''Will, their staring at us again'' I hissed at my boyfriend, ''let go of my hand."
Will looked hurt-I was sorry for it. But-I couldn't do this. I felt like everyone's eyes was on me, or Will. I was feeling self conscious about everything I did. like the word gay was written on my forehead.
My hands sweat and shook. 'I can't do this.' I thought to myself.
The whole day I couldn't do anything right. I couldn't recite spells without stuttering, or mixing potions without spilling ingredients.
I tried to hide my nervousness from Will-it made me feel guilty, this wasn't his fault. But whenever my hands shook, Will would slip his into mine. Yes, it did steady me, but...then I start to feel claustrophobic, and everyone's staring at us. This was just too much.
I was going about my day as best as I could. Walking to my classes alongside the other Hufflepuffs, often beside Will.
I thought I was ready. I call myself gay. I thought I accepted it. But now that everyone knows...I'm not sure how I feel about it.
I was just glad I had Will to hold my shaky hands.
......★......★.......
''Will...'' I said, in a whisper shout, across the hall.
''What's up my starving angel.'' Will said a bit too loud, hooking his arm around me. I was partly uncomfortable with this, because of the people staring at me-but at the same time, it was the most amazing thing in the world. Like magic, my nerves calmed. As longs as I didn't think about the hundreds of eyes on me I was fine. However, I'm not very good with that. I cannot simply, 'clear my mind. That was the one thing I could never do. Never stop thinking, never put my thoughts to rest. My brain was always preoccupied with thought and worry. That's why I'm not selfless, despite what my boyfriend says. I'm constantly thinking of myself, asking questions like, what happened to Bianca? Could I have saved her? Why does my dad hate me? What was my mom like? Why was I born the way I am? Why. Why WHY?!
I can never stop thinking about myself. The things I worry about.(FYI I think Nico's very selfless myself, but that doesn't mean Nico would feel that was about himself necessarily.)
Will's fingers now ere intertwined with mine. I felt my whole body heat increase. Will rested his head on mine. I wanted to lean back into him, sit in his lap, and let him play with my hair while I read a book. I wanted it so much. I wanted to marry Will. I wanted to marry, and raise children of my own. Forget the world. Forget the people. Forget our families. Forget our friends. Forget our houses. Forget Hogwarts. Just us. Will and I sitting by a fire, on a lazy winter's night. Curled up in blankets, Will's body smothering mine, melting into his embrace. Heaving cliché sighs, and romantic kisses, long and passionate. Being able to do anything we pleased. Not worrying for anyone who may be watching or listening.
I wanted the Hufflepuff standing over me. Holding my hands whispering comforting words, that calls me his starving angel
I wanted Will Solace
I wanted the most annoying wizard to roam the Earth
I wanted my train boy
I wanted him
I wanted us.