It was going to be different this time. I could feel it. It was just us. Me and him. Him and I. My bedroom door locked, the lights turned off, and the only light shining in was from the window on the wall to the left of my bed. Clothes were already off and so much was happening. My hands tightly clench his as my arched back began to cramp. My eyes start to water up and my lip hurts from biting it so hard. My lip biting not able to keep my sounds in, I let out a whimper, "stop." He stops and moves the hair out of my face so he can see me, "are you okay?" Out of breath, I softly ask, "can we just rest for a bit?" He pulls out and I feel some relief, pain slowly leaving my body. I unbend my knees and lay on my soft bed filled with his scent. He lays down next to me. With our height difference, his bare chest was in my view. I close my eyes out of tiredness and he puts an arm around me and pulls me right to his chest. Suddenly all the pain goes away. Not just the pain I was feeling a moment ago but all my pain. My heart ache and all other problems just disappear as he holds me. His left hand strokes my hair while his right hand makes its way down from my waist to my butt, massaging it. He is my safe haven. My true home. I haven't ever felt at home in my house the way I feel at home in his arms right now. This is the safest I've ever felt. All my problems and worries are gone and it's just us. This is the happiest I've ever felt in years. I lean my head onto his chest, smiling with a tear of happiness in my eye. He looks into my eyes and I look back into his and we just stare as if the world just stopped. Nothing else mattered. Neither of us said anything, but we continued to stare. He breaks the eye contact leaning in to kiss me. Out of all the times we kissed today, there was something about this kiss. It seemed special in a way. Maybe more genuine than the rest. We break apart and I feel some sort of connection. Does he finally feel something for me? We continue with what we were doing and about an hour later, he leaves to go back to his house. The rest of the day went by pretty fast and before I knew it, it was already 10 pm. I lay in bed and smile. I can smell his scent in my sheets. I pull up the blanket close to my face to smell better and it's like I can feel his strong arms around me again. And just like that I fall asleep. Feeling as if he was there with me the whole night, I finally slept in peace. I had been restless all month, tossing and turning and taking up the whole bed just to get into a good sleeping position for the 2 hour intervals I slept in. This was the most perfect I had slept in a while. I wake up around 9 am, a full 11 hours of sleep. I couldn't smell his scent anymore. I get up out of bed and start sniffing my blanket and sheets but nothing. I can't feel how his arms felt around me anymore. I start freaking out. I continue to sniff around but I can't catch any of his scent. I sit down in defeat, mentally going insane. A massive headache starts up and the only cure I know that would work is him. I walk into the bathroom to at least try to start off my day. I look into the mirror and it's like I could see him standing behind me, holding my fragile body. I shake my head trying to get the image out of my mind. I start up a hot bath to relax myself but relaxed is far from what I am right now. By the end of it though, I do feel a little better. I put on my outfit from the day before and there it is. The scent! It's all over my top. I pull the bottom of my shirt up to my nose and close my eyes. I can't get him out of my head and there is no way he didn't feel that connection that I felt yesterday. He'd be crazy not to even have the slightest feelings for me after that. I decide to text him. "Hey so yesterday, I thought I felt a connection between us at some points and I've been hearing around so I just wanted to clarify things. Are you interested in me in any way more than a friend at all?" I twiddle my thumbs debating to hit send or not. Finally I do. And now I wait. and wait. 3 hours later, I finally get a reply:
"No, I'm not"