~
I zoned out from the outside world, totally in my thoughts, when I started hearing a familiar song played on the radio sung by an awfully familiar voice.
Wait...
Chills went down my spine as the chorus came on.
"When it comes to you
There's no crime
Let's take both of our souls
And intertwine
When it comes to you
Don't be blind
Watch me speak from my heart
When it comes to you
Comes to you"
And I almost fainted.
Was I dreaming? Halluscinating? Imagining everything? Was Justin's song, he specifically wrote to me, playing on the radio?
My groceries slipped from my grip, falling to the hard floor, letting out a loud sound. Everyone in the line turned to look at me and it took me a whole minute to realize what was really happening.
"Miss, are you okay?" one of the cashiers asked me.
I shook my head to get out of my own zone and quickly picked up my groceries from the floor.
"I-I'm sorry. Who is this singer?" I pointed upwards, feeling a little flushed.
Hell, I probably was as red as a firetruck.
The women in front of me looked at each other and then, finally, one of them answered me.
"Uhm... It's Justin Bieber?"
And they looked at me like I was stupid. I really felt stupid at this point.
"Oh my god..." I breathed out, suddenly feeling like getting some fresh air was a hard task.
I apologized to the employee's at the market repeatedly and quickly left the store, running. I didn't know, yet, where I was running but I needed answers. Why didn't I know? Well, the answer is simple. I went away for six months and maybe during that time, everything had changed. He made it to the music industry as a singer and I knew nothing. I was just in North Carolina, in a mental health center, living in a complete ignorance. Not even my family dared to tell me that Justin did make it.
I ran around the corner and stopped there, leaning against the brick wall. I was completely out of breath. Completely and utterly. Mentally and physically.
With my shaky hands, I pulled my phone out of my purse and dialed Alex's number. It beeped a few times before she finally answered.
"Yello-"
"Why didn't you tell me?" I snapped, almost freaking out.
"Tell you... What excactly?" she tried to sound innocent.
Oh, no. I wasn't buying that.
"I just heard him on the radio, and-and there are people, actually, women daydreaming about him and I have no-"
"Ava."
"I have no idea how did this all happen, and I feel horrible for not knowing and-"
"Ava! Calm your tits, for christ's sake!" Alex interrupted my rant.
I took a deep breath, sliding down against the brick wall, to sit down on the concrete.
"Thank you." Alex sighed, "We didn't tell you because we wanted you to recover. It would've probably be horrible for you to be there, without a phone, without any connection to him. You understand?"
"But-"
"No but's. You know now, there's nothing you can do about it."
I rubbed my sweaty palm against my face.
Maybe she was right. I don't know what I would've done if they told me when I was still in Brookhave. My recovery would've probably go down the hill because I honestly had only one good month when I was there and it was the last month. The nightmares I experienced and one sleep paralysis were enough of shock. The five months were absolutely horrible and then just one morning, it was like something snapped in my brain and from that moment on, I wanted to get better. So news about Justin would've stopped and I would still be there, having nightmares and suffering from sleep paralysis.
"Okay? You still there?" Alex spoke, now more calmly.
"Yeah." I breathed and pushed myself up from the ground, "I need to go."
"Okay, well-"
I didn't let her finish before I hung up. Hurrying, I put my phone back into my purse and started speed walking. Not home, but to somewhere important.
It was March and it was pretty cold in New York. I only had an oversized hoodie on so I was at this point freezing.
I had no idea why I was doing this. I didn't plan it like this.
I stopped on my tracks.
What if I was interrupting him? What if he had a new girlfriend and they were enjoying a nice evening with a glass of red wine? And I was about to go there and ruin it.
No, you need to keep walking and go see him.
I had a feeling I was going to break my heart because of him. Once. Again.
Accepting your past is the key to your healing.
Suddenly, it was like my body turned against my will, and I continued walking, almost runnig by now.
Whatever I was going to come across with, I needed to say something to him. He needed to know I was back or atleast, that I was here. He needed to know I knew. I wanted to support him. I wanted a closure if he had someone knew or I wanted to... I just needed to see him.
This day turned so much more eventful that I, in the first place, had planned.
I looked up at the huge building in front of me.
Only 30 floors between us, now.
I entered the building and went straight to the elevators, pushing the button to go up. While waiting, I played with my fingers nervously. Only 30 floors between us. My breathing was starting to quicken while I stared at the small digital screen above the elevator doors. Then the elevator arrived and the doors opened.
"I can't do this." I gasped and turned around to walk away.
But then a big group of women walked towards the elevator and I couldn't get past them, so they took me into their stream, against my own will.
Things like this happen to me, and only me.
I noticed the women were going to the same floor as I was and that quickened my heartbeat. It was friday so maybe someone had a party at the same floor, or something like that.
"I hope Noah's gonna be there." I heard one of the women say and she was followed with fits of giggles.
I couldn't help but roll my eyes at them.
"I'm sure he'll get into your pants today, girl." someone added and then they started pushing each other playfully.
And of course I was pushed around also. The whole elevator was full of those pushing ladies!
The elevator finally arrived to the 30. floor and and the big group walked out immediately, their heels clicking against the marble floor. I peaked from the door and saw them enter an apartment through an open door. Loud music was coming out of that apartment and I was right that someone was having a party.
I took a deep breath and pulled my hair into a ponytail before leaving the elevator. But then I realized;
The party was at his apartment.
"Oh, fuck..." I whispered to myself as I stood there in the doorway, afraid to look inside.
"Excuse me, don't be in the way." suddenly I tall blonde woman walked past me, pushing me further inside.
Atleast the party includes a lot of nice and welcoming people.
I pulled my sleeves over my fists and slowly started to walk towards the living room. The guests were dressed up nicely. The men had suits and the women had sparkly dresses on. My gaze explored the room, just to see if I saw someone I knew. But no one was familiar, no matter how hard I looked around. So I just picked the nearest waiter, serving at the party, to talk to.
"Excuse me, who's the host?" I asked him.
He was a tall guy but with very thin arms. His hair was up in a man bun and his eyes really stood out from his face.
He looked down at me, surprised at my appearance, since I totally didn't fit in with the guests.
"Uhh, I think he's there, in the balcony. The guy with the short hair." he pointed at the glass door heading to the large balcony.
There was a man standing there near the railing with a woman next to him. He had his arm around her shoulder.
I gulped down the lump in my throat and thought, I was here to make things right. So I went to the glass door and entered the balcony.
"Justin." I spoke up confidently and ready to take it all in, the wind making me shiver badly.
They both turned around and I realized,
I made a mistake.
"Who are you?" the man with the short hair, who definitely wasn't Justin, looked at me like I was an alien, "Do you know her?"
The woman shook her head and looked back at me, making me realize even more that I was totally under dressed.
"Oh, I- uhh... Are you the owner of this apartment?" I asked him, my voice shaking from how nervous and cold I was.
"Yes, who's asking?" he definitaly didn't have respect for women other than the one standing next to him with the biggest cleavage I had ever seen.
"So Justin doesn't live here anymore?" I gritted my teeth together, wrapping my arms around my torso.
But he just furrowed his eyebrows.
"Justin Bieber?" I elaborated.
His expression changed completely and he looked at his girlfriend, or whoever she was, and then back to me.
"If you're a fan then get out. I have no idea how you guys get all the information about him. I wish he still lived here but he doesn't, so piss off." he snapped at me while pointing at the exit in his apartment.
Without a hesitation, I headed out from the whole apartment and straight to the elevator, pushing the button rapidly.
And then out of nowhere, I started laughing.
Laughing at myself of course. I had never crashed a party before. A party that was full of rich people wearing nice clothes. And I had never even spoke to a man so arrogant before. He reminded me of Scott I knew in high school. At least he kicked me out so I didn't have to stay.
I entered the elevator and pushed the bottom floor button, still laughing.
I guess I was relieved. For now.
~
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