When I woke back up, I had forgotten where I was, but the pain in my hips brought the memories back just as quickly as the confusion had come.
I had lost my baby.
It had been a girl.
I had lost my beautiful baby girl...
I imediatly started crying.
"Elle? Are you okay?" Narcissa asked in a much calmer tone than before. She had appeared right beside of me. Or maybe she had been there the whole time. I wasn't really sure, nor did I really care. When I didn't respond, she moved a little closer and reached out to put her arms around me. "Shhh, it's okay. I-"
"Don't touch me!" I yelled. Her skin touching mine gave me a clossed in sensation that was so intense that it began to get hard to breath. I hadn't had this feeling in a long time.
Anxiety was squeezing at my chest.
"I'm sorry." She drew back, then looked down. Tears gathered in her eyes, but none of them spilled over. "I... I just want to help you. We all do."
"I....I..." I pulled on my hair. I didn't want to think about 'help'. Nothing could be helped right now. I was stuck in Intensive Care because, for the second time in my life, the best thing that had ever happen to me was taken away. And this time it was worse, because it was my body that killed it.
If only we had known before, maybe our little girl would have lived...
"Eleanor, don't pull on your hair." Narcissa reached out again, but this time to take my hair from my hand.
"I said, don't touch me!"
"I'm sorry." She looked back down at the ground. "I'm just concerned for you."
"Well, don't be..." I wispered, then covered my face.
There was nothing to be concerned about. I was just destined to be unhappy.
"I'm sorry." She repeated. "Are you hungry? It's time for dinner."
"I'm not hungry." I mumbled, then let myself slid back down into the bed. I lai on my side, facing away from Naricissa, and cried.
I didn't want food. I didn't want comforting. I didn't want anything but to go home. But not home like the Manor. Home like... well... I wasn't really sure. I kept having this longing to go home, but the Manor wasn't going to satisfy it. Neither would Scabior's house, or even Spinner's End. I wasn't sure where I could find this mystical place that would brig me comfort, though, and that frustrated me. That, on top of the anxiety, made my cried turn into horrid sobs.
"Eleanor..." Narcissa wispered.
"Shut up!" I somehow got out. She went silent at my request.
It wasn't fair. Why was I stuck in here with her? I didn't even want to look at her. She had carried a baby just fine and hadn't lost it, because she wasn't me. She kept telling me it was okay, and it wasn't. She didn't understand. She didn't know what it felt like to have the baby, the baby who was growing inside of you. The baby you were so happy to be having, die before it even had a chance to live, and all of it being your fault. That hadn't happened to her...
Why couldn't I be in here with Lucius? Or my husband?
For better or for worse
Where was he, anyway?
In sickness and in health.
"W-where's Draco?" I mumbled at her. She cleared her throat.
"He's talking to Healer Philips. He's..." She hesitated. "Really upset."
"What?" I sat up at bit and asked, more to myself than to her.
I hadn't thought about how Draco felt about this. He had been so excited for the baby, too. He had names all picked out, and, worst of all, he had wanted a little girl...
I began to sob again.
I was selfish. I was so selfish...
"Mrs. Malfoy?" There was a knock on the door. Before we could reply, Healer Fuchs came in, holding a vile of dark blue liquid. "I have your Combination for tonight. Are you hurting anywhere?" She didn't even bring up the fact that I was sobbing. She didn't even seem phased: She probably expected it.
Maybe that's why I couldn't have my baby: Because I was crazy.
She came over to the side I was facing.
"Will you be a good girl and take it for me, please?"
"Why isn't Healer Phillip's giving me this." I didn't even look up at her.
"He's talking to your husband." I heard a touch of pity in her voice. I let out a choked sob: Naricssa had just told me that. Why had I asked? "Now, please, will you take it?"
I didn't say anything, but took it from her and chuged it down. Then I handed her the empty vial back.
"Very good. This will put you to sleep really quick." She nodded. I didn't say anything back. A steady flow of tears slid across my nose and onto the pillow. After a moment or two, the Healer walked around to the other side of the bed and began talking to Narcissa in hushed tones. They were so quiet that I couldn't make out what they were saying: Not that it mattered anyway. Not that I cared.
The Combination was much stronger than what I was used to taking, so even if I could make out what they were saying, it wouldn't have mattered. I was out in a matter of minutes.
................................................................................
I woke up screaming.
I hadn't had a nightmare in a long time, at least not one this heart wrenching.
I looked around in the dark room, trying to breath. All of my air was stuck in my chest, and it hurt. Not to mention my waist was trobbing.
Through my tears I could make out the sillouette of someone sitting in a chair beside my bed, their body hunched over in sleep. I couldn' tell who it was, though. I blinked a couple times, trying harder to see, only to notice another body.
A small cot had been wheeled into the room, and someone was laying on it. Their body was under a blanket, but their face was turned towards me. As my eyes began to focus, I could make out who it was: It was Draco.
My breath began to turn to normal, but I still continued to cry.
How long had he been here?
I bit my lip for a couple minutes: I really wanted to talk to him. Should I wake him up? I was so tired, because the Combination was trying to pull me back in. If I woke him up, we would have to talk quickly, if I didn't start sobbing again.
I sat up as much as I could without bringing more pain to my waist, and loudly wispered,
"Draco!" My voice was strained. He moaned. "Draco!" I tried again. "Draco!"
Finally, his eyes opened. HE blinked a couple times in confusion.
"Huh?"
"Draco...." I sniffed. He rubbed his eyes and sat up.
"Elle?"
"Draco..."
"What is it? Are you okay?" He rubbed his face and got out of the cot to come over to me. As soon as he was in arm's reach I pulled him over and wrapped my arms around his torso. I pressed my face into his stomach and cried. "Do you want me to lay down with you?" His voice was scratchy, a sign that he had been doing some heavy crying for his voice to still be affected.
"Uh-huh." I scooted over for him. He laid down, but it wasn't a very comfortable fit. The bed was smaller than the bed in my room in the Psych Ward, so I had to be half on top of him, and his closest arm had to be under me, cradling me closer to him.
He didn't say anything while I got all my crying out that I could, and it was a lot. The only thing that stopped me was that I ran out of tears. Even then my body racked with sobs. When I was finally finished (or as finished as I could be), my eyelids started to get heavey. Draco looked over at me.
"You know I love you, Elle?" He quietly said. I put my head onto his chest.
"Uh-huh." I breathed.
"And... I don't think it's your fault..." He swollowed. "I..." He began to stay something else, but trailed off because my breathing had slowed. The Combination had pulled me back in, like it always did.
Draco looked back down at me, and pushed my hair back, off of my face. His hand moved down, onto my not empty stomach, that was still a little swelled, but not a baby bump anymore. He let it linger there for a couple moments, until finally a small, wimpering sound escaped his lips. He took his hand off of my stomach, and put it over his mouth. He was trying to be as quiet as possible.
He didn't want to wake me up as he sobbed for what he felt like the hundreth time that day.