felt good yeah. But it came with a great price. I had to deal with the eyes of a guy I just met yesterday, with my baby sister who has a hole in her heart and with a distant father who didn't give a damn about us.
I didn't expect being back home to feel this way. It came with a lot of baggage. Just a day and everything wasn't going as expected. What about in a week? In a month? In a year?
I sighed as I closed the book not feeling the need to write again.
♠
It was yet another sunny day. I felt the hot breeze of summer around me as I made my way to my boutique to check on the progress. Amir was beside me, headphones in his ear bobbing to the sound of whatever he was listening.
The place was a walking distance from our home so I said, why not excercise a bit.
We walked in comfortable silence,Amir lost in whatever he was listening to and me lost in my thoughts. I've been getting so lost in my thoughts lately.
It's been almost a week since I got back home. I was bored most of the time with nothing to do. I usually facetimed with Louis everyday but I find myself always trying to shorten our conversation. I think he sensed my change in attitude and he called me out on it.
"Is everything alright Yas?" He had asked yesterday while we were on phone. He tried video call first but I didn't answer. I just didn't feel like grabbing a scarf.
I nodded absentmindedly and realized he couldn't even see me.
"Yeah." I said.
"I just noticed that you've been distant torwards me lately. Have I offended you in any way? If I have please I'm sorry...I didn't mean to." He had said his voice heartbroken.
Oh Louis..I felt bad at that moment. I wasn't being fair to Louis I know that but I'm at crossroads. Confused about what I really wanted.
"Oh no baby you did nothing wrong. We're absolutely fine. It's just the situation at home that's really bothering me." That technically wasn't a lie. So what if I omitted one tiny bit of fact.
He sighed obviously relieved. "How are things with your dad and how's your little sister's health?"
I felt a light headache as he asked about the things that kept me awake at night.
"Same old." I had replied.
"It's gonna be fine. I promise. Don't think too much about it okay?" He had said.
"Okay."
"I love you mi amour and although I don't know what's in store for us,I'm certain that I can't live without you. My Nigerian princess,you own my heart baby girl. My heart is your home. I hope things work out in our favour."
I was quiet for a while. No words were able to be formed. His words had no effect on me. I didn't feel that tingle inside of me. The one I felt when I heard Yazeed's voice for the first time.
Funny how he hasn't left my thoughts. Even funny that I'm thinking about him when my boyfriend just confessed his undying love for me.
"You there Yas?" His voice bringing me back to reality.
"Sorry babe. Zoned out for a sec. I hope so too."
But deep down I wasn't hoping so. Deep down I wanted him to call me. I wanted to hear his voice one more time. I wanted to hear his soft chuckle that made me giddy. I wanted so many things regarding him. I want to get to know him better,know all his flaws,weaknesses and everything about him. He was like a chapter of my favourite book that i can't seem to get enough of.
I was always with my phone, checking and checking,waiting for a call I know I'd never get. The sooner I forget about him,the better for me. But why was it so hard?
"Bye mi amour. Talk to you later."
"Bye." And I had hung up getting lost in my thoughts once again.
"We're here." Amir said as he removed his right ear phone.
He was dressed in a black jeans and a red polo shirt complimented with a black face cap.
As for me,I went simple with just a royal blue abaya and my veil tied in a turban. My black Gucci back hung around my shoulder.
We stopped in front of a shopping complex. It was huge and bustling with activities. Some hawkers were going around trying to sell their goods and there were also beggars moving around. The supposed building for my fashion house was adjacent to the shopping complex.
I wish they had gotten a place more secluded.
A young boy that wasn't up to ten years old approached me and brought out his hands signalling me to give him something. I was tempted to ignore him walk away when suddenly I thought of Yazeed. Then I wondered what this young child was going through that his parents had to send him out on the streets.
I opened my bag,brought out my purse and gave the boy a five hundred naira note. His eyes lit up in happiness as he thanked me and prayed for me muttering that he was finally going to get his mother's drugs.
I wish I could do more...
"I didn't know you had that in you." Amir said. I totally forgot he was beside me.
I rolled my eyes. "What do you take me for?"
I didn't wait for his reply as I strolled inside the building which was going through a major renovation. I walked around inspecting everything.
I was finally pursuing my dream and I wish...and I wish mama was here to witness this. I swallowed the lump in my throat and pushed back the tears that were threatening to slip.
I never showed my weakness. I was a strong and independent lady and I wasn't going to let some few tears fall. What was my pillow for at 3am?
I squared my shoulders as I regained my composure.
It was a very large building with three floors. Everything was well planned in my head. The first floor would be my private sanctuary or rather my office. Where I can draw my designs without getting distracted.
The second floor would be where the sewing and everything would be and then the last floor will be where I showcase the finished product. And not to forget,there was a hall where I was going to hold fashion shows.
It seemed impossible but I was going to get there.
I spoke with the architect in charge of designing the interior of the building. He showed me various drawings but I wasn't satisfied with any.
None of all his designs was what I pictured the fashion house to be. I was starting to get agitated.
"I'll come back tomorrow, please come up with more designs or I'll have no choice than to replace you." I said. There was no time to waste
The man nodded nervously. "I'll try my best ma."
I turned and walked away Amir following closely behind.
"I see nothing wrong with those designs. What exactly are you looking for?" Amir asked as we walked back home. The cold evening breeze whooshing around us. I folded my hands on my chest as I shivered.
"You won't understand. It's not what I pictured it to be. I want something magical..something different from everyone else's." I said looking into the distance.
"This isn't about your obsession with that Barbie cartoon right? This one that you're saying magical. Ya yasmeen please grow up."
I hit shoulder as I glared at him. "First off,don't mock my favourite animation and second,am I your mate that you're telling me to grow up? You've grown wings abi? "
He grumbled in response and we continued to walk in silence until the sound of my phone ringing broke the silence.
I shuffled with my bag and brought out the phone. Who would be calling me? As far as I knew,not everyone knew I was back and only family members had my new number. And the family members were limited to those I met at home not my other relatives who I'm sure would be tripping into our home when they realized I was back.
Unless it was...
No it couldn't be him,could it?
It was a strange number so I tentatively picked up the call.
"Hello?" I answered.
The voice that answered back. I could recognise it even in my sleep.
***
[A/N]: I think the mysterious caller is pretty obvious huh?😉
Who can predict what comes next?
Tell me your theories so I can add your ideas to what I already have☺
BTW the poems up there are original ones written by me...I'll state otherwise when I use another poet's own.
Please vote and comment?😊😘
Love,
Siyyamah❄