I slept heavily the rest of the night. When I woke up I was in major pain, so they gave me another Combination that knocked me out cold again. So I didn't wake up until noon, only we awaken to a feeling of wetness I hadn't felt in a long time. This made me cry, since I thought wetting the bed was far behind me.
"It's okay, Mrs. Malfoy." Healer Fuchs tried to calm me down. She had lead (More like carried since it hurt too much for me to stand, so walking was almost out of the question) me into the bathroom and was helping me clean up. Well, more like cleaning me up herself. I was too busy crying and fighting against her. I didn't want her touching me: I didn't want to touch anyone. "Please, Mrs. Malfoy. It was just an accident. Please calm down. I know you're in a lot of pain. "
"Don't touch me!" I yelled. "Stop!"
"Here, put these on." She calmly instructed, handing me a pair of trousers. I already had a pair of clean boxers on, so I didn't need the trousers. I didn't want the trousers. I threw them onto the floor.
"No!"
"Please, Mrs. Malfoy."
"No!" I yelled again, then doubled over. Every time I sobbed, the pain in my waist would intensify. "I don't want them!"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes!"
"Okay, then. I will leave them out incase you change your mind, though."
"I just want to go home!" I yelled through my tears. She sighed.
"I know that, Mrs. Malfoy, but you know that you can't go home yet. You aren't healed. Come on, let's go get back in bed." She carefully put her hand on my back, and the other held my hand. We began the slow and painful trudge back to my bed.
"I was suppose to be healed! They told me I would! They told me!"
"No, they told you that they would try to get you healed that soon. But a ripped uterus isn't common. It's a hard thing to heal."
"I want to go home!" I interupted. "Now!"
"Eleanor," Narcissa, who had been told to wait outside the bathroom, jumped up to help. It was obvious that it had been killing her being unable to help. She went to the other side of me and helped hold me up.
"Tell them to let me go home." I demanded. She shook her head and we got to the bed.
"You're not better. You wll get better soon, though." Narcissa assured, and help me get my legs up on the bed. Once I was up, I laid my head on the pillow and crossed my arms. The pain started to dull the longer I laid.
"But, I want to..." I went quiet and covered my face.
It wasn't fair. I didn't want to be here, and I didn't want help. Apparently all of there care they had given me for my pregnancy didn't work, so why would anything else they did to me? Nothing good came from St. Mungo's, so I shouldn't have to be there.
Draco got to leave. Draco had lost the baby and he got to leave? Why did he get to leave?
"But, Draco..." I mumbled, sliding down farther under the blankets. Narcissa took my hand, but I pulled it away.
"Draco is tlaking to Healer Philips right now, remember?"
Yes, I remembered, all right. He got to leave and talk to him, and I had to stay here. Apparently, they wanted to check him out. I had overheard Lucius telling Narcissa that he was almost hysteric when he had found out that we had lsot the baby. That's why he hadn't been there until last night: because he wanted to seem put together for me. I wans't sure why:It wasn't like there was anything whole about me.
"Did you see the beautiful flowers someone sent you?" Healer Fuchs asked, interupting my thoughts. She grabbed a basket of flowers from across the room and brought it over to me. I blankly stared at it. "There's a note attatched to it. Would you like me to read it to you?" I didn't answer, so Narcissa reached over and took the small piece of paper.
"It's from the Goyle's. They said they hope you get feeling better." She lowered the note. "It's that nice of them, Eleanor?"
I didn't say anything: If they really wanted me to feel better, why didn't they come see me?
"No."
"Eleanor!" Narcissa exclaimed. Healer Fuchs took the basket from her and put it on the bedside table.
"How about we put them here so you can look at them when you want, okay?"
"I want a Combination." I said after a moment of silence. Healer Fuchs scruntched her eyebrows.
"Are you still hurting that badly? You just had one a few hours ago?"
"Yes." I lied, but a tone of annoyance was in my voice. She must not have noticed, though, because she moved to get one of the vials across the room.
I wasn't hurting as badly has I had been the last few days, atleast not while lying down. When I was standing earlier, it was terrible, but now that I had been off of my feet for a few minutes, I barley noticed it. I wanted it for the sleeping aid. I didn't want to be awake, confined in this room with nothing to do but look at the stupid flowers that I didn't even want.
All I wanted was my baby back. I knew that want was just as stupid as wanted Uncle Severus, Vincent, and Scabior back. I knew I couldn't have them. Yet, somewhere deep down, I really wanted them to come. It jus twasn't fair. I worked my hardest to keep the baby safe and healthy, and I lost it. There were all kinds of woman who drank and smoked and did all kinds of things while they were pregnant and they had had babies all the same: Plump, healthy babies that end up being very sucessful. My baby didn't even have a chance to live: To breath.
So I wanted the sleep. If I was asleep, I wouldn't have ot think about any of it. I could dream, or I could lay in darkness, hoping that I would stay that way...
"Here you go, Mrs. Malfoy." Healer Fuchs handed me the vial. I didn't hesitate to drain it of all of it's content.
......................................................
When I woke back up, Healer Fuchs was gone. Taking her place was Draco, as well as Healer Phillips. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, sending a spasm of pain through my hips that made me wince.
"Did you have a good nap?" the Healer asked. INstead of answering him, I looke around the room. To my anger, more flowers had been added to the pile. Some of them were wild flowers, and some more domestic. Fancy roses and plain daisies. Some were in baskets, and others were in expensive crystal vases. One of the baskets had a balloon tied to it that said Get Well Soon over what I assumed was suppose to be a smileyface. Another one had a stuffed bear next to it, that was wearing a sweater that said Hugs and Kisses for your Stitches. "Are you still hurting badly?"
"Why are there so many freakin flowers?" I asked, completly ignoring his question.
"You have friends and family thinking about you." He replied.
"I have no firends." I mumbled, then laid back down. I turned to face away from him.
"That is not true. Look, here is one from your Group." He came to the side I was facing, holding one of the baskets. This one was white, and held some wild flowers. They were probably from the gift shop a couple floors down. I pushed them away, then rolled back over. He put the basket down, then walked back over to the other side of the bed again so he could face me. "I have something else for you." He pulled out a square from his robe pocket and held it out. I reconised it as one of Gilderoy's photos.
It showed a small patch of purple tulip, against some green grass. It was just a small square of flowers, and out from it was a smalll bench. Somehwere in the background was a tree.
"Gilderoy told me to give it to you. He wanted to come visit you, but only family is allowed to see you in Intensive Care, so he isn't allowed. And he didn't have a chance to go buy you some flowers, he really wanted to, so he took a picture of some outside of his window." After he said it I realised that it was the flowers outsideo f his window. Since he had been there for so long that he got what ever he wanted, he had the only room with a window that showed the 'Theraputic Garden" right outside of the wing.
Healer Phillips handed me the photo. I looked at it for a moment, then threw it onto the ground.
"Now that wasn't very nice, Mrs. Malfoy." He bent down and got the photograph, then placed it on the nightstand. I just sighed and rolled over again.
By this time, Draco got up and came to me.
"Do you want me to lay down with you?" He asked. I covered my ears and shut my eyes: I just wannted them all to go away.
If I blocked them out, they would go away.
If I blocked them out.
They would go away.
Blocked them out.
Go away.
Out.
Away.
"Elle?" Draco pulled my hand away, and I opened my eyes. I looked from him to Healer Phillips, who was eyeing me in concern. "You okay?"
"I...I..." I covered my eyes and burst into tears.
No.
Everything was not okay.
I had lost my baby and people were sending me, of all things, flowers! Stupid flowers weren't going to bring my baby back. Stupid flowers were dead, anyway. They were pulled away from the root and were dying. There life support was snipped away.
Like my baby.
"Are you feeling anxious, Mrs. Malfoy?" Healer Phillips asked me. I shook my head, not bothing to uncover my eyes.
"I... I want a Combination."
"Are you hurting?"
"I...I'm tired.." I sniffed.
"Yes, but are you hurting? You've already had two today."
"Yes..." I lied. It technially wan't a lie. I was hurting, just not physically.
I was more than hurting, but I couldn't quite put a finger on what it was.
"Yes, you are hurting?"
"Uh-huh..." I finally lowered my hands. He looked at me for a moment.
"Are you sure you need it? Two is a lot. I don't want you getting hurt. Too much can hurt you."
"I need it..." I cried out. "Please..."
He sighed adn gave in.
"Okay, but after this you are going to have to wait until bedtime to take another one. I know you're frusterated and in pain, but taking to much will just hurt you rather than help you." He waved his wand and a vial flew over to his hand. He took the stopper out and handed it to me. I chugged it all in one gulp, then let the empty vial slip from her hand.
Healer Phillips and Draco jumped back in suprise, before Phillips used his wand to clean up the shatters.
"That wasn't nessicary, Mrs. Malfoy." He shook his head. I ignored him:
It also wasn't nessicarry me being there, but I wasn't allowed to leave. Wasn't allowed to escape this place...
Everything went silent as I laid, sleep slowing wrapping it's self around me. After ten or so minutes, I began to get drousy enough that I couldn't keep my eyes open. Everything was numb, and I could barley think.
Eventually sleep took over me, and I wss stuck in a deep, dreamless sleep. And although I was unconcious, a thought kept poking around inside of me that I was somehow aware of.
It was nice this way. No lost child to worry about. No husband to be mad at. No Healers to annoy me. Everything in my sleep was nice and calm. I didn't have to worry about anything. All I had to do was lay there.
If I was lucky, I wouldn't wake from it.