Someone please explain why it's like there's a force field around her, a bit of the pillow and bed are moving but nothing else. Except her, of course hehe.
Once we arrived home, I walked up to my room on the verge of tears and cried for an hour. Let's just go with I was mainly crying because my arm is incredibly sore and not because of all the problems that are happening. I sound unconvincing to myself. Valentino left me to be alone, and everyone left to go to their actual homes. So I'm just laying in bed, watching incredibly sad movies and crying uncontrollably. I'm that loud that I'm pretty sure Valentino can hear me, but still... he isn't here, supporting me and helping me get through this.
I really need any ice cream at this very moment, cookie dough sounds good. Slogging, I hold the remote up and press pause. If Val says that I'm not aloud to get ice cream, I won't listen to him. I'm taking the car and driving down to the store, whether he likes it or not. As I walk into the living room, I see him sitting down in silence doing absolutely nothing. No television, no phone, no game, no friends, nothing. He's just staring at the ground, as if it's going to help him with his issues. Wait, I can't drive....unless I do it very well with one hand and arm. Looks like he's taking me to get ice cream!
"We are getting ice cream, well you're taking me to get ice cream for myself. Any place that has cookie dough will do," he looks up and stares at me blankly. "You can get some too?" He shakes his head to himself and stands up, he grabs his keys and opens the door waiting for me to exit. He locks the door once he's exited after me, the lights on his car flicker as he unlocks the car.
We take a seat and he drives off straight away, I'm surprised he is actually taking me to get some ice-cream. I think that something is most definitely up with him, do I want to know what though? The car is silent, he is too silent and so am I, so I wind down the window and let the wind be the only thing that the both of us can hear. None of us want to break the ice. "You were crying," he states, briefly looking at my face then turning back to the road.
"That information is not important to know, Valentino." His knuckles turn white and he slams on the breaks, looking at me with mixed emotions of rage and.... yeah just rage. His breathing is staggered and short, he turns in his seat not moving the car to park on the side of the road. This is incredibly dangerous, he's just stopped in the middle of the road! He's going to cause major road rage. Traffic too. "Valentino, park the car on the side of the road not in the middle of it. People have places to go, they can't afford your episodes of rage. So park the freaking car on the side of the road," when he doesn't listen to me, I shout; "PARK THE CAR ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!"
Val just stares, unmoving and more calm then he was. "You. Were. Crying. Don't give me bull crap, I know you were and I want to know why. Just.... just tell me why so I can fix what I've done.... please," he pleads desperately. I'm about to open my mouth and give him my best excuse but he cuts me off, "and don't give me 'my arm is hurting badly' excuse because I know it's hurting but that's not why you were crying."
Everything is silent as I don't say anything, he wants me to though. "Say something!" He pleads.
"Sometimes... it feels like my world is falling apart around me, and I hate that I can't do anything about it. My own life... and I can't control it, it's kinda sad right? Sometimes, I need it to stop... all of the pain, it's just too much. You were never there for me, Valentino. In the beginning I was nothing, it didn't matter that you killed my brother- I was still nothing, just another problem you faced and had to deal with. But the thing is, now I'm realising that you didn't want to deal with the pain I was feeling. I seemed like a terrible person when my brother died, joking around, not trying everything in my mind to get away from you, just not trying hard enough. But the truth is.... I gave up. Nothing in me wanted to feel, so I tried pushing all this hurt away- I tried distracting myself and now I realise that I'm a terrible person for not trying. Kane would be so disappointed in me, I-I just sat at the breakfast table with the people that murdered my brother. What type of sister am I? What type of person am I!? Not a good one. And I keep coming back to this whole Kane thing, every time I think that the hurt is gone... it comes back. And I need to know Valentino, I need to know why you did what you did. Why did you kill my brother? Why did you kill Kane?"
The tears are falling, one by one but I can't seem to care. I need to know, I need to be at peace. He needs to tell me so we can stop bringing this up every time, of course the pain will still be there. But maybe it will be a dull ache instead of feeling like someone's shot me. His mouth is opening and closing, like a guppy. "Willow... Look, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for making you this way, for ruining you and making you so.... sad. It hurts seeing you like this, you know what? The truth is that I never cared. I never cared because no one taught me how to. My father made sure I didn't care about anything, he needed me to be the best I could be to take over the gang. And... And I'm lost, it's like I'm in a forest that I've never seen and it's dark... and I don't know my way out. I'm completely f'ed up. Everything around you, Willow... you see the light in things but me? I have to face the dark, the dark is where I live and when I'm with you; you shine that light on me and I feel a warmth right here," he points to his chest where his heart is. "And then an explosion of happiness, but when you aren't here... I'm just a shell, hollow and empty. Feeling nothing at all. I-I can't tell you why I did kill Kane, I just can't but I wish I could; but I can't, I hope you understand." His voice is completely broken, his cheeks are stained and his eyes are leaking. Somehow, it feels like he doesn't care enough.
||
"Titus," I nod at him in acknowledgment, grabbing my tub of Ben and Jerry's cookies and cream ice cream then walking my way up the stairs.
"What's wrong with her?" He asks but in much worse words. Emberly is seated next to him, most likely looking at me as I stop at the top of the stairs and turn around.
"Fml. Life sucks, men suck, secrets suck, I deserve to know! Love sucks, I feel sorry for you two," I point to Emberly and Titus, narrowing my eyes on them. "So in love but you don't realise the wreckage it causes. IT RUINS LIVESSS!" I do a big explosion with my hands to emphasise my point.
"Is she high?" Titus looks at Val; when he shakes his head Titus speaks again, "drunk?"
"Guess again," Valentino grumbles staring up at me, I can feel his gaze but I'm not going to look at him. Titus thinks for a moment and looks at Emberly for help.
"What else is there? Ohhhh, has she been drugged?!" He exclaims stupidly. Val punches his arm and shakes his head, since when is Titus such an idiot.
"That means she would be drunk or high, idiot," Emberly slaps his forehead. He frowns and grabs her wrist, thinking to himself about what he just said. I turn to walk away and I'm in the process of walking when Titus asks if I'm not drunk or high then what am I.
He replies, "She's sad.....really sad."
||
"Come on, make some use out of yourself! Don't mope around girlfriend, you are a strong independent woman and you can stand up and saying 'I'm better than this because I'm Willow Davids.' I don't know what happened that's got you like this, but please don't shut us out; please, I'm your best friend, Will." Nova sighs, all the girls are in the room; including Titus, why is he here again?
"Come on let's do something, all together; us girls and you," Em throws back the blanket showing my hairy legs, bloated stomach and food crumbs. Mainly wet stains because the ice-cream kept on dropping out of the spoon. It was a shame, really.
"We just want you happy," Cadence whispers. Now I feel lol a major jerk, they are trying to make me feel better but I'm just being a Debbie downer. I'm bringing my friends down and I shouldn't be, they're trying to help and the least I could do is shower, do a little exercise and go out with them. I'll do just that!
I groan stepping out of bed, "let me throw some clothes on then we are out." Nova grins and then I'm tackled in a hug by all of them except Titus. Jarrad and Amalia are taking care of their baby Tyrese, he's in good hands- I'm glad Jarrad isn't in the killing and the illegal part of the gang. Though, I have a feeling he won't be giving up on street racing anytime soon. After I'm dressed they are all spraying me with deodorant and perfume.
"Today's a relaxing day, spa, facial, manicure and pedicure, hair cut, eyebrows done, massage." Cadence grins thinking about it and flies out of the room to say goodbye to Aidan, she doesn't literally fly...
We all walk down the stairs, Valentino isn't there which I'm glad. I can't see him, I need time to recover and seeing him won't be recovery. It's just Aidan, Chris and Landon, well Titus too but he just walked down the stairs. "Can I come too? They're boring!" Titus exclaims, pointing as they play on the PS4. "Okay, that's not boring but they will stop in like five minutes or when I want to play, so please?" He pleads.
All the girls look at me and I look around, I'm being judged! "Willow gets to decide," they smirk.
"Please Willow, I'll be a girl for today!" Now that's just weird... I have a feeling he just wants to be with Emberly, which I'm perfectly fine with.
"Okay then."
||
Hey guys, I didn't like the year 11 but his cousin keeps 'prank calling' me on his phone. I told him I didn't like him so we are all good hopefully.
Comment
Vote
Follow
Share
Keely