-Beyoncé
I'm a firm believer in the saying, "everything happens for a reason." I walked into Shawn's office with hopes of him helping me. I also walked in hoping I could help him sexually. I wanted to do something for him that 20 hundred other woman couldn't do. I had no idea that I was going to fall in love with him. I mean yea, it was apart of his experiment, but the fact of the matter is I did, and I fell hard. When Shawn agreed to go out with me my heart did summersaults. The other day at the picnic when Shawn said "if I had to dream up the perfect woman, she wouldn't even come close to you" my heart melted. Now, today, Monday morning, I'm sitting in my office with my tears in my eyes and the look of disgust on my face. I sat behind my desk and listened to Shawn explain to me why he can't let Toni go. My tears are not because there is a possibility that Shawn could never love me like I know I deserve to be loved, but because Shawn was manipulated, abused, and raped at a young age and it's still happening. And the saddest part is, that he doesn't even realize it's happening. He believe with all his heart that his "auntie" helped him. Shawn is in need of some serious therapy. He needs help. But, he's never going to listen to me. He didn't listen to Laila and he's not going to listen to me, but he might listen to his mother. Maybe in some unbeknownst world, someone sent me to help Shawn, and he was sent to help me. Maybe we're supposed to help each other. Teach each other how to be loved. I've never been abused, but I've been hurt. Truthfully, I've been afraid to let anyone in since my fiancé broke my heart. Shawn helped me with that. I'm still a but wary, but I'm learning. I still have trust issues and as of right now, I'm still not ready to be in a real relationship, but I'm willing to give Shawn a chance.
"Are you crying?" He asked full of concern.
"Shawn, she raped you." I mumbled.
"No, she didn't. She did what I asked."
"Shawn you were a child."
"I was mature for my age. I knew what I was getting myself into."
I shook my head. "You need therapy. You were being manipulated and you still are. Shawn, you need help."
"Beyoncé, I'm fine. There is nothing wrong with me."
"Shawn, Toni was a grown ass woman. She could of turned you away and ended your curiosity. She didn't have to act on it. What she did was kindly raped you. She did it in a nice way. She made you think that what y'all were doing was ok. Shawn you were only 15. What if what happened to you happened to Kenzie-"
"Beyoncé, I am one of the best sex therapist in the world because of her."
"No, you're the best because you went to school and actually worked. That lady-"
"Stop it!" He shouted and I flinched. "She helped me." He said before storming out of my office. I sighed and sat back in my chair.
About 15 minutes later, Jenine knocked on my door.
"Yes?" I answered.
"Zurie is here."
I sighed. "Send her in, please."
-Shawn
"Toni, I don't give a damn!" I yelled into the phone.
"Shawn, don't raise your voice at me!" She yelled back. "Now, I don't know what's got you so upset, but you will not take your frustrations out on me. Like I said before, I'm busy right now. I will meet with you tonight."
"I can't wait until tonight. I'll be at your house around 1 or 2." I said before hanging up the phone. I can't get what Beyoncé said to me out of head. "What if what happened to you happened to Kenzie" keeps playing over and over and over in my head. I need to know if Toni really truly love me like I love her. I'm tired of these secrets and I'm tired of being tied down. I want to be able to wake up everyday to the woman I love. I want a little boy and I want to be married. If Toni doesn't want children, I'll accept that. But, if she doesn't want to be exclusive, I don't know. I love that woman with all of my heart and I have since I was 15, but I'm tired. I'm getting to old for this. I'll use my lunch hour to talk to Toni.
"Dr. Carter. "My assistant knocked on my door."
"Yes?"
"Your 10 o'clock is here."
"Why didn't you just call or text? You know I hate for the front desk to be left unattended." I snapped. It seems like everyone just wants to piss me off today.
"I apologize, but I did call and text. I didn't get a response."
Oh...my bad. I guess I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I hasn't even notice.
"Send them in, please."
"Ok."
I've been seeing this couple twice a month for about 3 months now. I've been watching them have sex and I only charge them 50 dollars because I can't find anything wrong with them. I explained that on their first visit and they insist on coming back.
"Hello, doctor." The woman greeted me and I stood up from my desk. "Hello Mrs. Ballew, Mr. Ballew." I shook both their hands and offered them a seat at my desk.
"Today we want to try a couple of new positions." Mr. Ballew said getting right to the point.
"Actually, I don't see how you guys coming here twice a month is really benefiting you. I can't help you, this will be your last visit here." I said. Seeing this couple is honestly a waste of time. There sex life is like any other normal couples sex life. I mean I don't even know why I entertained the both of them for this long. Mr. Ballew sighed.
"Ok doctor, we have a confession to make." Mr. Ballew said.
"No, baby, let's just go. We'll figure something out."
"No, let's be honest. Doctor, we're not married."
"You're not married?" I questioned. Now, I'm even more pissed.
"I mean yea we are just not to each other. We came here because we can't have sex at her house because she's married and I'm married so we can't do it at my house-"
"And the hotels are so expensive. You were the cheapest." Mrs. Ballew added.
"Yea, 50 dollars is better than 150. And not only that, we don't need the whole night. We have a wife and a husband to go home to at night."
My leg started to vibrate. I was already on 7 when they walked in. Now I'm on 11. Just like any of doctor, I hate being lies to and I hate when people waste my time.
"So, do you mind if we continue this little arrangement?"
"Do I look like someone who would entertain your infidelity? The both are you are ridiculous. I can't believe you wasted my time like this. Get out of my office before I call security!" I snapped once again.
"You don't have to yell..."
Uggghh...I'm canceling the rest of my appointments for today. I'm not in the mood for this shit...not anymore. Beyoncé ass really pissed me off. I got up from my desk after the Ballew's left and went to talk to my assistant. I'm leaving this place early today and I'm probably going to take the next few days off. I need time to get my head together. Beyonce's ass just...
"Cancel the rest of my appointments for today and the rest of the week." I said to my assistant.
"Ok."
"Also, the meeting on Thursday, move it up to 11."
"But doctor, the other doctors are seeing patients."
"I don't care, this is my practice. If they don't like it, they can leave. They can and will be replaced." I meet with all the doctors on Thursday at 6:30, it's usually after business hours. But, I won't be in this Thursday so they'll have to deal. I'm going to take my baby and we're going to go on vacation to somewhere far...when I say baby, I don't mean Toni. I'm talking about Kenzie.
"Ok, I'll let them know." She said and I went back to my office.
I pulled out my phone and dialed David's number.
"Hello?" He answered on the second ring.
"Hey, did you feed Kenzie?"
"Yea, she's eating now." David answered dryly. The boy is probably sleepy it's only a little 10. Since they're both out for summer vacation, David keeps Kenzie while I work. I try to be home by 4 so that he can go to night school, but if not, he'll take her over to my parents house or if Bey gets off early enough, she'll get her. David of course didn't graduate on time because of his low grades, but if does summer school he'll be able to graduate in August.
"Ok, if you could get her dressed for me that'll be perfect. I'll be home in about 3 or 4 hours and I'm going to take you both out for a late lunch before you go to school, so get dressed."
"Alright."
"David, watch Kenzie in that bath alright, she's only 5."
"Shawn, it's not the first time I gave my niece a bath, chill."
"Let me speak to her."
"Hold on."
I waisted a few seconds for Kenzie to answer the phone.
"Hi daddy." She said.
"Hey, your uncle is going to give you a bath. I want you to wear the clothes I left out for you. Don't pick out anything else."
Kenzie likes to excitement with her clothes and I'm going to take her to see her mom after lunch and I don't need Laila fussing about the way Kenzie is dressed. Me personally, I don't mind her choosing her own clothes, but Laila does. If her shirt doesn't match her shorts she'll flip. I don't feel like hearing her mouth, not today. Kenzie sighed. "Ok daddy."
"Kenzie, where do you want to go?"
"Huh?"
"Like anywhere in the world. Where do you want to go. I'm going to take on a vacation."
"Can we go see Princess Tiana?"
"From The Princess and The Frog?"
"Yes, please. I want to visit her house."
I smiled at her innocents. "How about I take you to see all of the princesses."
"Daddy you know all of the princesses?" She asked excitedly.
"I sure do. I also know Mickey and Minnie and Donald and Goofy."
"No way."
"What, you don't believe me?"
"I'm going to need proof.
"Ok. How about if we leave tomorrow?"
"Really?!"
"Yes. I'm going to take you to visit your mom today and we'll leave tomorrow."
"Can uncle David and Aubrey, and BB come?"
"Well, your uncle has school and I just want this to be a daddy daughter thing. BB and Aubrey can come next time, maybe."
"Ok."
"Ok, remember what daddy said. Wear the clothes that I put out for you and I'll see you in a few."
"You're coming home early?"
"Yes."
"Daddy can I get my nails done today?"
"Kenzie, I bought you all types of nail polishes. You can pain them yourself or ask David to paint them. Or better yet, daddy will paint them for you tonight."
"No, I want to go to the spa. Mommy said that she was going to take me."
I sighed. "Ok, we'll go as soon as I get home."
"Thank you!!!"
"Ok, I love you."
"I love you too. Bye."
"Bye."
"Hello." David said after Kenzie gave him the phone.
"Yea."
"I'm not going to the spa with y'all. I have some extra money and I'll pick up something before school."
I chuckled. "David, I'm taking Kenzie to Disney World tomorrow and we're going to be gone until Sunday night. I would've invited you but you have school...are you going to be alright at home by yourself?"
"Hell yea! You're going to be a crosses the world for 6 days. I'll be just fine."
"If you do anything stupid, I'm going to fuck you up when I return."
David laughed. "Nah, I'm just kidding. I'm trying to get this school thing out the way so I can go to college."
"Good, I'm going to have mom and dad check up on you while I'm away."
"I'll be alright by myself, it's only a week."
"Alright, I'll be at home in a minute."
"Alright." David hung up and I headed back out to my assistant.
"Hey I need another favor."
"Sure." She answered dryly.
"Uh, I need you to book two plane tickets and a suite for me and my daughter. I'm taking her to world in Florida. I don't care about the price, just book something nice. We'll be returning on Sunday night. After you're done just leave the information on my desk and you can leave for the day. Just turn on the answering machine and all my calls can go there. You can take the rest of the week off and I'll direct deposit your check early. Uh you should have it by tomorrow morning."
"Oh, thank doctor."
"It's no problem. I have this meeting so just leave the information on my desk and I'll see you next week."
With that I headed to the conference room. I still have a few more minutes before the rest of the doctors join me, so I'll use the time to prepare.
-Beyoncé
"Bey, this whole thing is stressing me out."
"I know and right now it's going to be hard. Just remember to always tell the truth."
"Bey, can you come to the next hearing with me? They're supposed to let me know what's going to happen to my dad."
"Of course I'll come with you. I'll take you to get a new dress and everything."
Over the past few weeks Zurie has been in and out of court and finally, in two weeks, her dad will either be sentenced or sent home.
"I'm scared."
"What do you want to happen?"
She shrugged. "I don't want to live with him but I'm ready to be in a home. I hate living in that girls home. I miss having my own space."
"I know Zurie. After this trial they're going to do their best to find you a home and I'm going to help them."
"Yea, but it still won't feel like home. Bey please let me live with you. You can adopt me and become my new mom. You already do the stuff a mom would do for me. Please. I don't want to live with anyone but you."
"Zurie I don't know how to be a mom."
"Please." She cried and my heart melted.
I can't be anyone's mother. I'm not ready for that type of responsibility. But, when is anyone ready to be anyone's mom. I honestly do love Zurie like she was my own. Since she was taken from her dad I've been supporting her, which I don't have a problem doing. I just...I don't know. I looked at Zurie and sighed. She's literally crying her eyes out. "Zurie.." I said as I brought her into my arms. "I love you, I really do. I just don't think I'll be a good enough mom for you. I wouldn't know the first thing-"
"Please!" She yelled as she cried. "Please I'll be good, I'll get good grades in school. I'll cook and clean for myself. I'll walk or take the train to school everyday by myself if I have to. I won't be a burden or extra work. I'll even get a job and help you pay bills and by food. Please."
I smirked at the last part. "Where are you going to find work at, at 14?"
"Somewhere!" She cried. "I don't want to live with anyone but you. After the trial I'll be put in foster care. What if someone hurt me? I'm scared Bey. Please. I'll do anything. I'll be good. I won't cause you any trouble." She started hyperventilating.
"Ok, Zurie you have to calm down."
"I can't breathe."
"Ok honey, relax."
"I can't breathe."
"Ok. Jenine!!" I yelled and Jenine came running into my office. "Call 911!!" I said and she ran to the phone.
"Zurie, you really have to breathe and calm down. Relax."
When I was younger I use to have anxiety attacks and I know how they work. It's really important to breathe and relax."
"I still can't breathe."
"Zurie, yes you can, you just have to relax. Close your eyes and relax."
She nodded and closed your eyes.
"Breathe I whispered."
Once she finally calmed down, her breathing went back to normal and I gave her a bottled water. Not long after, the paramedics were running in.
"I think she had a panic attack."
The medics laid Zurie down and took her vitals. Her blood pressure was elevated so they decided to take her down to the hospital. I asked Jenine to reschedule my last two appointments of the day and let the doctor know that I can't make the meeting. Afterwards, I followed Zurie to the hospital.
----
-Dr. Carter
I didn't keep the doctors too long. I just wanted to discuss somethings about finances and some changes that are going to take place soon. We have another large office in the lower level of the clinic. I want to bring in a few more doctors and turn it into an urgent care unit. Just maybe two or three doctors, nothing major. Because the office is in the lower level of the building, it's off to itself. I wouldn't have to worry about it interfering with the therapist. I also explained that I was looking into new health insurance plans with even better benefits. The only problem with that is, rates will go up, meaning I'll have to charge more.
After the meeting I went straight to Toni's house.
"Shawn, I told you tonight." Toni said when she opened the door.
"Yea, I told you I couldn't wait. We need to talk."
Toni looked at me and I saw the worry written all over her face. I know she knows what this is about. She sighed and asked me to follow her into her living room. After we both were seated she asked, "this is Beyoncé, right?"
"No, it's about us."
"Shawn I like us the way we are. It's better this way."
"For who? I'm tired of all this secrecy. Toni, I'm ready to settle down and start a family. I'm too old for this shit."
"Shawn we can't do this. We need to stay as we are."
"What are we? Fuck buddies?"
"No,we're more than that."
"Toni I want to be able to wake up to your face every morning-"
"What would your mother think?"
"I don't give a FUCK!"
"SHAWN! Don't fucking raise your voice at me. Now, you listen to me. I love you. God knows I do. But we have to do what's right-"
"Toni what's right about this situation?"
"Nothing. Nothing is right and that's why we need to leave things as it is."
"Either we're doing this all the way or -"
"I know you're not giving me an ultimatum."
I used my hands to wipe my face. "Toni, I'll give you a week to decide what you want to do." I kissed Toni's cheek before leaving.
-Beyoncé
"Beyoncé?" I lifted from up from my chair. I'm waiting in the waiting room for Zurie. They're not letting me back there with her because I'm not her guardian. Her social worker is back there with her.
"Hi, Mrs. Carter." I stood up and greeted her.
"How are you? What are you doing here?"
"One of my patients had an anxiety attack. What are you here for?"
"I'm visiting Laila."
"How is she?"
"She's doing better."
"That's good. Mrs. Carter, can I talk to you about something? I mean I know we just met, but it's kind of important.
Mrs. Carter looked at me, I guess trying to read me.
"Of course," she answered.
---
Sorry. I didn't proofread.