Three Years Ago
It was the night of Freshman Prom and Caitlin was getting ready for it. Even though she had no date and nothing really to do, Barry had insisted that she came. He promised that he would spend some time with her even though he had a date with Iris. So she had decided to attend so he could have what he wanted. She loved seeing him happy even more than she loved seeing him. Almost as much as she loved him.
She was simply wearing a black dress that ended just above her knees and had tied her hair into a neat bun. After applying her makeup, she looked at herself in the mirror and sighed. What was the point anyway? The one person who she actually wanted to go with was going with someone else. Even if he was going to spend a lot of the time with her, it did not change the truth. They were just friends, no more. But she was still in love with him nevertheless.
She grabbed her car keys and drove herself to the prom. She was one of the few people without a date and the ones without one never turned up. She couldn't help but feel like she was missing out on something.
She desperately wished that it was Barry picking her up and kissing her on the doorstep and placing a corsage around her wrist then walking her to his car and driving her to the prom like the gentleman he was. And they would dance the whole right away and then they would return to his place or hers, wherever they could be alone, and spend the night together. But it was just a dream and it would never happen. But that didn't make it any less depressing or saddening that it wasn't a reality.
After parking her car in the car park, she entered the building and saw many happy couples slow dancing to music making her sigh half-heartedly at the sight of everything she longed for that they had. Everything that he had but was experiencing with someone else. And that hurt. it hurt so much.
She saw him dancing with Iris looking really happy. She watched as he gazed at her as if she was the best and most precious thing in his life. She almost cried at the sight. He didn't need her. He had another girl who made him happier than she'd ever seen him. Why couldn't she be her?
But as he caught Caitlin's gaze he immediately parted from Iris and approached Caitlin with a wide smile and stopped in front of her.
"Wow. You look great," Barry complimented making her blush crimson red. "Dance?" He asked, offering her his hand. It wasn't the same dance that she wanted and had dreamt about with him as her Prince Charming but she had to take what she could get. She accepted his hand with a soft smile and they progressed to the dance floor.
She could feel Iris' eyes on her like a hawk, clearly jealous. Caitlin knew that this dance was perfectly innocent even if she wanted it to be more she knew that this was completely platonic for him.
...
The night progressed and Barry hadn't left her side once. She had expected him to leave her to speak to Iris and be with her instead but instead, he was still here with her. Between dancing and drinks, he refused to be separated from her which she did not understand.
"Barry, you have Iris. Why are you staying here with me?" She asked after a short while.
"Because... you're alone and I don't want to leave you by yourself. And I want to spend this with you," Barry replied, not realising that his answer sounded a lot more than just platonic friendship.
"I'm not your date, Barry, Iris is. I know that you would rather be with her really. Don't feel sorry for me because I know that you're doing this out of pity. I'm fine. All I want is for you to enjoy prom with your girlfriend. The girl you have feelings for. Not me. And she is all by herself right now all alone without her date. Now go find her and apologise," Caitlin replied wanting to cry from her own words.
"Cait... I don't want to leave you alone. I insisted that you came after all. Besides Iris has plenty of people to talk to and you don't. She will survive without me," he reassured.
"If you don't go then I will just leave," she threatened playfully. He sighed then nodded, kissing her cheek then getting up and leaving to find his wayward date.
Only minutes later, Caitlin saw he and Iris dancing and then something happened that brought tears to her eyes. They both leant in and kissed.
She closed her eyes to hide them and swallowed trying to suppress them and her emotions. But she simply couldn't. She stood up and ran out the building sobbing all the way to her car. As she closed the car door, she broke down sobbing violently as tears fell rapidly from her eyes down her cheeks. She knew that this was a bad idea. Why did she ever agree to this? She knew what it would only lead her to this moment. Her heart broken even more than it already was.
She grabbed her tissue box from the glove compartment and true do mop up her tears but as she wipes them away many more formed.
Why couldn't she be her? Why couldn't he love her the way she loved him? Why wasn't she good enough? What did she have that she didn't?
All questions that she didn't have the answers to. She really should try to move on but she just can't. She's tried so many times but every time she tries she ends up remembering everything she loves and adores about him when they see each other and then he would fall in love with him all over again. It was no use, she was condemned to being broken hearted forever. Hung up on her first love, her first and only. On the guy that she loves dearly but will never have. They just weren't meant to be.
But that didn't stop her feelings. How could it? It didn't change how she felt about him. It never will. Buy he can never know. It will ruin everything g between then and his relationship with Iris. And she didn't want to be the one to get in the way of his happiness nor did she want to lose him.
At this moment she pledged to herself that for the rest of her days on this Earth that she wild.never tell him how she feels. Never. And she would hold that promise. And until she could find some way to move on there would never be anyone else. While she wished on a star and on her extra birthday candle every year, for him to wake up one day and realise that it is her that he truly lives. But that us just a dream. The likelihood of that happening was low. Very low.
He was so happy with Iris and maybe things might go awfully for them but that doesn't mean that he would suddenly gain feelings for her instead of out of thin air. It just wouldn't happen.
Everything she wanted was simply a dream that will never become her reality. A world which will never be. Cease to exist. How could that world be real or even remotely plausible when he only saw her as a friend? No more.
She continued to cry, her heart aching and yearning for Barry Allen. Her heart breaking over and over again for him. But he will never know. He can't, it will only hurt them both and come between them and ruin their friendship.
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Barry run out of the school doors. As soon as he spotted her car, he ran up to her and sat into the passenger's seat.
"Hey, hey, why are crying?" He asked, wiping her tears away from her cheeks after noticing the redness of her eyes.
"It's nothing. I'm fine," she replied, turning away from him.so he could no longer see her face. She couldn't tell him the real reason she was crying.
What was she supposed to say exactly? I love you but I know that you don't feel the same way I do. I have loved you since we met and I always will love you. But you broke my heart when you dated Iris West and I ran away and broke into fits of tears when I saw you kissing her.
Yeah, that wouldn't chase him off completely. She couldn't tell him that. It would ruin everything between them. It was her fault that she did something so stupid like fall in love with him. It was her fault so she had to pay the price. She knew that she could not help her feelings more than anyone else can but she had always been in control of her life with a strict plan. But falling in love was not a part of that plan. But she could not help it, he was so amazing and wonderful that who wouldn't fall in love with him?
"Cait, please tell me. It can't be nothing because you rarely cry and when you do something really awful must have happened. Please tell me, you're my best friend. Don't shut me out, please," he insisted, taking her hand. Friends; and that is all they will ever be. She felt more tears coming and she tried to fight them but once again she failed.
"Bar-Barry!" She sobbed and leant in for a hug. He pulled her close and held her tightly letting her cry it out on his shirt. He wished that he could fix whatever was wrong with her and help her. He would do anything v to see her smiling again with that beautiful smile of hers. Little did he know that he was, in fact, the cause of her tears.
They stayed like this for a long time, Barry occasionally kissing her head and rocking her and whispering words of comfort desperately trying to help.
At some point, she fell asleep and Barry swapped seats with her so he could drive her home.
He still wanted to know what had been the cause of her tears but maybe she will tell him some other time. He hoped so. He could not bear to see her any less than happy.