He said those words with his eyes closed tightly. His entire body shaking with each breath he took. I could feel his lengthened nails digging into my skin.
Was it possible that he was fighting the beast? Fighting his animalistic urges to dominate me?
Whatever the reason be, I broke apart.
Thinking about everything that had been bothering me for the past days.
What were to become of Sirus and I? We were not compatible companions yet my body called to him and his mind and body called to me.
The child growing in my belly who also was called towards Sirus.
Eddie who was so young and helpless. Having to be raised by the awful likes of me and not his parents.
"I said I am sorry, Esmeralda." He was now holding me, listening to my sobs. His hands going to my belly. Rubbing it.
"Why don't you cut the child out of me? Take what you want so bad and leave me to die?" I questioned my irrational thoughts getting the best of me. I knew he cared for the child more than me. That's why he did not force himself on me. Because of the child. He could not possibly really care for me.
"Because you are my wife and I will not let something so idiotic as death keep you from being mine," was his simple reply, as I slowly sat up to stare at him.
He stared back at me, a leery look in his eyes as I sighed, running my hands through my tangled hair and wiping at my tears. "Why? Why do you do this Sirus? Do this to both of us?"
"Do what, Esmeralda?" He questioned, his tone becoming more guarded as he straightened up copying my movements.
He knew what I spoke of. "This! And do not use the mate bond or pull." I held my hands up gesturing to everything around us.
"You would really like to know?"
I nodded my head. If I have to spend the rest of my life with him I might as well find out now.
He shook his head, looking me over before sighing loudly. He seemed tired...of some sort. "Because you are my second chance, Esmeralda. I did not want a second chance after her. I wanted to suffer and be angry at the gods. They had another idea. They sent me a human to deal with. I said I would show the gods. I will make her life with me hell so she will end it just as the first one did. But when you attempted to the first day, I was weak and stopped you."
I had recalled the day I thought of ending my life. I wanted to do it with my mothers dagger....
"I thought this time I will push her to end her life. I will take her against her will...in the name of tradition. Surely a mere human cannot handle that. But you lived. Somewhere between you doing that and amongst other trivial things I wanted you by my side. Any woman who can handle such things deserves to be a Queen. My Queen."
My hand connected with his face. "You....you did that...no Sirus not even you could be so cruel as to do that to me."
He was silent, as I shook my head, slowly rising from the bed. "Sirus, tell me you had to take me...that is was law. That you had to do it. That you didn't do it to be cruel!"
"I could have chosen to do it at a later date."
I began to throw items at him. I began to break things in our bedchamber.
Sirus kept his calm demeanor throughout the entire scene. I had called him names that my mother would warm my bottom for. I had threatened to murder him. To bite into his heart. To sever his head from his awful body.
I had did and said everything in my mind that I had thought of saying to him since the day we had met.
When my body felt as if it were going to give out and sick I swayed a bit until I sat at my vanity. My garments were sticking to my clothes with how much I had perspired. I wiped at my face, tears mixed with salty perspiration.
"Do you enjoy this, Sirus?" I whispered, my voice raw from screaming at the top of my lungs at him.
He was not staring at me. At all. "Look at me!" I shouted. My voice felt like it was dripping with blood.
I watched his head turn towards me. His eyes blazing. "Do you enjoy breaking people? Do you enjoy breaking people and then mourning them like you have lost a loved one?!"
"No I do not, Esmeralda," he said evenly, his body betraying him. Trembling with anger at how I was speaking to him.
"Yes you do! You despise me and you're just waiting for me to give birth and take our child! You will be counting down the days till I end my life!"
"I will not!"
"I am telling you right now, Sirus, I will never ever give you the satisfaction of knowing you forced my hand in death. I will live and like it!" I screamed at him, watching his body begin to quiver evem more.
"Esmeredla, I do not want you to die. You are my wife, I have told you I care for you now. I have told you that!" He said through gritted teeth, as he stood to his feet. Attempting to walk off the impending anger.
"It is far to late to say those things to me now Sirus! Care...for me?! You care for me, Sirus?! You care for me as much as you care for your meat on a plate!" I spat. "You beasts are not capable of any emotion but anger and lust. You do not have emotions like care. You lack them Sirus. Our relationship is nothing more than two people who are King and Queen who have a child together. There will never be enough room for love, Sirus."
He was silent, the sword in his hand was being twirled from side to side. It would be so easy for him to sink that blade into my flesh...yet he did not. "There is no love in my heart for you, and you certainly have no love for me in your heart. Am I wrong, Sirus?"
I was right. I did not love him and he certainly had no love for me. "You are wrong. Any woman who can give me an heir and stand against me is a woman who will always be mine."
This man had no brain. No brain at all! "You cannot say you love me and still try and force yourself on me in the same day!"
He slammed fist down. "You do not think I know that?!"
We were walking in circles. None of this made any sense! "I am going to check on Eddie."
As I passed by him, he grabbed me by my shoulder. "I am sorry," he repeated again, his eyes searching mine for something.
Whatever he was trying to find, he would not succeeded. "I am going to see my brother you should go speak with your sister." I pushed away from him and made my way down the hall.
I did not want anyone to speak to me. I did not want to speak to anyone. All I wished was for silence...and to not be bothered by anyone. Yet I wanted the company of knowing someone was there.
I found myself wandering into Sarah's room. Such a large room for such a small girl. She lay back down, with a blanket covering her small body. A servant was over her wiping her forehead down.
"My Queen," the woman said as she bowed shortly.
I gave her a weak smile, "you may leave. I will take care of her." She bowed once again and left me to be with Sarah. Once she left, I took the foot stool that was next to her bed and knelt on it.
Uncovering one of her hands, I held it, smiling at her peaceful little face. "Sarah whatever is happening to you, you will wake up...and when you do I will protect you from these awful lycanthrope men," I told her while kissing her hand.
She was so innocent. I could not let them corrupt her. Her and Eddie...and my child. I will protect them. I will protect them all even if it kills me. "I promise." I choked back a sob as I heard a noise.
"Silly human Queen! All men are awful, that is why I dabble in women time and time again!" Letting lose a loud shriek, I looked around the room, not once, but twice. The third time I noticed Hilda sitting in the corner.
Smiling.
"Y-you devil!"
She unfolded her legs and stretched, chuckling. "Hello Queen." She hobbled over to me, taking her time. She looked even more tired then before. Wrinkles and dark circles marred under her eyes.
"Hilda you need to go outside. Get fresh air," I told the old seer, watching her throw her grimy hand up. She has been here every single moment since we bought her to Sarah. She will not leave.
"I leave when the smelly pup awakens," she told me as she dragged the chair that she sat in the corner on, next to me. I was getting ready to sit, but she took the chair, sitting down herself!
I sighed focusing my energy on Sarah, brushing through her beautiful hair. "Will she be like this forever? How is this even possible?" Eddie missed her dearly as did I miss their little antics and games. It lightened the darkness of the castle.
"No, not at all. He is coming. Do not ask me who or what he is....that is just the energy I feel from such a spell," she explained to me. "The warmer the girl gets the closer he is. When I find who he is I will-"
"-We will question him, yes?" What could some stranger want with Sarah?
"Kill or question. It is the same in my eyes."
I shook my head as I watched Hilda reach a hand out to my stomach. The woman was insane in my eyes and I am sure my mother would frown upon this, but I let her touch my stomach.
A smile spread across her lips, then she quickly hid it. Her hand clasping her other one as she rocked back and forth on the chair. "This...this little human pup will be strong. Who would ever think that such a weak human and idiotic dog would produce such a child!"
"You do not have to insult everyone Hilda," I complained as she acted as if she ignored me. Beginning to hum and clap to her own song. I decided to tell her my problems. Figuring she would have something awful and maybe humorous to say about my turmoil. Which might in fact make me laugh.
"Sirus tried to get me to kill myself," I confessed to her as her humming faltered for a few seconds before it continued. With much fervor. "I cannot say that I am surprised..."
I could feel something at my leg. I looked down to see her stick pushing at my foot. "You are alive, Human Queen."
Does she have to say such things that I know. "I am aware of that Hilda...and a man from my old kingdom wishes to kill my child and Sirus and claim me as his."
Laughter spilled from my lips. "Me. Of all women. I know he does not want me for me, but for my title. To say that he has reclaimed what it his, taken the Princess away from the beast. He will treat me the same as Sirus. Force himself on me in the name of our god, make me give him sons. Gloat of how he is King and I am forever his...am I wrong for wanting to...for wanting to...." I trailed off as Hilda say patiently waiting for me to finish my sentence.
"Am I wrong for wanting to stay with Sirus? James will be just as he is but without teeth or claw...James's dominance of me will hurt more though, because he is familiar an old friend, he is in my past. He makes me think of home and my parents. Sirus is still a stranger in my eyes.... I hope that James will be different from Sirus but I know he will not
be...Hilda do you think I am right?"
I glanced at her to see her nodding off to sleep. "Hilda!"
She jumped in the chair, and quickly cleared her throat. "No, you are not wrong Human Queen. I suppose it is better to stay with a man you know what to expect then from the one who you really know nothing about and expect high hopes from."
"But I still despise both."
"Yes well I despise you all!"
I could not help but laugh... Hilda was someone who was supposed to infuriate you yet she was bringing me joy. Of all things. "Also the King's sister is devising a plan to take down me and Sirus which includes James and some other King..."
"A plan, eh?"
Instead of her smiling at me, I began to smile at her, which startled the old woman. Her eyes began to glean as she leaned in closer to me, leaning her weight on that large cane. "Tell me what you are thinking Human Queen."
"Hilda...I have a plan. But you mustn't tell a soul."
She smiled wider. "Tell me, Human Queen."
"Well, I need a potion or two..."
******
Hey guys.... I hate America. A lot. Can't wait to move! To where? I don't know. Away from all of this bull crap. And if you're not in the US I'm sorry for my country and my president.
On another note I know you guys don't like me because of this chapter. But I love all of you and I might post the first chapter of 'Queen of the Dragons' soon. I keep rewriting it over and over again and I'm getting annoyed with myself so I might just post it so it'll just be out!
Anyway, hope everyone has a good rest of the day!! Please vote and comment!