'Dear diary...no, wait...that makes me sound like a chick.
Dear journal?...Ugh...this is so stupid...
Its me again. Seth Rollins.
Yes, that's right. Whoever finds this journal (diary, whatever the fuck you want to call it), will find out that the WWE superstar, Seth Rollins had a diary. I plan on burying this when I'm old and crippled (If I ever make it to old age that is). You will know all of my secrets. All the thoughts in my head that no one else except me, myself, and I knows.
I plan on burying some other things with this journal too. My Shield gear, my new shirt that still haves yet to come out. Redesign. Rebuild. Reclaim.
Don't ask...Vince wanted me to come up with a new idea for a shirt, and those three words popped into my head. I thought of it when I was still the World Heavyweight Champion. Before my knee injury. At first, those words once rang true, but now they are nothing more than just that. Words.
Anyway, that shirt will be buried with this, a poster of the Shield, and a photo album that I still have yet to put together. It will contain pictures of me, and my former teammates. Roman Reigns, and Dean Ambrose. Memories of when we were still together, before it all fell apart. God, I miss them.
Yes. You read that right. Your eyes are not deceiving you. I, Seth Rollins, miss my teammates, my brothers.
You're probably going to ask me why I'm admitting this now, and not back then. You're probably wondering how come I regret all that I've done now. I was the one who sold out, who betrayed both of them.
You don't know me. You don't know the reason why I acted like such an ass. Why I betrayed Dean, and Roman the way I did. I'm not as heartless as you think I am.
You want to know the real reason? Fine. I'll tell you (Look at this, I'm talking to myself...You're losing it, Seth).
I was forced. I was forced to betray them. Yes, I know that is not a good excuse, but I really had no other choice in the end. Triple H came up to me, along with some of his other goons to tell me that if I didn't join the authority, he would make mine, and their lives hell. That he would hurt me by hurting them. I couldn't let him do that to them! I had to protect them. Keep them safe from harm. I knew what had to be done. The Shield must be broken. So, as you know, on that night I did it. I betrayed them. I knew that once I had hit them both with that chair, that I had made a terrible mistake. That I fucked up. That there was no repairing the damage that had been done. There was no turning back.
Now, you must be wondering how come I've never told Dean and Roman this. How come I lied instead of telling the truth. I wish that I could but its not that easy. If I tell them then the authority will surely go after them. They'll be in danger. I would rather let myself be hurt instead of them.
You're probably going to ask now if I had regretted it so much, then how come I acted so cold towards them...Right? I know that question is going through your mind right now.
You see, I wasn't myself. Something had changed me. The reason why I was acting so different is something that you wouldn't understand. You wouldn't believe me if I told you. Vince would want my head if I ever told anyone about this.
It was all because of title, the World Heavyweight championship. That is what changed me. The moment I first had my hands on that belt, something inside of me had changed.
I felt indestructable, invincible, powerful. I wanted nothing more than fame, power, and glory in that moment.
There is a curse on that belt. I didn't know this until I did some research on it. I knew that there was something up with me. That I wasn't the same person who I was back then. No one knows this except me and the authority.
That belt is the reason why Roman has been acting so different lately, why he is focusing so much on gold and glory. Focused on power and fame, instead of what is more important. He is acting the same way that I did. Having this belt is getting to his head, but its not entirely his fault. He has this 'one versus all' attitude, which I don't like. I assume that he even thinks Dean is against him too.
Yes, I have been paying attention to what has been going on. When I first got my knee injury I wasn't. I was moping around, feeling sorry for myself and wasting away. I was seeing a pychiatrist, complaining so much about my life, how this could be the end of my career. That I'm sitting here doing nothing and everyone else is doing what they love. This went on for a few months, until the pychiatrist told me I need to find something else to do. Something else that I could enjoy doing. I didn't know what else I could do. So, one night I was watching Smackdown, and what do you know? Dean and Roman are on there. At first I hated them, because why should they get to accomplish all of their hopes and dreams, while I suffer. But as their match went on, I realized how much I missed them, and I needed to be close to them. So, I started going to the live events. Only the ones whenever they were there. I couldn't let myself be seen at them though. I had to disguise myself. I wore a plain black jacket, with sunglasses. No one recognized me. I would usually sit at the very top, that way so I could be by myself. Sometimes I would have seats near the ring. There were times where I almost slipped up, and almost cheered for them outloud. Thankfully, they, and none of the fans noticed me.
That is my life now, until I return. I am supposed to this month, May 22nd, at Extreme Rules. Roman is supposed to have a match with AJ Styles, and WWE wants him to retain. After the match is when I make a surprise return, and pedigree him. He deserves it, for having such an nasty attitude. Maybe it'll knock some sense into that thick skull of his. But I know that won't happen until I win the belt off of him. Also, as much as I dislike AJ Styles, I want him to win the belt from Roman. I die a little inside every time he loses a match against him.
I don't know how I'm going to get that belt off of him, but I'll figure out a way somehow. I have to. His and Dean's friendship is on the line. He keeps pushing him away...
Tonight...oh, tonight was the worst of it all. It was when I knew that Roman had fucked up just as much as I did. I wanted to yell at him so much. Just scream at him 'what the fuck is wrong you?'. Tell him to get a hold of himself.
Tonight, on Smackdown, Dean came out. Talking, letting out his anger. Venting about Chris Jericho. Before all of this, Chris was talking about how crazy Dean was, and that he should go back to the asylum. He had thrown Mitch, Dean's plant, at his head, almost injuring him. I was almost ready to get out there and do some damage to his face. I waited for Roman to come out, but he didn't show. Next week on Raw, Dean destroyed Chris's jacket, which I thought was funny.
Tonight though, Dean was attacked by Chris from out of nowhere. He had a bag on him. He opened it, and pulled out a strait jacket from inside of it. He put Dean in the wretched thing, and started beating him up, taunting him. I jumped out of my seat, ready to get into that ring. What stopped me from doing so is knowing that Roman would come out. At least I hoped that he would. Sure, him and Dean weren't exactly getting along, but he wouldn't let him suffer through this. But as the whole thing went on, I realized that he wasn't. He never did. Apparently he wasn't at Smackdown tonight, which is why he didn't come out to help. But I knew that was a lie. He was there. He could have came out to help, but he didn't. I am so angry with him right now. How could he abandon Dean in that moment? He knows of Dean's past, I'm sure of it.
You see, Dean was never at an asylum. The asylum is more of a metaphor to his childhood. He was abused by his father, and was defenseless to anything about it. Despite all of it, it has made him a stronger person. He had to fight to make his way to the top. He is not one to give up so easily. This is one of the many reasons why I love and admire him so much.
But tonight, he had no way of fighting back. He tried to, but it was no use. He was defenseless again. I could tell near the end of it, that this brought back many painful memories. I could see it in his eyes. I saw the picture, when they finally got him out of the jacket. He looked so...broken...
Roman knows of Dean's past, and he still didn't come out to help him. It makes me so angry to think about it.
After Smackdown ended, I headed backstage. I needed to get away from the crowd, and get some breathing space. I could not take my mind off of what happened. Thankfully, I didn't run into anybody backstage.
No...wait...actually, I did run into someone backstage...