CHAPTER 36:
GIANNA'S POV:
I walk up the stairs and, once out of sight, practically run to my room. Slamming the door shut. My chest feels like it's about to explode.
I can't breathe.
Is this what hyperventilating is?
I'm not crying. Shouldn't I be crying? Don't people cry when they have a broken heart?
Maybe it's shock. That's it, I'm in shock.
What just happened? Did that just happen? Maybe I'm still at the hotel in Las Vegas. Asleep. Dreaming. Oh god! Please be a dream.
I hear yelling downstairs. I crack open my door to listen and hear my mom yell at Caleb to leave the house. Seconds later, the front door slams shut. I run to my bedroom window to look down at the street below.
Caleb gets into his car.
Please come back. Please hold me. Please tell me you love me. Please tell me that it was all a lie.
He starts his car. I hold my breath.
He starts to pull away, I grip the windowsill tightly. The pain lets me know that I'm not dreaming. Not having a nightmare.
He drives down the street and turns around the corner and out of sight.
My body starts shaking with the emotions that I'm trying to hold back. It's getting even harder to breathe. I turn away from the windowsill, away from the sight of the empty street.
I look frantically around my room. Something has to fix this. How do I fix this? I eye my antique 1980s boombox on my dresser. One of my prized possessions.
As I'm throwing it through my bedroom window, glass shattering, the tight hold that I have on my emotions shatters with it.
Bastard!
I drop to the floor . . . crying.
CALEB'S POV:
As I am driving from Gianna's mom's house to my dad's old condo a suburb away in Northglenn, I am doing what I thought was impossible.
Crying over a girl.
Like a f*cking baby.
Shit.
Did that just happen?
Could I have handled that any differently? If only Julie hadn't given me a deadline to get her home. I have no doubt that that crazy b*tch would have had her on the next plane to Houston had I not gotten Gianna home tonight.
If only I'd had more time. Even now, I can't think of any way out of Julie's ultimatum. I had no other choice. If I hadn't broken up with Gianna, then she would have sent her away. If I'd followed Gianna, she would have sent her farther. Gianna won't turn 18 for almost two years. Julie can get away with a lot until then.
Maybe I should have told Gianna. No. That would have been a mistake. She wouldn't have accepted what must be done. She would have tried to hold on to our relationship and fight her mom. Her mom was determined as hell. Her mom would have won and, again, Gianna would have been on the next plane to Houston. Gianna would have lost her whole life. Forced to start over. I just hope that those friends, that crew, that are so important to her, are there for her through this. She loves me just as much as I love her. This won't be easy on her.
That douche Jared should be happy to hear about this.
The lie that Julie forced me to spit out is eating me up. For Gianna to think that I don't love her . . .
Not as bad, but still bad, the things that Julie told her about my past. About that guy that I put in the hospital. About Claudette.
I try not to think about that part of my past. I definitely never wanted Gianna to find out about it.
Oh god, Gianna.
She must hate me right now. I know she does. She told me that she never wants to see me again.
With the way things just ended, I don't blame her.
I don't regret one second of being with her, though. She's my first love. My only love. My true love. With or without her, she's my everything. Someday, nothing will prevent us being together.
Of all the horrible things that I've done to girls, this is the worst. Whether it was my fault or not. Whether I had a choice or not. I hurt her badly.
GIANNA'S POV:
After hours of crying and ignoring my mom's knocks on the door, I pick myself up.
Everyone was right.
Caleb was and always will be a player.
He doesn't love me, told me that he never would.
He took my virginity and my love too lightly. I trusted him too much. I gave him too much of me. Told him things that I'd never told anyone else. Opened myself up to him.
This was a lesson well learned.
He'll see that I'm made of stronger stuff. He won't see my pain, my tears, my heartbreak.
Everything was a mistake from the moment I met him. EVERYTHING.
Hearts can be broken and mistakes can be fixed.
He'll never know how much he hurt me. I've played a role before, I can do it again.
CALEB'S POV:
It's Friday morning. I don't know if Gianna will show up to school after what happened last night. I'm not really up to going myself, after not sleeping last night, but I have to be there, just in case she is.
I drag myself out of a bed that I saw no sleep in. Thirty minutes later, I'm back in Broomfield, pulling my Mustang into the school parking lot. As I look for a parking space, I scan the cars, looking for Gianna's Jeep.
She probably won't come. Girls take these things hard. Not that I'm taking it any better. I just need to see her. Need to see that she is okay.
After parking, I get out of my car and lean against the trunk, waiting for her to show up, if she does at all. Three minutes before the first bell rings, I'm about to give up. That Seth guy drives by me and waves, with a smile on his face.
Are we friends? I don't think so. After all, after one date with Gianna, I kind of snatched her right out from under him. Right out from under Jared too. Both guys have reason to not be friendly towards me. Not that I give a f*ck.
I'm still looking at the entrance of the parking lot when I hear a girl squeal, "Gianna!" I turn my head swiftly toward the sound. A group of cheerleaders is rushing as a group, like a herd. My gaze follows the direction they're heading.
And I see her.
Getting out of the passenger side of Seth's car.
Wearing her cheerleader uniform once again.
Fake smile plastered on her face.
The old Gianna is back.
GIANNA'S POV:
And I thought school was torture before I met Caleb.
Now it's excruciating.
I ignored Caleb's presence the best I could during the two classes that we share before lunch, but now the questions come. I'm sitting with my old 'friends'. The jocks and cheerleaders. All eager to have the queen of popularity amongst them again.
I feel like pulling out my hair. I feel like pulling a Britney Spears and shaving it all off. See how much they want me then.
At the same time, though, there is comfort and a sense of security in being once again surrounded by all of this fakeness. I'd rather endure their deceptions than ever deal with Caleb's again. I can hide from him amongst them. Hide from reality.
I know. I know. He never said he loved me. I still think he led me on, though.
My lips have been sealed on the subject of Caleb, but I can tell everyone is dying to know. Even the guys are gossip wh*res.
Hannah looks at me sideways, with a smirk on her face, "Your boyfriend is staring at you."
I act unaffected, even though I am so far from it, "He's not my boyfriend anymore."
She raises eyebrows, "Well then, your stepbrother is staring at you. Scowling."
"He's not my stepbrother anymore, either."
She smiles predatorily, "So, it's open season then."
I want to claw her eyes out. Rip out what I know are extensions. I calm myself down on the inside, to match my calm exterior. Raising my eyebrows back at her, "Didn't he reject you already?"
Bullseye. Her turn to scowl. She grumbles, "He's not that hot anyways."
Seth, who is sitting on my right side and been listening to the exchange, puts his half cent in, "Gianna is my girlfriend now." Yeah, so I called him this morning, asked for a ride to school and pow, before we pulled into the parking lot, POW, he's my new boyfriend. The kind I prefer. The kind that can't hurt me.
"Funny," Hannah begins and unfortunately continues, "On Monday, you were Caleb's girlfriend. You are out of school for three days and now you are Seth's girlfriend."
I flash her a warning look. Being the reluctant queen of the school is good for something. Power. I can crush her. Have her sitting by herself in the bathroom during lunch. "Nothing funny about it. We dated, it's over. Same as it was with me and Josh."
I glance down at the table to where Josh is sitting. Him hanging out with this crowd is an unfortunate fact of life. But he can be ignored just as easily as Caleb.
Hannah follows my glance, "Seems like you have two ex-boyfriends pining over you." Josh is staring too. Scowling too. F*ck 'em both.
Josh is a sadistic sociopath and Caleb is a narcissistic sociopath. One thinks he loves me, the other knows that he doesn't love me. Only loves himself. I don't need or want either of them.
One never got my love.
The other got it and threw it away.
Like I said, f*ck 'em both. Not literally, of course.
Hannah suddenly laughs, "Yeah, you're right. You two are definitely broken up."
"What are you talking about?" I ask.
Her predatory smile is back, this time all for me, "He's going to town with that chick."
I look over to where Caleb was sitting by himself, but no longer is. Matter-of-fact, someone is sitting on his lap. That skank Desiree that he went on the double date with when I went on a date with Seth. As I see him kissing her, I quickly look away. It hurts too much.
I promised myself that I wouldn't even acknowledge that he existed in the world. I won't make the mistake of glancing in his direction again.
My eyes meet Seth's. He has a questioning look on his face. I make sure to school my own features. The pain clawing inside of me is my own and no one else's business.
How could I have been so wrong about him? How can I still love him so much?
I will not cry. I will not cry. I will not cry. I repeat this to myself for the rest of lunch.
CALEB'S POV:
I'm so busy staring at Gianna, willing her to look at me, that I don't notice Desiree walking up to me until she is in my lap. Her lips on mine. I'm startled at first, but then, not-so-gently, push her face away from mine. . "Get off!"
She gives me a hurt look, but I don't buy it. How can she be surprised by my reaction when I turned down her and her p*ssy the night we went on our 'date'?
Some sluts never learn.
Fortunately, she moves off my lap. Unfortunately, she doesn't completely go away. "So, I heard you and Gianna broke up."
I grunt.
"I'm single," she says suggestively.
"That's skanktastic," I say unenthusiastically.
She narrows her eyes at me, "What did you just say?"
I look at her like she's a retard, "I said . . . that's whoretastic."
"What?" she shrieks.
"Sluttastic."
Her face turns red and she tries to slap me. I duck and avoid. She marches off and I think about how genuinely fantastic that is.
I go back to staring at Gianna. My amusement at Desiree's skankness is gone. Seth has his arm around Gianna and I'm dying to break it.
What is going on with her? What is going through her mind? How can she pretend that nothing happened between us? Did she really love me at all? Jesus f*ckin Christ! I am acting like such a girl. And a stalkerish one at that. Trust me, I know.
I continue staring her way throughout the rest of lunch period. Willing her to look at me. Just one glance would feel like such an accomplishment.
I love her so much. I want to snatch her away from the pretenders. Take her back to Vegas. Take her anywhere that I can have her back. Away from Julie. That place doesn't exist. I may never have her back.
I keep hoping, and she keeps not looking.
When she said that she never wanted to see me again, I didn't think she meant it so literally.