I sit in silence by the small pool I found, in a secluded grassy clearing. It's beautiful, but nonetheless I can't relax, and I keep my muscles ready, my bag slung over my shoulder in case I need to bolt suddenly up a tree. I momentarily allow my eyes to close as water from the artificial Gamemakers' spring bubbles up and froths into the crystal pool. I dangle my feet in the water, the day almost scalding in contrast the baltic temperatures recently. I sigh, splashing my face with the water and combing it through my tangled hair. Though I have no real way to get clean, I'm used to having no soap, shampoo or even water as I am used to going hungry, living in one of the poorest Districts of Panem. Being in the arena isn't so much difficult as scary and just plain grim. I'm even strong, though only 15, well experienced from climbing trees and walking miles around my orchard every day in harvest.
Suddenly I hear a noise. A rustle. Every sense is ready as I spring to my feet and throw myself up a tree, scrambling and hauling yet still somehow gracefully. Even though I doubt it's a threat, I don't want to risk it. I watched the Careers head off to the other end of the arena to hunt there a few days ago, and saw the face of the creepy but not quite fear-provoking District 1 boy in the sky, alongside the District 3 girl. I can imagine weeping faces back home, the girl's family and friends having to accept that Sparks Comet was just another piece of their Games. Although I'm already perfectly concealed in the greenery, I flatten my body closer to the branch I'm on as the next rustle sounds, nearer, clumsier. I watch through a gap in the tree's leaves as a medium-muscled, reddish-brown haired boy swats a few vines away irritatedly and staggers into the clearing. His shirt is torn in places, but he bears no wounds, and his trousers have been cut into jagged, fraying shorts. He must have given himself what you could call a 'summer makeover'. He kneels beside the pool and loudly splashes his face, panting. Then he shakes free the droplets, drags himself laboriously to his feet before picking off a berry from a bush directly underneath my position. I hold my breath, able to see the bright red specks. I know them. Sticky, sweet, pretty berries. I don't know their name. I don't even know if they have one. But I've seen their effect, back in 11. We always assumed the bushes around our orchards were harmless, but...apparently not. That's the clinch to their soft, supple texture and syrupy sweet taste. A venomous, painful, violent struggle to the light at the end of the tunnel. Or in this case, the light at the end of the Games.
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I roll the little squishy berry between my thumb and index finger. Surely something so brightly coloured has to be dangerous. I badly need food. I'm down to my last cracker. Stitches warned me not to eat anything if I don't know what it is. I can almost hear him shouting at me through the screen, "Don't do it Kane! Don't be stupid!", the people in his vicinity keeping a wide berth. The image with that thought conjures up forces out a quiet, amused 'ha', and for a moment I want to play along with Stitches, leave him sighing with relief or cheering. Toss the berry aside, attempt hunting on an empty belly. Only for a second. Then I think, 'where will I go if I don't eat the berries? Will I starve to death?' I can barely hunt. I can't kill. I'm practically useless. If the berry is poisonous, my death will be quicker than starving or being murdered. If it's not, that's also a factor to my benefit. My laughter fades, leaving the ghost of a knowing smirk on my lips.
"I could be coming to you soon Blase. They can't hurt us anymore up there." I mutter, knowing my deceased partner can't hear me.
I pop the berry onto my tongue, closing my eyes and swirling it around my mouth. The sweet sap is sticky and tangy. My teeth soon find a bitter little seed amidst the soft red flesh, so I take a deep breath, clench my jaw and -
"No! Don't! Stop!" I spit the seed out in alarm and manage to stumble backwards. Then suddenly, a small weight crashes onto me and I'm knocked to onto my back. I yelp in protest as I see a wild-eyed, dark-skinned, jet-black-haired Autumn from District 11 on top of me.
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I straddle the boy, my ankles locked around his hips and my knees around his chest. I grip his shoulder in one hand and his face in the other, squeezing his cheeks and shouting.
"Did you swallow that seed?! Did you bite into it?!"
His hands go to my wrists as he tries to pry them off him, but he isn't strong enough.
I repeat my question, this time closer to his face.
"No! I spat it out!" he says frantically and angrily, speech garbled by my hand clamped around his face.
"You sure?!"
"Sure!" his fingers try to dig deeper into my wrists, so I let him go and roll off.
"Good," I whisper with relief, laying next to him. "I couldn't have witnessed that again."
"What? Again? Witness? Hm-?"
"That berry!" I snap. "It's not an instant kill, you know!"
"It- what?" I prop myself on one elbow, glaring into his crazy wide brown eyes.
"We have them. Back in eleven, I mean. I've seen the...let's say 'effect' they have on an individual. I was twelve, and three boys from my class were playing dares. Evening, working in the orchards. I always believed the berries to be harmless, as did all of us, and that they lined a few of the orchards of the District for show by the Capitol. But apparently not. They were the first people to ever really take an interest in the bushes. Just one was enough for that kid to instantly complain of a chronic stomach ache, and he was dead within ten minutes. The doctors were shell-shocked. They confirmed the toxin flooded his bloodstream, closed his throat, paralysed his muscles, jammed his arteries. His final moments were pain. Fear. Confusion." I take a deep breath. "I wasn't close to him. But I knew him. I was even one of the people blamed of homicide because I was a witness."
I let my now dry, untangled hair tumble past my shoulders and turn my glare back to the boy.
His eyes go from huge and innocent to shocked and scared, his heaving chest calming and slowing. His shoulders relax. He's tipped onto his side, leaning on a forearm with slightly pursed lips. "Oh."
It's obvious now he realises how brutal a fate he almost suffered. "Thank you. But...why did you save me? I would have been dead now had you let me. One more person out of the way."
"I have a conscience. That's why. I couldn't watch someone die if I could do something about it. If I did win, I'd have to live with that guilt forever."
He nods, turning onto his back again. I can't help but find him cute with his concerned expression and scruffy hair.
No, Autumn. You don't even know his District.
"I'm Kane, from five." he just had to say it.
I sigh, "I'm-"
"You're from eleven, right? Autumn?"
I nod, not trusting him even if I did just save his life. It won't be safe for long anyway.
"How did you know that?" I ask, then add sarcastically, "Been stalking me in training?"
He blushes slightly, whether he's embarrassed because the accusation is true or embarrassed because it's not, I don't know. "N-no," he stammers awkwardly, shifting to his hip. "It's just that you...stand out." he says, choosing his words.
"Really? Are you joking?" I say dryly.
"No. You're strong for a District eleven. I mean, you got a nine. That's amazing."
How did he remember that? I don't remember his score. Why should I anyway? I decide to go for the modest approach. "Nah. Not really that good. Did you see Birch? I bet you he's the most lethal tribute here, aside from Truth, or that girl from four. At least he's not bloodthirsty, I guess. But he's big. He could kill me." The crap just tumbles out of my mouth, and Kane smiles and looks down.
"You don't see your potential." It's not a question.
I have him. I can play him all I like. Just like a violin.
"You must have some amazing talent that you won't show anyone."
I know. I can be dangerous when I want. But I don't rather fancy fighting a whole Career pack, especially one with Birch in it. "It's spears. I don't have a spear on me. So I'm pretty much useless."
"This doesn't make any sense."
"What doesn't?"
"How you act all mysterious. You don't show any talent or potential. You're pretty jumpy. You're from a poor District. Then you get a nine. You play it up in the interviews, pretending you don't know how you got such a good score. Then you just come right out and say it here. The Careers know your smarts. What Game are you playing, Autumn?"
I sigh, "The Hunger Games, Kane. I'm hiding who I am. Not that that matters anymore." I stand up and twirl. "Hey Panem! Hiding; how's this tactic from a girl who got a nine? You like it? Or am I a coward?" I spit, "Actually-"
"Autumn!" Kane hisses, grabbing my face from behind and clamping a hand over my mouth.
I whimper.
"What are you trying to do?!" he whisper-yells.
I go limp under his hold, even though I could easily fight my way out. "I don't know." I say quietly.
What I am trying to do, I simply don't know. At first I was trying to confuse them. I wanted them to think of me as a threat, even though I had no plan to act like one whatsoever. Now I don't care what the people watching know about me. If I'm pretty much going to die anyway, does it matter what I'm trying to do? Do my tactics to try to win count towards anything? Now I'm in the Games, no one on the outside can hurt me. If I die, I'll be free forever.
"Kane?" I say softly, my mouth still under his hand, "Am I a psycho?"
He doesn't know what to say. But he lets his hands slip away from my face and chest and he leaves them on my shoulders instead. "I-Autumn...I don't know. The Games have done that to people before." he lowers his voice so it's comforting. "I won't try to understand, Autumn. But I believe you can win."
"Who in the Captiol will really want me to win, do you think?" I contemplate. "Snow? Ha. Any innocent citizen? I doubt it. I highly doubt it."
"Autumn. You can get out." Kane says urgently, "You can just keep doing what you're doing. Evading. Staying away from people. Screw what you've said, what you've done." he drops his voice even lower, huskier. "You must have people that love you who still want you to come home..."
Suddenly I'm overwhelmed and I burst into tears, pivoting straight away and burying my face in Kane's chest.
He makes a sharp noise of indignation in his attractive deep voice but I ignore it and hug him tighter. He eventually wraps his arms around my thin body too, and whether it's pity or real sympathy for my state, he still does it.
"Be strong, Autumn. Keep away from the competition and you'll do okay. You've been fine so far, right?"
I've been alive so far. Fine? Nah.