eighteen
"Wake up, Janelle." I hear a faint voice say, which rattles me out of my sleep.
"What the hell?" I look at my phone, which read 5:30 AM. I didn't wake up until 7:30.
"C'mon, wake up, get dressed, brush your teeth." I feel my mom pulling me out of bed.
I sigh, doing as she said, then walking to the kitchen. There I see a grouchy Eva. She must be just as confused as me.
"Can you explain to us why we had to wake up 2 hours early?" I ask, yawning and pouring coffee into the mugs my mom set up on the island.
"Well," She started, as she flipped pancakes on the stove, "I wanted to make sure you guys had a nice breakfast."
"Breakfast takes 2 hours to make?" Eva asks rudely, crossing her arms.
"No, but I wanted you girls to get up early so it's habit for the rest of the week." My mom explains, looking at us then turning her attention back to the stove. I almost forgot that school started earlier during exam week. I nod in agreement, and go sit in the dining room with my coffee. It doesn't take too long for Eva to follow behind me.
"Hey." She greets after sitting down across from me.
"Hi." I answer in a dull manner, yawning and pulling my mug to my face. The coffee seriously needed to kick in.
Eva obviously hears the monotone in my voice, so she leaves me alone. Thank God she can take a hint easily.
You could literally feel the tension in the air. Eva and I hadn't talked less since dad left, and at the time we were too pissed to even say a word to anyone. I felt really bad at the way I waved her off, but I couldn't help it. It was 5am and I much rather would like to be in my bed than making small talk with my sister.
I played with my hair for a few minutes, scrolling through my Instagram feed. Not much was posted since last night, guess no one was going to wake up this early to post.
Grunt. Fake cough. Grunt. I knew that both of us wanted to make conversation at this point, but we were both waiting for each other to speak up.
The silence became incredibly uncomfortable, and Eva finally spoke up.
"So.. good luck today." She says, making me look up from my phone.
About time she gave in. I sure as hell wasn't. I think, mentally smirking for being so petty.
"Thanks. You too, but you won't really need it." I admit, looking back down at my phone.
"Ha. Thank you, I'll miss that snarky attitude when I'm gone for college." Eva chuckles. It breaks my heart a little, knowing she was leaving home soon.
"Speaking of college, where are you going?" I ask, looking up at her.
"Columbia. I checked it out last week, really nice and close enough to home. The people there aren't that bad. I'm gonna try to buy a condo in the city so I don't have to live in a dorm." Eva explains, beaming.
"That's great, you're only an hour and a half away!" I exclaim, clapping my hands lightly. "I'm proud of you."
"Thanks, in just a few years you're gonna be out of this house too, Janelle. Just wait, you'll be kicking ass in college!" Eva assures me, calmly pressing her palm against the table with pride.
"I'm gonna miss you, Evangeline." I reach across the table to give her a hug.
"Aww," She pulls into the hug, "You're really gullible and a pain in the ass sometimes, but I'm gonna miss you too."
We both pull away from the hug, just as Mom comes in with 2 plates stacked with pancakes, bacon, sausage, eggs and grits. My mouth watered just at the sight of the butter melting on the hot pancakes.
"Breakfast is ready! Wanted to wake you both up so you had enough time to eat and leave at the right time," Mom puts the plates down and rests her hand against Eva's chair, "Ridiculous how they start school for 7 AM. I understand they want the kids to have a good breakfast that morning, but goddamn! 7AM? You two don't even wake up that early!" Mom exclaims, sighing.
Eva and I exchange looks, then chuckle as we take a few bites into our food. Mom was always ranting about something.
"Hell, Ma', if you think the education system is so shitty, maybe you should homeschool me until I go to college." I wink, pouring syrup onto my pancakes.
"There's no way in hell I'm doing that. Lord knows you'd be on Cool Math, rather than actually getting anything done, claiming it was actually 'educational'." Mom throws up air quotes at the word educational, and rolling her eyes.
"You know me too well." I sigh, making Eva and Mom laugh.
"Well, eat up, children. Only," Mom checks her watch, "45 minutes left." Eva and I both groan.
"Chop chop." She claps loudly, then walking back into the kitchen.
"Man, sometimes I wonder if Ma' is actually our older sister in disguise." Eva wonders aloud, cutting her pancakes into squares.
I nod in agreement, breaking off a piece of my bacon and chewing it. "Yeah, sometimes she's way too cool to be a mother. Must run in the family genes."
"What? Being so cool?" Eva asks, sipping some of the coffee in her mug. I answer her by nodding.
"Well, it must not be in your genes." Eva teases, shrugging.
"See, now I'm glad you're going away for college." I shoot back, shrugging playfully.
Two could play at being an asshole, I just was better at the game though.
--------------
Exams were a pain in the ass. Literally, the seats were so uncomfortable to sit in all day.
"I don't understand why they made us sit there all goddamn day," I complain to Pillar on the phone, as I drive to my therapy session, "It'll make us un-relaxed while we're testing. We could at least stand up a few minutes at a time during testing!"
"I think you're just saying that because we had to take the Math exams today." Pillar laughs, making me roll my eyes. She was, of course, right.
"You're lucky you're still a freshman. Your test wasn't as hard, I bet." I assure her, pulling up the directions to the office building on GPS.
"Pfft. Let's be honest, we both have it good right now. It's the seniors I feel bad for, I'm sure they have it worse than we both do put together." Pillar admits.
"True," I chew on some of the Lays chips I still had from my lunch, "My sister, Eva, is a senior and I'm pretty sure she passed out at least once from stress. I'll have to ask about it when I get home."
"Why aren't you home yet?" Pillar asks, which makes my stomach turn. I didn't want anyone to know that I was starting the lessons so soon, but as Eva always said, I was a bullshit liar.
"Therapy." Is all I say, chewing on a few more chips. The line goes silent for a few seconds, besides a barely audible "Oh." from Pillar.
"I- uh- want you to be careful, okay? I know you don't think as much about the therapy as I am, and I still have no idea why you're resorting to conversion therapy for help, but it's your choice," Pillar sighs before finishing, "But, whatever happens, please be careful."
"I will, I promise." I assure Pillar, hearing a breathless sigh come from the phone.
We talked about random things for the rest of the ride. I wasn't going to lie, Pillar was a really good conversationalist. I wished I had met her way earlier in the school year.
You have arrived to your destination, the GPS spoke after about 20 minutes. I pulled into the parking lot of the big modern building I had seen on Google.
"Well, Pillar I'm here." I tell her, looking about my surroundings. It looked like one of those buildings that held many types of counselling offices inside.
"Alright, Janelle," She sighs deeply, "Be safe, don't listen to the crazy shit they tell you about homosexuality. Just go in there to do whatever you wanted to accomplish."
"What 'crazy shit'?" I ask her suspiciously, raising my eyebrows, as I park closest to the building as possible.
"Nevermind. Just don't lose yourself in there. See you." Is all she says, leaving me a bit confused.
"Alright, Pillar. See you." I hang up, and get out of my car, grabbing my purse and then locking it.
The building was much more taller in person. It had at least 20 stories, and stretched to half a block I was really suprised I never seen it before.
I open up the glass door, pulling out the notes I wrote down the day I went to the library. I walk over to the receptionist, who was typing away at the computer over the desk.
I tap on the desk to get her attention. She looks at me, half smiling. "Hello, how may I help you?" She asks, looking back at the computer for a seco
nd.
"Hi, I have an appointment with," I look down at my notes, "Dr. Johnson and Dr. Morgan for conversion therapy."
"Oh," I could hear a tad of sympathy take over her voice, "Wait one moment as I get your visitors card and room number. You can wait over by the benches."
"Okay, thank you," I smile, walking over to the black cushioned benches next across from the receptionist desk.
"What's your name?" The receptionist asks.
"Janelle Brooks." I inform her, as she nods and goes to the room behind her desk.
I look around as I wait for her to come back. There were several offices and doors. The center of the bulding help a garden, that went around the staircases that seemed to never end. I was silently hoping that there were elevators somewhere around here.
I chew on the inside of my cheek, as I hear my phone interupt my gaze with a buzz.
Mama
where are you?
hello?
Me
hey, i went somewhere but I'll be home in a few hours I promise.
Mama
k, just wanted to let you know that we're going to out to eat. you'll have to pick yourself something up.
Much love ❤
Lucky asses, I think, throwing my phone back into my purse.
"Brooks?" I look up to see the receptionist hovering her hand over the desk, with a piece of paper in it.
"Put this on," She informs me as I reach her desk. I put the Visitors sticker on my shirt, as she types something on her computer.
"Dr. Klingbiel and Morgan are in room 203 on the 3rd floor," She informs me smiling, "Don't forget to come back to check out. Have a nice day."
"Thanks," I turn away from her, looking for the elevators. I could of sworn I heard her mumble a "good luck" under her breath, but I wasn't so sure. I shrug it off, and continue my search for the elevators.
I wasn't going to lie, the first floor was actually really big. There were many long hallways and more doors that I hadn't seen. I finally found the elevators, and I press the "^" on the wall and wait anxiously. I hated elevators because I always thought I'd get stuck in one, but I wasn't climbing 80 stairs to the third floor, either.
The door finally opens, and I click the "3", and grip the poles. I wasn't ever this nervous about doing anything, and I wasn't so sure this how this would go.
The people on the third floor looked so serious. Most people were in office suits, while I seen a couple of "edgy" emo teenagers storming out of offices. Looks like everyone goes through that phase.
I reach room 203, fianlly. The doors were glass but I couldn't see through, since they were tinted from the outside. I try pulling the door open, but it makes an odd "error" type of noise, and I sigh.
"Son of a bitch," I mutter, waiting for someone to open the door. Damn those high-tech security doors.
After a few seconds, a woman with the tag "Dr. Johnson" on her shirt. Her shirt was orange, with a black heart, half blank and half of the Gay flag dripping into a paint bucket. My guess was that that was a way of showing that LGBT people needed to be stopped, which made me shiver slightly.
"Hello," She smiles warmly, "Dr. M Johnson." She reaches her hand out for me to shake.
"Janelle Brooks." I smile back weakly, shaking her hand.
"Ah, Janelle," She stops shaking my hand and I could almost see the evil smile on her face, "Welcome to your first day of conversion therapy."
•••••••
Day 1 of Conversion Therapy
A/N: omg I'm sorry for being so dramatic
I swallow hardly, glancing at the door. "I'm not sure whether or not to say thank you." I admit.
Dr. Johnson chuckles, and opens the door wider, "Come right in."
I step into the room, really suprised at my surroundings. Just as the whole building was, the room looked very modern as well. The carpet was white, just as the smooth looking walls were. There were many LGBT+ flags hung about the room, some with big X's left in the middle of them. Many paintings consisted of straight couples kissing or hugging. There were many couches stretched across the back of the room. Most of the floor was covered with a gigantic Gay Pride flag rug, left blank. There were many tables and chairs that were made up of every pride color you could think of. I guess we'd be working with groups.
At first glance, you'd say that the room was really nice and modern, but in reality it's got a dark image to it.
"We haven't started yet," Dr. Johnson explains after I'm done gazing at the room, "So you can talk with your peers if you'd like." And she walked away.
I looked about the room, and it wasn't a pretty site. There had to be at least 30 people there, and it looked as if 80% were crying. I seen many boys and girls my age, possibly a year younger or older, crying on each other's shoulders. They were cuddled on the couches crying their eyes out, trying to comfort each other. You could tell they didn't want to be here. For sure their parents had forced them here.
I looked at the left side of the room, I seen a girl crying on one of the couches by herself. I walk over to her, sitting down on the soft cushions.
"You," I tap her shoulder lightly, "look like you could use a friend right now."
"A-actually yes. I d-do." She wipes her eyes, looking up at me.
"I'm Janelle." I smile at her.
"R-reagan. Nice to meet you." She tries to smile, but I can tell she's too weak to.
"So," I scoot closer to her, "How did you end up here?"
"W-well, I'm lesbian. But I never told my parents, they're die-hard Christians that believe that there are only 2 genders and LGBT people are completely abnormal. I started dating this girl, and one day my mom caught us in my room k-kissing. She told my dad and they both forbid me to ever date a girl ever again. Until recently they found out I was disobeying their orders by dating another girl. They found out about this place from our pastor, and forced me in here." Reagan explains, breaking into tears afterwards. I let her cry on my shoulder, and I put my head down on hers. I knew she needed the company.
"I'm so sorry, Reagan. Those are some awful parents." Is all I can think of to say, almost on the verge of tears myself. I looked across the room, to all the other hurt teens that were in here too.
"Attention!" I hear a man's vocie, who was at the center of the room. Must've been Dr. Morgan. He was wearing the nametag, and a "Pray the gay away!" shirt, so it was likely. But, seriously, what's with these people and their shirts? Where do you even get those from? "We will be starting. Every one, please take a seat on a couch. Thank you."
Reagan and I raise our heads up, and she wipes her eyes once more. "It's gonna be okay," I whisper to her.
"Alright, so first off let us introduce ourselves. Our names are Doctor Megan Johnson and Doctor Foyd Morgan. We are your therapists for the next 2 weeks."
My heart nearly dropped at the words "2 weeks". I don't think anyone will be able to survive it in here for 2 weeks without leaving. Reagan and I both exchanged concerned looks, then looked back at the doctors.
"Today's session will be getting to know each other. We will set you all into different groups by sexuality," They pointed to the tables that I realized made up a certain sexuality flag. "Please, find your table and sit there and wait for further instructions."
Reagan and I both got up, a bit relieved that we were both lesbians.
"At least we'll be at the same table," I whisper, as we sit on the colored school chairs.
The tables started to pile up, and surprisingly, the gay table wasn't the most filled, bisexuality was. At least they were halfway to straight.
"Now, teens, you will all discuss how you got here and what you plan on accomplishing in the next two weeks." Dr. Johnson explained, leaving everyone to talk.
The 7 of us looked at each other miserably. A gay couple I seen crying with each other were holding hands, and trying not to cry. I glanced to the other 3 I seen, 2 being girls and the other being a boy.
"So, hello." One of the girls speak up, "I'm Peyton, this is my girlfriend Kenzie."
We all weakly reply with a hi back. "So how did you two end up in here?" The boy glances up at the gay couple.
"Our parents, didn't want us together." One of the boys with red hair said.
"So they forced in here." The other explains, "We're Matt and Nathan by the way."
"How about you two?" The boy asks Peyton and Kenzie.
"We go- went- to a Catholic school, and our headmaster found us kissing in the parking lot. Not because of PDA, but because we we're lesbian. So our parents said a good punishment would be here." Kenzie explained, not looking at anyone, sighing.
"You?" The boy asked Reagan.
"M-my parents found out about me dating girls. I think you know the rest already," Is all she says, her voice full of shame.
I press my lips together. I felt so bad about being here. All these kids had such heartbreaking stories about why they're in here, and I was in here because I couldn't handle a few bitches at my school calling me a "fag". Ugh, I disgusted my own self.
"How about you, mystery boy?" I ask the boy that kept asking question.
He shrugged. "Name's Rahul. My dad put me in here, he was fine with me being gay. He just hated the thought of me becoming girly. One thing led to another."
"Parents can be so awful." I shake my head, "I'm Janelle. Um, I couldn't exactly accept myself to being gay."
Everyone just nods. I'm surprised none of them screamed at me.
"It's crazy, though," Nathan spoke up, "How fucking awful parents will be to their own children."
Everyone nods in agreement.
"My mom doesn't love me, I bet it." Reagan sighs.
"Don't say that, I'm sure she does." I assure her.
"Parents don't put their kids in these types of hell holes." Matt mutters.
"And call their own children fags," Kenzie mumbled, looking down at her hands.
"Nor do they put them in a life-threatening environment because they have fears of their kids becoming 'girly'," Rahul puts up quotations on girly, and shakes his head.
I finally nod in agreement. They went through such awful things that I've never experienced. "So-uh what do you guys wanna accomplish?"
"Killing myself." Reagan mutters.
"No, anything but that. Anything else?"
"Coming out the exact same, nothing is wrong with me." Rahul says blankly.
"I don't even know," Peyton admits, sighing, "I can't think. I can't think of how or why my mom expects me to stay here for 14 days of my life."
"I'm scared," Matt admits.
"Of what, babe?" Nathan asks him, grabbing his hand. It's so cute how they care so much about each other.
"Of what they'll do to us," Everyone looks around at each other, "No one knows what'll happen."
"Just, whatever happens, you guys, we have to stay together." Peyton says. "Promise?"
"Promise."
"I promise."
"Got it, I promise."
"Can't make any promises."
"For sure, I'll try. Promise."
I gulp, as everyone waits for me to say my promise.
"I promise."
I just hoped everyone stuck to their promise.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
a/n: holy fuck I'm so sorry for this late update. Put this is like 3 chapters in one, you're welcome <3
So far, who do you think won't stick to their promise??
Word Count: 3622